Nº 6: EPILOGUE
"Wysoka? Wszystko w porządku? Wiem, że jesteś smutna ... ale to już od trzech dni. Wszyscy zaczynają się naprawdę martwić się o ciebie."
(Wysoka? Are you alright? I know you're sad... but it's been three days now. We're all starting to really worry about you.)
Edelwiess, one of Wysoka's closer friends and librarian, called through the tall door of the mare's home as she gently knocked.
No response; which was what she had expected. Edelweiss pushed open the unlatched door, her eyes instantly falling upon the slumped Alicorn, her figure hunched over at her desk and her wings hung loosely from her sides.
"Kiedy rodzina poniska powiedział ci wszystko, prawda to zapisać? Zawsze pisać wszystko w dół."
(When the poniska family told you everything, did you not write it down? You always write everything down.)
Wysoka's figure didn't move, Edelweiss now seeing that her horn had a black and purple, wavy aurora of magic around it, the spell holding an almost evil quality. She knew well that was what Wysoka's horn looked like when she was doing something within her memories. Stepping closer, Edelweiss saw that Wysoka was indeed asleep, her two front legs crossed to support her large body against her desk, and her chin resting atop her type-writer in a fairly uncomfortable position. With apprehension, Edelweiss gently nuzzled under Wysoka's wing, trying to wake the large being. The action hadn't even brought the slightest movement from her.
"Obudź się, Wysoka. Nie dostał nowy owoc w ciągu trzech dni; wszystkie żywności będzie stary."
(Wake up, Wysoka. You haven't gotten new fruit in three days; all of your food will be old.)
She pushed her head into Wysoka's side, her smaller figure barely being able to move the black, sleeping mare.
"Wysoka!"
A quick snort came from Wysoka as her eyes opened half-way, the glow from her horn ceasing as she slowly came from her realm. The one, blood-shot eye Edelweiss could see looked to her for a moment before closing, a tear making its down her fuzzy, black cheeks.
"Nie mogę sobie przypomnieć."
(I can't remember.)
Edelweiss's frown worsened.
"Zawsze można zapamiętać rzeczy ... dlaczego teraz nie może pamiętasz, co ci powiedzieli?"
(You can always remember things... why now can't you remember what they told you?)
Wysoka's breathing shuddered, a short sob coming from her as she sniffled.
"Moja magia ... Edelweiss, to nie będzie działać. Nie mogę wrócić i pamięta. Nie mogę iść do miejsca, gdzie widzę Nazomova. Ja ... nie mogę sobie przypomnieć."
(My magic... Edelweiss, it won't work. I can't go back and remember anything. I can't go to the place where I can see Nazomova. I... I can't remember.)
Her cries loudened as she pulled her head from her typewriter, turning and pulling the smaller Edelweiss into a tight hug, her chin resting atop Edelweiss's head.
"Szarotki, nie mogę sobie przypomnieć!
(Edelweiss, I can't remember!)
Wysoka's heaving cries brought a pain to Edelweiss's heart; it was a cry filled with more pain than she had ever heard. Wysoka didn't cry often; in fact, the last time she had seen Wysoka actually sob was when she had come into the library, ecstatic about how she now knew why she remembered what she did remember and that she knew what had happened to her so many years ago.
"Będziesz pamiętam trochę czasu, Wysoka. Twoja magia jest silna."
(You'll remember sometime, Wysoka. Your magic is strong.)
Edelweiss spoke in a soothing tone, doing her best to calm Wysoka.
There was no pause in Wysoka's heavy sobs, the tears leaking from her cheeks beginning to drip on Edelweiss's shoulders.
"Nie mogę sobie przypomnieć. To, że nie będzie działać! Próbowałem ... za trzy dni! I-spałem przez trzy dni, a to nie będzie działać!"
(I can't remember. It-It won't work! I have tried... for three days! I-I have slept for three days, and it won't work!)
"Czy to ważne, Wysoka? Wiesz, co zawsze chciałeś wiedzieć; jeśli masz rodzinę, czy nie."
(Does it matter, Wysoka? You know what you've always wanted to know; if you have a family or not.)
"T-tak! Nie wiem, dlaczego ta biała poniska był wściekły na mnie ... Nie wiem dlaczego ja obudziłem się w tej dziedzinie daleko! Nie wiem, co się stało!"
(Y-Yes! I don't know why that white poniska was mad at me... I don't know why I woke up in the far away field! I don't know what happened!)
"Powiedziałeś nam wszystkim, że były złe w przeszłości, że biały poniska była zła na ciebie, bo robią coś złego. Flurry, mały jednym z rodziny poniska, że nie uważasz, że były złe; i nikt w Nazomova myśli, że jesteś zły. Użyłeś magii, aby pomóc rodzinie poniska wrócić do domu, więc sprawia, że jesteś dobry. To nie ma znaczenia, Wysoka."
(You told all of us that you were bad in your past, and that the white poniska was mad at you because you were doing something bad. Flurry, the little one of the poniska family, she didn't think you were bad; and no one in Nazomova thinks you're bad. You used your magic to help the poniska family go home, so that makes you good. It doesn't matter, Wysoka.)
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Also, we don't get to see what happen at Canterlot, though.
Did Wysoka lose her power to go back into memories?
7691938 Yep. I left that whole thing to the imagination; the story isn't about why or how they're in that forest, the story is about their journey and Wysoka... and I kind of like it that way.
7691964 Well... if I were to explain it within the story; kind of. Her magic, in general, is super broken because of what Luna did to take over her mind and teleport Cadance and everyone else back, but totally lose it forever? No. Maybe like... 5 or 6 months.
This was an interesting story, I liked the way you handle Flurry Heart and Wysoka, the interaction with one and the other are perfect.
However, I feel the story had an abrupt ending, I'm not a good reviewer, but I feel the ending could've done better....
7694403 The abrupt ending was mostly the point. I didn't want it to be long and drawn out where everything is explained; it just ends.
Reviewed this HERE.
Just to let ya know, there's apperently a Flurry Heart tag now.
7859603 Oh, really?
7950702 Never did notice that connection...
Also, this is odd seeing you comment here. Many people don't read this old fic of mine anymore. I guess... thanks for reading it! I look forward to your thoughts once you've finished it. Not my best work, but it's still a pretty neat story.
7950711 Bit of a late reply, but:
I liked the first two-thirds of the story, but I felt the ending was a let-down. Or perhaps the ending was fine, but the rest of the story failed to properly set it up.
My first problem: We spent over 10K words (over a quarter of the story) with just Flurry and her parents, before they meet the Nitzche or Wysoka. It gave me the impression that Flurry was the main character, getting back to Canterlot would be the central problem, and "Why did Cadance teleport them away from Canterlot in the first place?" would be the central mystery. But instead of any of these, the ending focused on Wysoka; Flurry Heart and the rest abruptly teleported back to Canterlot, off-screen; and we only got some inconclusive hints about what they fled in the first place. Ambiguous endings and unsolved mysteries have their place in fiction—but their usage here felt like a bait-and-switch.
If the ending you wrote was the one you were planning from the beginning, then perhaps the parts before meeting Wysoka should have been trimmed a bit. If something isn't important for the ending, put less emphasis on it at the beginning.
My second problem was the cost to Wysoka—though my opinion has been tempered a bit. My initial reaction was that you'd made Wysoka give up her memories, without foreshadowing it, just for the sake of having a sad ending. Upon thinking it over a bit, I realized you actually did foreshadow this: Wysoka presumably used the same teleportation spell as Cadance, which apparently drains the caster's memories if they don't have enough magic power to fuel it.
But (perhaps this is getting into personal preferences) I feel that characters need to earn their sad endings just as much as they need to earn their happy endings. As written, the cost was foreshadowed to the reader but not to Wysoka—she instead gets a vague warning, "What I must do may hurt you," and she doesn't learn what she's giving up until it's already gone. It veers dangerously close to the Bad Things Happen To Good Ponies For No Reason school of sad stories. It would have been very easy to make this ending a proper Tragedy for Wysoka: have Luna explain beforehand the cost of sending Flurry and crew back, and have Wysoka agree to go through with it anyway. Let her prove that she's a good pony by knowingly giving up something she's wanted for her whole (short) life, to help her new friends.
Now, I don't want to be all negative. This story hooked me enough to make me write all those paragraphs after the fact. (If this were just a bad story, I'd have moved on without commenting.) The chapter of Flurry and Cadance lost in the woods was very engrossing, the Nitzche village was an interesting setting, and Wysoka was an endearing character. Even though I jokingly compared her to Nyx, Wysoka strikes me as the more interesting character (based on what I've heard second-hand, because I don't plan on reading Past Sins any time soon).
I liked The Luna Papers enough to check your back catalogue for other interesting stories.
8047258 Wow... thank you for the massive comment! I agree entirely with every one of your points made; this story was my second delve into an actual plot. Before this, I had only ever written 'Beneath The Sun's Surface', which, while really long, doesn't have too complex a plot.
The main problem with this story is that I changed the way it went half way into writing it. I had this HUGE story planned out where the Nitzche were actually a massive civilization more ingrained with that big mountain, and ended up being a little suspicious of Cadance and her family rather than being the Nitzche we see here; loving and welcoming. Also, they were originally supposed to speak German as opposed to Polish, and they were gonna be bi-lingual. And drink a lot more.
So... yeah; shitty plot. I fully admit that, lol.
I'd also agree with the fact the first half of the story set up a very interesting and neat premise, especially with the whole 'trapped in the giant forest full of fucking tree panthers' thing, but as I said; my brain had a full 180 and changed the plot mid way through.
Once more, thanks for commenting. I look forward to seeing you around more often!
8175828 16. It has a spoiler tag, for some reason, but it's mentioned in the description.
I loved this story but I felt you could do more and the ending felt cut off sadly... It's like one of those stories that it's amazing but the ending wasn't satisfying or a cliffhanger
8308292
Indeed, this story does leave on a cliff-hanger, or at least, it has no solid conclusion. The main reason is I originally planned doing a sequel, but ended up never actually writing it.
Also, thanks for reading this old fic of mine! If you're feeling super cool, consider giving my page a watch so you know when I upload something new!
8308348
A sequel would be great!
Really nice story, had me on the edge from start to finish. The ending seems a little off but still, I really like this one.
A sequel or something would be awesome, I would love to see either Flurry Heart or Luna meet Wysoka again. Or get an alternative pov, maybe Twilight so we learn what happened in Canterlot.
8438496
I've certainly thought about a sequel, and I still love the setting and feeling this story has. I've considered doing a re-write for a while now, but I've got too many other cool projects I want to work on before I do something of the sort.
I do totally have a sequel planned out, and I've had it planned out for a while.
I dunno, maybe one of these days. My problem is I don't really like doing sequels, and the main issue is hardly any of my current readers have read this story, so they'd have to read this story first.
8438511
Well, their loss if they haven't
I think anyone who liked The Luna Papers could enjoy this one as well, they feel very similar (to me at least)
With the ending we get, its totally just a set up for a sequel man.
I do hope one day you write it, we are still left with many "why"'s.
8612498
One of these days, I will. I've got the entire thing planned out start to finish, I just keep having ideas for stories that are more important to me, lol. Not to mention, writing a sequel to this would sort of alienate a lot of my followers who haven't read this, which is a great many of them.
Either way, thanks for reading this old tale of mine!
8612508
Or writing a sequel would make people read the original first. Not like you cant do it in a few hours at most.
8785282
Oh yah
8787468
no because i am your prereader
i tell you what to do nigga > : (
8787469
what if I told you I just fixed it
8787475
what if i told you there was more throughout multiple chapters of the story
8787482
What if i told you I fixed them too.
8787653
I would laugh
That was an unexpected ending alright...
8788725
Well, as unexpected and untimely as it was, did you like the story? It's certainly got its flaws, being the third story I ever wrote, lol.
8788831
Yee, it's got some nice ideas for NMM and bat poners, and was surprisingly sweet with Flurry's interactions
Thank you for the story!
It's very nice :)
The question of what made Cadanse to teleport them to other side of the globe is bugging me though.
Could you maybe give a hint under spoiler tag here in comments?
Since it's unknown when/if you will be able to get to sequel...
Also it would be nice to correct nouns to proper gender in chapter 5 ("odszedl" -> "odszedla", "nieśmiertelny" -> "nieśmiertelna", "zdenerwowany" -> "zdenerwowana", "miły" -> "miła"). The language batponies speak does not sound Polish when reading due to having completely foreign sentence structure (and many phrases translated word-to-word also lost their meaning). It sounds more like "some unknown east slavik language where you know some words". But when Wysoka starts referring herself (or being referred to) as male in abovementioned examples - it sounds really odd.
9390676
I mean, honestly, I don't think I'll ever do a sequel, so I'll just tell you outright.
There was a war with the resurgent King Sombra; one that was real close to not being one, and the Princesses didn't rise to the occasion as well as Equestria believed they should have. A fringe faction within the government formed calling for the removal of the royal family, as they were seen as unfit to continue ruling, and there was a coup in which the military attempted to capture them and, if they succeeded in doing so, expel them from Equestria. Obviously, the sun and moon still needed to move, so they weren't going to kill them or something, the ponies just wanted to govern themselves. In fear for her family, Cadance cast the spell that would put them as far away from Equestria as possible.
Also, thanks for the help with the grammar! I'm ashamed to admit it, but a lot of this was done via Google Translate. I never figured someone who actually spoke Polish would come by.
You can has review!
9818759
Grumble grumble why'd you read my worst story and not something good like The Luna Papers or My Only Sunshine!
I jest (sort of), but thank you for the review, and for even giving my stories a read to begin with! I'm still quite happy that you enjoyed Sol Point as much as you did.
Uh-you This story was able to touch me and at the same time leave with a two-fallen feeling. On the one hand, I was a little disappointed that the main intrigue of the initial mothers remained uncovered (as well as why they were in this forest in the first place). On the other hand, I liked the interaction of Wysoka and Flourry Heart.
Most stories can not knock out of me at any of the emotions, you managed to say for it.
I do not know how to characterize the final, I distribute the prosthetic feelings. Maybe it would be better if in the epilogue of Wysoka would have a farewell letter from someone from the family flourry Heart where they are at all goodbye to normal, and then they get them were rented in the house of heated, fed literally spilled soul and they somehow left even without saying any kind of notification saying goodbye.
I really do love this story. It ends a bit abruptly, sure, and some of the story elements could've been more fleshed out, but. I enjoyed the mystery, the suspense, the character interactions, the world building, and the magic mechanics. Your "worst story" is one I find deeply charming, and I enjoy your writing to this day. I just wanted you to know that. Donadagohvi.