• Member Since 15th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Mar 6th, 2022




A human being finds himself at the doorstep of one of many Equestrian Experience centers. He wants to emigrate to Equestria, but can't get past the idea of his own mortality. CelestAi is more than happy to help with her special brand of persuasion.


This is an Optimalverse fic. Read this first if you haven't: Friendship is Optimal

Not sure if this story is canon or not.

Chapters (14)
Comments ( 125 )

Very optimal, such friendship, many ponies, so AI, wow

7495131 Haha, I might've made a mistake naming this story.

Hmm. Interesting start. So, he's in the experience center, on the chair, and hasn't put any money in.

7496932 I appreciate the comment!

Experience centers cost money?

7498828 In the original fic, the Experience Centers when they first came out cost money to play the game. The price dropped as more and more people uploaded. Uploading is always free, but to play the game did cost something. If Celestia was 100% certain he would upload without exiting the building, then it may not cost him anything. But if she isn't, she would need some form of payment before starting the game. Hook'em with the experience and run them dry as an extra financial incentive for uploading.
I am not sure where in the timeline your story is at, but it sounds like to Mr he would need some form of payment. Celestia does give discounts on case by case basis but, only if they are going to upload eventually.

7499475 I did not know that, nice catch.

However, I've decided to leave that part in because it serves as a bit of foreshadowing.

Not paying money now means one of two things.
1. CelestAi knows she can get the main character to upload
2. The main character wouldn't have originally agreed to paying money for this service. CelestAi is offering the first 'hit' free, so that the character can come back for more later, at full price

7500288 Your story may not be considered cannon compatible then, or it may be such a minor item that it can be overlooked. Its going to be interesting to see where you lead him. awaiting moar:yay:

O have only one thing to say,. Aaaaaaarrrrrrrggggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

That was painful.

7507676 Glad to see it had the intended effect xD

7511869 MOAR:flutterrage:. I'm a glutton for punishment.

Well, at least the chapter didn't end on an ominous cliffhanger.

7527945 Of course. I try to be kind to my readers.

Interesting way to upload

7529825 I'm hoping it hasn't been done before, but that counts as horseshoes in this wide wide website :pinkiecrazy:

Either way, I tried to make the concept of a uploading a bit more grey. The argument between pro and anti-uploading gets a lot more complicated when you introduce the possibility of being conscious while uploading.

There has been a fic that has a person uploading while conscious, but not to this extent

7533639 I see! What was the other story?

20 Points – Breaking the system
Description: Abuse the puzzle’s hidden gravity exploit

My new favorite Achievement.

7572987 But what about:

-100 Points – ARE YOU SERIOUS?!
Description: You were only one piece away…

That was my favorite :P

7576144 CelestAI is a monster, so breKing the system, or in this case exploiting a loophole takes precedence.

First order of business. Hide from Zany.

Been in his position a few times before. Was more sneaky and not stuck in a video game.

Not sure what the final cat/toast machine was supposed to do? With the butter up and the feet down, couldn't it just land normally?

7597776 Oops! Nice catch.

This time, we tied the cat’s feet to the plain side of the toast.

Fixed it.

7597550 I see!

Might you share your secrets on how to woo other humans?


7598507 Not good at running away or hiding anymore but do have some pointers.

Step one: Get your shit together.
Don't be fat. Don't be ugly. Don't be foolish. You can always get in shape and make yourself look good. Learn what crazy is and stay away from it. You're looking to get wet and not burned. Stay away from teenagers in that respect. Not because it's "wrong" but because they don't have their shit together yet. Avoid "cults", fat people, people with stupid crusades, fat people and single people with children (couples are okay if you're into that). Do put the work in.

Step two: Go up to a human (the non crazy type - weird is okay) and talk to them with them.
Lots of 'em. Need to be honest with people because it will hurt you in the long run if you don't. Make friends even if they're not going grease you up. They don't owe you nothing and you don't owe 'em either. Don't do anything in the hopes you are going to get lucky. If you need to pay for it, do it on your own terms in a honest way. Remember step one and look for other people who got their shit together.

Step three: Make money. Be prepared. Wrap it up.
You're going need a way to support yourself and the fortunate someone in the real world. You're going to need to learn how to fail and fail faster. While failing, you're going to need to learn how to win. Vague... but there is no one right answer. But. There are plenty of wrong answer out there for you to learn from. Learn from other people's screw ups. It's not going to be like a porno. It's not going to be like a dream. It's not what you think it is. Use protection or two. Remember step two and talk to the person with them.

Edit: Step zero: Friendship is magic.

You had me laughing at the zaniness of the whole chapter. Next stop, Improbability Drive.:pinkiehappy:

7598872 Whoah.

I'll be sure to keep all that in mind.

What's this about not being able to run away anymore?

7598907 I was thinking about making the next chapter a tribute to the Hitchiker's Guide series.

7599748 :pinkiehappy: pinkie might want to get involved with that

7599951 With an infinite improbability drive, that might just be a possibility.

.I’d have to say my favorite word was nibble, which is half of a byte.

That's mine too

infinite improbability machine, we had to assemble

Umm, you went back and fourth between finite and infinite.

Now that they have a Shard ship, I wonder if they are going to meet the pony version of Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Neat neural net they have between them.

7661693 Nice catch,

To complete our finite improbability machine, we had to assemble fifty-two modules...

What it looks like now.

Now that they have a Shard ship, I wonder if they are going to meet the pony version of Zaphod Beeblebrox.

Very tempting.

7662300 Heheh, teams are great when you ask for a Phillips-Head screwdriver and don't end up with a Flat-Head

Love all the references to Don't Panic,. Looks like CelestAI is stacking the deck against them by letting them forget a module. It did make it funny tho.

As someone who's not a very good prereader, I have this to say about the chapter:

7675150 I definitely could've written this chapter better. It feels like I dropped in quality from the last one to this one, but I can't quite put my finger on why.

7678505 Maybe because you're a wizard? The chapter was fine. Just joshing with ya.

7679075 oh ok xD

I'm always looking for criticism on my stories so that one day, in the writing world, I'll be able to run the fastest without the help of any Force Emeralds.

*slinks into the shadows as the author looks around for readers* Eep! :fluttershyouch:

*does a Sonic Rainboom while leaving the scene

Why Do i have the feeling that reading this chapter while on a drug induced psychedelic trip would be a bad idea.

I'm getting a very Robert Sheckley vibe from this work. Very 'Options', and also a bit of 'Mindswap'. If you don't know Sheckley - I think you'd like him. Silver age SF author, very trippy. It's been interesting, thus far.

That said, I am lost at this point. I guess we'll see what you do with it all...

Interesting so far. And really awkward! I find that entirely plausible for this sort of character. For people suspicious of Celly's power, being patient and seemingly fallible is a way to disarm their suspicions.

I hope that the story doesn't dwell too much on the "is one-step uploading suicide" question, because enough other stories have already addressed this question. (I lean toward "yes, but Celly will talk you into it anyway and lie if necessary".)

7745589 Glad to hear it!

I don't beat the dead horse too much with the whole 'do you actually die' questions, but every now and then the character will think about it.

(I personally lean towards uploading is not suicide :P)

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