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Truly954 words
Sea Swirl636 words
Princess Luna778 words
Princess Flurry Heart1,053 words
Amethyst Star660 words
Cheese Sandwich1,309 words
Sunburst829 words
The Cake Twins1,188 words
Kevin the Changeling (Not really a rant)707 words
Spoiled Rich1,195 words
G 3.5 Rainbow Dash776 words

G 3.5 Rainbow Dash

G 3.5 Rainbow Dash (Suggested by TheDriderPony)

My last patient in this group of rants is definitely the weirdest. When she came in at first I didn't even know she was there until I heard her voice and looked down. There was a rather scrawny pony with a head that is horribly large compared to the rest of her body. The first thing I thought of was Blythe Baxter from Littlest Pet Shop when I saw this. Some of the animals on there are like that as well so I figured one of her pets must have got loose.

I asked her where she was from and she told me she came from a small town called Ponyville. I didn't believe her one bit when she said this. I figured she was just some little rat that liked playing pranks on ponies. I figured I could get real answers out of her later, that along with my payment of course so I was foolish and took her back.

She opened her mouth and I began to take a look. I would not be happy when I saw that the tooth she was whining about was rotten, completely rotten. I smacked her and asked her how she could allow her tooth to get that bad. She started crying and begging me to please not hurt her. I smacked her again because she did not answer my question. She finally told me that she likes candy and often chews it in that corner of her mouth. No wonder the little rat's bad tooth is there.

Well it was a slow day so I decided to be nice, well sort of. I ripped that rotten tooth out, put an implant in and then cleaned her teeth. This would not be cheap though. I knew she didn't have any money on her but I still wanted to know where she came from so that I could get compensated for the work I did on her. She finally caved and told me about some portal in the wastelands east of town.

Good grief, how many damn portals are there in this country to other places. Immediately the wheels began to turn in my head. I thought perhaps that it led to Downtown City and that I could not only meet Blythe, but make her pay me for me fixing her rainbow haired rat's tooth. What will I want in return? I want Pepper! Hey, I could always have her spray unruly patients. After all, who wouldn't want a pet skunk to put unruly and non-paying bums in their place?

Well this little pony led me out to this portal and we went through. Unfortunately it did not take us to Downtown City. It took me to a place with tons and tons of these miniature ponies with oversized heads. They all rushed up to me and began singing annoying songs. I had to rush back through that portal before I wound up losing my sanity. What is worse is that several of them followed me through, including Rainbow Dash.

What is even worse is that despite me flying away, they all rushed to my practice and surrounded it. Shit, now I have a bunch of creepy little ponies with big heads keeping me out of my practice. Hmmm...what to do. I got it! I'll open my own pet shop and sell them as pets! As long as that portal remains open, I'll have a good supply of them coming through.

Unfortunately, my new business venture did not go over all that well, especially after I sold Rainbow Dash to Celestia for a couple thousand bits. She made me close my pet shop and send these little ponies home! It wasn't because selling ponies from a different generation to Equestrian ponies is illegal, it is because I forgot to get a license to operate a pet shop.

In the end all of them but one were returned to their homeland before I was ordered to drain that portal of it's energy. Which one stayed? Celestia loved her little Dashie too much to make her return and besides, I was not about to give Celestia a refund for her. Now Celestia has an annoying little pet that runs around calling everypony darling. From what I understand Luna is seriously considering fixing up her old castle in the forest and moving back there. Apparently she can't handle her sister's pet and her obnoxious behavior. I don't blame her. I'd want to relocate if it meant getting away from mini-Dash too.

Author's Note: