Colgate's Rants 4: Fans' Choice

by StormLuna

Truly

Truly (Suggested by Paradise the Librarian)

As you all know I have seen many, many patients in my days. Some live close to me, some come from not that far away, some I have to travel to see but this next patient will be a first. I could tell that she is definitely not from anywhere around here because she was a bit stockier and her eyes were much smaller. I'll find out where she is from soon enough but first I need to find out what brought her here.

I asked her and she said something about exploring a cave and going through a gray vortex and coming out in a dark forest. She seems like an honest pony but still, this seems very far fetched. Even if what she says is true, why would she come to my practice? If she wanted to know where she was she would have gone to Twilight's castle. She then told me that she had a pain in her upper jaw so despite my policy, I took her back.

While it wasn't bad, she did have a cavity. She tried talking to me while I was working on her and I let her know that we could talk afterwards because if we talked at that point, she may incur extra charges. Once I told her that she quieted down and I was able to get everything done that I had to get done. Next up was my favorite part of every appointment, when I would get paid.

Despite her being from Faust knows where, I asked her about how she planned on paying. She gave me a blank stare for a minute before pulling out a bottle of bubble bath mix. I gave her a look of disapproval and asked her what the hell it was. She could tell that I was not happy and told me that she was from Ponyland where they don't use money. She told me that they use a barter system instead.

Ponyland? Alright, now I have heard everything. I have heard a lot of tall tales in my day but I have never heard anypony come in and claim that they come from a place that is only in mythology books and my sister's comic books. At first this really pissed me off. I got in her face and yelled, "What? Ponyland? You do know that place is nothing but myth don't you?"

Once she began to cry I decided to calm down. Of course I thought maybe she was just pulling some sort of very annoying prank but then I realized that she does indeed resemble what the ponies from there were depicted as in those books. That along with it mentioning that they used that system so perhaps this is legit.

Alright, back to the whole bubble bath situation. She told me that this was a very special kind of bubble bath. My first thought was, "What the hell could be so special about something that useless?"

She started telling me about how one time she put some in a waterfall for the foals and the bubbles resembled hearts. I saw the label on that and it did indeed mention it. While I had no use for it I realized that I could sell it on the black market and likely make more than what she owed me. I gave her a smile and told her that this would be a legitimate form of payment. I also did something that I am no fan of. I apologized to her for yelling at her and claiming that she came from a mythological place.

She gave me a smile and told me that I was the first pony here that didn't immediately point out her small eyes and larger build and then sigh in disgust. I was shocked that ponies here would do that. I simply let her know that we're not all like that and she went on her way. You could say I learned something that day. I learned that Ponyland did indeed exist.

There was one pony I would never tell, my sister Lyra. If I did she would want to go try to find the portal Truly came to Equestria through and I was not about to go trying to find the portal Truly mentioned. It would likely be best if I tell nopony about a portal like that existing at all. Hell I might just see if I can cast a spell on myself to make me forget about it so that I wouldn't slip up and tell somepony about it.

Regarding the bubble bath, I did indeed find a buyer, IN MANEHATTAN. You know how I am, I was not about to mail it and wait for a payment. I took some time off and delivered it myself. I wanted to make sure I was paid what they told me they would pay. In the end I got 300 bits from some upper class mare, a mother of three. That was three times what Truly owed me so I am happy. Just to cover my travel expenses though, I'm going to jack up Aria and Adagio's rent. They damaged the stove in there a bit anyway and I am not happy about it.

Finally, after I wrote this I did cast that spell upon myself so the only ones who will know about the portal will be you guys. I look at this and wonder if maybe I didn't accidentally breathe in some laughing gas. Well I'm tired and need some rest. I hope you guys enjoyed this!

Author's Note:

Truly from G1

Comments

[Mirai]

Very good so far, keep up the good work.

[TheDriderPony]

I like to picture that we, the readers, are a bartender that Colgate is just spilling her guts to in between drinks.