NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOO!

835453
What's the matter? Don't you like happy endings?
i figured that after everything that's happened between them, there's no way everypony can just walk away.
However, I love Screw Loose too much to just leave her here. I may have to write a sequel...

835466
YYEEEEEEESSSS

Hurr hurr furst.

Anywho....
Wasn't Straight lace meant to be the nice sane one and Shocker the Sadistically intelligent one?
And the way he just snapped... Me confuzzled...

Edit: Son of a fraggle those weren't there before.

835473

Seriously, what did you think of the ending? My initial idea was to have Nurse Redheart be a bisexual who was willing to have sex with Straight Lace in order to protect her job.
Shocker would not have gone crazy in this scenario. Instead, he and Redheart would conspire to kill Straight Lace to end the blackmail. With the brown stallion out of the way, the nurse, guard and patient would meet regularly for glorious three-ways.
That was the original planned ending. Making her a lesbian and turning it into rape changed how the story played out.
Which ending would you have preferred?
How did you like the portrayal of Shocker's descent into madness? I admit that it was sudden, but did it feel believable? I was writing it based on the Joker's "One Bad Day" theory. When confronted with his crimes, Shocker goes mad as opposed to facing reality.
Thank you for your feedback!

835482
By the end of the first chapter, Shocker sees Screw Loose as a person. Straight Lace sees a living sex toy.
While Shocker does abuse her over the course of the story, it's rarely with any malice. In Shocker's mind, domesticating Screw Loose and making her less prone to bite is doing her a favor.

835524
Huh....
Interesting.

835559

I studied medical reports on the post traumatic stress disorder of rape victims. Younger victims of rape have a higher rate of becoming sex addicts. The see the deviancy as normal.
For older victims of rape, the act of sex becomes unpleasant, as it triggers memories of the assault.
for Redheart, I chose the latter PTSD. That's why she avoids Shocker and Screw Loose at the end.
Kind of a downer; but like I said, I would love to write a sequel!

Thanks for the feedback!

835511 It can be that im just a nutter for serching for MLP sex stories but i think i would not have liked the ending you described there as much as this one. I realy Realy Realy loved this story! if you ever do a sequel Plz tell me i want to know if you do.

What kind of sorcery is this! This ending is atrocious!

835466 You better make the sequel or I kill you in your sleep... for now... I am watching you.

835511 Now this is the kind of epic ending I wanted to see.

814619
If you would prefer rape, there's some in the last chapter.
Gotcha!

That was a very happy ending I love the madness with benefits. Please write a sequel

835511
The ending was interesting to say the least... I didn't like how Shocker went insane or how Redheart was raped, but I did enjoy the part where Straight Lace died. Although, I would have preferred if the police found out what was happening to Screw Loose and they would have thought that Screw Loose killed Straight Lace out of self defense and Redheart told the police about Straight Lace raping her... But that's just me.

836247that's
Statistics estimate that less than 20 percent of rapes are reported to the police. The fact that the stallion who raped her was dead, helps to explain why Redheart wouldn't want to tell anypony. Especially because it would put her at the crime scene. Being a nurse, she had the means at her disposal to ensure that she left no traces at the crime scene.

836629
This is true, but I'm an asshole and would have had the dead guy blamed for all the shit.

835473

what he said.

840262
I didn't plan on starting the sequel this early, but I felt inspired.
Chapter one of "Taming of the Screw 2: Doubly Screwed" is, as of this writing, number 16 in the queue and should be available to read soon.

i personally preferred this ending, it seemed to fit, loved the story, looking forward to your sequel

I-I CAME EVERYWHERE~!

842680
Clean up in aisle one...

First, I really enjoy the fact that you did not use any of the most notable characters in this story.

second, barking pony is best pony.

normally I cannot bring myself to thumb up stories that contain murdering or torture of a pony. This story is one of the few.

In a sick way, the falling of Shocker showcases the horrific beauty of love. bravo to you, good sir!

845512
"horrific beauty of love." That's very eloquent.
I humbly bow and thank you for the kind words.
I just want to add that I'm not through with Ponyville General.
I have more stories planned for the future.

*sigh* I hated to do it, but I unfaved this. Where I really enjoyed the potential I saw in this at first, it fell out at its conclusion.

Technical things first. A few syntax and tense errors made for flimsy sentences, but were permissible. Somewhere, too, I remember seeing "or" where "of" should have been. Also, Shocker's madness just came out of no where and felt terribly rushed and shallow. One second fine, one second crazy, and though you said the reason for this, it wasn't felt at all. The ending didn't feel like a conclusion, merely like a derailment that was quickly summed up to avoid having to do anything else. Sorry if that sounds harsh.

Now, personal critique. I don't like saying "disappointed", but that really is close to how I feel. Where I saw a glimmer of something outstandingly rare in this fic at first, it devolved to a very weak ending. Adding Nurse Redheart wasn't a bad touch, but its execution was poor. You could have put a lot more into her "not liking" what she was doing; having her feel terrible for the "relationship", even having her say how wrong it was during the act itself, only to, with a flush of relief, have that washed away, like a reverse guilty-indulgence. Going with the tones of madness, you could have had her try to "rehabilitate" Screw Loose to have more "pony" traits (though, coaxing them out with Pavlovian conditioning like a canine). Being caught is a nice plot twist, but rather than saying anything on that, I'd like to address the finale. The rape and such, while a very similar shift, was actually quite sudden for this fic. It's been nothing grim before this, and almost funny at times, until that part comes out of nowhere. "Bridge to Terabithia" territory. I'm rather jaded to the Internet and still found its juxtaposition unsettling. I've already mentioned Shocker's Insanity as a technical flaw, but it needs to be mentioned again that it came out of nowhere, and didn't fit. The ending felt cold and sterile, compared to the almost eerily warm tones that were seemingly building to something completely different.

I loved what I saw in this at first, but that ending really killed it for me. Rather than spam the comment section more, if you'd like to hear more detail, or something of suggestions, I'm up for it. Private message or even continued on here of you're like. With revision, this still has an awesome start, and I know it can be something better.

Well, one of the best 18+ fictions I've ever read, congrats.
While a lot of NSFW fiction focus only on the clopclop aspect, you managed to insert a creepy atmosphere (in the first three chapters), some kind of fun (the 4th one), and even romance in the 5th, 6th and 7th. More, a clopfic involving Screw Ball is quite original.

Well, I found some dark spots : the last 3 chapters were really short, the scenes between Redheart and Screwloose were really short and the "romance aspect" wasn't really depicted.
I hoped for longer sex scenes and more emotional stuff, about Redheart rediscovering sex and this kind of stuff.
Same thing in the last chapters, it was really short, but this may be because you didn't want this to be a fully-clop fiction, and sex scenes between the guards and Screw Loose were already depicted.

And I didn't enjoyed the ending, I don't know how to describe this, but it was too abrupt, and it was like "well, their life continued like before (with minor changes), it was cool".

835511
Awww, I would have much preferred that ending.

846175
Keep an eye out for new content in the Taming of the Screw! I agree with a lot of the suggestions that have been made. I rushed the ending out before it was ready. I'm going to go back, starting with chapter 5, and expand on the scenes, giving more background between Redheart and Straight Lace, as well as more romance between Redheart and Screw Loose.

For those who preferred an ending where Shocker keeps his sanity, I'm sorry, but I have no plans to change it at this time. I love the poetic justice of him killing Straight Lace and becoming just as mad as Screw Loose, but just like everything else in the last three chapters, his transformation felt rushed. I will include more inner monologs for Shocker. Maybe a flashback scene of him wrestling with his guilt alone, or sneaking by to visit Screw Loose earlier that day to speak with her in private.

Thank you everyone for the feedback! The readers make my stories better than they could ever be on their own!

What a lovely story ... actually to be honest I enjoyed this, but i will admit for the more easily offended/disturbed ones, it is very heavy going; but I am into all the grimdark stuff' and this is just a very well written story, overall exciting read... and also quite kinky

864792 Still, it isn't part of the treatment. The chances of cure are not lowered if they do not cut their hair.

While I think you're splitting hairs, (Pun intended), I will concede that it could have been worded clearer.
Instead of saying, "It had been shaved off as part of his chemotherapy,"
I could have said, "It had been shaved off before it fell out as part of his chemotherapy."
Rather than wait for their hair to slowly fall out, patients choose to shave their heads as part of chemotherapy. I never said it was part of the treatment. In any case, I tweaked the sentence.

I do find it humorous that out of everything in the story, this is what you take issue with.

867660 ah lol

869364 wow a dalek talked normal
Other Daleks: BLASPHME! BLASPHME!

just- .....wow.... now that was a story

I must say good sir I found this story so well developed that I ceased being an anon and went ahead to create an account just to tell you how much I appreciate your work. Don't worry I not one of those ponies who picks at every aspect, and criticizes because you did something wrong base on my perspective. I did read the one comment you made on the alternate ending to this, I have to say that I rather enjoyed this ending more than I would of the other since it does show that chaos has no limits and can seed to others. Liked, favored, followed, all that good stuff. I look forward to what else you have to contribute to the community, and I shall be waiting to read and give feedback even on the revisions. For now I shall read your other stories. Keep up the great work and I thank you for making me a part of the FimFiction community, now you will probably see a lot of me! Have a nice day!

roflrazzi.files.wordpress.com/2011/09/b932c243-8208-4e61-a758-27f7208e57b0.gif

Damn, of all the things that I've read (and actually written myself, from when I wrote about mother-son molestation to Luna marenapping her sister and carving her wings off to Nightmare Moon eating Fluttershy's soul and so on), this seems the most sick, horrible, and disturbing that I can recall... or... just... wow...

images4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120308101152/mlp/images/thumb/d/d7/Pinkie_Rarity_crying_running_S02E19.png/640px-Pinkie_Rarity_crying_running_S02E19.png

No, don't worry, I didn't downvote from the content alone (I hate it when people do that because it's unfair)... I'll just scurry away...

904935
I'll go with it. I haven't forgotten all the new ideas we discussed. I'm just waiting to make further changes to the story until I have a greater block of time to invest in it. Maybe this weekend...
On top of that, there's another story I want to work on while its still fresh in my mind.
Thanks again for all your feedback!

NNOOOOOO!!!!!! PLEASE DON'T LET THIS BE THE END!!!!!!!!!!!!! :( IT WAS A GREAT STORY!!!!!

Nice going, you TOTALLY destroyed the fourth wall on that last bit. I don't think it'll recover.

Ah bronystories, I Love You. <3

I'm getting a lot of mixed signals here...gonna have to chalk this one up for some 'late night fun'.

At least I hope it's fun...seems kinda weird how the lady here is a mental patient. Well, guess the only way to find out is to try it!

Later.

The reading BEGINS!

My brain is ready!

No it's not!

Ok! Maybe it isn't! But-ah screw it DIVING RIGHT IN!

835511 I think I would've preferred the original ending, and a conspiracy to kill Lace would've stretched this story out another chapter or two, but, honestly, this is a good ending in its own right.

Just sad how Redheart can't help the two, since Shocker actually acknowledged Loose as a pony, instead of a dog. Yes, this is despite his 'torture' of her, he figured he was helping her in whatever way he could.

Lace was just in it for the fun, but it started out as trying to help her. Poor bastard wandered off the golden path.

977566

I still plan on keeping a semi-tragic ending, but Taming of the Screw will be undergoing some rewrites of its last three chapters; with new ones being added in between. I'll do it when I have more time.

Oh right, almost forgot!

DUN

Rape, murder, electroshock therapy...Me gusta.

You dear sir have pleased me greatly.

What the hell man. I'm used to blood baths and killing. cutting people and animals bodies apart and hanging them on a wall but this is, first off well played from my knowledge of pychological damage due to rape and other things related to that subject and second off terrible(in the act sense it was a good story for its genre) and will mostlikey avoid most things that even reference to be similar to this (still you are a good writer, it just this isn't my bowl of pudding(I heard this from some where)) good day to you sir

1482994
Good day and thank you for the feedback. If this wasn't to your liking, may I respectfully suggest you avoid another one of my stories entitled 120 Days of Blueblood. You'll find nothing for you there, either.

1483008 Thank you for the warning and as I said you are a great writer and probably due your research, I just don't like this kind of clop especially the setting it hits home way to hard(if there a pun it wasn't intended) though If you got some other stories not like this one I'd love to give'm a read

1483785
Lyra and Bon Bon's Odd Jobs and its sequel have both been very popular. Provided that none of your family has any ties to sperm banks, you should be able to enjoy the story.