Bronystories
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Bronystories Fan Club68 stories ·212 members
- warning: cum inflation, belly bulging, huge insertion, gangbanging, etc. ahead3,884 stories ·3,602 members
Screw Loose Fanclub25 stories ·61 members
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It's safe to say I won't be going to sleep after that picture...
...Or this story.
Interesting, to say the least. Now I remembered why I don't read the 'Recently uploaded' fics.
Also, the fact that it's still a 2:1 disapproval rating is quite interesting, given the fact that most clop is shot down without any justification.
This... this is way too kinky for me.
I'm with BandBrony. This is a little . . . much.
Yea... this is like an evil genie version of a fic I wanted. I wanted Screwloose and some stallion. But this is just... filth. And not in a good way.
OH SWEET MOTHER CELESTIA.
...ahem. There were a few punctuation errors, suggesting that this needed a little more proofreading, and some of the dialogue felt pornographically forced. But on the whole the story was well-realized, with a good blend of eroticism and realism and a good spin on an old concept. That said, unless your target audience is an extremely specific one, I'm not entirely sure who this story is for. At the end, am I meant to be delighted at the sexual exploits of our heroine and these two gentlecolts, or should I be horrified at the brutal patient abuse and terrible living conditions of this hospital? It doesn't lean quite far enough in either direction, so I find myself walking away from this feeling simply ambivalent.
Also, GAAAAAH OF ALL THE WORST POSSIBLE THINGS AAAUUUGH.
I...just...I...uh...No...
Don't get me wrong it's good! Just... a bit... much...
This was beautiful so amazing plz more you are. My number one guy to go to when I need to clop thank you for writing this
.......
KIIIIINKY!
Shut up boner...
IMPOSSIBLE DALEKS CANNOT BE AROUSED!!!
I'm loling at potential penis removal. Anyways, I think you fat fingered a "t" to a "g".
"Should I also give her a sedagive?"
Otherwise I'm entertained.
cdn.memegenerator.net/instances/400x/22344453.jpg
Me: Boner what are you doing? -_-
Boner: Assuming direct control!
This is.....different....
Oh this is wonderful~!
"the gray stallion screamed as he shot his seed deep within the insane mare's bowels."
Yet another line I wrote that will keep me up at night.
789601
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sr5ErMw7p7U
'sedagive' is a reference to the film "Young Frankenstein."
Do yourself a favor and watch this Youtube video I found.
(I apologize in advance for the poor picture quality.)
790963
Clever! I had no idea it was a reference. I just noticed the "T" and the "G" are right next to each other on the keyboard and assumed you slipped.
I've seen Young Frankenstein, but it was years ago and I completely forgot this gag. I always like clever references! Even if I have no idea what they're to!
I was wondering when something like this would appear. Anyway, I liked it. Well done.
791525
"Find a need and fill it." That's my motto.
Technically, my motto is "Find a [Blank] and fill it." I replace the 'blank' with a noun appropriate to the situation.
795802
Are you taking about Straight Lace? Yeah. He's definitely the more sadistic of the guards. We'll just have to wait and see if he gets his comeuppance in future installments.
>"I don't care if you light her up like a Hearth's Warming tree," Straight Lace said, "Just promise me that when I do her up the butt it won't feel like I'm sticking a fork in a light socket." pissed myself
797521
but just sounds bizarre anywhere else. 
Thanks for the feedback
The fun thing about extreme stories like this is you get to write dialog that feels perfectly natural in context,
Is is odd that I found the comment section for this chapter nearly as amusing as the writing itself? Especially Dalek's comment....Having watched a few episodes of Doctor Who today featuring Daleks, I'm left hearing Dalek Sek's(wow, word play I think there) bellowing IM-POSS-IBLE, DA-LEKS CAN-NOT BE A-RROUSED!
giggity?
As soon as i read Pavlov, my mind was full of piccolo from tfs dragon all z abridged screaming "Curse you Pavlov!"
So, this is furry furrism?
I don't even know anymore...
809202
Having sex with a mare who thinks she's a dog...
It's a twisted knot of fetishes.
Although I definitely wouldn't classify myself as a 'furry'
I'm just your average foot soldier in the steamy underbelly of Bronyism. 
Dark humor, oh how I've missed you.
809229 alright would you fuck screw loose in this condition but great story by the way
809718
Glad you like the story.
As far as Screw Loose goes, she's less talky and more animalistic than I like my mares to be.
This story... I stumbled upon this, and being unfazed by clop, thought to give it a shot. Four chapters later, I'm bizarrely into this. Not so much for the clop, but more because I'm starting to follow the characters. Personal hopes are to see the subtle notes of compassion between Shocker and Screw Loose develop more (even in a master/pet sort of way, it is oddly cute to see them growing fond of each other), and I think I'm on board with everypony else to see Straight Lace get some comeuppance. Really expecting to see a conflict of interest between he and Shocker at some point over this. Perhaps I'm just reading too far into it, since this is clop, which typically avoids "deep story" like a hippie avoids MSG, but I'm quite eager to see what happens!
809764 So is that a yes
You know, despite how dirty this is, I'm really starting to like Screw Loose. I think Shocker is too.
She's so cute!
809840
I can't write mindless clop, so it's nice to hear feedback on the deeper parts of the story. 
Rest assured, there's more in store for our favorite mental patient and her abusive relationship with her guards. 
Thanks for the comment!
the picture should say "I'm perfectly normal"
809924 I'm not entirely sure I would say "abusive". Unconventional for damn sure, but it seems to be getting less "abusive" as it goes. Effectively, you've made something incategorical here. Something that sits on the bylines of morality and normalcy, yet still couldn't be viewed as exactly "bad". So, congratulations on twisting that perspective of traditional "romance".
812172
Great observations!
Perhaps I was too hard on the guards. It is a perplexing romance, isn't it?
812229 Very.
At least with Shocker, it seems he's seeing something in it now, despite having began the tryst as basically a way to get off. He's viewing Screw Loose more as another pony now, although a very... eccentric one. 
Straight Lace, however, still seems to see her as just an easy lay, which I'm eager to see how that tension builds between the two friends later.
Fair to say, I read too much into things.
wtf man, gang rape of a mental patient in a bit much fuck O_o
i guess i am the only sane human who does not find this arousing or funny at all....this is worse then rape.....
this is not funny, not arousing and very wrong but i am still reading because its like a dark, sad, tragic tale......
814677
Different Strokes for different folks. Even if it's not your cup of tea, I still thank you for the feedback.
817152
I agree and concur that redundancy is pointless and unnecessary.
Fixed!
.....................................
“And I thought a ninja trying to steal my slippers would be the most exciting thing to happen to me at this hospital,” Crab Tree said...
i.qkme.me/35xef1.jpg
Very interesting. Keep writing
More, you glorious bastard, more! Also, you have inspired me to write a fic with Screw Loose as well. Maybe not a clopfic, but a fic nonetheless.
827450
Your avatar was a partial inspiration!
I haven't forgotten that you were the first one to comment on my most popular fanfic: Adventures of a Teenage Foalsitter.
Good luck with your own project! That sick puppy needs more love.