- Member Since 7th Oct, 2012
- offline last seen Nov 7th, 2022
Stormbringer
I write romance with intimacies, not clop. To my readers, I quote The Bard: “We who prologue-like your humble patience pray, Gently to hear, kindly to judge, our play.” (Henry V)
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Why did you kill fluttershy why
7291771 Things happen in life. Time takes us all. The story isn't done.
Great story, many interesting ideas :)
I would like to read a seq. ;)
7298318 There is a sequel in the works which will tie up the series and have an ending you might not expect (I've already written that part
).
PART ONE:
As I read these stories I keep in mind when they were written in relation to the television series timeline, and I must say I continue to be impressed with how well you create back stories to fill in the gaps that the writers left, some of those questions still being officially unanswered today. I admit I was surprised by Applejack's revelation here, but I think it fits well with the rest of the story and again reminds us that this sort of thing actually happens in reality. It is also a nice illustration that when someone is capable of limitless love, even a loveless act can produce something good and in fact priceless.
I was a bit apprehensive at first when I realized that this volume was going to be focused on the younger characters, but I was pleased to see that your integrity still shone through where other writers might have faltered. Though innocent and tempted to dive headlong into the world of adulthood, the adolescent characters dealt with their feelings in a very mature and commendable manner. I give you kudos for presenting their story in an endearing way that even made me feel a bit nostalgic and reminiscent of some of my own early crushes.
Also, congratulations on successfully continuing to keep me in suspense. I've been wondering what role Dawn Sparkle will play in the grand scheme of things. Being a skilled writer, you've given me just enough teasers to keep me reading into part two. This is exactly how one writes what is commonly known as a "page turner". Again, well done Sir.
I look forward to reading part two, but first I hear that you've finished your Bookends series...
PART TWO:
OR:
WHY WHY WHY
DID FLUTTERSHY DIE?
In my readings of your works up until now there have been events that have made me cringe -- namely the discovery of a pony skeleton beneath a boulder and a whirligig crash -- but I was able to accept these events as necessary to the stories as they played a major part in the overall plots. In this instance, however, I fail to see why this character needed to die in a contrived accident. I know the event was mentioned at one point when Twilight was feeling particularly melancholy regarding her foreseen future without her Muffins, but Twilight could have experienced those feelings regardless and in my opinion that scene could have played out just the same without having a character to have died. To me Fluttershy's death felt like what happens when an actor leaves a television show for whatever reason and the writers are instructed to contrive some sudden means for the character to die. It simply did not seem to have any relevance or necessity to the overall storyline. Granted, if you have a part five or sequel planned for the story in which the death will then play some major role I will then recant my disapproval. But as the story stands at this moment, I have to say that strictly from a writing standpoint Fluttershy's death seems like a bad move.
Speaking of sequels, it also feels to me that Dawn Sparkle has some more adventures ahead of her, perhaps alongside the now older children. I know the fact that she and Twilight will eventually be taking the places of the Two Sisters has already been established and for the moment resolved, but I think in terms of character development you've only touched the surface of this character. It also seems obvious that the story of Apple Bloom is far from over, so I look forward to finding out how that story arc will play out.
Aside from my disapproval of losing Fluttershy, overall this has been another good installment in the story and I look forward to reading more. No rush of course. As I've said elsewhere, I'm a firm believer that creativity can be inspired but not forced. Also, good things are worth the wait.
8381242
To tell the truth, I wanted there to be some taste of real life here. Yes Fluttershy is a beloved character, but fate doesn't take popularity into account when the yarn is cut. Often when things seem to be going great (getting ready for the wedding) things conspire to to throw things into perspective.
Yes there is another story to come. There will be other losses, but that has been stated already. Let's say that the entire arc is about three thousand years long. And the ending has been foreshadowed early in the first installment. I actually have the last chapter written, a habit of mine, it gives me a destination to shoot for, not that I haven't had to redo that last chapter before.
Aside from past hate mail about Fluttershy, I can only say; this was started before Magical Mystery Cure came out. So it is going to go down a totally different path.
Hang in there...
8381297
Previously I've said that I admire you for including tastes of reality in your writings and I continue to stand by such statements. I just feel that in writing fiction such tragedies should at least serve to perpetuate the overall story somehow, to lend some impetus to events and motivation to the characters. In this instance I just didn't feel that such was the case. If a later installment proves me wrong and this is part of a greater story arc, I will gladly admit that I was premature in my assessment.
Also, just for anyone reading this who does not know me, I just want to say that I try to give neither undeserved flattery nor unfounded criticism in my comments, just honest opinions. I'll be the first to admit that I don't know everything about anything and there's even a very slim chance that I might not always be right.
I really loved this chapter, it is the best so far but I just wanted to mention the it in this sentence doesn't seem to fit.
8442978
Diamond knew of her father's bigotry. She loves her family and doesn't feel right keeping secrets. But she wants to be with sweetie Belle and is torn between the two.
Another great series my friend. I enjoyed reading them
8444440
Um it's more the sentence doesn't make sense gramatically, I know what the sentence means but it might make more sense if it was more like she said "She had to think about it because she wasn't sure how to manage any issues that may arise with her friends and family, but she made sure to tell me she wasn't saying no either"
I love this story
So in this universe she is the good one
Also I believe Princess Celestia, Cadence and Princess Luna signing off on the paper
Well how would Filthy be able to fight against that, the rest of the board would turn on him
9223835
Thanks! Although grammar is fine for literature, I really don't know anyone who speaks with 'proper grammar' all the time. Perhaps the language is evolving or maybe we're all becoming lazy!
Having almost finished this series, I've noticed a consistent theme within this series. I don't know if you did it intentionally or not, but it shows a level of bias which is a bit concerning. I know who the story is about, and I know what it's about. But this is my problem...except for very rare occasions, stallions are depicted as monsters, unimportant, or not impressive. Consistently. Any time relations with stallions is brought up in this story it is just brushed off. Or the stallion is seen as a monster or unimportant. Or the idea of relationships with stallions is insignificant in the story. For example. You spent chapter after chapter talking about muffins and twilight, rarity and applejack, rainbow and pinkie, sweetie bell and diamond, even Lyra and bonbon. Fluttershy was given almost 0 dialog and no chapters of her own. She was the only 1 of the main 6 which was dating a stallion and then you killed her off. Big Mac and cheerilee are only briefly mentioned here and there. Wouldn't surprise me if you killed one of them off either. Stallions are given almost no consideration in your story except for the background. Which is fine, it's your story, but it's just something that I noticed throughout this series. And I assume through your other stories as well. Idk if it's intentional or not, but it's just something that I wanted to bring to your attention.
Again. They are your stories, and you can write whatever you want. Still great stories. but it would be nice to see stallions not just be throw away characters and actually have some sort of character development. The reason I bring it up is because while the stories are great, it's felt like something was missing in your stories.
Anyway keep up the good work.
9573553
Thanks for your comments. One problem is that if you look at the series, it is anywhere 6:1 or 10:1 females to male. Plus the main (mane) characters are all women except for a few that were added mostly after the stories were written.
With Fluttershy, I'll admit that (at the time) I didn't like writing about her. Plus her death was not to be a throwaway, but depiction that life is not always the way we want it to be, But in my later story: You Don't Have to Be Shy With Me I make her along with Twilight main characters.
I don't intend to cast the make in negative roles and later stories do have males as important parts of the story. It is just easier to cast the male as the heavy because they tend to be larger and stronger and the females not so much. Therefore it is the classic 'the weaker overcoming the strong'.
But thanks for caring enough to comment. I do appreciate honest feedback.
9573686
I hope my comment didn't come off as rude. Wasn't intended that way. As for the ratio, that's kind of the point, not enough male representation. Almost no in depth character development for male characters. Just, "heres a male character. Oay now we won't see or hear anything about you for 3 more chapters." I understand that the story isn't about them which is fine. It's just the depiction. The only males which are seen in a "good" light are the mostly the locals, twilight's dad, and her brother, and breaburn.(which aren't locals) and even then it is implied that sex with males is at the very least, disappointing. The rest of the male characters which aren't really talked about or referenced are basically monsters (Which they are). Apple Jacks rapist, and muffins ex husband. And spike has almost no speaking role whatsoever even though he lIves in the same house.
Just almost little upsetting I guess that there is no male representation.
Anyway. Still almost great story. Just wanted to throw in my 2 cents
9576231
Didn't take it as rude or 'snippy'. And I'm glad to get all feedback I can.
Believe me, I've had people who have no idea of the spirit of MLP:FIM and had no reason to be on this site. They believed that they were doing everyone a favor by tearing people's work down and making uncalled for judgments on the writers. While they had 0 stories of their own.
I guess with them it comes down to the old Zen saying:
Those who know, do not speak,
Those who speak, do not know.
And i'm not saying this about you. Knowledge of Egyptian gods is impressive in this day and age. As a doctor of theology, I had to learn such things. Bravo to you, my friend.
9576260
Not trying to tear anyone down, no worries. I've watched almost every episode except the last couple seasons. Got too busy with other things.
Egyptian gods? Sorry, trying to figure out what this is in reference to because I don't think my comment said anything about Egyptian gods lol.
I am so sorry, I was answering 2 different comments on two different stories. Okay, I'm old, sue me!
9576304
No worries lol. Just confused me. So I just finished the last chapter. Okay. I know that this series is an older one and not really worth changing at this point but...
A few suggestions. More grammatical than plot wise.
1. It would be nice to have some sort of indication when the story changes to someone elses perspective. Something like ~/)•••••(\~ or something else. You get the idea.
2. Proofreader or proofread yourself to catch the spelling mistakes and sentences which don't make much sense.
3. Language for the characters. Some of it just seemed way out of place for the characters. Calling someone love, or dear, or dearest, ect, every other sentence just isn't realistic.
4. I understand using a different language for when zecora and apple bloom speak but it kindof breaks the flow of the story.
Anyway. You already know my other criticism of the story. Still a great story. Just some finishing details would be nice.
this single sentence explains so much about pinkie
honestly, pinkie with magic is terrifying.
is that a reference?
lesson zero if I recall
I'm just gonna say it now, I can't believe I wait this long to read it and longer to get this far, definitely one of my all-time favorite stories as of now.
my favorite scene was when twilight and muffins shared their memories , can't wait to finish
you can fuck off now /s
like I said before, this is probably my all-time favorite story, and I'm betting there will not be anything like this for a while. I'm gonna check out another one of your story now
im confused is the whole event a time loop