• Member Since 29th Sep, 2015
  • offline last seen March 9th

Crescent Minor


I loved writing fiction and songwriting, and I still do, but I've hit a long slump. I'll use my newly-found love of ponies to get back on my creative hooves, so to speak.

E
Source

Rainbow, in a reversal of the usual pattern, comes to Fluttershy late at night because she's afraid to be alone. Something she saw on TV scared her so badly that, as much as her pride demands otherwise, she needs somepony to reassure her. The first pony she'd trust for that is her oldest friend.

Just a spur-of-the-moment one shot, getting some feelings out. I saw a scary movie and I couldn't sleep ... so I wrote a story instead of sleeping. :applejackconfused: My whole sleep schedule is boned now ... but maybe someone else who saw something scary and can't sleep now will like it.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 22 )

This was a great little story! I loved seeing the usual roles between the two flipped for a change! Especially when the flip is realistic! :yay:
Plus I can completely feel with you and Dash here, believe you me I've had my fair share of spooks from things a lot of other people don't. Especially poor Dash, I've had nightmares about that exact kind of thing, the needing help and people are right there but no matter how hard you scream they can't hear you... buh.. :raritydespair:
Very well told story, with very good characterization! ! :raritywink:

7226138
Thanks, I'm really glad you like it! I wasn't planning on making the characterization fit at first; I mostly just intended to use Rainbow as a mouthpiece, but as I thought about it, I figured that this actually might be something that would happen with her. So I went back over it and fixed the dialogue.
Good to hear I'm not alone on getting freaked out by unusual things. The first really bad scare I had came from an episode of Arthur when I was eight. I couldn't sleep alone for months. I've gotten a little better at handling that feeling since then, but it still sucks. I thought of that specific nightmarish scenario by speculating what Rainbow might be really afraid of. We've seen in the show she hates being left out or feeling ignored, so I took that to its frightening extreme.
Thanks for commenting!

I have had lots of kids cartoons disturb me for a few weeks. My head kept visualizing the episode driving me crazy so I couldn't sleep. So I can empathize with this story.

You seem to have an affinity for esoteric words, which isn't a problem in and of itself, but if you're not careful, they can make your writing feel clunky. For example:

In such a soporific atmosphere,

This doesn't feel right, in my opinion. 'Soporific' just doesn't carry the same baggage with it that, say, 'drowsy' does. It's too uncommon to have the same character that other, more common words do (if that makes any sense).

With that aside, there were some parts of this story that reminded me of an experience I had today while watching videos of people BASE jumping with wingsuits. Every time these flyers would come close to the ground, I couldn't help but picture the pain and suffering they might go through if they crashed, and how they would be have only a split second to come to terms with the end of their consciousness. And after a while, even the mountains themselves started to give me anxiety because of how large and imposing they were (turns out I have megalophobia) which made me want to move into a hobbit hole and avoid the world altogether until my inevitable death of natural causes.

So yeah... In a manner of speaking, I've been there.

7242413
Yeah. For me, it can get to the point where I'm afraid to try new shows, just in case it means coming across something like that. It can spoil a show for me; this is why I don't watch the Simpsons anymore.

7242462
I guess you're right about the word choice. Maybe the word 'sedate' wouldn't break the immersion so much.
And, yeah, sometimes hiding a hole and waiting for death sounds like a good idea.

“It was. It was awful. What kind of sick horse puts something like that in a foal’s cartoon? That’s not funny. That’s not cool.”

“It’s not.”

“You shouldn’t be allowed to put nasty stuff like that in a show for foals. If it was a horror movie, I’d get it, because that’s supposed to be scary and everypony expects it to be scary. But you put it in a funny, happy little cartoon, that’s just not right.” Rainbow turned to Fluttershy with an angry look. “You know? It’s like putting some really nasty gore in the middle of a Golden Horseshoe picture book. That’s just mean. What kind of pony does that?”

So... relatable... :fluttershysad:
don't... cry... :fluttercry:

Oh, Buck it! :raritydespair:

Good work, and a wonderful message.

No matter how old you are, you are never to old to need company when you're scared, or when you need to cry.

I love it.

I also love the non-shipping love shown here: being able to write that well is a rare talent indeed. :heart:

7302664
I'm surprised how many people say they can relate to getting scared by ostensible 'kid's stuff'. I really thought I was just being too sensitive. But evidently, it happens more than I thought, and people just don't talk about it. I know I've lied about having seen a 'horror movie' before. Thanks for commenting; I think this sort of thing should be okay to talk about.
And, hey, thanks for the compliment! I do my best.

7303489
Well, you did good. And I try to always acknowledge good works.

When I was 11, I could watch Lord of the Rings with no problem, but I got scared by something on Ninjago. :ajbemused:
I guess the reason the stuff on kid's shows can be scarier than on more "intense" tv is because you're not expecting it. And that, combined with the fact that you can relate, can make it really freaky for all people, no matter the age. I like that you pointed this out, if subtly. :twilightsmile:

Loved this story.

Awww... that was really cute. It goes to show not every good story has to be a sweeping epic. If it makes you feel better, as much as I enjoyed it, I was a little disturbed the first time I read Rainbow Factory (guess that's why I poked a little fun at the idea :unsuresweetie:)

7427170
Oh, it's certainly disturbing. For me, though, Rainbow Factory had been built up so much as a tentpole of Brony culture that when I actually read it, I was kind of disappointed. It's such a great, terrifying idea, and it called for better execution. The writing was not the best, and the gore didn't feel earned. I mean, he just broke a little kid's ribs for no reason at all. And Rainbow Dash as the leader of the Factory was not even made plausible, just foaming-at-the-mouth insane. If she'd been more like herself, it actually would've been much scarier. In terms of horror, I put it on the level of Nightmare on Elm Street 4. The writer's later work, Pegasus Device, is significantly better, though I haven't finished reading it yet. That thing is LONG.
But. Anyway. I'm glad you liked this story. It's not my most polished piece, but I'm quite proud of it.

7427249 I understand your position on RF, but personally, given related hype, I was more disappointed by Cupcakes. It was mainly the writing style making it difficult to get past the grammar problems and get into the story. I've heard, though, that it wasn't originally written in English, so it may be more "poor translation" than "poor writing".

Is the Adentures of X-marks a parody of the X-men?
I get where Rainbow is coming from. When you make something that's supposed to be a nice kids show into something gory and uncalled for, it's incredibly unsettling. It's not supposed to be that way. *cough* MLP creepy pastas *cough*
And really, putting something horrible into an innocent show can ruin it. In fact, whenever you see the show you'll be reminded of the unsettling thing related to it. At least for quite a while..:pinkiesick:
That being said, I can relate to this story and Rainbow having a softer side as well. :pinkiesmile:
My comments aren't usually this long,:eeyup:
I like this, have a fav.:twilightsmile:

7625170
It's good to hear this resonates with you. Thanks for the watch!

7627542 heh. Yeah.:rainbowderp:
Ur welcome.:pinkiesmile:

I love it! I love everything about this story! The role reversal and sisterly love between Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. The relateable yet often unexplored subject matter. It's all GREAT! :pinkiehappy:

Sorry to say, I've never been so freaked out by a cartoon... or anything really (I'm hard to scare person. I might get startled or even be kept up at night for a few extra hours, but I've never been in this kind of 'hold me until the monsters go away' type of mood), but I completely understand. Nothing to be ashamed of. Besides, even if I'm not particularly terrified by it, sometimes kids cartoons can be scarier than horror movies. I mean, watch Child's Play and then watch the Night on Bald Mountain skit from Fantasia and tell me which was scarier (my money's on Chernabog).

Sooo, yeah. Great story! :yay:

8141955
Hey, thanks! I was writing about something that happens to me a lot, but that I just never hear anyone talk about. I'm glad you found it so believable.

I love it! Showing a situation of love and affection, without an immediate need to reference romance or familial bonds. Nothing wrong with those things of course, half of what I write involves one or both, but I like folks writing about the things that basically give friendship meaning. A while back, the idea of friendship and love being the exact same thing, wasn’t so foreign to us. I like stories that remind me of that.

8219608
Hey, thanks. That was sort of the point, mostly because it’s one of the driving forces behind the source material. Friendship is when people matter deeply to you, and that doesn’t have to depend on if you’re related or romantically involved.
Thanks for reading; you didn’t have to do that. I’ll read that story of yours in return, of course.

I liked this exchange between the two. I think you should keep writing. :pinkiesmile:

Huh. Can't say a cartoon has ever scared me....

But I can relate. To both ponies. I have seen things that chased all thoughts of sleeping from me, and I have had nightmares.

I, um, remember one really bad one not too long ago that um...drove me to flee into my parents' room immediately, where I slept in the floor the rest of the night.

And yes, I'm 25...:facehoof:

(Yes, I still live at home. I help run our farm...can't leave all the hard work to my parents now can I?)

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