• Member Since 7th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen 18 hours ago

CrimsonEquine


Improvement is a dire mistress.

Comments ( 27 )

The fuck did I just read?

God no. Please.

This needs to be featured.

If you didn't get cancer from this you're clearly not doing it right.

O shit waddup

O shit waddup!

"Celestia we need your help! We can't stop it! It's going to destroy all of Equestria! It-"

"Here comes Dat Boi!"

"oh shit waddup"

"IT'S TOO LATE RUN FOR YOUR-"

Not dank enough for me. :trixieshiftright:

I love this comment section.
I love how this story is almost 50:50 in like:dislike and popular at the same time.
I dislike how I have to thumb it down to maintain that.

"Oh my pink posterior, why did Mr. Cake let me sleep outside in the dirt", cried Pinkie Pie in a angry state.

I liked this bit. It made me think of the child from sponge bob. "But I don't like tapioca!" whined the child-fish. "Then why did you order it!??!" yelled the frustrated, driving, father-fish.

Then, she started rolling with DAT BOI, to which she owed to her new existence.

And then there was a totally unexplained transformation-on-sight. It is actually a fairly horrifying thought, and it is handled with quite a bit of cheer. I liked that. I also liked the idea of "rolling" with datboi, on the grounds that his horrifying silliness reminds me of the pointless but legitimately deadly bluster of teenage gangsters. It was funny. Then, there was a big fat grammar error. The usage of "which" is acceptable, on the grounds that you might be trying to imply that DAT BOI is not a person and, as such, "who" and "whom" don't apply to him. However, you say "owed to her" right after that. The word "to" does not belong there, which makes me think that you didn't actually either pay enough attention or understand grammar well enough to pull off the whole "who vs which" thing which I had thought was clever.

with their powerful magics

I would think you were being cute, but this just comes off as childish because you have legitimately been childish for the rest of the fic.

the Royal Door,

I liked that part. That part looked like a joke. I appreciated it when I read it.

The whole romance bit was totally skipped because I didn't really think you had any little jokes waiting for me other then "kisses are gross if I write them grossly." Here, let me go back and read it to check. ... No. There was no joke at all, just straight desperate romance. It was token and boring and you just kind of brushed right past it like it wasn't the point, so I will treat it like it wasn't the point too.

A sudden explosion came forth and destroyed everything around them, except.

No.
I want that to be my full statement, but I have to clarify that I am talking about the punctuation.

The explosion wasn't going as according to plan as it should have been.

Oh, and the next sentence has even worse grammar. This...this could have been funny, but I just had a kind of disappointed reaction. It was bad. This part is bad.

"ALLU ACKBAR!"

That could be funny. A lot of this could be funny. This is a fairly ignorant, mlg, inappropriate thing to say. I like those kinds of things, quite often.

Not this time


Ok, so, if you are going for intentionally stupid, grammar issues allover the place... then you could have really tried harder with that? Like, have you ever seeeeeeeeen a lol-cat? Intentionally silly errors need to be a bit more flamboyant and also cute if you can manage that. Most importantly, I shouldn't have to wonder if it was just a mistake.

If you are going for memes, the same kind of rule applies. Like, ok, the topic is a meme and you said alahuackbar(boom), but that's just two jokes sitting in the middle of what SEEMS that it is supposed to be a silly-apocalypse, but... it isn't. It isn't really treated as being all that silly.

So, yeah. Your tone is uncomfortable and keeps changing which is not bad, but it really isn't suited to this kind of comedy.

That's it, Boys. Or should I say bois...
This story is the very pinnacle of human civilization: the ultimate form of the ultimate meme. It's all downhill from here.
Kudos. It was an honor serving with you all.

O shit boi you memed too hard

7214587
He bout to roll out on these fuckbois

Hello Darkness, my old friend. O SHIT WADDUP!

Yet another shitfic from a talentless newfag. Wouldn't be surprised if you turned out to be a summerfag as well.

7242908
Woah, look at this guy.

7242908 what a productive comment :twilightsmile:

O SHIT WADDUP

7242908 OH SHIT WADUP

WATCH HIM ROLLING WATCH HIM GO
WATCH HIM ROLLING WATCH HIM GO
HE BE ROLLIN' DOWN THE STREET
HE BE ROLLIN' TO THE BEAT

7242908
Wow! You're a dick!

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