Starlight Glimmer has won, making Equestria into the perfect world, where you never get picked on, where everypony is the same with no differences what so ever. But there are still some ponies who still are different, only four left.
A hot headed pegasus know simply as Rainbow Dash, an adventurist pegasus know as Daring Do, a small orange pegasus filly known as Scootaloo and an unicorn with very little spells known as Twilight Sparkle.
Starlight Glimmer wants these four found and make them just like everypony else, there will not be different any longer, with the four wanting to take back Equestria out of Starlight Glimmer hooves.
(Takes place in the Starlight Glimmer future)
Chapters (1)
Wow...
There were LOTS of grammar mistakes...
...But Fuck that! this fic was great!
Someone should introduce ponies to the advantages of fast-acting poisons.
Cyanide comes to mind... as does tetrodotoxin. They never see it coming.
6924143 Thanks I guess
But what happened to Starlight a month later?
6924373 Jail, she went to jail.
I... I really don't know what to say.
Part of me is reminding me of my own writing past, yanking on my arm and leading me down the Gallery of Shame. You know the one, with all the overpowered, Marty Stu OCs that seem to pop up during puberty, that have about as much characterization and effort put into them as a background NPC quest giver. The best thing to do is encourage the writer, help him or her get better because, after all, they've actually done something and written it, shared it with the world.
The other half of me is tearing at me, screaming about how my eyes are bleeding. This story reads like somebody put a fanfic through Google Translate a dozen times and posted the result. Grammar is hinted at, but the occasional correct sentence only crushes my hopes when the next two meander between tenses. Punctuation, as well as characterization and plot, seems to have been brutally murdered in a back alley, and its gory remains can occasionally be seen dotting the page.
I want to like it, really, I do. It has promise, but needs to be polished and severely needs to be proofread.
I love the story, but I found it extremely hard to read. I'd suggest you find someone to proofread you stories for errors.
But good job! it great!
Howdy!
I'm the story approver from 'Starlight Glimmer' and, unfortunately, I'll have to reject this story. Why? Well... Yes, it does has Starlight as main character, but we can't accept a story with such grammar problems. This, as already said, needs to be polished. If you find a editor and this story is edited, you can submit this story again, if you so wish.
Ehh... The grammar isn't as bad as the comments led me to believe, but still pretty bad. What really makes this fic suffer is the repetitive and non-descriptive prose, the stilted dialogue, and the excessively fast pacing. Don't be afraid to get a proofreader, OP. English is apparently not your first language, so a proofreader who speaks it natively will work wonders for you.
I like the premise, though. "Villain wins" fics are usually interesting, if only because sugary-sweet Equestria isn't the best setting for interesting conflict, and I kinda wish there were more of them.
someone make this in to its own tbc but with her failing by trying to make races without cutie marks equal or have her meet the Cybermen the ultimate form of equality.
Becides grammar (As everyone seems to be pointing out), the story was great. I enjoyed it, and would like to see a continuation. Maybe where Starlight escapes, perhaps? Otherwise, keep up the good work!
6927842 nah, Daleks would make things more interesting. Or more destructive. Or maybe have Starlight "Upgrade" everypony to cyberponies or Daleks perhaps?
7020400 daleks see them selfs above everything else and kill it for being weaker in there eye(daleks only have one) they are not equality incarnated but intolerance xenophobia and hate incarnated.(they will kill other nonpure daleks, that's not equal)
7020640 Kinda went into this a bit too much, but I think I've proven a point
That is true, but they were created by Davros as a way to ensure the survival of the Kelads. Maybe Starlight would've done the same, but on the basis that everypony was equal.
Saying that, Cyberponies seem more logical. But how does one make 3 species of pony equal? I mean, Pegasi can fly and Unicorns can perform a few spells. How do you make it fair on the Earth Ponies? Surely upgrading them to Cyberponies wouldn't make them equal, unless the upgrade made them be all Earth Ponies? Even then, what if a Unicorn was to become an Earth Pony, but then be incompatable as they are forced to be somepony they wern't born to be? So Dalek-based change would be better in that respect.
Also, Dalek-based upgrades would be great stategically. Think of it thia way: Cyberponies would be good, but would have little attack power in comparason to a Dalek-based Upgrade.
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7023969 the daleks had higher ranking daleks like the cult of skaro and the emperor so they are not all equal and I think it said somewhere the new version of the Cybermen can turn anything in to one so they are equal, someone just look up the Cybermen on the wiki or somewhere I have things I need to do.
7024092 I get bored.
7024297 However, you could then say that about the Cybershades in Doctor Who being lower than the actual Cybermen.
7026866 the daleks where made to allow the kala to survive nuclear destruction and most new daleks made with humans had tons of people killed just to make one pure dalek how will starlight make them one when they are the Kala's ultimate mutated form, she would make something else and the answer to your earlyrelease comment to how she would make unicorns and Pegasi equal to earth ponies is the simple fact the all you need to be a Cyberman is a brain nothing more.
p.s I do think that daleks are far cooler but I'm using the more logical choice as they literally say in doomsday "you will become identical, you will become like us" that sounds like equality.
Witch timeline was the timeline where Starlight Glimmer won, again?
7034125 Well it hard to say which timeline she won in since the show never showed it, it'll be right before the destroyed one, having Equestria destroy my her hoove or before Tirek and after Discord.
I just wrote it, when it takes place is sort of not important seeing Twilight never visits that timeline
Sorry I don't see how starlight could have ever ruled as a queen. Despite her equal spell I never bought she would be able to take over equestria, despite how she rediculously managed to somehow match twilight in their duel in the episode
I would say this rule would have lasted a month before the next threat came and she would be helpless to stop them
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Ruling Equestria never was her goal. Ever.
Plus there is nothing wrong with Starlight being more powerful than Twilight. If Starswirl can do it, so can Starlight.
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Actually there is, I never saw starswirl as mroe powerful than twilight just more knowledgable and experienced
Plus if the alicorns are supposed to have the strengths and stronger of the three tribes, I never saw hwo she could be able to overpower an alicorn without some sort of fancy artefact
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Plus saying ruling equestria wasn't her goal would hold more weight if she didn't declare herself queen in this story
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Season 7 finale confirms Starswirl is more powerful. Unless you want ro argue against canon.
Plus, it doesn't say anywhere that Alicorns are necessarily more powerful. That was a fan made assumption.
I mean, in canon, Starlight never wanted to rule.
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Well I still not sure about that and I still don't think starlight could be more powerful than any alicorn, perhaps just knowing how to use her spells as good
Finally.
Damn, even with everything back to normal she still didn’t win.
Not bad. It did remind of Sonic SatAM a couple of times. The story was okay for something dark, but I feel like there were several moments where the story just felt a bit rushed, especially near the end, but overall, it wasn’t a bad story and was a good first attempt to get back into writing.
adsiijkasd flutters got hitched within a month?? kjhoads girl i dont think ur relationship was going to last even without the take over