Never Mind the Paperwork, Here's Celestia
"Celestia, may I posit an officious remark?"
"When you word it like that, Luna, I'm tempted to say no," Celestia said without looking up from her document. "What's on your mind?"
"As usual, me and Cadance have been talking about you when you aren't around, and we have grown considerably concerned about something."
Celestia looked up from her paperwork this time, only to narrow her eyes at Cadance, who threw up her hooves in a "she wasn't supposed to say that first part" gesture. With an annoyed blow to get her hair out of her eyes, Celestia looked back to her document without a word.
"See! Behold!" Luna reached across the table and wrenched the entire manila envelope towards her.
"Hey! I was looking at that!" Celestia snarled with uncharacteristic hostility.
"Have you not noticed that you are literally eternally doing paperwork, Celly?" Luna shot back. "And you're always super grumpy afterwards! You're like... like, me when I'm not allowed my beauty sleep."
"Actually Luna, you just get really narcissistic when you're tired," Cadance mused. "It's an interesting phenomenon."
"Well, whatever! Point is, she needs to stop!"
"Yes, I must," Celestia drawled sarcastically. "Heavens forbid I review this farmer's loan request and attempt to help him save his livelihood."
"We're not doubting its importance, Auntie," Cadance said.
"Yeah!" Luna agreed. "We're questioning your sanity."
Cadance brought a hoof to her snout. "I swear, Luna. You're like, an anti-conversationalist."
"The point is, she does an uncanny amount of paperwork! Every second she is not the focus of an event, she's doing paperwork instead."
"If you two are done hounding me, I would like some silence to focus," Celestia reached out and snatched her manilla envelope out of Luna's grasp, cracking it viciously before her.
"Y'know, I'd bet if we cut her, she'd bleed ink," Luna mumbled to Cadance.
"Please do not cut me, Luna," Celestia said without dropping her envelope.
"It was hypothetical! A hypothetical cut!"
"Well, if you keep distracting me, you'll make me give myself a very real papercut."
Luna responded with a wordless grumble and looked to Cadance for help.
"Luna, this is a wild suggestion," Cadance began. "But... since you are so irritated by Celestia's perpetual paperwork, wouldn't it make sense if you, like... helped her with it?"
"No!" Celestia and Luna both abruptly shouted the word, in perfect tandem.
"Absolutely not," Luna added.
"Out of the question."
Cadance blinked. "Am I missing something?"
"I neither understand Celestia's politics, nor have any desire to learn."
"Once, I gave Luna the responsibility of 'balancing our books' and she set off to the library with a scale."
Cadance blinked again. "Luna. Are you telling me you are the diarch of the nation and you have no clue how its politics work?"
"You sound as though you are accusing me of something, dear niece."
"Nope. Just perplexed. And a little horrified."
"Oh, you're in no position to judge," Luna returned. "Last I checked, experience with babysitting and brainwashing isn't the same as experience with ruling a city."
Cadance opened her mouth to respond sharply, but closed it again.
"That's actually a good point," she conceded. "I guess it's a good thing we make Aunt Celly do everything, then."
"Hm," Celestia said. "It is a marvelous thing. At least Cadance has the excuse of having a child to care for. Luna, you're just lazy."
"Hey! I—I mean first off, rude," Luna sputtered. "Second of all, I'm not lazy. I'm merely perpetually disinterested. What is all this stuff, anyways?" Luna moved to grab another one of Celestia's file folders once more, but Celestia was quick to slam her hoof down onto it.
"They're trade negotiations," she said. "And I don't need your syrup coated hooves all over them."
"Trade negotiations..." Luna repeated. "What does that mean?"
"It means, I am negotiating trade," Celestia said. "Important trade. With the dragon empire."
"Oh! How's that going?!" Cadance perked up.
"Surprisingly swimmingly," Celestia said. "I mean, beyond the fact that their princess has formerly requested Twilight stop using Spike as a medium to send her letters. Apparently she's breaking some dragon honor custom that neither her nor Spike were aware of."
"Huh," Cadance said. "So what are you trade negotiating with them?"
"'Trade negotiating' is neither a noun nor a verb." Celestia rolled her eyes.
"That's not an answer though, Auntie," Cadance persisted.
"Yeah, you said it was important!" Luna added. "What are we sending that is important?"
Celestia hid a blush by lifting another envelope in front of her. "If I said it, it would undermine its definite importance. Just take my word when I say future peace could depend on it."
"Congratulations, sis," Luna prodded. "You've only made us more curious. What's the super important thing we're trading for peace? A bomb?"
Cadance choked a little as she took a sip of her cappuccino. "She says peace and the first thing you think of is a bomb?!"
"Well, blame her for not telling us!" Luna pointed an accusing hoof at Celestia. "As your fellow princesses, we have the right to know!"
"Fine." Celestia let out a long breath from her nose.
"It's pillows."
Cadance and Luna stared.
"The dragons have a shortage of pillows," Celestia elaborated.
"Pillows," Luna repeated, looking shell-shocked. "Pillows for peace."
"I assure you it is both vitally important, and makes perfect sense within proper context."
"So. To summarize..." Cadance was grinning despite her best efforts not to. "You are grumpy and stressed due to burnout involving pillow negotiations."
"Yes." Celestia sunk her head into her hooves. "What even is my life? Goddess-damned trade negotiations."
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…Can't really blame Ember for wanting pillows. Sleeping on rocks all the time has gotta be uncomfortable, with or without tough dragon-y scales.
Pillows are important
7173650 Actually... depending on your sources, dragons find that sleeping on hard/lumpy objects is comfortable because it is the only thing they can feel through their tough scales. Hence their sleeping on their hordes.
Collins, Andy, Skip Williams, and James Wyatt. Draconomicon:. Renton, WA: Wizards of the Coast, 2003. Print.
7173674 You... you actually cited your sources.
You're the hero every comment section needs.
7173684 I had the sudden urge to cite something while posting my comment. It simply means I have had too many english classes while working on my degree. I also had to deliberate on whether it would be more appropriate to use MLA or APA...
I like that term, "default idle animation". I'm going to have to use that more often, it just work for so many things. ^^
so funny
She can start delegating a bunch of the paperwork to Twilight. Or assign Twilight to streamline the system.
7173674 The only reason for a pillow would be for, oh I don't know, a love nest....
Not one but two chapters in a week!?
Such times we live in
7173754
Twilights library organization system works entirely in her head, no one wants actual important stuff filed in such a manner
hehehe, Just finished catching up (like that's a great feat
) and I already love this. Faved 
7173998 Thanks alot dude. Glad you 're enjoying.
Ain't it sad when pillow talk becomes a chore
FUCKING Phantom Menace....
formally
One thing I'd like to know;
Will there eventually be an end? Like eventually it evolves into an overarching storyline? Or will it always be random slice of life?
Conjecture: Zayn Malik is a dragon.
7174336 If there will be, I've yet to think of one.
As long as I'm interested in this story, it'll keep updating. I can see that lasting for awhile, because this story is not only incredibly freaking easy to write, it also serves as a good little buffer to continuously come back to when I'm writing chapters to my other really somber stories.
Overarching, lengthy story-lines may happen, but I really don't have any clue what they would be. If they do exist, they'd be presented as background noise to another topic.
If I'm allowed to be frank; this story exists because it's fun and easy to write. Simple vignettes starring characters I like and enjoy writing about and exploring. I never would have imagined it would steal a place in the featured box from better stories every time it updates, but it still remains fun and easy to write so I don't feel like stopping.
Unless, like, I start getting death threats or something.
7174476 If you run out of inspiration from one coffee shop, there are always other shops to inspire different perspective views from different characters in the people world.
You should have put something in about there being a feather shortage because Fluttershy doesn't want chickens plucked and there are not enough Pegasus prisoners to pluck to make up the shortfall.
Of course Celestia's default idle is 'trade negotiations,' Hollywood's default version of a relatable and average job is 'advertising executive who just got given a multimillion dollar contract.'
Don't you know ANYTHING about making sure a character is identifiable to the layman? Jeez..
Heavy is the head that wears the crown.
That's why the pillows are a big deal.
Well Luna is thinking like way too much of the world there when she thought of bombs being traded for peace. The mentality that the only way to have peace is to have equal or greater weapons than everyone else. Also describes why there seems to be perpetual wars, but that logic is very prevalent in the international politics arena.
7173674 I have that book! =D
Also yeah, trade negotiations suck
7175293 I think the reference is on page 18. Top right corner-ish.
The time skips are worse than doctor who
I have server doubts Luna would not know any politics. For one, she wouldn't be a princess if she didn't. Another reason is her micro comic shows she does well dealing with problems. However I do find this chapter still gets Luna's personality correct because she's more of a action oriented person and a person of action does not sit well with paper work (which was part of the previously mentioned micro comic).
What I'm saying is Luna does know politics but prefers action over documentation.
I've been following this story for about twenty chapters, and I enjoyed each one. But this chapter, I don't know why, this chapter made me finally decide to favorite this story. Well written sir.
7175858 Mhm, I exaggerated that bit for the sake of comedy, but regardless I've always written Luna as more of a "laser first ask questions later" character who solves problems as quickly as possible while Celestia prefers careful, calculated consideration, and using other pony's advantages to bring about an end ideal for as many ponies as possible.
Both styles have their pros and cons, which makes them function well as co-rulers, even if they sometimes get under each other's skin because of it.
7176019 Hey, thanks alot man. I'm really glad you enjoyed.
7176713 Four months later and somebody finally gets the joke.
I feel like hugging you but alas that is impossible.
And suddenly two jedi show up and blow up the trade negothathions starting a war whoever gets wat im sayimg gets a cookie
7179637 Uh, I think one side of that particular argument you're referencing specifically had no interests in the negotiations.
7179637
I believe those are called Aggressive Negotiations.
Reviewing a loan for a farmer? Unless that farmer is Applejack, the true question is: Have Celestia ever heard of delegation?
Preach.
7174476
IF YOU DONT KEEP WRITING THIS STORY I WILL HAVE YOU SLAIN
What now its a death threat to keep writing
what
now
OHSNAP
Why not delegate some of these jobs to Twilight? She could take off a part of the work load and Celestia can trust her.
7207151
.. i dunno. Twi would likely go full-crazy mode over her fear of not meeting Celestia's non-existant high expectation and accidentaly a war or ten.
There is nothing I can say that can make this any better. This is fucking amazing. I am going to steal that line.
7229094 Let's put it on a shirt.
Cue me laughing like an idiot at another chapter of this story...
This has gotta be the funniest chapter so far.
And this has gotta be the best line:
I mean, her idle animation could be hoovering cake.
To be fair, a bomb COULD be a very effective peace-keeping method.
Depending on how powerful it is... and as long as it's set off by a trigger.., and sent with a message that says: "If you ever try to start a war with us, this bomb will blow you all up".
7407739 Send it back
Awesome chapter well done! :D
7376877
I keep seeing Metal Gear Solid everywhere... I wanna play it.
That's hilarious...!
MY default idle animation of Celestia is a Princess of Benevolent Days who is absolutely NOT a "morning person". Frequently, anything Cely is about to get into usually has her and Luna in the breakfast nook of the kitchen of their Royal Apartments, just after the Celestial Bodies exchange places. Luna is sipping delicately at decaf exotic lattes or cappuccino, while Celestia, still clad in housecoat or bathrobe, fuzzy pink slippers upon her feet, is plowing through ghastly amounts of augmented caffeinated french vanilla with enough sucrose in it to give Pinkie Pie hoofsprings...
Interesting dichotomies...
Crystalheart
7173674
At the risk of sounding pedantic:
It's “hoards”, not “hordes”. The latter denotes a huge mass of people (e.g.: “the Mongol hordes”)
Ya know, my idea of Celestia's idle animation is sitting on her throne looking pretty while idiots bring in stupid requests that she most likely would turn down.
7851224
WATER THOSE?