• Published 14th Feb 2016
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Awful Lot of Coffee in Equestria - NorrisThePony



A collection of Celestia, Luna, and Cadance's cynical conversations over coffee.

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Awful Lot of Soda In Equestria

"So," Cadance put down the beverage menu. "Coke or Pepsi?"

"I earnestly do not care one way or another."

"Wow, Aunt Celly," Cadance grinned. "Who pissed in your cornflakes?"

"I apologize. I simply do not like either. They are like if monopolization had a taste. Plus, those drinks are dreadfully unhealthy."

"Is this the part where you recommend your favourite Oolong?" Cadance jokingly retorted. "Surely you have at least a leaning preference?"

"I suppose I can appreciate the sweeter taste of Pepsi, but after drinking it for any length of time it begins to feel... caustic."

What about you, Luna?"

"I remember the former from our night out last week, but I admit I am unfamiliar with 'Pepsi."'

Cadance facehoofed. "Different coke, Luna."

Celestia looked up in surprise, giving the two a narrowed glare.

"Here, try this," Cadance hastily slid her glass of Coke over to Luna before Celestia could speak.

Luna prodded the glass with a hoof, shrugged, and sipped a little of the beverage within.

"Oh my!" she exclaimed the moment the fizzy liquid touched her tongue, her words distorted by the swishing liquid still in her mouth. "The Coke! It is attacking my tongue!"

"Then drink it, genius!" Cadance barked, ignoring Celestia's triumphant smile.

After a pregnant pause and another calmer sip, Luna frowned introspectively. "An interesting beverage indeed. And The Pepsi... it is a similar drink?"

"It's the exact same," Celestia offered.

"Oh, hush, Auntie. Let Luna decide."

An order later, and Luna was sipping from a blue and red can, while Cadance and Celestia were engaged in a vicarious debate.

"I am telling you," Celestia was saying. "They are the same. Literally. It's simply a placebo effect caused by flashy can-design."

"Then explain why ponies so frequently choose one over the other during blind taste tests!"

"Alright, fine. One is slightly different. But when will a pony ever taste the two side by side in a typical daily situation?"

"Aside from three idiots in a café with nothing better to do?" Cadance grinned. "What do you think, Luna? Coke or Pepsi?"

Pursing her lips in introspective silence, Luna set down the can and stood staring at both fizzing drinks.

"The entire debate is skewed," Luna said, after a moment's consideration.

"What?" Cadance blinked.

"Truthfully! The Pepsi shall overtake The Coke every time in a short-term taste test. The Pepsi is sweeter and more citrusy. It has less fizz, which means initial sips provide more flavour. It is as though the drink is designed to win these arbitrary taste tests, which do a poor job reflecting the overall enjoyment of the product considering nopony simply opens a soda and fails to drink the whole thing. It seems to me like ordering off-brand, non-corporate labelled cola would mean getting a more unique beverage, instead of one catered to performing well on a baseless popularity test."

Silence.

"Seriously Luna," Cadance facehoofed again. "How are you so adept at ruining the fun of every debate we have? I prefer hipster off-brand Root Beer. That's all you had to say. I mean honestly. Did you make sure to cite your sources, too?"

"Your sarcasm is no match for my intellect!" Luna exclaimed victoriously. "You both need to dump out your degenerate caffeinated beverages, anyways. Tea and soda? Bah! There can be only one caffeinated beverage to rule them all!"

Luna's coffee mug soared into the air triumphantly, soaking both Celestia and Cadance with the cooling brown liquid within.

Author's Note:

Y'all can blame FamousLastWords for this one.

The best solution, by the way, is mixing all of the pop together at the fountain. That shit is good yo.

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