• Published 14th Feb 2016
  • 17,359 Views, 1,800 Comments

Awful Lot of Coffee in Equestria - NorrisThePony



A collection of Celestia, Luna, and Cadance's cynical conversations over coffee.

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Goodbye Horses, I'm Flying Over You

"But why are we going to Ponyville?" Luna moaned, swirling a forkful of crepe in her syrup. "I don't wanna!"

"Luna, stop whining!" Celestia nearly barked. "You're a princess, for heavens sake."

"Which is why I should have a say in my affairs! If I don't wish to go to Ponyville, I will not be going to Ponyville."

"Trust me on this one, Luna. The Ponyville Pie Contest needs a judge and I'll be damned if I'm not going to be the one. And I need you to come along because I will be too busy elegantly gorging myself to accurately judge the pies to find the best tasting one."

"Geez Auntie." Cadance looked down from her magazine and whistled in admiration. "Even your gluttonous outbursts are organized and dignified."

"Of course." Celestia waved a hoof. "Again, trust me, Luna. Their pies are of a holy level of quality."

"Fine," Luna grumbled, finally pushing her unfinished plate of crepes away from her. "But I'm flying myself."

"Oh?" Celestia cocked her head. "But I was going to take the chariot. The poor harness guards have been repeatedly pestering me as to when I plan on travelling far. I think they are anxious to stretch their wings."

"I don't like the chariot," Luna muttered. "Excessive affair. Always moving too slow for my liking, guards always waving union contracts at me when I overuse the whip. Heck, Cadance is on my side, right? She ditched her own chariot!"

"I did not!" Cadance protested.

"I've never seen you use it," Luna said, frowning.

"I have.. uh, reasons. But I definitely have one."

"She definitely does," Celestia confirmed. "It was a birthday present from me. Painted oak trim, polished azure velvet seats... it's one hell of a chariot."

"It was," Cadance agreed.

"Wait," Celestia narrowed her eyes. "Was?"

"Is!" Cadance screeched. "It is a hell of a chariot!"

Celestia narrowed her eyes further, setting down her tea slowly.

"It's... uh, getting repairs right now. But I assure you it still exists in one piece."

"Getting repairs."

"Yes! The transmission, I believe."

"Transmission." Celestia repeated, frowning. "Cadance. It's a chariot."

"Alright, fine!" Cadance threw her hooves up. "It was a DUI! I got a DUI! Nopony was hurt, but... well, that's why you never see me with my chariot."

Silence.

"A DUI," Celestia repeated. "In your chariot."

"You're awfully repetitive today, sister," Luna said. "Do you need to get your hearing checked? Frankly, I'm surprised Cadance didn't mention it sooner. It was quite the impressive explosion!"

More silence.

"Please stop talking, Luna," Cadance moaned, bringing a hoof to the bridge of her snout.

"No, start talking, Cadance," Celestia said. "I wish to hear how you managed to improperly pilot an unpiloted vehicle."

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