Definetely A Weird Sort of Homecoming
"It's twelve."
"Yes, Luna."
"She said she'd be here at twelve."
"Yes, Luna."
"She's not here."
"No, Luna."
"Why isn't she here?"
Celestia let out a long sigh and set her knitting down in order to meet Luna's eyes. "Because last I checked, Cadance is no paragon of punctuality. I'm sure she's just running late."
Luna groaned loudly and took to ripping up a nearby napkin. "I'm boreeeed!"
"Well, could you entertain yourself in a less messy fashion?" Celestia retook her knitting needles whilst glaring at the bits of napkin that Luna was letting fall carelessly onto the diner floor.
"What if something happened? What if her chariot blew up on the way back from... um, at the risk of sounding like I'm justifying exposition, where did she go again?"
"For the last time, Luna, Cadance went to—"
"Guess who?!" A familiar voice interrupted Celestia.
"Cadance!" Luna screamed, leaping out of the booth to tackle-hug Cadance. "You're back!"
"Holy fu—" Cadance started to say, before Luna made impact and knocked the words from her mouth. "Hey to you too, Luna, geez."
"It is good to see you, Caddy," Celestia said. "Things have been dreadfully boring in your absence."
"Indeed," Luna nodded. "It feels like you've been gone for 237 days!"
"I only missed a few Tuesdays," Cadance responded. "Anything interesting happen?"
"No," Celestia said earnestly. "I can honestly say that absolutely nothing worthy of note happened in your absence. An empty void of nothingness."
"Well. Good to know I'm the social glue that keeps our lives interesting," Cadance responded with a grin. "I'm glad to be back, personally. Worst. Vacation. Ever."
Celestia frowned. "Do tell."
"What happens in Las Pegasus stays in Las Pegasus, Celestia."
"Until I read about it in the tabloids," Celestia retorted.
Groaning loudly, Cadance facehoofed. "Damn it, you're right. Well, let's just say I accidentally bet the Crystal Kingdom on a card-hand, and that isn't even the worst thing that happened."
"You... what?" Celestia deadpanned.
Cadance nodded bitterly. "I'm fairly sure I was playing against King Sombra, too. I remember he had sideburns, anyways, so it was probably him."
"I'm gonna need some context, Cadance," Celestia said, her horrified gaze at odds with Luna's prideful smile.
"Look, it's all a set-up anyways." Cadance flailed her hooves in the air. "Free hard liquor at a casino? It's diabolical is what it is! How am I supposed to not get tipsy?"
"I see," Celestia said. "And the end result?"
"I won," Cadance waved a hoof dismissively. "I mean hey, half of love is luck, right? Remember how my old chariot got impounded? Well, I won a new one in Las Pegasus."
Even Luna looked shocked. "You bet the livelihood of your subjects... on a new chariot."
"Nooooo, I bet the Crystal Kingdom," Cadance winked. "I rule the Crystal Empire. The Crystal Kingdom is a strip club on Third. Details matter."
"That's... decently clever," Celestia admit.
"Hey, I'm always on duty," Cadance shrugged.
"Did anything else of note happen?" Luna asked.
"Eh. It's all a blur, honestly. I swear, my grandchildren are probably gonna inherit the hangover I have right now."
"Well, regardless, it's good to have you back, Cadance," Celestia said after awhile, resuming her knitting with a small frown.
"Indeed!" Luna chirped loudly. "Between the two of us, Celestia is dreadfully boring to be around by her lonesome."
"I... don't think the phrase 'between the two of us' works when the pony you're shit-talking is right beside you," Cadance said. "Although... Auntie, are you seriously knitting? That IS really lame, geez."
Celestia looked at Cadance, at her knitting needles, and back at Cadance. "I'm two-thousand-seven-hundred and forty-seven. I think that if anypony has the right to old mare habits, it's me. Besides, forgive me if I don't take my bendering, coke-snorting niece's advice on which habits I should and shouldn't have."
"That's—!" Cadance began to protest, but stopped instantly. "...a fairly good point, actually. Anyways, as crazy as the last while has been, I'm really glad to be back."
"Yes," Luna agreed. Then, without any warning, the entire cafe seemed to take on a cold, dark aura as Luna leaned forwards, her expression falling into one of severity. "Now, don't you ever miss a Tuesday again. You made a promise to us and if you so much as think of breaking it again, there will be consequences."
"Duly noted, Luna."
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Clever girl. Wait, how would a strip club work in Equestria?
Fill the void with frivolous material objects and consumer goods! It is the only true way to defeat the void in your hearts!!!
I love the meta-ness of the chapter.
8073397 The show gets less erotic the more undressed the performer is. By the end of it, everyone is just really bored.
I just took one look at the cover photo and had to ask: "Goddamn, how much coffee did you motherfuckers drink?"
8073397 do you really want to know?
8073425
Would I ask if I didn't?
8073426 here's a small hint what it might include
8073397 Crowds of young stallions whistling and shouting as young mares put on clothing, one piece at a time.
"Woot! Put it on, baby! Put it on!"
Otherwise known as "Having Socks."
8073445
That works.
8073397
In reverse:
jenniverse.com/images/tcb%20cartoon%20dress%20club.png
8073445 Then the bridles, racing blinders, saddle blanket, then saddles including the 'crupper'. After all that, for an odd touch, Carpus and Tarsus high vinyl boots. (well obviously not leather, that would be sickening
) Then walk seductively around cracking a Karaka stock whip. (synthetic of course)
For a real demonstration a fire whip!
Is it still on hiatus? Because the status says hiatus still.
So it's Cadance's fault this story was on delay? Do we need to seriously tie her wings down along with her legs?
8073397
Socks. Definitely socks.
Damn, Cadance, is fire. Need more of her for Season 7.
Yay! They’re back!
It's alive!
On hiatus? I just got here! RIP.
Hope you come back to this soon (if that hiatus tag is accurate).
Heh, someone other than me was counting.
8073397
Socks, maybe.
Don't ask how I came to that conclusion.
But seriously, that's what stuck out to you?
Hey~
Wholesome Celestia is wholesome.
Good to see another chapter of this, Good luck with weekly creativity.
I've missed these storys.
The mental image of Cadance snorting coke makes me giddy. I don't know why, but it gives me that feeling like I wanna laugh, but I'm holding it back, and it's just making pure joy swell up in my chest.
Man the intellectual debate on how strip clubs work in Equestria makes me so proud of my comment section. That sounds sarcastic but it honestly isnt.
8073509
8073627 Whoop, it shouldn't be! Fixed!
8073955 YUS!
Get out of the Hiatus folder, you glorious person you!
8073955
Yeah boy! feelsgoodman.jpg
8073955 this intrigues me for some odd reason, and I am now worried for my own psyche.
8073397 it is actually a stirrup club where ponies wear stirrups erotically. It was just shortened to strip club after so many drunken mares and stallions were left unable to say the name properly
8074108
That makes a strange amount of sense.
8073955
Thank you, thank you, I'll be here all week.
8073397
Exactly what it sounds like. It's a club that sells strips.
Adhesive strips, licorice strips, whathaveyou.
8074131
I love the idea that the average citizen of Equestria is so innocent and naive that they actually make places like that and call them strip clubs.
Hahahaha
its so good to see this back in action, nice!
Wait, what was that about coke'?
It's back haha, great to see this back in my feed.
Yet another good job, yes. Yes. Excellent. Random praiseworthy word here.
Ah, so the hiatus was Cadance's fault. Well, at least we know who to blame!
Sweet, coffee shop can reopen it's doors now that it's main patrons are back.
It's back! And few fics are more welcome to see again in my feed.
COFFEE PRINCESSES IS BACK BITCHES
I have to wonder, though; did Cadence own The Crustal Kingdom joint before she bet it? If she did, then how did come to own it in the first place?
Inquiring minds want to know.
Yay! This was fun to read. I'm looking forward to next week!
8073969
Things I learned today: NorrisThePony is not Nebby, and therefore should not get in the bag.
8073397 Even more important: What did she win?
Well... then,
Yay it's back?
I never realized just how much i missed this story. Which was a whole lot.
I was here at chapter 3 when I first read it, and now I'm back when hiatus ends. I feel really lucky I didn't have to experience a hiatus to this comedy gold.
IT LIVES
No complaints about the stereotyping of knitting as a habit for old ladies? For shame. some of my best guy friends knit and I happen to have knit a willy warmer for a laugh.
8080294 I knit too, incidentally. It's a nice, productive, and non-distracting thing to do, especially when watching a movie or something.