Someone Keeps Moving My Hair
“Let’s talk manes,” Cadance began abruptly. “Specifically, yours. Your crazy freakish goddess manes.”
“Oh joy.” Luna rolled her eyes and broke a bit of toast in irritation. “This again.”
“Cadance, Luna and I put up with hair-based-harassment on a daily basis.”
“I am allegedly storing a universe in mine.” Luna sighed.
“And I frequently have to ask ponies to please stop chewing on mine because believe it or not it doesn’t taste like cotton candy or toothpaste.”
“Well then what does it taste like, Celly?” Luna asked, cocking her head curiously.
Celestia blinked. “...It tastes like hair, Luna.”
“Right,” Cadance said, already trying desperately to redirect the conversation from the throes of sibling bickering. “I’m not going to ask you any of those questions. I’m just curious how, and when I can expect mine.”
Silence.
“‘When you can expect yours.’” Luna repeated eventually. “‘Purchase hair, allow six to eight weeks for delivery.’ It doesn’t exactly work that way, Cadance.”
“You mean it’s not part of the whole… uh, alicorn kit and caboodle?” Cadance sounded greatly disappointed. “Aw. I was looking forward to getting a freaky flowy mane and tail.”
“Well, at the risk of going full-Twilight.” Celestia looked to the sun outside thoughtfully. “The flowing mane and tail are actually a by-product of magical overload induced by Luna and my connection with the celestial bodies. The flowing hair is caused by their otherworldly cosmic energy flowing through us.”
“Yeah. So if you want flowing hair, get a celestial body to control,” Luna suggested.
“What, like a second moon?”
“No!” Luna barked. “That’s my thing! Be creative!”
“Seriously, Cadance.” Celestia facehoofed. “This is the mare who went full-nightmare-mode from jealousy and you suggest stealing her thunder as a solution?”
“Well, I’m jealous of your freaky manes!” Cadance protested. “Do you want me to go full-nightmare-mode? Nightmare… uh… Nightmare Heart?”
“Nightmare Heart. Sounds terrifying,” Luna snorted. “What would you do? Snuggle us to death?”
“To be fair, that sounds like it’d be a terrifying and tedious way to go,” Celestia said. “No, a second moon is out of the question. In addition to making Luna angry, it would create massive flooding and probably end the world. And a second sun would roast us all alive.”
“Binary sunsets are good for staring introspectively at from your lonely desert homestead dreaming of one day doing battle with an overarching evil empire though,” Luna mused thoughtfully.
“...” Celestia opened her mouth to mutter some confused exclamation, but promptly closed it when she decided it was not nearly worth it. “The point is, dear niece, I’m afraid you and Twilight got the poor end of the stick when it came to celestial bodies and flowing hair.”
Cadance mumbled something unintelligible but distinctly irritated and took a hefty swig of her cappuccino.
“Wait a minute,” Luna perked up as if suddenly realizing something. “So our flowing hair is because of cosmic-magic overload, right? So tell me, sister… how come your hair didn’t become, like super flowy when you had to raise both the moon and the sun?”
“For the first few years, it did,” Celestia blushed. “There is a reason why I commissioned and consented to so little art of myself during those decades. It was… quite the ordeal. I swear, half of our royal treasury went towards conditioner. I used a bottle a day, easily.”
“I find it oddly hilarious that you two use conditioner and shampoo like every other pony,” Cadance said. “You two could make some serious dough doing endorsement deals.”
“Princesses Sell Out,” Celestia chuckled, using her hooves to signal an imaginary newspaper headline. “I earnestly fear the day when our names are used for the purpose of capitalism.”
“I feel like something is really ironic about that statement,” Luna mused thoughtfully. “Eh, whatever.”
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Wow, Luna is surprisingly perceptive, though completely unaware of it
Lol the irony.
Heh, LOL.
I'm surprised Twilight's mane didn't spontaneously take flight without her while she was containing the power of four alicorns during Tirek's rampage.
7140316 It did get flowy when she was raising the sun, which is where this headcanon stems from
I still think Cosmic Forces like Love & Magic should have just as much flowy power as the Sun or Moon.
Here Cadence- take Eros!
I immediately thought, " 'But not just super flowy, It went Super POOF.' Celestia continued thrusting her hooves outward for emphasis."
Eventually Cadance does find a planet to control. Uranus. Because she liked the name for some reason...
Yes. Yes I did laugh out loud..
I'd go with Dark Heart but I think the Care Bears got to that one first.
Ok, have to admit when I saw the photo you have here for the cover art of this story I almost fell out of my chair laughing. I loved how Celestia has the doughnuts on her horn and is trying to drink coffee at the same time. what a really funny photo.
If you want something in keeping with the scheme of Nightmare Moon, I kinda like "Love Ne'er Bloom."
I've seen "Princess Decadence" also floated about on derpiboru.
Venus is considered the planet of love. And poisonous gas.
7140465 How about Nightmare Snoo Snoo?
Nightmare Heart.
Oh, so intimidating.
7140366
My immediate thought? Giant Afro.
Giant Rainbow Afro.
All paintings and artwork from Celestia's "Clown" phase were destroyed centuries ago.
7140973 So when mayor made dressed up as a clown on nightmare night she WASNT A CLOWN
SHE WAS PRINCESS CELESTIA
OH GODS I CAN SEE IT NOW
static1.e621.net/data/48/1b/481b9058180928cbb602bfe3b0e39114.png
Not what we thought of but its the best I can do.
Having read one story about a Nightmare version of Cadance, she'd be flippin' horrifying. People seem to not grasp what the misuse of the power of love could do.
7141151 Y'know, I wrote Luna's sarcastic response as a joke, but I've actually always been intrigued by the ideas presented from Cadance going nightmare.
I'm dreadful at clop, but if I wasn't...
7140669 Isn't it just?
Unicorn horns as donut holders is an NCMares trope and I'm very fond of it.
7141073 7140973 Celestia in all her afro glory: derpicdn.net/img/2013/12/18/500025/large.png
But who wants to live on Tatooine (or in Tunisia for that matter)?
media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/736x/ec/a7/52/eca75205877a8655b1970a2ce03ce1be.jpg
7141161 Well speaking as someone who is awful at actually writing but very good at telling other people they've made mistakes I cannot do it either
7141162
Tatoine looks like a paradise compared to jakoo, everybody agrees it's a hole
Your names are already used for capitalism, dear princesses.
Then by all means, give Cadance her sun. The new binary sunsets will give the residents of Appleoosa and Dodge Junction something more to do besides harvesting cherries or apples or doing horse-drawn horse-drawn carriages. I mean, Equestria is sort of an empire if you think about it, just not the malicious kind (we hope).
Awesome Star Wars reference.
This was hilarious.
I love how Luna breaks the 4th wall and is completely unaware she's doing so
Don't worry Cadence, you could take charge of Venus* So you could get a flowy mane and not cause disaster in Equestria... even though that happens every week or so.
*Venus is not only the name of a planet, it is also the name of the Roman Goddess of love
7142501 who as aphrodiate in greek the last child or orunos the sky god and gia so shes older then zeus and is more dedly
also i still think all the bad guys and the prinxesses meeting at random in a coffee joint would be a riot to read
7141161
I know of at least one story where that is kind of the major twist. Of course,saying that kind of ruins a lot of the suspense of said story, so now I am reluctant to say what it IS
These little vignettes are really fun! You should do one where they debate which dialect words are correct to use: soda vs. pop, sub vs. hoagie vs. hero, sprinkles vs. jimmies, that sort of thing.
7146640 Now that I've read everything that's been published up to this point, the chronology makes more sense. The whole "this has been happening weekly since season one, but you're not seeing all of the meetings" aspect really should have been obvious. That's my bad. It's nice to see that you've made your way up to the present, because now you have everything in the canon at your disposal.
Still reading, and still loving it! Keep it up!
good story
7148228 Glad you like it dude. Hope it continues to entertain.
7148301 np u write two story i like incldue this one and i am enjoy both of them,
7141151 Oh? You wouldn't remember the title would you? I want to see if my suspicions are confirmed...
7148319 It was one of the Who Rules? books, and it wasn't really focused on her... I'd link it, but it's clop so it's probably not what you're looking for... if you've seen another one, let me know because I'm intrigued.
7148780
There is indeed an excellent story that features Nightmare Cadance. It's called Twilight Sparkle: Night Shift.
dude! I had an amazing idea! Make one of these for villains as well or add pionts where say, discord is in the conversation and he pops out of nowhere and says: "I heard my name, are you three (or four if twilight is there) talking about me?" and he tries his best to look completely innocent.
7140357
That seems very generous and mean at the same time
The chapter title. Goddamnit.
LIES!
It tastes like the yummiest of cotton candy, and is sugar-free as well!
No, make horrible things happen to your literal heart. Besides, she has a water to crystal spell. All she needs is a bit of blood coming you, and well...
... Well you're not wrong.
7218118 Celestia's Hairy Confection 100% sugarfree. So yummy it flows in your mouth.
I show myself out
7140870
Her powers aren't all that far removed from outright mind-control. If she went "Nightmare" it could get pretty crazy around Equestria.
7275643 Magic has aspects to science ergo magic=science which also means science=magic Therefor My little Villains Science is magic
i was enjoying this fic a lot, and now i fucking love it! star wars all the way!
Another celestial thing, huh?
Well, most people will jump strait to Venus, but because it's so common, I find it extremely boring, so here are some other options.
When supernovas occur (or rather, millions of years after), their brightness surpasses that of Venus and many other things in the night sky, but due to the, ah, time gap, between when it happens and when it shows, that's probably not a good choice.
Extremely bright meteors are decent, so if that was taken control of, I guess it would work, but again, kind of eh...
One that I really like is the Milky Way! It's extremely bright and like its own section of the night sky that Luna wouldn't control. Even more, on moonless nights, the Milky Way has been bright enough in some places to cast shadows! That one's definitely my favorite, but I have a feeling it's not going to happen.
I guess the other two will just have to deal with non-flowy manes.
That doesn't exactly work for an explanation for the hair but I will buy it.It doesn't work because love and friendship are really strong. Saying that is saying Celestia is way stronger then twilight and friends put together, since they stopped nightmare moon.But they didn't really defeat nightmare moon, it more like they pacified her.While cadence with shinning armor (weakened) sent the changelings packing.Celestia however couldn't beat shinning (mind controlled) and the bug queen together.
7302403 Celestia doesn't say anything about the flowing hair being caused by being super powerful though. She says:
So it's less that they are carrying more or less power and more that they are carrying a specific current that Cadance and Twilight (with their love and friendship magic) are not.
In battle, a gun is more efficient than a copper wire, but that doesn't mean it can turn on a light bulb.
Also, Celly fought Chrysalis head-on in combat. Cadance beat her when she was distracted. That comparison isn't really very accurate