Luna was peering with intense focus at the bagel she was buttering, but she gave a lazy roll of her eyes as she spoke;
"...I'm just saying, their first album was much better than their second—"
"Luna! Don't even finish that!" Celestia barked. "Do you wish to start a civil war?"
Cadance had been detached from the sister's bickering, idly flipping through a magazine, but she set it down wearing a mischievous smirk. "Y'know, we keep saying that, and I know you mean it jokingly, but it really begs an obvious question: in an impossible hypothetical scenario, where the three of us went at each other gloves off, who would win?"
"Huh," Celestia said. "Interesting question. What are the stakes? What are we each fighting for?"
"Aw come on, Auntie! The idea of us fighting is absurd enough, don't complicate it with intelligence! It doesn't survive past that. The point is the fight. Just pretend we all want Equestria for ourselves and we're not willing to stop for anything. Who comes out victorious?"
"Well, what are the conditions?" Luna posed.
"The three of us, right now, as is," Cadance elaborated. "No Elements of Harmony, no Nightmare Moon. Just our own magic."
"Huh," Celestia said, already beginning to blush. "I mean, to be frank, I can admit that as a mare who has actively sought a pacifistic solution for more than a thousand years, I am a poor fighter."
"Mhm," Luna nodded. "Plus, you're a wise and motherly mentor figure to a powerful but undisciplined young pony. Mares like you are usually axed off in the second act."
Celestia looked a little taken-aback. "Uh... that's oddly specific, but sure. So in a show of pure power against you two without the luxury of planning or intelligence, I would probably be the first to kick it."
"To be fair," Cadance offered. "It would probably be from doing something cool like saving Twilight and her friends or something. Your last words would be all 'don't blame my sister' or 'don't blame my niece,' and it would be epic."
"Aw. You flatter me. While theoretically killing me," Celestia said. "Oh! Also, I would leave behind a sun nopony could raise, and then you'd all freeze. So really, I would win in the long run."
"Hey! That doesn't count!" Luna protested. "We already agreed that we weren't going to think about any before or afters. This is about the fight. And you're out. Which makes me the victor! Theoretical Equestria is mine! Or rather, Theoretical Equestria is Theoretical Luna's."
"Wait, hold on a second!" Cadance protested. "Theoretical Cadance would still be in!"
"Oh, right..." Luna chortled rudely. "The Regent of the Moon and Mistress of Dreams, versus her adorable lovey-dovey niece."
"Exactly. I win."
"Right, right," Luna was grinning ear to ear. "With your ever-so-terrifying love magic, I presume?"
"You're damn right," Cadance said, wearing a smile somewhere between humorous and terrifying. "You've got the moon and your dreams, so yeah, maybe I'd have to start popping caffeine pills so you don't trap me in a nightmare or whatever, but all I'd need to land is one magic shot and I could have you try to make love with the inside of a volcano or something."
"Wait..." Luna blinked. Her grin fell. "Your love magic..."
"Yeah." Cadance intensified her smile. "I mean, I only ever use it on ponies who I feel already have a bond. I'm not a monster and I really don't want to have to worry about my conscience keeping me up at night on top of Flurry already doing that. But theoretically? Every mind in Equestria is mine, if I want it to be. And you wanna know how I know, Luna?"
Luna seemed too stunned to answer, but Cadance proceeded anyways.
"I know, because right now, you're drinking my caffè corretto with a stupid grin on your face."
Luna blinked, looked to the unholy beverage in her grasp, and all colour seemed to leave her. The cup began to spasm in her magic and by the time she set it down on its saucer the diner table was a mess of caramel, whipped cream, and not-coffee.
Celestia herself had noticed Cadance's horn aglow for some time, and was trying and failing to repress light giggles.
"And on this day," Celestia said. "We received a grim reminder; our own dear niece has the potential to be the most terrifying foe in Equestria. I don't believe it is a coincidence that Chrysalis chose you to impersonate. You're the closest thing to a mind-altering bug queen we've got, she must've felt quite at home."
"I don't know whether to be insulted or honored." Cadance rolled her eyes.
"Honored," Luna finally spoke. "Definitely honored. As a mare who failed miserably at her throne coup, some twisted part of me is forced to admire those who came closer than I did."
"I mean, let's be completely honest," Celestia mused. "We all would make pretty good villains if we wanted."
"Well, if me and Luna were evil and teamed up, the daytime would probably have to go, Aunt Celly. Sorry."
"Wait, what?" Luna perked up. "Why?"
Cadance facehoofed. "Eternal night? Insane love goddess? You seriously don't see the correlation there?"
"Could you please stop there?" Celestia groaned. "I'm not a prude or anything, but it's a little awkward hearing the mare I practically raised from birth talk about her theoretical empire of debauchery."
"Fine. But don't forget, I'm the mare who had a nuclear winter living in her womb. Thereotical Equestria would be mine," Cadance said, channeling a mocking Chrysalis. "In which case, your last words wouldn't be 'don't blame my niece.' They'd be 'I royally screwed up giving that mare wings and magic."'
Silence for several seconds. Celestia was the first to break it.
"Cadance, I don't believe I've ever been as proud of you as I am right now."
"Aw. Thanks, Auntie."
Eh, who hasn't had theoretical discussions in trying to determine which of your friends would win in an all out battle to the death?
...
Just me then? Okay...
Despite my arguments to the contrary, my friends usually say I'd win. Probably because 1 ) I always beat them in tactical and strategic games like Warhammer and Risk, 2 ) I scare them with plans I come up with in AD&D sessions, and 3 ) I'm a former active duty US Marine.
Ah, the true bomd of friendship, when you're close enough to admit who would kill who first. This was actually really good, and I like the logic of Cadance winning.
Good thing Twilight wasn't there. She and her friends would win. Considering they have overcome mindfucks before and they have the Rainbow Power which oneshot a Demon Centaur with all the magic in Equestria. And Twilight herself is just as capable of making them fall in love with the inside of a Volcano with the Want It, Need It Spell... as well as the fact Twilight through Spike is friends with the Dragon Lord and thus can have an army of dragons on her side... as well as possibly an Army of Yaks if she asked Prince Rutherford for help... AND, as much as I hate saying this, Starlight Glimmer to neutralize the other 3... AND Discord since he would help at Fluttershy's request.
Basically, all 3 of them are fucked if Twilight decides she wants Equestria for herself
Eh. If Luna had been around for those thousand years, her and Celestia would've probably had a few fun fights, the winner getting to be the primary ruler for a few decades before going back to sharing.
Cause immortality gets boring.
I really liked this chapter quite a bit! This part killed me with how funny it was:
Very nicely done and I look forward to the next chapter!
~ Super-Brony12
i Call Bullshit
if we go with Comic canon Celestia has a Mind shield which helped her to fend of the Nightmare as it tried to posses her,
also Celestia was A Nerd before Nightmare Moon she probably knows countless spells for combat if needed
AND SHE KNOWS THE ULTIMATE SPELL : She can summon an delischous red Apple if she is hungry
7182962 Sure, but the implication I was going for is that Celestia prefers a non-violent solution and she has preferred such for a very long time. Most conflicts she has been able to solve peacefully and subtly, and as such she would probably be somewhat out of practice with combat magic, and probably unable to turn her magic towards her sister or niece anyways.
Now that Luna's back and she has someone to practice with, I like to believe they go at each other in sparring matches every once and awhile to stay fresh, but Celestia's still too paranoid of hurting her little sis and gets her butt kicked every time. She's nice though so she keeps up the image of mediocrity because let's face it, canon-Luna probably needs the ego-boost. Even the Celestia in this story I imagine would be quicker to just throw up her hooves and say "yeah I suck" even if she knows herself it's miles from the truth. She loves her friends/family and wants them to feel special, even if it means having them believe they are superior. Celly is only out of this thereotical battle by her own admission, and it was my belief that she was just being humble.
Plus not to mention, Cadance specifically rules out the one thing (which realistically would exist in any actual coup) that would more or less grant Celly a decisive victory—strategy and planning.
7182953
You forgot the one rule: One on one, no friends to help.
Twilight gets her magic from friendship too.
7183014
Then all Twilight has to do is give give them an ultimatum; surrender to her or the world burns when the next ancient evil Celestia and Luna swept under the rug rears it's ugly head and she isn't around to be with her friends to stop it. They NEED her and her friends to stop this shit from happening. So Twilight would win by default if they didn't want their solo rule cut tragically short.
I think this chapter is my favorite so far. ^^
Bring able to do that is a hallmark of a great friendship . Unfortunately in a group of 5 it was decided that I would end up to be the second to die in a death match. Tanks don't do well against speedy foes.
This story is the greatest. God, it's just... I can't even put it into words. This story is effectively about nothing, and I absolutely adore it.
Every chapter, I forget that I already gave it a thumbs up, so I'm disappointed that I can't do it twice.
kind of want one of them to bring up what if twilight went evil at the end, and one of them say "don't even joke about that"
Good god this story is hilarious!
The real question though: is hypothetical evil Cadence using love, or LOVE?
7183172
Twilight already is evil.
Delusional Evil.
7183208 true but I mean nightmare evil, or if she want to take over in a fake fight with the other princesss. she either over power them but have a freak-out while doing it or fail and be take out as she try to plan everything out,
7183172 She would most likely be... "I control all the Magics!!!!"
Best chapter. That was hilarious.
7183246 knew her she most likey would have figure out the magic steal powers and use it on everyone else.....
7183039
Not to say Theoretical Twilight couldn't win. She's just not allowed to use her vigilante/privateer operations to hold Equestria hostage to do it.
A better route would be based around the sheer variety of spells she can bring to the fore. If nothing else, teleporting is quite the trump for Luna, and Cadence's mind control (Cadence:LOVE MAGIC!) has never shown homing traits or instant casting. Then there's temporal shenanigans - current Twilight hasn't been shown looking deeper into Starlight's Revised Recursive Retcon, but I see no reason she wouldn't at some point, if only to work out how it was done.
Omgg this chapter, fucking perfect and then the likes I just saw was at 666 right as I finished this chapter, just perfectly fitting I think lol
I contemplate fights like this all the time. Don't sweat it. (Although, usually I have imaginary friends and magic powers of some sort. And quite honestly, the only reason I plan out battles and stuff is so that I can be killed off at some point and choke out the most dramatic, most sarcastic, or funniest last words I can think of.)
I actually have an idea in my head for a story where Celestia and Luna team up to battle Equestria, to see how their powers and strategic abilities compare to the combined efforts of their kingdom. But it wouldn't be as dark and twisted as it sounds, because they'd set it up so that nopony can get hurt and the land doesn't get blown up. My idea is that they could create sort of a pocket-dimension replica of Equestria, and when somepony is struck a blow that would normally kill them, they simply get teleported back to the real Equestria, completely unharmed. No stakes, no real danger -- just seeing who could win.
I think this is my favorite chapter yet. XD
7183007 https://derpicdn.net/img/2014/9/4/714751/large.jpeg
you mean like this ?
or in this story are Canon Celestia Abilitys listed
http://www.fimfiction.net/story/249920/22/the-conversion-bureau-worlds-where-it-wouldnt-work/bonus-chapter-deathbattle
Celestia is extremly Badass with her canonical abilitys from blasting every Changeling in existence holes in their bodies to becomming freaking fire and so on but very few fanfic author care about that because most dont research good ^^
nothing against your portrayal but its more AU than you think
I love how they all embrace it and are not horrified in the least.
7183276 And now we have Tirek Dos. 0. (if you get the reference you will win one derpy)
7183400 yeap I could think of his name what so ever....
Daw the younger generation grow up so quick...to overthrow you!
Well, Cadance makes several excellent points...
7183207
Both? All?
And that night Princess Celestia smothered Cadance with a pillow and altered her will to make Flurry Heart her new adopted Daughter. Plus sent Luna to rule the Crystal Empire to get her away from Canterlot.
Iv'e seen it a few times, and apparently i missed something; what do they mean when they call Flurry Heart a "nuclear winter" or an Ice goddess?
7184016 Not sure if you've seen the premiere or not so I'll throw up spoiler tags, but basically, she accidentally destroyed the Crystal Heart, thus breaking it's protective spell on the Crystal Empire and almost killing everyone in a flash-freeze snow storm.
And that's where her name comes from.
Awesome chapter. I really wish that it would be possible to like a story multiple times...no that's not going to work. What about a system where it's not only possible to like the story as a whole but also individual chapters as well? Aw who cares anyway? Great chapter so far the best one in my opinion.
7184030
Right, I'm with you so far, i was just wondering if there'd been some kinda reference to her actually having ice/cold-based powers that i'd missed
7184735 Oh, then no, not really. Nothing beyond my own speculation.
Mark my words, though, she will. You heard it here first. It makes sense—the (apparently) only other two natural-born-alicorns control the day and night, so I'd bet the mysterious impossible birth will be one to control the seasons.
7182929
Don't worry I do too, and for some reason I always win, hmmmm
7183121 You need to up your attack, dodge, and block speeds then. I've beaten plenty of speedy foes before just by being able to tank their hits until they left themselves open. then I'd ram my fist into their solar plexus (which if you're like me then that means they get the wind knocked out of them and they get thrown at least fifteen feet backwards... sometimes landing headfirst) and then sit on them as they're gasping for breath.
7184777 perhaps flurry's gonna be winter, and cadance might have a second daughter who'll be the alicorn of summer?
7185085
True, but I am very uncoordinated and not as strong as I should be. Plus my friends are way better at fighting than me.
7184777 She seems more like the Princess of War, let's be honest. Laser Beams that can blast a castle to pieces, a Thu'um to rival Luna's Royal Canterlot voice WITHOUT the Royal Canterlot Voice (imagine what she could do with it!), the ability to infiltrate anywhere from birth... If she IS tied to winter, it is as LADY GENERAL Winter. That is, unless it is Twilight who is supposed to be the warrior princess...
I feel like Luna got undersold here, though I like the commentary that points out that the newer models of Alicorn all seem to get more and more powerful. Like, worryingly so.
7184297 true but its a good gag to use
Wait cadece got luna to drink non coffee take cover also thankyou for the fic idea
And that is why heart is the most powerful ring in Captain Planet.
Now where's that comic of Cadence accidentally using her love magic on a pair of siblings (brother and sister)?
Yeah I mean that's a very valid point. Cadance's power is by far the most potent of the three's; provided she can get a shot in there's not really anything she couldn't win against. Nightmare Candyass would be literally Sex-Hitler.
7185481 Haven't you heard? Starlight Glimmer is more powerful than Twilight! Alicorns are too expensive. The cheaper unicorns are becoming more popular!
7187699 cool