The First Chapter That's Actually About Coffee
Luna glanced up from her coffee and gave a grunt like a feral animal.
“Heathens.”
Celestia and Cadance shared a glance.
Celestia rolled her eyes. "What unspoken arbitrary rule of diner attending are we breaking now, Luna?”
“I’d think you’d be happy with Aunt Celly for getting coffee instead of tea for once,” Cadance added.
Luna spat out her coffee in shock. “Pfftbrt! What?! Coffee? That monstrosity?! Are you kidding me?”
Celestia ignored her and took a sip from the icy beverage’s straw.
“It is not coffee when the beverage's name has as many pointless words as a corporation’s financial report,” Luna explained. She opened the beverage menu for proof. “Look at these absurdities! Cafe Equestriano? Caramel Machet… Moccache… Mosquito?”
“It’s caramel macchiato,” Cadance let the word roll delicately off her tongue. “And they are quite good.”
“Alright, but don’t you dare call them coffee in my presence ever again. It is sacrilege to the holiest of all beverages. When you need to specify the temperature your coffee must be made at, or the type of milk that must be placed within it… when there is at least 300% more cream and sugar than actual coffee beans, or if you need to pile on whip-cream and chocolate shavings in order to make it presentable, the beverage loses its right to be called coffee.”
Celestia and Cadance shared another wary glance.
“She’s... quite serious about this,” Cadance said.
“Coffee?” Celestia glanced back at Luna. “Of course she is. She’s the princess of the night. She invented it.”
“Wait, what?” Cadance blurted. “You what?!”
“I invented coffee,” Luna nodded.
“You didn’t!”
“Actually, she did,” Celestia said. “I know we like to pull each other’s legs frequently, but for once Luna is in earnest. She invented the classic beverage we all know and love. To be fair, I invented thirteen different kinds of tea.”
“You two aren’t serious.”
“Indeed we are.” Luna motioned at her cup of pitch-black coffee. “I kept falling asleep during daytime excursions with Celly, so with the help of a few arcane researchers I created a solution.”
“Instead of… you know, changing your sleep schedule?” Cadance said flatly.
“Eh.” Luna shrugged and sipped her coffee. “I can hardly complain about the outcome of my efforts.”
“So the reason you treat coffee like your child is because it… more or less is?” Cadance giggled. “That’s amazing.”
“You would be surprised how much subtle influence me and Luna have had on Equestrian culture,” Celestia said. “I myself went through a ghost writing phase in the early 1200s. Nostromare and Invisible Mare? Me. Don’t tell Twilight.”
Cadance blinked.
“And I am an acclaimed painter,” Luna added. “Granted, I only ever sold one painting, and it was to Celly, but eh. They garnered attention over the centuries.”
“Equestria doesn’t know it, but me and Luna like to change things up every once in awhile in the more mundane elements of Equestrian life. Throw out something completely contrary to everything else and accidentally start a cultural renaissance.”
“Ponies didn’t start putting icing on top of cake until after me and Celly decided they needed an upgrade.”
“And do you think it’s a mere coincidence that ponies scream our names when they are having intercour—”
“Alright!” Cadance barked. “I get it! Princess of Love, remember? So is that why so many artists kill themselves?”
Celestia nodded. “They never existed at all. Just personas me and Luna had to ditch to shake off suspicion.”
“Wow,” Cadance breathed. “So, today I learned you two enjoy fiddling around with history just to keep things fresh.”
The sisters both grinned.
“More or less.” Celestia sipped her iced coffee. "It's either that or growing cold and cynical and grumbling about how terrible the reptitive nature of long life is. So if poking culture with a stick drives ponies to create more and think a little differently, why not do so?"
"You should give it a try sometimes, Cadance," Luna said. "Invent a new way of kissing or something."
"Just... try not to do so after... troubling events," Celestia glanced at Luna. "Equestria's... uh... 'Gothic Renaissance' isn't something I want to relive."
Cadance blinked again.
"You invented goth," she translated.
Celestia's head sunk in shame.
"Princess Celestia, Regal Diarch of the Sun, invented goth."
"I said I didn't want to relive it!" Celestia snapped. "It was just a phase!"
Luna's 'corporation report' remark explained through song.
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I can't even; I can't odd either
I'm going to need to see a artist rendition of a goth Celestia stat.
I can't help but think black clothing and Nightmare are involved
Of course they would...
That is some funny irony.
Boromir.jpg
One can't simply grow out of their goth phase.
*Chuckles* X-)
7120477
Yessir.
derpicdn.net/img/2014/8/22/705606/large.png
She hasn't gotten the whole "not being cheery" thing down, though.
I'm guessing she wanted a fashion trend Luna would have been proud of?
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wDajqW561KM ! CONGRATULATIONS! YOU'VE VIRTUALLY GOTTEN ME BACK IN THE FANDOM!
7120563
Welcome back yo.
7120491
U fuck'n wot, m8?!
I like your brand of crazy, ser, and would like to subscribe to your sousaphone.
7120491 Princess Gothlestis... Well then. I'm pretty sure Twilight would explode if she found that painting
That's all well and good, but who came up with the idea of using live models in art?
This is extremely promising. Very funny. I can see celestia becoming goth now.... Oh god my sides
This is all nothing compared to that time Celestia accidentally created Lutherans by tacking a list of things she didn't approved of them doing to the door of her own church (and that was only because nopony answered when she politely knocked).
7120743 Now I imagine her politely being like "Yo I'm not really a goddess so you guys don't have to worship me if you don't want to" and then Equestria splits into a bloody religious civil war and she's just standing there like an awkward high school chick that two guys are fighting over.
7120836
Her letter mostly spelled out that she severely disproved of what the church elders had been doing to young colts.
I mean really, Morris dancing is not only hugely archaic but also serves no social purpose other than to single one's foal out for special attention from their local bullies. So many potential loves for the art of dance systematically destroyed by tradition and indifference.
7100171 in Ohio why?
7120620
One. I don't consider the Journal of the Two Sisters Canon. Sorry if that is a big slap in the face.
Two. Luna is not more, or equally as powerful than Celestia. Nightmare Moon is.
Three. You just said the same thing I did about Starlight vs. Twilight, but in a different way.
Four. Twilight is powerful, but she is no city killer. Celestia wouldn't need a nuclear like blast to destroy Canterlot. You weaken or destroy the Magical Anchors holding the city in place and the whole damn thing tumbles down the mountain. (Probably)
Five. Celestia and Luna needing to keep constant tabs on their power isn't incompetence. It's a Public Relations Strategy. If you go all out on a villain in a crowded area there are bound to be casualties. No mater how skilled you are, that is too much of a risk. One false move and I don't think that dear old Celestia would have been able to live with herself. Or stay sober for that matter. Casualties also means that someone is going to blame the princesses, and public trust on Celestia plummets. Even if it doesn't (which would be a sign of mass artificially pacified populous a la "Brave New World") How long do you think that it will pass before Celestia get's over her guilt? Yeah....
Six. The show's world building is terrible, it's almost non-existent. The Plot has so many holes that you can call it Swiss Cheese! At least the characters are cool.
So many goth-lestia ideas.
pre06.deviantart.net/cd41/th/pre/f/2012/155/9/e/princess_celestia_gothic_clothes_by_emichaca-d52a9wc.png
Ok i got one have discord randomly there with the other villians in a booth next to the princesses and cue shinanigans
7120976 it's not so much that it's gross per say, i just can't stand the fizziness when drinking it.
If anyone wants to hate me on these go on a head: I hate coffee. That IS gross. And I cannot see how anyone can drink it black. I also have not had tea of any sorts so I am open for sugestions.
7121032
That or have them talk about how the villains all tend to be kind of caused by them not paying attention
"What do you mean you didn't notice sombre enslaving his kingdom?!"
"Well see Luna was having a thing and I was busy with paperwork...and anyways we saved the day in the end."
Basically Luna and celestial too busy doing other stuff and tps reports to notice something taking over the world
7121047 Camomile is usually the recommended starting point, especially if you can get your hands on some of the fruity variants. Very tasty, but a sort of subtle tasty, if that makes sense. Green tea is the same as camomile. A nice and easy starting point with plenty of subtle flavour.
Oolong can be kinda intense if it isn't brewed properly. It literally means "black dragon tea." They also vary wildly, from sweet and fruity to rather bitter. Brewed correctly, they're arguably your highest tier tea.
Black tea is in the same boat as Oolong. If you don't like coffee you probably wouldn't like straight black tea, but a bit of milk fixes that problem very nicely. Straight black English breakfast tea is like the X-Wing of teas; a multi-functional workhorse that is adaptable to almost every situation.
7121160 Things would be a whole lot easier if Luna would stop forgetting her cover sheets for her TPS reports though.
7121160 lol true or having cadence and i really cant spell the name the changeling queen discussing a few things only they can disscuss ohhhhhh throw in twilight and pure akwards ness
tse1.mm.bing.net/th?&id=OIP.M1352c638bee518d297f97646cc920f81o0&w=299&h=283&c=0&pid=1.9&rs=0&p=0&r=0
PRAISE BE TO THE MOON!
7121027 hate to tell you this but the shows writers have stated the journal of the two sisters the guide to the elements and the chapter novels are canon to the show now the comics are not canon and have gone off on there own canon and lore trip
*If Cadence had a Reddit account*
TIL Celestia and Luna fiddle with history to keep things fresh
7121899 The shows writer's are under the thumb of Haz-BO-RO (Hasbro) and are not allowed to deviate from the target demographic. The Journal of the Two Sisters is just something that I can't get into. I personally just take the show and try my best to fill the gaps as best I can.
You are right. Doesn't mean that I have to follow what you mentioned as a guideline. Specially since I'm not as constrained as them. Basically.
I do what I want in the name of greater entertainment!
7122345 7121899 It's time for another exciting issue of...NorrisThePony is an overly condescending jerk! Yay!
Having just recently skimmed the book (post-writing that chapter) lemme just say that from a pure storytelling perspective, I find that it is quite beneficial to disregard it. It makes for a boring and overly vague origin story and does a poor job connecting the past personalities of the sisters with the present ones. But eh, nobody is here for my opinions on that right?
Canon is overrated anyways, and if completely disregarding bits of obscure canon less than half the fandom has actually read results in telling a more interesting story, I'd much prefer authors do so than limit themselves out of fear of people drudging up some vague quote from Faust's aunt's pet dog saying they've gone and fucked up. We're writing fanfiction here. To the majority of the fandom, the show is all they watch, and as such the show is largely considered to be the beginning and end of 'canon.'
Without writers taking some lose liberties with 'canon', we'd be lacking some of out best stories.
And also this terrible story you psychos seem to like.This all established, I feel like such debates are granting this less-than-serious story a lot more dignity than it deserves.
7122364 You Norris earned a follower and a Cookie!
7122395 Always appreciated, good sir/madam!
This comment contains spoilers. Yes it does i'm giving my personal opinion about this chapter. No i'm not going to put up a spoiler to cover certain parts from being spoiled. Why in the world should i do that? Regular people would read the story before moving on to the comments. If you hadn't read the story go read it now! Don't give me that look you idiot! You're the one in the wrong here.
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You still here? Go away! I'm doing this for your best interests!
*Sigh* You're not leaving aren't you? Well you know what? Screw it! I'm not writing anything.
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GO READ THE STORY!!! I'm not doing anything until you read it!
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Well you know what? ¡ʍou ǝɯ pɐǝɹ ʇ,uɐɔ ɐɥɔʇǝq ¡ɐH ˙˙˙uǝɥʇ llǝM ¿uɐɔ llᴉʇs noʎ ☝⚐❄☟☹☜????❄✋✌ ✋???? ????☜????❄ ☹☜????❄✋✌ Oh crap i forgot this website cannot use wing dings well... Right how do i counter your attempts at reading this comment? Another language? No google has a translator for that... Perhaps making an insanely long blank space? Nah i'll get in trouble for it...
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Sheesh you're very determined to read this comment huh? Well then!
*POOF* I'm gone! Now then i'll say it. I loved the part with the Gothlestia thingy.
If Celestia invented the Goth, it make me worry Luna phase...
7122909 For some reason, this comment really reminds me of Mr Resetti from Animal Crossing.
7120473 If you're at odds, just even it out.
7122364 wow where did I say you where a jerk please don't put words in my mouth just sharing some info in case you did not know
7124572 Hrm? I was just making a joke at my own expense, acknowledging the fact that the rest of my reply was somewhat snobbish. Just a bit of wry, self-deprecating humour. Like when I called my own story terrible in the same comment.
Didn't mean to imply that you said anything. Sorry for the confusion.
7124579 it's all good where all good friendly ponies gets right
That sums up The Doctor quite well, especially the poking with sticks.
And is it realy surprising? She was in a band way back when. A punk rock band.
Every time this story updates it makes me smile :)
Luna, please have photos of Tia as a goth!
Luna invented coffee. Big hugs and a kiss for you. Luna is officially best pony.
I still don't know how I'm supposed to pronounce this.
7197931 mahk-key-ahto, is about the closest approximation I can do without resorting to the gunky mess that is IPA.
7197931 It's pronounced "ma key ah toe"