Never thought I'd seen any development on this. But, yeah, I can see this could be another way to end it. Not a bad one either, I'd say.

I think that this chapter could be a spiritual successor to Royal Duties if expanded upon in a different story, in that you got a similar premise: Cadence not really Cadence, then Evening (in place of Shining), start a life together.

Cadence (swapped with Shining) has wholly justifiable intentions with Evening and is clearly suffering from sexual related PTSD. S/he needs the comfort and consolation, validity, and most importantly, the security of a relationship where s/he feels safe.

As the story stands, though, there's a lot of side-stories/sequels out there from the original, so information and exposition will likely get mixed up and cause confusion for readers, and the story might not do well, but that's speculative at best. The issue is how to side step that.

In any case, I would enjoy seeing this particular chapter get expanded upon. In another story.

It's a great premise for a sequel. I think, if you ever write it, you should begin from an earlier point. Perhaps immediately before or right after Twilight swaps their bodies. Then make an effort to portray Cadance's downward mental spiral in a realistic manner, and show why it was necessary for her to be turned to stone. Perhaps she loses control of her temper and makes a threat against Shining Armor, or even physically strikes him. Perhaps Cadance herself asks Twilight to incapacitate her as a kind of penance, and Twilight begrudgingly complies.

There's a lot of wonderful room to showcase the healing process between Shining Armor and Evening. As another reviewer noted, Shining Armor/Cadance is clearly hurt, and she needs someone to love her in a way that makes her feel safe. I think it could be a wonderful story as long as the foundation isn't too contrived.

Random side note. In my original headcanon, I decided on the names Anthem and Aria for the foals. It seemed like a good fit: two types of song, one male and military (reflecting Shining) and one female and recalling the This Day Aria (reflecting Cadance). I've kicked around a sequel for a few years now, but never got around to writing one. The names are yours if you ever want to take up the challenge again.

This has promise, and I agree with Pajama Pudding that starting earlier would be beneficial.

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Cadance doesn't want to upgrade the quarters though. She isn't concerned with their lives. Remember in the original story? She waves off Lowly having a breakdown because "she's just a maid" You seem to be assuming someone knows of the living conditions and is actively trying to upgrade them, but no such pony exists.

Oh, sorry. I got that idea from how you were describing it.

The head maid doesn't care, she's shown she's content with the power she has, same with the pony that 'swore in' Lowly Servant. They both enjoy the power they have and are fine with things as they are. The maids themselves are too afraid of Cadance to say anything. In time yes one of them may have eventually come forward and asked Cadance about their quarters, but that hadn't happened.

People don't want to break the system that they are used to. After all while the maids have a miserable life it is still a functioning system. They are still healthy and able to do their duties and they get done reasonably effectively.

Why do you keep bringing up if removing the spell is dangerous? That has nothing to do with anything. Also what can Shining do? Are you really not seeing it?

Because otherwise he wouldn't have much of a counter argument.

What if Shining manages to convince Twilight not to cast a removal spell? Now what? You just let Fake Shining know you're on to him. In his own kingdom. Shining can then do any sort of thing to make him disappear.

The thing is how can he? If there is no risk to doing it they might as well. Twilight before has shown that she is curious about what happened as well. Not to mention she does trust the character of her student and she's not a little filly. If he would suggest they try it then she would just likely agree if her brother doesn't have a compelling counter argument.

You can argue that Twilight might be suspicious, but if he's smooth enough he can make that work and gain a new maid in the process, and Cadance has already been shown not to pay much mind to the maids. She wouldn't notice a new one, and Evening might not even look like himself as a maid.

Since he's Twilight student he's her responsibility so she wouldn't just let that go. If he just left she needs to go after him to punish him and/or ask what's wrong.
Also with Cadance I don't get what you are saying. How can he do that? Cadance is a little oblivious but she wouldn't just get made into turning an intelligent pony into something against their will.

Shining: I think one of our maids might have spiked his drink with something. I'm going to go look into this Twily. You can have a talk with your student here.

Evening: Don't you take her you-

Twilight: Evening enough! I don't know what's going on with you, but we're going to have a long talk!

Shining: I'm sorry about this Twily. I'll take care of her. See you in the morning. *leaves with Peppermint*

I kind of see Twilight as a little more perceptive than this. But I can indeed see it going wrong like this if Evening worded it poorly like that.

I would like to see him being turn into a maid like Shining did.

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This isn't the Cadance you know from the show. Remember that. This Cadance is a bit scatter brained. (I mean she didn't realize the random maid she turned into her husband wasn't actually her husband, despite the fact they have wildly different cutie marks)

That scenario was an example of what he can do. You seem dead set Twilight would go along with casting the counter spell no matter what.

Sorry, but life isn't always so convenient.

Okay how about this:

Evening walks into the hall to go talk to Twilight. Say he takes Peppermint with him. Shining excuses himself from Cadance to 'go check something' finds Evening with Peppermint. Realizes that something is wrong, or even stops him to talk and ask what's wrong. Finds out Evening is acting suspicious and knocks him out with a sleep spell. Commands Peppermint to be quiet, Locks Evening away in some jail cell No one really checks often. (It's a BIG palace) and waits till morning and acts confused as to why Evening just vanished, suggesting he might have gone home. Even if Twilight does just leave right there. She won't find him. Shining would put him somewhere he couldn't be tracked.

Hell as scatter brained and overly eager this Cadance is. Shining could manage to get Twilight in a deep sleep. Either by hitting her with a spell while she's asleep, or drugging her. Then forge a letter in Twilight's hoofwriting saying she talked to 'Shining' about how they used the persona spell and made Shining a maid one time. He could forge the letter to say that Twilight thinks one of their guards is cute, but she doesn't know how to approach him as a princess, so she wants Cadance to make her a maid and use the persona spell to help her act like one so she can get close to him. Twilight put herself to sleep because she didn't want to get cold hooves and back out.

You may think Cadance would protest, but again this one fucked up so bad that her actual husband was stuck as a maid for three months, and she never noticed the 'new' Shining wasn't in fact him. She'd likely jump at the chance thinking she's helping Twilight hook up with somepony.

Then it's a simple matter of distracting Cadance with some 'emergency' that she has to go take care of, while Fake Shining commands Twilight to be another 'sex slave maid' and when it comes time to have her return to normal. Shining simply uses a similar looking maid. (Even going so far as to when they are changing Twilight into a 'maid' he'd make sure she looks like a pony he has in mind) Said pony is one that has similar ambitions to Fake Shining, or simply doesn't want to be a lowly maid anymore that she agrees. Possibly asking Cadance to re-enforce the persona spell which they actually use to make sure she acts more like Twilight.

I could come up with likely a dozen scenarios where trying to get Twilight to cast a counter spell will end horribly. To be blunt, it's too risky. I know you think it's not, but it is.

Also you say you think Twilight would be more perceptive. Of what? Are you suggesting she'd be able to tell that that wasn't a counter spell? Can you point me to any episode of the show where a unicorn cast a spell, and any other unicorn was able to SENSE what the spell was? Most of them only realize what the spell is because they see what it does. There is nothing suggesting Twilight would know Shining didn't cast the counter spell to the persona spell, and how is Evening suppose to argue for Twilight to cast it? Fake Shining would just act hurt that she doesn't trust his magic. Even if Evening did manage to convince her, Shining can 'stage' an emergency. Having a guard come in and interrupt them or something.

It's not as simple as you want it to be man. I'm sorry, but you need to let that go.

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Who turned into a maid?

If it's Evening. No.

If you are wanting a dark end, hell no. The entire point of this fic was to undo the dark end.

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That scenario was an example of what he can do. You seem dead set Twilight would go along with casting the counter spell no matter what.

Because I can't seem to think of any counter argument against it.

But yeah there are a lot of unknowns to this and his social skills aren't the greatest.

I don't like you making Lemon corrupted though. I liked the idea of there being this evil being there under the noses of the princesses. Not any magical evil. But that if you are not one of the privileged ones pony life isn't as ideal as you might think.

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One other thing you have to remember is that YOU and I know that Shining can't cast the persona spell. Evening did NOT know that. Evening did NOT know what Shining could do. He didn't know Shining wasn't a changeling. He didn't know Shining wasn't some dark evil with unholy powers.

You are suggesting he walks out and just ASSUMES he can get to Twilight and have her cast the counter spell with no issues, and frankly that's just stupid.

I don't like you making Lemon corrupted though. I liked the idea of there being this evil being there under the noses of the princesses. Not any magical evil. But that if you are not one of the privileged ones pony life isn't as ideal as you might think.

Well the way I interpreted it, the Empire was only like this because it was from a thousand years ago. Hell go back a thousand years in our own world and life wouldn't be as ideal as you might think.

Equestria as it is now, is suppose to be more modern. There are better laws to make sure ponies are treated well. You'd never find these living conditions in Canterlot.

Lemon is only from Canterlot originally, because otherwise I can NOT swallow that she was able to parade around as Shining Armor with literally NO knowledge of how modern life in Equestria works. That sounds like a load of bull shit to me. If she was somehow pulling off being him, and I believe the original fic said he was great at the economies and the like. Then she has to be from modern Equestria. I'm sorry but no. A pony who knows nothing of the outside world did not become amazing at being a ruler over night.

It was just random luck that i happened across this story again (i finished this one a year ago i think) and noticed a new chapter had been added. Very glad i found it!

I love the new (second) idea for a sequel, and I really hope you expand on it. As for the MC being an OC, you have done a great job establishing him as a character and I think he stands well on his own. I would enjoy reading more of his adventures.

Also, with the second 'sequal idea' chapter, I think you now have to remove the line in the discription about "There is no actual clop in this story".

Why does Evening feel like a self insert now?

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No problem.

Bless. Your. Soul.

I'm sure as hell a sick fuck, but Maid to Please profoundly messes me up. Just so much sadistic terror and agony condensed in a single short story. At times I actually felt sick, even as I kept reading it. Your story communicated perfectly the depraved horror and misery of it's predecessor, while also giving it a clever and satisfying conclusion and catharsis. This is canon to me, and no one can tell me otherwise.
Thank you so much for writing it!