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At the behest of Princess Twilight Sparkle, Lieutenant Flash Sentry has been chosen as the captain for the ponyville royal guard. While pleased by this Revelation, he has doubts about his ability to fill the role.
Can he truly be the captain this new section of the royal guard needs?
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good start
... real fricken intense bro. i like it! moar!
A pretty OK start so far, there aren't nearly enough good Twilight/Flash stories around, the pairing has potential. And you get brownie points for not making Shining some overbearing oaf, too many of the Twilight/Flash fics feature him as some unreasonable blockhead.
A decent start so far, i want to see more
Nice start. A few errors but still a lot of potential. What bothers me is that this story only has down votes because it has Flash in it.
Hurry up! I want the next chapter now!
6692443 These things take time, my friend.
Not only am I writing this, but also mu first story, Hunters.
And this one I'm writing alone. So, it's going to be a while.
6694833
Very well. If you do need some help I could provide some! If you prefer to do it by your self then so be it. I see potential for this story as well.
6695423 I'm always open to suggestion and pointers.
6695475
Okay well the only thing I can say right now is maybe an editor, I saw a few errors, Maybe slow the passing a tiny bit, and set a goal for typing new chapters to get them out sooner. Oh and longer chapters would be nice if you can.
6695497 Hm...I see.
Can I send you what I have for the next chapter?
6695515
ME?! Why? I'm not a good editor. I could try but I'm not the best.
Hmm... I didn't see any mistakes looks good. You better get to the part when twilight is introduced if that's going to be the main focus of your story. If you drag out the story to long before you introduce one of the main characters it will leave a few readers confused. Maybe you should try explaining what twilight is doing and thinking While Flash is still in the empire. Just a suggestion so far its not 100% certain were this story is going. You need to introduce a conflict soon or the story will have no direction. If you do this your story may get better views. I'm still enjoying it so far and I'm awaiting the next chapter.
i.imgur.com/23Yj0iX.gif
I like how it is going so far! Really good.
It's not badly written but it is slow-paced and dull. You failed to do anything to grab my interest despite the nice initial premise. Sorry about that.
6925153 Okay.
more of this please. all you realy need to do is just present a problem in the story, and build upon it. (i assume you already knew that though
)
6960608 Sorry, but this story is on indefinite hiatus. I can't really focus writing it while working on my first story.
Sorry.