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Krickis


I’m like a literary siren, feeding off the negative emotions of fictional characters. Patreon | Ko-fi

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Rainbow Dash is the best. She's consistently at the top of her class, and is the envy of all her peers. Things only get better when Fluttershy finally starts visiting Cloudsdale again after being gone for months.

Except she must not be good enough yet, because they still don't notice her.

(Also available in print and as an audiobook)


A story set in the Who We Become series.

This story could be read with no prior knowledge of Who We Become stories.


Content warning: This story contains depictions of homophobia and gay slurs.

Edited by ArchAngelsWings, Eddie Grammar, and Hoofclid.
Cover art by Dessert, known on Fimfiction as Mouch30.

Chapters (5)
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Comments ( 74 )

This really needs more attention. A great story of Dash's coming of age and arrival at Ponyville!

6572194
Thanks, I'm glad you think so :twilightsmile:

I was kinda giving up hope anyone would ever comment on this story, so it really made my day that you took the time to do so :scootangel:

And that's it... I've read all the stories you wrote... Now I really have to wait to get to read more of them °m°'

6665712
Thank you, I'm glad you found it worth taking the time to read the whole series. Including Weathering the Storm I'm pretty sure you're one of only two people to do so :scootangel:

Rainbow Dash bringing the game for best pony.

totally enjoying this, now that I'm reading the stories in order to better understand the world you created.

6672480
Rainbow Dash was never one of my favorite ponies until I started writing her, then she definitely crept up on me.

Glad to hear you like it :twilightsmile:

6915812
Actually there's one instance of each, and they were both in dialogue. I meant should of and shouldn't of because I don't think Rainbow's would know the difference :raritywink:

6916566
Should've is still a contraction of shouldn't have, which is correct, but wasn't how I wanted Rainbow to sound. I'm sorry it took you out of the story, but I do stand by my decision. I actually have the opposite problem, where I dislike seeing every character speak with perfect grammar, regardless of how the character would actually speak.

If it's any consolation, my editor told I'm full of it too.

6916626
We can disagree on how Rainbow would speak all day, but I do stand by this one. As well, would you prefer shouldn't've instead of shouldn't of? Because that mess looks like an unholy abomination, and the should've only solves half the problem you're having.

I appreciate your looking out for the grammar in my story, and you were completely in the right on my other story, but we'll have to agree to disagree on this one.

I really enjoyed this! It was well worth the read. It really deserves more attention though! :heart:

6928397
Thank you :yay:
I suppose everyone probably has at least one story that just doesn't get as much attention as they hoped. Slowly people find this one, so I'm fine with it not being as popular as my other stories :twilightsmile:

Gotta say, I absolutely loved this story. The backstory with Rainbow and Fluttershy was written awesomely and I like how it went into their relationship as well as how Rainbow ended up moving to Ponyville. Very well done :twilightsmile:

7068968
Thank you :twilightsmile: The two of them have such an interesting dynamic, they're basically opposites but the show always portrays them as being incredibly close. It was definitely something I wanted to explore, and wasn't satisfied with anything but doing a whole fic exploring the idea.

7069045 Indeed. I like the whole series you've made thus far. I shall be waiting to see where you go with the storyline next :yay:

7069080
Oh, I have plans. So many plans :pinkiecrazy:

7069088 Oh my. I can't wait to see what chaos ensues

Always interesting to see an origins story before their arrival in Ponyville. Very well done by the way. c:

Their dynamic really is interesting and unique. Despite having completely different preferences and personalities, they are very close friends. It's interesting to wonder how they became friends and stay friends despite this. Rainbow Dash has stuck up for Fluttershy in the past and has defended her though not many people offer the "why" in this case. They just say that were friends and that's why. She is loyal to her friend though I wonder why to begin with. Well, it is amusing to think about that, more so how a romantic relationship could form between them.

Kudos to you for writing such an enjoyable read! :twilightblush:

7264144
They certainly have always struck me as one of the most interesting friendships in the show, so I was really drawn to explore that. I like to think that while Fluttershy needed someone to protect her, Rainbow also needed someone to protect. The need to feel needed, basically. That was a big part of my inspiration for making her parents so distant to her; she wants to look out for Fluttershy because she feels abandoned by her parents. Granted, she's also Rainbow, and a teenager in this fic on top of that, so she's got a lot of ego getting in the way, but I think her intentions are always good.

I never really dug the Flutterdash ship. I don't really like the opposites attract thing, and just don't see them having enough in common for a solid romantic relationship. That's why I went sisterly, personally. But of course everyone can ship what they want, other people like the ship and that's totes fine.

Anyway, glad you enjoyed the story :twilightsmile:

7327631
Thanks, I'm glad to hear you say so :yay:

:heart: Super cute!


One thing though.

“You got any bits for a hospital?” Dash asked skeptically.

I find it hard to believe that Equestria, a happy, friendly place where friendship is a weapon, would have the same fucked up system that America does. I guess you're American and didn't even think about it, but as a Canadian it was just a weird thought.

7713854
That's a great point and I completely agree with you. I honestly hadn't thought much of it when writing, I was really just trying to give them a reason to not go to a hospital. I'll probably tweak that scene, it really doesn't make much sense for a place like Equestria to not have free health care.

Great story here.
Even though I think Dash and 'Shy can make a cute couple, you made the like 'sisters' angle work just fine.

8074292
Thank you, I'm glad you enjoyed it :twilightsmile: While I never really see them as a couple myself (though to each their own with shipping), I do love their dynamics.

Didn’t expect the inclusion of slight racist themes as well as the usual homophobic themes.
So if rainbow dash had those views of unicorns I wonder if anypony in Cloudsdale had similar views on the Alicorns.
Wonder if there is a secret plot in Cloudsdale to stamp out the royalty and take over Equestria.
Also in the Who We Became series Fluttershy ran away from home to avoid her dad, rainbow dash did so to be with Fluttershy, pinkie did so to spread cheer and applejack left briefly to live in Manehatten. So of the main six only the unicorns didn’t run away from home to some degree.

Oh and loved it by the way, thanks.

9019211
I imagine alicorns are still viewed reverently in Cloudsdale, but I do think racism is more common than most people think in Equestria. Not "purge the land of the vile unicorns" levels of racism or anything, but more casual racism like what's in this story. We've seen several examples on the show (Zecora being the big one of course, but there's quite a few throughout it).

So of the main six only the unicorns didn’t run away from home to some degree.

Huh, you know I've never noticed that, but you're right.

Glad you enjoyed the story :twilightsmile:

7264318
I've always been slightly uncomfortable with the Flutterdash ship- either you go with they were good friends all through childhood and very close (supported by later seasons, particularly Flutter Brudder or whatever the Zephyr Breeze one is called) and it's uncomfortable because they're sisterly close.
Or you go with Dash met and defended Shy exactly once, and Shy never returned to Cloudsdale after the race (supported by S1 and some earlier season stuff, particularly Dragonshy where Dash acts with barely hidden hostility and rolls her eyes every time Fluttershy is mentioned because she's a boring scaredy-filly millstone) and it's creepy because it's out of left field and Dash has only ever acted disgusted by her.

A minor thing easily excused by obvious AU in this; Dash was very young in The Cutie Mark Chronicles, appearing even younger than the CMCs who are at the start of the series 8, 9, and 10 (the same ages as their VAs were) and Fluttershy is either an early bloomer or a young teenager just hitting her first real growth spurt.


It is interesting to read some of your older stuff. It suffers a bit from new-author stuff like pacing- this would have been much better if separated into chunks/chapters and a little more time spent in each chunk. But the current-you shines through; they read like real teenagers, and don't think I didn't notice that in narration you use "couldn't have" correctly but dialogue uses "couldn't of" since they're teens, and the characterizations are just as strong as I've come to expect from you.

Or to put another way; reading this, I get to see Who You Become.

9193664
I’m not at all a fan of Flutterdash. To each their own with ships, but it’s my least favorite mane six ship, partly because I too dislike childhood friends to lovers :twilightsheepish: I much prefer them like this; oddly close, but in no way romantic.

I would argue Dash was very small, not necessarily young. A late growth spurt for Dash and an early one for Fluttershy could explain their size difference without making them different ages as well. I would’ve probably handled their ages differently now, though.

lol and yeah, this is my least favorite thing I’ve written. Possibly the only thing I actually dislike since I’ve started writing pony. There’s things I’m okay with, and for the most part I like the idea behind the story, but I’d have to rewrite the whole thing to actually be happy with it. But that would then become a multiple chapter fic and just... I’d rather not put that much effort into it these days. Bigger and better things, and all that. I’m glad you still found parts of it enjoyable, though, and especially glad you caught the “couldn’t have/of” thing :scootangel:

Or to put another way; reading this, I get to see Who You Become.

I’m not sure whether I love or hate you for this. I’m caught between :facehoof: and :rainbowlaugh:

9194204
I'm GlimGlam. People vacillate between wanting to kiss me and strangle me for Every Little Thing I Do.

Who We Become is a realistic romantic drama series focussing on queer characters. People sensitive to queer issues should take caution before reading.

So, before I read, do you mean your story is set in a world where homosexuality isn't the norm and things like homophobia exists? Because, you know, the bulk of all romance fiction written for MLP is gay, so doing a story about two mares loving each other isn't exactly warning worthy. Heck, straight ships are actually rarer to come by around here.
That being said, most stories featuring gay characters never put any emphasis on the societal implications of said relationships. For instance, a mare develops a crush on another, and their thoughts never go to, "What if they aren't into mares?" or, "What will others think when they find out?" In fact, most writers almost portray things as if ponies expect each other to be gay, which just strikes me as odd.
Like, let's say you have a friend, and you didn't know for certain their sexual orientation, most people just assume others are straight by default until proven otherwise. In which case, finding out they're gay should warrant the minimal reaction of, "Oh, you're gay? I never realized," but no, people never write that sort of thing.
To see a realistic take on such issues would actually be refreshing. Doesn't have to be full 'Gay couple VS hateful homophobes," but a world in which ponies at least acknowledge it's not the norm would be refreshing.

9699328
Queer issues are treated very similarly to how they are IRL in this series. I’m queer myself, and wanted to write something more realistic for the exact reason you said – it always struck me as odd that it never even gets brought up in most stories. Homophobia exists in this series; hate groups exist; queer slurs are used as insults; some ponies embrace the fact they’re gay, others deal with self-doubt or self-loathing on their path to acceptance; some ponies struggle with the concept of gender, and figuring out where they fit into it. Not every story in this series features heavy queer issues and they aren’t the only thing going on, but if you’re looking for a fic where it acknowledges being gay isn’t the norm, then this series may indeed be for you :raritywink:

Edit: I feel like I made it sound like this is a misery fic where the moral is “It sucks to be gay”. There’s a lot about the struggles of queer people/ponies in this series, but the overall tone is positive. It’s about overcoming adversity, not succumbing to it.

But even if her body was knew what to do, her mind wandered.

Renegade ‘was’ snuck into your fic, me thinks.

Loving this more than I remember loving the older version already, and am looking forward to it’s completion on Friday.

I notice that dash’s anti-gay slurs and other stuff that annoys fluttershy are more frequent, I’m not sure how I feel about this, but I guess character arcs gotta character arc. Also fluttershy seems to have a bit more of a backbone which is always good to see.

9700807
Thanks for the catch, and I’m glad you’re enjoying this version more. I certainly do.

Dash’s comments may be a little more frequent, but they’re actually toned down in intensity. I kinda cringed when reading some of them during the edit, and decided that even if that was the point, I could still get the point across a bit more naturally. And yeah, I do write Shy a bit more assertive these days, so I’m not at all surprised that wound up coming through, even if it wasn’t specifically my intention :twilightsheepish:

she decided to just try and keep things casual and hop the problem went away.

Far be it for me to tell a bun when not to ‘hop’ in their story but I would have spelt it: hope.

Oh and good stuff all round. Although I’ll never understand why fan fiction writers have Rainbow Dash so ready to fight other ponies in their stories. From what I can remember she’s never actually fought another pony in the show. It's probably because people like writing action, and Dash is always ready to fight what she perceives as monsters to save her friends into the show, so she is the default fighter.

I don’t know why but it just bothers me.

Oh well rant over.
Loved the chapter as usual.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he almost fell over, catching himself at the last minute.

I generally prefer ‘last moment’ but it’s up to you.

No point in waking up early for class. In fact, she decided she could get used to sleeping in until noon.

And thus Rainbow Dash’s bad sleeping habit begins

Dash need to piece all of that together would look weird to an earth pony though, so she just grinned.

I think that’s ‘Dash’s need’ or ‘Dash needing’

“Here, Sweet Apple Acres specialty cider,” Applejack said, setting a glass in front of Dash.

And thus Rainbow Dash’s cider obsession begins.

Rainbow smiled at Fluttershy. “That’s something I’ve been thinking about a lot lately though, the real thing that hit me was yesterday after my fight with Windfall. He asked me why we were so close, and I told him we were like sisters. But that wasn’t really right. Because really, you’re not like my sister, you are my sister. My parents might be related to me by blood, but we’re related by choice, and that’s just as important. Instead of trying to get them to notice me, I want to stay close to the family that’s always been there for me.”

And thus Rainbow Dash’s sisterhood with fluttershy begins.

What a beautiful ending and beautiful middle with dash’s parents and her getting emotional as she moves out. But especially the ending because dash and shy’s sisterhood is brilliant.

Thanks for the polish on this fic.
The first time I read this I did so to see what shy coming out to dash was like. Now I’m rereading it it seems more focused on rainbow becoming the pony she is in later stories.

9705217
For me, it’s down to two things here. One is that this is a younger, more hotheaded Dash than we see in the show, so it feels fitting to me given the fact that as you said we do see her ready to throw down when it’s enemies that aren’t ponies. The other is that I interpret that as part of the show being for kids. In the same way they use language they wouldn’t use on the show and drink alcohol like the wouldn’t on the show, some of the behaivor that they wouldn’t do in the show (such as getting into physical fights with other ponies) seems appropriate to me. Ultimately it all comes back to Interpretation > Canon in my opinion.

9705323
The ending is really what makes this fic for me, and why I decided to spend so much time on rewriting it. I’m glad you enjoyed it, and I’m glad it comes across as more a story of Rainbow growing up. That’s what it always should’ve been, I just wasn’t experienced enough to handle that aspect of it properly back when I first wrote this. And thank you for the corrections along the way; they’ve all been fixed now :twilightsmile:

She closed her eyes and cleared her mind. Even though he was part of her team, Windfall didn’t matter. His part of the race was beyond her control. She imagined Fluttershy cheering her on for a second, then put that away too. She’d race better with her friend watching her, but she couldn’t focus on that. Only speed, nothing else mattered.

Didn't say this before but

Speed. I am Speed. I am the fastest racecar...

Cars Vibes. It's a very well used reference :v

9866403
Well damn. I'm not unseeing that now lol

9866450
I'm surprised no one ever pointed it out :v

Windfall leaned across the table. “Hey, maybe Fluttershy just wants to see her marefriend look pretty.”

Why did I think this before I read it? Oh right, I'm gay

9866450
I'm surprised no one else pointed it out

Dash had to stop herself from beaming. She settled for a small grin; couldn’t show too much enthusiasm. “Yeah, that sounds cool.”

She dense

“Gay,” Dash said, drawing out the word.

Wonderful* you mean

After a few moments of silence, Dash sat up to see Fluttershy facing away from her. “Shy? Hey, I was just messing with you. I know you’re not really gay.”

Yikes

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