You and Rainbow Dash have been friends since foalhood. Your favorite pastime? Racing. You two have raced hundreds of times. You finally beat her one day, and offers you a reward. Confused by her offer, you accept. Unknown to you, she has something she wants to confess to you. You never expected it was this....
This is my attempt at a second person fic. It's also my first attempt at Romance.
It may be part of a series. I don't know yet. Crowley has really inspired me. This is my attempt to mimic his fantastic work. I may find a way to tie a bunch of stories together. I'm not sure yet.
Alternate Universe tag because, well, I felt like it should be in one.
Chapters (5)
Go on.....
very good start, can't wait to see finished, consider this like, fav'd, and watched.
....Proceed...
i299.photobucket.com/albums/mm298/NotChainsawJuggler/proceed.jpg
Two words
AWESOME
Thanks guys!
Jeez, y'all hit me with a storm of comments I had trouble keeping up! Yeah, this is going to be a fun project. I know that much. I've just got too much inspiration from Crowley.
Seems legit.
Carry on!
Keep On Trolling
652220
Yes. All this (Fan)Base are belong to me, after all.
Hm, this sounds interesting. Rainbow Dash, holding perhaps strong emotions for somepony? Tracked.
652282
digitalstormonline.com/forums/uploads/8344/mother-of-god-super-troopers.jpg
How did you know.
652286
I'm psychic, y'know?
652228
Yeauh Just Keep Doin Watch U Doin
*brofist*
652293
bwilliams101.files.wordpress.com/2010/10/maximum-brofist.jpg
Very interesting and definitely looking forward to seeing more. However, there's a certain grammar mistake constant throughout the story. It's when you end a speaking line. For example:
“Hey, I almost had this one.” You reply.
“Didn’t think you’d catch me Speedy.” She says with a grin.
“You deserve a reward.” She replies, flashing another smile.
If you're done speaking, but it's not the end of the sentence, then you should end with a comma (unless you're using an exclamation point or question mark, those are fine) in the quotation marks instead of a period. Then, the next word should be lowercase, carrying the sentence along.
So for those examples I pulled, it should be:
“Hey, I almost had this one,” you reply.
“Didn’t think you’d catch me Speedy,” she says with a grin.
“You deserve a reward,” she replies, flashing another smile.
652488
Huh. I did not know that. Thanks.
Now I know. And knowing, is half the battle.
millionaireplayboy.com/mpb/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/gijoe.jpg
I Can has more?
i.imgur.com/uPvYi.jpg
652590
Soon. I'm working on it now.
Hurry, please.
652623
Patience. I'm already halfway done
Lets Stop Rushing Let Him Take His Time H'll Get It Done As Soon As Possible
*brofist* To Everyone
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Keep On Trollin
652887
Thank you.
652503
2.bp.blogspot.com/-H1gRZ8RMa7w/TdzjxO1d8II/AAAAAAAABpk/IXz0ECDAkAY/s400/proceed-cat-cats-kitten-kitty-pic-picture-funny-lolcat-cute-fun-lovely-photo-images.jpg
You have recieved Epic's intrest. Don't disappoint me......
-Epicpony
654209
I'll sure as hell try.
Likes to Dislikes is a 42/1 ratio?
media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyfnwkheRH1qhv6pa.jpg
hmmm...
please continue
Please guys, tell me what you think of Chapter two instead of just "Please continue". Did you like it or not. Why?
I repeat what I believe my previous statement was.
Go on.....
I liked it. Sure, it's not the greatest story I've ever read but it's still good. You do a passable job of second person. You certainly have potential. Just keep practicing.
Edit: You're a football player? A big mudda fukka?
Do your friends know about you and MLP?
Longer chapters, but other than that, proceed with the story.
As it seems you want a genuine comment, I'll give you just that.
For the record, I am a bit of a Grammar Nazi. Didn't pick anything up while reading.
Loving it, by the way! I'm hoping to see more of this. I've been a bit of a softie for 2nd person fictions with Rainbow Dash, so this peaked my curiosity when it first came out.
Keep rocking!
Great story!
657395
Why thank you! It's not easy. This is my first time at second person after all. I'll certainly keep practicing.
And yes. My FRIENDS know I like MLP. I met one teammate who is a fellow Brony, and five or six who don't care about such a trivial matter. It's us against the probably 20 or 30 who dislike the fact that we're Bronies. But, we're football players. So we have to be tough about it.
657418
Thanks.
657338
like it..
now give me three more chapters in 10 seconds flat.
Great so far except isnt it usally like the proper thing to do to give the female your bed and you sleep on the couch? Oh and longer chapters but i do enjoy the story.
657691
Dude. It's fucking Rainbow Dash. I don't think she'd care.
But that's just how I perceive her character.
657701 If she can sleep in a tree with just a pillow and blanket, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't mind a comfy sofa.
She agrees.
657718
My thoughts exactly.
I liked it and would like a chapter three.
Just make the chapter longer by forcing YOU to tell Rainbow what You feel... or bring in characters to make it more conflicting
659136
Are you all PSYCHIC!?!?!
Yeah, no. This'll be a bit short. Probably five chapters. Maybe six. The next one is where massive complications begin. (Hint hint)
657450
You're into football, and you like MLP? We're going to be the best of friends, you and I.
What's your position? OLB? DT? WR? OT? Safety, maybe?
659323
DT and OT
Sometimes Guard
Great Job This Is Very Beast
*brofist*
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Keep On Trollin
661125
Thanks bro.
:No Prob Bro
*brofist*
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Keep On Trollin
Okay. The story's going to have at least six chapters by my best estimate. I don't like to exceed 1500 words per chapter. They just start dragging on after that mark. 3 is much longer than I anticipated.
"Friendship Stones"? ....
Elements of Harmony final answer!
Good story, but I would recommend longer chapters. Try at least 2-3k words for each new chapter. You know, to tide us over.
Elements of Harmony!