• Member Since 7th Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen April 4th

Shadowswipe


I'm that one guy who wrote those things about that show.

E
Source

[2nd person fic staring you and Vinyl Scratch]
As a pony who is not a fan of the club scene you can rarely be caught near one, but one night you decide to go to one. There you see some famous DJs, you even get to meet the very famous Vinyl Scratch. After meeting at a show Vinyl Scratch offers you a position singing for her. Only problem is, you haven't sang for years. When a series of events leaves Vinyl alone, you come to her aid.

A side note:
-There is music embedded into this story. Click the blue text to play music, stop the music when you get to the red text. Take a little pause if you have to before stopping the music. Also on the first song, skip to 37 seconds in for the song to start.
-This is my first attempt at writing in this style, so I apologize in advance for the horrors of writing you're about to witness.

Chapters (7)
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Comments ( 105 )

Hulk hate walls! Hulk smash wall!

Shield hate text walls! Shield looks for Kool-Aid Man!

Still, interesting read.

1131294
I know it's a text wall. I'm working on that now.

1131299 You know you don't have to pick only brony related songs correct? As it stands, I'd like to introduce you to a friend of mine. Who is it you ask? Oh, just a little thing called good music

1131375
I know I don't have to use brony music, I used the songs because they are what inspired me to write this.

Well, well, well. I see you've finally taken the plunge and began writing your own, my friend! And I must say, some little elements are a bit....familiar, to me...

Anyway, down to business.

1. Walls. Break 'em apart, as Monsieur Shield up there has said. Quite straining on the eyes.

2. Always, always, always break into a new paragraph when someone new starts talking. It's easy for readers to lose track of who's talking when multiple bits of dialogue litter the same paragraph.

3. Having the main character nearly leave the club and immediately return inside twice felt a bit off. It also felt incredibly fast how 'I' was so cool with joining up with Vinyl towards the end. Have a bit more insight to 'my' emotions and thoughts to help clarify and flesh those out a bit more.

4. Even if it's following the same formula I used, make sure you indicate in the description that red means to stop the music. My stories aren't a universal guideline!

That should about do it. Also, as a bit of help, for that first link? Go to the video and right click it. Use the 'copy URL at current time' to skip the intro and make things easier.

With that, I shall be watching. Don't disappoint me, mate. :trollestia:

1131400
1. Thanks for the tips, I'm rewriting the chapter now and I'm firing my proof readers.
2. It does indicate how the music works in the description.
3. Yeah, it would feel familiar. After reading your Vinyl story I wanted to write one of my own, that was how this story was born.

Very decent good sir. Very decent. Unlike my shit sorry lol. Haven't seen much vinyl scratch this good.

-Nope Chuck Testa.

(PS Im looking for editors for my story if you know of one, drop me a message)

1131496
Wow, I totally glazed over that. Sorry, kinda not fully there today. Just kinda...bleh.

this is great i hope you add on to this story

1132162
Don't you worry, I will be.

1131396 Continue using Tombstone songs, add Wooden Toaster, SimGretna, and Subsound. (just naming a few) The SimGretna remix of Discord is badass.

It needs some comma injections at a few points, though. (mostly after introductory clauses) I also hope you have an idea for why Vinyl picks a random dude from the audience (the first she talks to) and asks him to be a superstar. (that's a fairly large plot hole)

I'll be watching, as well, because I love Vinyl and second person.

Ok... I was reeding with Discord playing and as soon as it stops Vinyl says "Well looks like Tombstone’s done. I’ll see ya around.” :derpyderp1:
MIND BLOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!
and "SO AWSOME!!!" / :rainbowkiss: (\

I like it, I'm expecting a very good fic. Looking forward to reading more.

I can't get past the logistics. There are a distracting amount of commas missing, and the word you is used too heavily. It can be difficult, but you have to use that word as sparingly as possible in a second person story. I know that it seems strange, but if you use it too much, the story just feels boring. Gonna mark this unread and come back to it to try again, but I didn't get through the morning before I had to stop.

I hope that the next one comes out soon because this is awesome

A little bit rushed, but seems interesting enough.

hopes there's more soon

1143919
1143189
1143007
It might be a while before the next chapter. I am currently very ill :pinkiesick: , this chapter was a battle to write. That is the reason it feels rushed and why there's some format and spelling errors.
Sorry to let you guys down.

~Shadowswipe

Im sorry to hear that get better soon! :fluttershysad::fluttershysad:

hope you get better soon

:fluttercry: get better soon!!!

I listened to my personal music while reading this. Mainly Soul Eater opening, dubstep, and octavia/vinyl battle themes. I have one thing to say...
TRIPPY!!!:applejackconfused:

1143974Aw, well hope you get better soon. Still a good job btw. But I gotta ask something. I found this earlier today while I had some extra time during lunch, and I saw after 3 chapters and 2 days it said On Hiatus. What happened there?:rainbowhuh:

1146959
I set it to on hiatus because I hit a little depression spell, so I wasn't feeling the passion to write. But I did quickly got over it, and now I'm sick. Life has a way of punching you in the balls, and it sucks.
Thanks for the well wishes.

~Shadowswipe

How did I spend to hours here?
I believe you meant two?

1148438Don't I know it.:facehoof: Anyways, no problem, and hope to see some new chapters from you "soon" (after you're feeling better)

awesome chapter! are you still sick or will there be more up soon?

1158239
More coming soon bro.

Bow chicka bow wow, is what tucker would say

Cool chapter tho bro

BUHAHAHA! that ending song!

they had the same dream!

1163620
Awesome, I created a mind fuck and I didn't even mean to.

1171337
Nothing, it was a hallucination to lure her into the water. You see the same thing.

1172030
When a chapter is really short I use the dreams as a scapegoat. I'm not going back to the dreams.

Well I find the dreams entertaining to the story u shud keep em :pinkiehappy:

What? its already complete? well shit dude

1181541 just that its a good story and i didnt expect it to end so suddenly

1181662
1181643
I'm going to take a break from writing because school starts in a week for me, so I won't have too much time to write. Sorry.

1181667 understandable dude. good story though

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