• Member Since 19th Nov, 2014
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Blaze Fury


Let the Tides of Revolution carry you my friend


T

Freaks.

Thats what everyone calls us. Freaks or monsters just because we have animal ears and a tail. Me and my cousin just want to live a peaceful life without the government hunting us down for their experiments. My cousin, she's just eight years old and I thirteen. We have lived with our 'deformities' since we were born. The doctors couldn't figure out how either of us got the ears or tail. It was later on in my life that I figured out I had telekinesis and other powers, and that just made the government want us even more after finding out. They wanted to turn us into weapons but I grabbed Nate and ran away before they could.

One day we were backed into an alleyway and corned. With nowhere to run I was about to give up, but that was before a tear in space opened behind us. Now I did the smartest thing you could do in this situation, I used my powers on the soldiers before grabbing a few of their weapons, one of their trucks and my cousin before going in. What lied on the other side we were not prepared for.

A/N: This story takes place in a universe where mlp never existed. This will be set in a YHaY universe and the story will take place roughly close to two years before Nightmare Moon returns.. Also the chapters may be uploaded slowly due to school, but I will try me hardest to get them out to you.

Original story belongs to Madmaxtheblack, and MLP is owned by Hasbro.

Chapters (6)
Comments ( 91 )

Appears things are about to get interesting.

i havent seen a intresting story since i have been stuck here in the abyss hope to see more

Fuck goverment!:twilightangry2: Sometimes I'm so ashamed of my kind:ajsleepy: Interesting story though, tracking it and waiting for more

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Hey I thought I killed both of you. I personally turned you to ashes and returned you to their thrones.

Well you have my interest in this story. I will follow.

I'm looking forward to seeing how this story goes. One problem I have with it though is that the paragraphs you make look like walls of text. It makes me feel disoriented and want to skip some of it. Something I've found (for myself) that helps with this is spacing it after 4-6 sentences if possible, but that's just my opinion.

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I thought he was named after a dark souls thing like high lord wolnir was.

7157845 It's just a story bro, calm down. Government can't do this in real life. First of all, they'll be denying them their rights, and then they wouldn't be able to pull it off without it being leaked to the public. At worse, they'll just be exposed to the public and instantly become famous.

As someone who is in the Army I couldn't help but wonder why the humans were not driving the Up-Armored Hummvies like they are suppose to. Not civilian hummers. Also, if it is a Military Standard Hummer, then there is no way the cousin can fix his leg as the center is used for the radio. And that thing is mandatory in all vics. The thing is huge, there is no one anyone can fix a leg while its there.

I'm sorry for the rant, but I care deeply about the military and I want to help you with this story as much as I can.

Also, you kept switching the gender of Nate. It went from him to her back to him then again to her.

7166809 Well I enjoyed the insight. This is what I look for in my comments, constructive criticism. The guys chasing them are actually mercenaries, since Cole and Nate are in the Us. They can't sent there own troops in threw civilian places so they hired mercenaries. And I guess I missed some things, and the reason why is because I had originally made Nate male but decided against it. I thought with that character being female would work better in the story in the future. Plus thank you for adding my story to your favorites.
Little question, what branch of the military are you in?

7166833 I am in the Army National Guard. Been serving for 4 years going on 5.

7167017 Sweet. I plan on joining the marines after highschool is over.

7167035 Best of luck Jar-Head. Maybe after boot camp (assuming you didn't wet yourself and cry home to your mom like a BITCH) we can exchange stories of our time in training. I have a lot to share.

7167089 Well i will look forward to it.

All I can say is AWESOME!

7177503 Your here!

7180769 K. I'm gonna read it story naow.

That was stupendously cringey.

No words can express how upset i am at how long it took for this chapter to come out. :ajbemused:

Ah, Its one of these fits! I love them. Rabid humans and they need to be tested and shit. Well, thanks for the update and plz update more
Soon!

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Well to you two I am sorry. But school comes first and I had several projects I had to do and add AP finals on top of that. Though since it's summer break right now the chapters will come out faster.And hopefully I don't get grounded at all.

7254763 ok, i understand... school can get in the way of things quite a bit.
I was expecting a reason like this aswell. Hope the next chapter comes out soon!

I can't wait to see what happens next! :D

Hmmmmm....
Most interesting....
I'll hope to see the next chapter soon.
Keep the good work up. :pinkiehappy:

7166833 If you need an editor I don't mind editing for you.

Comment posted by Blaze Fury deleted Jun 2nd, 2016

GTA VI Trailer is actually fake. Calm down, you're getting hyped for nothing. Btw, he needs to be stronger and I can't help but cringe when he fails to get out of easy situations.

7269606 What do you mean easy situations?

7269688 Like when he was on the locomotive and was blasted on the chest. You wrote he had a few seconds fo react.....a few seconds is more than enough for anyone to react, but he didn't. His reaction time, and the fact he refused to kill anyone, will get him killed. I don't care if I made a promise, if I have to kill, I will kill. Should've done that when he was on the train.

7269775 I see what your saying. In the next chapter I'll make sure nothing like that pops up.

For fuck sake Celestia. He just saved your sister and you want to study him? Arrogant bitch.

Great job with this chapter a few spelling errors but i can look over those, what did the pony's leave in the north? i hope to read it soon.

If Celestia want's peace between them... I purpose the use of ''the golden rule'', treat others as you yourself wish to be treated.

And as she probably is the reason why Nate ended up in a collar..... welp.... the golden Rule!

7325677 98% agreement with that, the other 2 percent is off somewhere thinking bout youtube...

Chapter was interesting, except for the parts about the battleship. One word came to my mind, ridiculous. I know it's your story, but the idea of him having a battleship plus having one built, is too ridiculous, I'm sorry but that's what I think. I'm fine with them being on the run with magical powers in a Yhay universe, (which is actually a story idea of mine but the character having the power to control nature and dressed similar to Ermac from Mortal Kombat X), but all of a sudden we have robots and a battleship similar to an Iowa-Class. This may sound harsh, but in my mind at the end of the chapter, I was thinking, "What the fuck am I reading?"

7328185 Well I thank you for the feed back but know this, the battleship will not be used a lot in the story. It's more of something to make the other nations fear them especially the griffins. Because by next chapter they will have had word that two humans have escaped the clutches of an alicorn princess and defeated Nightmare Moon, so they will try and get them. All in all, the ship is more for intimidating purposes.

7328314 As long as it's not used as an OP weapon like many stories have, then I'll keep reading and see where this goes. Robots too.

This is looking like the beginning of a story of which the main character, given enough time, could overcome any obstacle. Cole feels like a character that can do anything if he needed to. He gives off that 'If i wanted to i could take over this planet vibe' as if he has an infinite reservoir of power that can only be tapped into if he really wanted to but usually he is just not feeling up to it...
it is as if you wrote that do not kill clause to back yourself out of an omnipotence hole...
Im not saying that this is necessarily a bad thing, it's just i'm not sure if you can fathom a character's ideals motives actions or intentions who has been raised from birth to be a superior being.

7330591 I stated in the author's notes in the prologue chapter that Cole has the same strength of an average unicorn and the only advanced thing he can do is teleport. He hasn't learned how to do that yet, and if you're wondering how he knocked several guards and Celestia back... well let's just say at times Cole can get creative with his magic. Also when you said

it is as if you wrote that do not kill clause to back yourself out of an omnipotence hole...

I made it to where he promised Natalie that he wouldn't kill because she was afraid that he'd start to enjoy it and become something else. I say that because at Cole's age at the time his mind is very impressionable to things.
Also what did you mean by an 'omnipotence hole'?

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