Epilogue
Ponyville covered with water puddles everywhere Fluttershy stepped as she soon gave up just flying about it as the town was cleaning up. Fluttershy smiled as she rushed to her friends as their gave her a big hug
"It so good to see you girls again" Fluttershy said as the smile never seem to end
"It good to see you to Flutter, so how was Discord's?" Rainbow asked as the yellow coated pegasus smile grew bigger
"Well can you girls promise me no questions?" She asked as their all did the Pinkie Promise "Discord and I are marefriend and coltfriend" Fluttershy said making Rainbow just start laughing in a fake way.
"Good one Flutters and here I thought you didn't have a sentence of humor" Rainbow Dash said before she started laughing
"I'm not joking I'm Discord mare friend and trust me it has been one long week" Fluttershy said in a serious tone
"No it hasn't the author posted this story all at once and he only wrote this because he was bored on a Saturday and couldn't be bother playing Sonic Generations or Halo 4" Pinkie said making everypony sitting at the table to look at her
"That was my hole week" Fluttershy said breaking the silence
"Well how much we don't like Discord we can't make who you fall in love with Fluttershy" Twilight said
"Well if Shy' said it so will ah ya see me and Spike are now datin'" Applejack said
"Ha, told you Dashie that those two was going to get together. Now pay up" Pinkie cheered as she eat her cup cake
"Umm Pinkie we wasn't betting" Rainbow Dash said as the pink earth pony put her head down in shame as the cyan blue pegasus pull her into a hug.
"I got one question Fluttershy" Rarity said ignoring the orange earth pony next to her "Why didn't you just asked Discord to fix your house with his magic?"
"He can do that" Fluttershy said shocked "I kind of forgot he could"
"Well this will all be perfect once I get my cotton candy cloud" Pinkie said turning to Fluttershy with a smile bigger then another smile
"Oh. I knew I forgot about something" Fluttershy said
THE
"No!" Pinkie shouted "We are not ending the story off here into I get my cloud or a sequel called Seven Days Two: The Search of Pinkie's Cotton Candy Cloud"
"Pinkie!" Their all cried
"No there no way I will continue talking into I get my."
THE END...
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Okay, I'm not trying to sound mean here, this is constructive criticism. I have not read this yet, but I can see that you need an editor, there are many grammar and spelling mistakes in the synopsis. These are a couple of examples:
To sound better, it could be "Fluttershy's house is too wrecked after taking care of the Breezies because of a tree falling down and crushing the place."
Could be turned into: "There's only one hope for her to stay with until her house is fixed in a week's time. Discord."
Like I said, I'm trying to be mean and I don't want you to take offence from this as I'm just giving you pointers that can help. This story shows really good promise and I want to read it, but I suggest that it would be good to get an editor, or yourself, to fix this up and make it that much better.
Holy fuck dude, just coming out of the blue with a multi chapter completed story? You's a brave motherfucker
I know my spelling shit I tried to fix it as must as I can but my spelling is a so bad you should have seen what it was like before I went and fix most of it. But when I find the time I'll try fixing the spelling I'm working on something really big right now and this was the story I'm writing
6246389 in your disc.
1. needs the 'is' (or your could say they are away in Manehatten)
2. see above, it is spelled Manehatten.
3. earlier. but I would also suggest "earlier than expected."
4. This is a repetitive statement. You've already told us the storm lasts for a week a here:
Now aside from that I have no idea why your little story here has gotten so many bad votes. But I hope later on in the week I can get around to helping you some more. I'll be sure to read your story and proofread for you.
I like FlutterCord, but DESPISE AppleSpike. Also, the grammar needs work.
After reading that description, I have to ask: is English your first language?
6247827
His bio says he's from New Zealand. English and one other language are spoken there.
It says he lives in New Zealand; doesn't necessarily mean he grew up there.
6247955
True. It seems like it was translated.
For what it's worth, I hope you'll allow me to give you some constructive criticism. Having written two fan fictions myself, I get how annoying it can be when people dislike a story without saying why.
Okay, just a few short points. Here it goes.
If you struggle in finding time to correct spelling, you can get an editor. Someone who can help you in editing the grammar in a story. Remember, this will not discredit you. You came up with the story. The editor only tweaks the wording, not the story.
Second point is your attention to physical detail.
I love it that you describe character appearance, but you don't have to go into immense detail.
Last point is the romance.
The story is sweet and simple, and I admit, I would have enjoyed it more if it had taken less effort to try and understand what was being written.
Short, sweet and simple stories are nice and excellent for casual enjoyment, but I felt the romance aspects to be rushed.
Being brutally honest, I get the feeling this was written by a child. But who am I to judge, I'm only 16!
Reading should be fun, therefore it is essential that your story is immediately understandable.
This all sounds a bit harsh, but don't worry.
I actually felt the story held potential to it, call it a 'diamond in the rough'.
Like I said, it was cute and sweet, but lacked the deepness, pacing and grammar as what may be considered ideal.
It was a good story, just badly written.
In any case, what I read I enjoyed. So have a like from me!
P.S. Please don't get too offended by anything I said. If you do, shake it off and continue writing to try and better yourself and your skills!
PM me if you have any further inquiries into the comments I made.
6344361
You know what's funny I think the same. I don't know how to get a editor I know what the group is called (yes I know I'm a idiot) and thank you for being honest. I know the romance though out the story wasn't the best as Pinkie said I wrote this on a Saturday in February and finished in July and I tried my best to edit the most mistake I could find myself but romance stories ain't really my strong point of writing as when you read Applespike Day Four you can tell I just wanted this story to be finish. As I think the best story I have wrote so far is maybe Highschool Adventures but I digress I know I need to re-fix some of the spelling error but I almost get no time on my computer as the spelling errors was because I wrote this on my cellphone so I could work on this at school and when I'm not on the computer and just e-mail myself the work after it's edited and because I'm only allowed on my home computer for 10 or so minutes on the weekends as that why you can see so many spelling errors but I digress thank you anyway
6344567 okay, I'll see if I can help you out.
I'll get an editor to PM you. Hopefully you can work something out.
Good luck.
I have absolutely no idea what your trying to get across in the Synopsis. I... I think it's a story about Fluttershy? Also, apparently, Applejack and Spike? I don't think I'm going to enjoy reading this if I can hardly make out what the story is about. Try again, darling. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know!