(Take place after It isn't Easy Being Breezies)
Fluttershy's house is too wreaked after taking care of the Breezies because of a tree falling down and crushing the place. There's only one hope for her to stay with into her house is fixed in a week's time. Discord. Meanwhile Spike is helping Applejack get everything ready for the week storm while her family away are Manehatten but the storm kicks in early then expected making Spike stay with Applejack into the storm ends for the week time.
Can Fluttershy live in the house of chaos for a week or will all the non making of sense get to her as well and Applejack over come the weird dreams she been having more with the same dragon who always in it, staying at Sweet Apple Arces into the storm blows over.
Sequels:
Seven Days II
Okay, I'm not trying to sound mean here, this is constructive criticism. I have not read this yet, but I can see that you need an editor, there are many grammar and spelling mistakes in the synopsis. These are a couple of examples:
To sound better, it could be "Fluttershy's house is too wrecked after taking care of the Breezies because of a tree falling down and crushing the place."
Could be turned into: "There's only one hope for her to stay with until her house is fixed in a week's time. Discord."
Like I said, I'm trying to be mean and I don't want you to take offence from this as I'm just giving you pointers that can help. This story shows really good promise and I want to read it, but I suggest that it would be good to get an editor, or yourself, to fix this up and make it that much better.
Holy fuck dude, just coming out of the blue with a multi chapter completed story? You's a brave motherfucker
I know my spelling shit I tried to fix it as must as I can but my spelling is a so bad you should have seen what it was like before I went and fix most of it. But when I find the time I'll try fixing the spelling I'm working on something really big right now and this was the story I'm writing
6246389 in your disc.
1. needs the 'is' (or your could say they are away in Manehatten)
2. see above, it is spelled Manehatten.
3. earlier. but I would also suggest "earlier than expected."
4. This is a repetitive statement. You've already told us the storm lasts for a week a here:
Now aside from that I have no idea why your little story here has gotten so many bad votes. But I hope later on in the week I can get around to helping you some more. I'll be sure to read your story and proofread for you.
I like FlutterCord, but DESPISE AppleSpike. Also, the grammar needs work.
After reading that description, I have to ask: is English your first language?
6247827
His bio says he's from New Zealand. English and one other language are spoken there.
It says he lives in New Zealand; doesn't necessarily mean he grew up there.
6247955
True. It seems like it was translated.
OMC YOU MADE A DISNEY REFERENCE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Where is that follow button?)
D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
For what it's worth, I hope you'll allow me to give you some constructive criticism. Having written two fan fictions myself, I get how annoying it can be when people dislike a story without saying why.
Okay, just a few short points. Here it goes.
If you struggle in finding time to correct spelling, you can get an editor. Someone who can help you in editing the grammar in a story. Remember, this will not discredit you. You came up with the story. The editor only tweaks the wording, not the story.
Second point is your attention to physical detail.
I love it that you describe character appearance, but you don't have to go into immense detail.
Last point is the romance.
The story is sweet and simple, and I admit, I would have enjoyed it more if it had taken less effort to try and understand what was being written.
Short, sweet and simple stories are nice and excellent for casual enjoyment, but I felt the romance aspects to be rushed.
Being brutally honest, I get the feeling this was written by a child. But who am I to judge, I'm only 16!
Reading should be fun, therefore it is essential that your story is immediately understandable.
This all sounds a bit harsh, but don't worry.
I actually felt the story held potential to it, call it a 'diamond in the rough'.
Like I said, it was cute and sweet, but lacked the deepness, pacing and grammar as what may be considered ideal.
It was a good story, just badly written.
In any case, what I read I enjoyed. So have a like from me!
P.S. Please don't get too offended by anything I said. If you do, shake it off and continue writing to try and better yourself and your skills!
PM me if you have any further inquiries into the comments I made.
6344361
You know what's funny I think the same. I don't know how to get a editor I know what the group is called (yes I know I'm a idiot) and thank you for being honest. I know the romance though out the story wasn't the best as Pinkie said I wrote this on a Saturday in February and finished in July and I tried my best to edit the most mistake I could find myself but romance stories ain't really my strong point of writing as when you read Applespike Day Four you can tell I just wanted this story to be finish. As I think the best story I have wrote so far is maybe Highschool Adventures but I digress I know I need to re-fix some of the spelling error but I almost get no time on my computer as the spelling errors was because I wrote this on my cellphone so I could work on this at school and when I'm not on the computer and just e-mail myself the work after it's edited and because I'm only allowed on my home computer for 10 or so minutes on the weekends as that why you can see so many spelling errors but I digress thank you anyway
6344567 okay, I'll see if I can help you out.
I'll get an editor to PM you. Hopefully you can work something out.
Good luck.
I sence a subtle nod to the fact Pinkie and Fluttershy have the same voice actress...
Honestly the idea was good, but the story is poorly written and the included songs get annoying to skip over. Switching from Discords house and Applejack becomes very confusing, so I feel like formating needs to be improved a bit. Also, they not only seem out of character but thier dialog is odd. I would recommend doing the first half of a chapter with Discord and flutters, and the second half Applejack and Spike.
Please don't get annoyed with my critiquing, I see potential, there are just some things that need to be worked upon.
In this part,
"I will tell you the only other one who knows is Rainbow Dash but you see my older brother looked after me once our parents died he was to adopt me when he just became my new father while still being my brother but that all changed..." And many other I feel like you need more commas. Just remember to use puncutation a but more so sentences can flow.
I have absolutely no idea what your trying to get across in the Synopsis. I... I think it's a story about Fluttershy? Also, apparently, Applejack and Spike? I don't think I'm going to enjoy reading this if I can hardly make out what the story is about. Try again, darling. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know!
Lol that was the right thing to do pinkie,
You did god horse,you did good
First of All,The guardians if the galaxy was clever(I loved the movie) than Angel was singing kiss that girl, and I was freaking out
and then When discord left I said "It wasn't you angel,Discord was just being a coward"
OKAY,Discord's song a reference from Shrek the musical(IT WAS A BRILLIANT ONE TOO)and the kiss withSpike and AJ as cute, and When Discord And Fluttershy kissed,.....
YOU ARE FREAKING BRILLIANT.
at the end I was all like,.........
"Uhhh,......Yay?"