The Republic of Harmony

by Shadow-Aura

Chapter 13 eclipse

*Secret medical facility*

Solar eclipse was strapped to a table of some sort. She was very badly burnt and deformed from her loss in tarterous. She saw discord enter wearing a black cloak which was quite menacing.

"Lord eclipse you are being given a new body," He said "One with a life support system that will keep you alive."

"Thank you master." celestia wheezed.

The droids around her started to attach the artificial limbs to her body. They was soon followed by a black leather suit which was filled with the life support equipment. The suit covered all of her body except for her face. This had a two part mask on part was a respirator. the other half covered her deformed face and worked as armor.

"Lord eclipse can you here me?" Discord asked.

"Yes master," Solar replied in a deep voice "Where is Luna?"

"It seems you killed her in your anger." He lied.

"She was alive I felt it!" Solar broke out of the restraints but crushed any droid trying to stop her.

Discord was smiling at this display. He caused this. He knew Celestia had an vision but he's just made it true. If she'd never turned the vision would never be true.

Celestia collapsed onto the floor and shouted. "NOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

*the rebel base*

"Luna would've wanted it." Cadence said lighting the fire.

"It's the best we can do." Twilight agreed.

"She believed their is still good in her." Kaiber sighed.

"She's more machine than mare now." Twilight said sensing what is left of Celestia is still alive.

"Even so could she be tuned?" Cadence asked.

"Yes In my universe it happened." Han said joining the debate.

"How?" Twilight asked.

"Luke." Han simply said.

"Yeah that is your Jedi friend," Cadence retorted "What about him?"

"His father was a sith lord," Han said "By the name of Darth Vader, he died to save his son from the man who turned him."

"Did he know?" Kaiber asked worried.

"Yes it happened on the planet Bespin," Han confirmed "His teacher obi wan kenobi died the year before and he was being taught by Yoda the original grand master, but he saw a vision of a trap we entered and rushed to our aid even though Yoda advised against it."

"What happened?" Twilight asked interested.

"When he arrived I was trapped in carbonite and the others were captured," Han explained "Luke confronted Vader in lightsaber combat."

"I guess Vader won." Cadence guessed sarcastically.

"Yes but he didn't kill Luke," Han told the trio "Luke had his cut off and was hanging over a endless pit, it was gear Vader told Luke the truth about his father and showed obi wan was lying."

"So what did Luke do?" Twilight asked.

"Jump." Han said in severe seriousness.

"What how is he alive?" Cadence asked skeptical.

"He grabbed a satellite antenna," Han explained "Leia being his twin sensed he was in trouble and stole my ship to help him."

"And then they freed you." 3PO said appearing behind Han.

"Yes from Jabba the hut a gangster who I owed money to," Han laughed "But that was on the planet tatooine three years later."

"It took three years to rescue me." Cadence laughed.

"Yeah jabba was the kind of guy you don't usually mess with," Han explained "He had an army of bounty hunters but we killed him before we beet the empire."

"So it is possible." Twilight nodded.

"Well our version at least." Han finished.

"Well I'm taking Organia to the crystal empire." Cadence said.

"Time to take skywalker to the badlands where I shall train him." Twilight said.

"So the Jedi won't help us this time." Han said stroking his chin.

"Oh we will when my padowan is ready." Twilight replied.

"Ok see you in...." Han implied.

"16 years captain Solo." Twilight finished.

"Master Kaiber Artoo said that he should go with you so if we need you we can find you." 3PO said gesturing to the astromech.

"Sure I'll take Artoo he's been my friend since the start of the clone wars." Kaiber agreed mentioning the war that had Started the purge. Artoo bleeped joyfully but twilight looked upset. Her droid SPIKE was destroyed by the clone she nicknamed sunset.

"Well Han drop us too the badland wastes please." Twilight said to her freind.

"Ah my old hideout good choice." Han replied heading towards the hanger bay.

"Come on Artoo." Kaiber said following the other two. The droid rolled behind.

*Imperial command ship executor*

"Ah lord eclipse glad you can join us." Discord said standing on the bridge of the newly formed super star destroyer.

"What is thy bidding my master?" Solar asked going on one knee.

"This is your personal ship you'll use it to hunt down any threat to our empire." Discord said.

"Thank you master." Solar said standing up.

"Now we need to find the Jedi who escaped," Discord explained "Meet your personal assassin Tirek."

What celestia saw was the once dead centaur half cybernetic standing before her. She felt angry still that he had killed her freind Rainbow. So angry she ignited her new blade which was as red as the blood of her enemies and decapitated him.

"Good good you still show anger for the things that happened years ago," Discord congratulated "Twilight sparkle is doomed."

"The circle will be completed when her blood is on my saber." Solar said smiling evilly.

*The badland wastes*

"Goodbye Han good luck." Kaiber bowed to the captain.

"Goodbye guys hope you train him to be like Luke." Han said walking up the ramp into the Falcon.

"Rrraghrr r agar." chewbacca said 'let us not die'

"Us die your kidding." Han laughed taking off.

The two Jedi turned and watched the sunset ahead of them.

"I hope one day we can return the republic to it's former ways." Twilight said holding young skywalker in her arms.

"In time twilight," Kaiber said "In time."

*Crystal empire*

Cadence returned to her home. She was shocked to see how many clones filled the streets patrol after patrol walked by. all around dropships landed with full battalions coming out. When she reached her home she was stopped by a commander.

"What is the meaning of this?" She asked.

"Your filly seems to have a high midiclorian count mam," the clone said "We thought that you or she was a Jedi."

"Well i'm not nor is my filly," Cadence scowled "I want to be left alone so go somewhere else and assume."

"Yes ma'lady." the trooper said.

Cadence entered her home in a hurry locking the door as she went. She thought they knew about the alliance. That they knew about organia. Speaking of the child she was asleep on cadence's back.

"Organia why do I have a ad feeling about all this." She asked rhetorically.

The filly was just sleeping peacefully which made Cadence giggle somewhat. She was happy now that had somepony to care for. She also had a rebellion to run. It would be hard times ahead but she wasn't fazed by it.

"one day the republic shall return," She said to herself looking out over the sunset "One day all this will be set right."

As cadence finished her monologue she saw a flash from her waist.

"This is Senator Cadence who is it?" She asked into the holocom seeing the blue figure of twilight appear.

"Twilight don't worry senator skywalker is safe far away from the chancellor," Twilight said smiling "But Organia must know that you aren't her biological mother."

"WHAT?" Cadence half asked half screamed at twilight.

"If they think us as their parents they will get attached and if my calculations are correct," Twilight explained "If either of the two are the chosen one their feelings for us may effect the course of the future greatly."

"You have a point I shall tell her when she can understand." Cadence said.

"Thank you Senator." Twilight said hanging up.
Cadence sighed as she entered the room she left Organia.

"Why oh why did this happen to me?" she laughed rhetorically looking at her adopted daughter.

*Badlands*

"Thank you senator." Twilight said hanging up.

"You did well master sparkle," Kaiber said holding a sleeping skywalker.

"What are we going to tell him?" Twilight asked.

"That his mother was betrayed by Darth eclipse who was a pupil of yours at the time," Kaiber started "She turned to the dark side of the force and killed her disgracefully a tragic end for a great hero."

"That is a believable story but what if he confronts Celestia?" Twilight said stroking her head confused.

"We shall pass that obstacle when it comes," Kaiber said taping the younger Jedi on the shoulder "Now our reason for taking care of the boy."

"Aunt Twilight and Uncle Kaiber." Twilight replied.

"That is alright but we may want to change our names," Kaiber said smiling "Aunt Dawn and uncle obi wan."

"That is fine with me." Twilight agreed.

"Well let us start this exile," Kaiber said "Your lightsaber please."

Twilight nodded and handed hers and Celestia's old saber to Kaiber. When he saw it the look upon his face was disappointed.

"Why didn't you kill her?" Kaiber asked.

"I couldn't bring myself to do it," Twilight sobbed "She was like a sister and a good freind"

Kaiber nodded in agreement "If it was me i wouldn't off." He said tapping her on the shoulder.

"Kaiber why Obi Wan i get why my name would be dawn as another thing with time," Twilight said completely changing the subject "Was it the name of an old freind?"

"Well kinda it is the name of the man who taught Luke," Kaiber explained "I figured young skywalker should be taught by another obi wan kenobi."

"Oh ok then." twilight said taking a step inside.

Kaiber stared into the sunset with skywalker on his back. He seemed to be most happy in the calm and the quiet. Nothing could've stopped what discord had done. The dark side was back and in full force. literally. Kaiber knew that training the son of the ex-chosen one will be hard. Celestia was beyond help or so he thought twilight had agreed but Luna thought there was good in her.

"Skywalker time to go inside." Kaiber said as the sun fully set on the republic and letting the moon rise on the empire.

Author's Note:

hey guy Jamie here i would like to thank the people who have supported this story. the last few chapters was hard. i had writers block and was banned off of my laptop but the end is here.
this has been alicornjedi thanks for reading.

Comments

[SarahFarrell]

I absolutely love your story, and to you horrible people. Stop. What is the point? He wants to right a story. Then he writes a story. Don't like it, don't comment. End of story. Trying to make your self feel better by putting others down. Don't do it. Alicornjedi your story is perfect as are you.

[Shadow-Aura]

6311152 thanks for the support

[Westbrook87]

The circlejerk between the author and his fawning attendants is something to behold.

[Westbrook87]

I don't care how good you think your story is. When you have a 5:34 like to dislike ratio, there's something wrong with your fic.

You can either plug your fingers in your ears, delete every negative comment, and keep going as you are.

Or you could sit down, re-examine your life, and listen to criticism, even when it's not wrapped in flowers and chocolate.

[Shadow-Aura]

6327572
6327580
Do think about the criticism and attempt to adapt that to my form of writing but i have disabilities and it's quite hard to accept comments saying your story is rubbish. i need actual criticism saying what is wrong with my story

[Westbrook87]

6327894 You HAVE been receiving criticism, but seem to be suffering under the delusion that criticism means getting flowery compliments with a sentence or two saying "maybe this bit could have been better" or "this part was spelled wrong."

[Shadow-Aura]

6328918
Yeah and I've sorted most of them.

[Thunder Quill]

6174130 Just... Don't...

From someone who has ADHD, don't try to use it as why you should be treated better.

[Shadow-Aura]

6340840
Part of my personal problems is I take things to seriously. For example hate comments it may be some people having a laugh or some know it all but to me it is soul crushing

[TheFanficFanPony]

6174130

That doesn't excuse you from at least getting an editor and trying to learn.

[RIPoste]

Righto, please don't take this in anyway, but this is how I feel the story could be better.

Pros:
1) Intriguing storyline

Unfortunately, that's it. The areas you need help with/ need to improve on are below.

Cons:
1) Grammar, it's a basic foundation. To be honest, it really hurts to read something that contains bad grammar from bottom to down. My advice? Find an editor, there are plenty people on the net who would help you, you just need to ask.

2) Details. Truthfully speaking, stories are supposed to help us readers visualize the image the authors created. However, your story lack that. From top to bottom, I can only 'see' the characters talking to each other in a blurry image. So yeah, details would help a lot. You could refer to a stories of a user by the name of 'Cold in Gardez to see what I mean. (In terms of details, this guy is very good)

3)Pacing. You rush things waaaaaaaay too fast. The time you took to change scenes are as fast as popcorn popping in an oven. Personally speaking, your story just seems like a super rushed version of 'Revenge of The Sith', making it a lot less entertaining. Slow down, most readers prefer nicely paced reads, not too fast, not too slow.

4) Character Development. Your characters may be developed in your eyes, however, we don't know jack about them. it would have been fine if it was just a pony crossover into a star wars fic. However, the fact remains that you added an OC into the story. This OC would be bound to influence situations in a story, most notably that of emotions and the decisions that were created as a result. Hence, instead of telling us that this guy's like this because of he has to be, you could try to show what the characters are in a multitude of ways. Most notably through detailed backstories. Not rubbing salt onto a wound, but you got a backstory, but they aren't detailed.

Anyway, this story has potential, really, I'm not kidding. However, it just needs to be fine-tuned to the fans liking. If you think your story is good enough as it is, then please ignore whatever I said, however, if you want your story to be upvoted (I'm just assuming that most of the downvotes are because of people who dislike the story as it is), you have to improve it. Those cons above are areas that need some work, and if you work properly, yeah, you should get what you want.

[Richardson]

No.

Stop.

Seriously, ow.

[ObsidianPony]

6174130
Please please please please please please, don't do this. Inexperience is something you can genuinely have some slack for as long as it's not abused but for the love of god, speaking as someone who also has them, do not use special needs as a shield against criticism.
6175300
Most people are more honest is why there aren't more. Hearing negativity isn't always positive, in fact it rarely is, but it's important for us to develop creatively.

[TheArquius]

*sigh*

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?!? STOP DISLIKING THE STORY!!! HECK, YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO READ IT!!! YOU CAN JUST GO ON WITH YOUR DAY, AND STOP BEING A BUNCH OF PUSSYWEEDS!!!!

Anyways.....

Love the story!

[Shadow-Aura]

6382850
Thanks man. I'm kinda shocked by the ruthlessness you gave the haters.

[last of delta1]

Hmm, clearly a lot of hate on this story which only made me wanna read this more and to be honest I've seen worse. Not that great, but also not that bad. Ignore the negative comments filled with only hate and focus more on comments with helpful advice so you can improve your stories. Also, I would suggest you find an editor to help you with your stories. Hope to see more stories from you in the future.

[Shadow-Aura]

6383175
thanks man

[SolidArc5542]

I would advise getting an editor. Perhaps even delete the story and re-submit it. I can fully understand why people dislike the story because it's *sigh* bad. The grammar is terrible, you need to get an editor. When I read the first tree sentences of the first, the very first chapter, I completely understood why people disliked it. But don't take this comment of mine too personal. I'm just trying to help you out.

[Shadow-Aura]

6423847
thanks for your opinion but I'm not deleting my story. If you read my most recent one you will see that i listen to my comments.

[Spooky Moon]

Wow it's been a while since, I read a story this bad with an intriguing plot line.

[Eldorado]

Please don't publish chapters announcing a sequel or other news. All chapters need to be narrative content. Sequel announcements and other news should be given through a tagged blog post.

[Shadow-Aura]

6589627
ok sorry i'll take it away

[Tom From Myspace]

6568962 Just continuing the Star Wars tradition of incest.

[Shadow-Aura]

6970120
Yup

[Lightning Crystal]

I just barely finished reading this story, and I have to say, it was amazing, I don't know why so many people hate it, but the ending is what made this one of the best crossover fics i've ever read, admittedly I didn't really think i'd like it at first, due to my past experiences with starwars MLP crossovers, but when I read it, it was amazing, and I loved every word, and chapter, I will always remember this as an amazing story that gives me hope for more crossovers, and to help me be inspired to write more

[Shadow-Aura]

7096068
Thanks dude I really thought this story was only going downhill and this will boost my confidence with my new stories