This story has been canceled!
reworked version here:http://www.fimfiction.net/story/294123/light-in-the-darkest-hour-revamped
Hello, my name is Ori, I have lived many years, many of them spent being imprisoned in stone.
But after a century of waiting and barely keeping my sanity in check I managed to free myself, and this is the story of what happened next.
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NOTE: This is an Ori and the Blind Forest crossover and you do not have to be familiar with the game all you need to know is going to be explained in the story and please tell me if I overlooked something and I will try to fix that in later chapters
this is my first story and english is not my first language and if you see any grammar or wording issues then feel free to let me know or just yell at me for being stupid. actually don't do the ladder.
this is a displaced story and I will be avoiding any god tier crossovers do to it will most likely ruin some of my plot but if you're interested in a crossover let me know. Now of with you, I don't want to waste more of your time than needed
EDIT: about the crossovers, I will keep any crossovers to a minimum, as it would likely ruin the plot except if I sit there and think my way around it for hours, but feel free to ask me if you are interested, I am working on another story that I will have no problems with crossovers whatsoever
DOUBLE EDIT:A huge thank you to Stellar Spiral this guy has been a great help in edidin this story and supporting me as a writer and I can' thank him enough. So this shout out is for him
just a heads up there are two authors on this account me, Derpy Engineer HD the original name for this account. then there is Reddsiblings he is allowed to make stories of his own it will be marked on the bottom of the description.
I OWN NONE OF THIS
My Little Pony Friendship is Magic is owned by Hasbro
Ori and the blind forest is created by moon studios and microsoft studios
Author:Derpy Engineer HD
Co Author and Editor:Reddsiblings
Main editor: Stellar Spirall
FEATURED! 8/30/2015: Thank you guys so much! never thought I would ever get featured, but you proved me wrong!!
I usually don't go into a full-scale analysis of a story when it has grammar like this one does, so i'll just do the first paragraph.
I would go through the entire thing, but that's a bit too much effort... and because I got bored of reading it after 'everything went black.'.
Recommendation? Get an editor. Nothing Further.
- Altaimare
5998341 noted and thank you... and fixed it
I want to play the game. But I'll settle for reading this. If you have any use for a time-bending maniac that spews out lots of innuendos whenever she can, just PM me about a crossover.
5998404 Yeah, I agree with Altaimare. Get an editor before posting anymore. Trying to read something like this will give me a headache and quickly drive me to bordom.
5998822 yes me and red are working on getting an editor, now i finished the new chapter but we need the editor
Nice job. I love to help you out when I get the chance!!
Wow, I actually think this one is going to turn out really nice.
5998822 Let me tell you, this is not the worst. I've read ones in much more dire need of editors than this one. But it wouldn't hurt.
5998957 thanks me and red were slaving over the prologue and expect a new chapter coming
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Adding to favorites to track progress. If it improves I may 'like' it.
5998961 Don't get me wrong, I agree completely. I've seen some that just a few lines in I gave up trying to make sense of it.
The premise is interesting, and I'll definitely be watching for more.
Seeing so many errors in the description is very off-putting. I'd work on capitalization and sentence structure in the description, since that's what is supposed to draw your reader in. I'll hold off judgement on the story till later though. It's an interesting idea at least.
5999271 oh god i just noticed that!
I like this fic
Keep up the work
5999938 Thank you, i know its cliche but every single like and fav means alot to us
Great second chapter! Glad to be of assistance!!
Yay much better and that part at the end great. If I hate you for it.
6000150 what can i say
th00.deviantart.net/fs71/PRE/i/2013/135/3/6/__derpy_shrugs_for_some_reason___by_xanikrawlerlazarx-d65cwnk.png
I'm Evil
Oh, I really dislike Celestia for being sinister like that. She probably thinks Ori is having some kind of evil influence on her sister or something and will try and kill her, resulting in Luna becoming Nightmare Moon.
Just what exactly is Ori and the blind forest?
6000473 a game that is on steam and xbox, and a game that im in love with
If you want to know more about it cry has played it on his channel
This is BRILLIANT! Can't wait for chapter 3, just got to read chap. 2
6001633 thank you have a bookworm
th02.deviantart.net/fs71/200H/f/2014/201/5/b/eat_small_book_bookworm_by_coke_brother-d7rgi87.jpg
okay i admit that picture is a little creepy
Got a nice long list of corrections for you here;
'3rd Person'
Discord (as it is a name) and a space after the '?' with She, He's and his and She again respectively at each underline.
'Luna'
'This', also full stop at the end of the Italics
'1st'
'As'
'too'
oh my ga...!this wingacorn is huge!
needs a space there between the '!' and This
'I'
'Tell', and add quotation marks to the end of this sentence.
Space after the mark
'Then'
"she's", alternatively extend to 'she is'
'Tia'
Just a note to end with my analyses, don't forget to capitalise the first letter of the first word in a sentence, I haven't marked all of them since they seem to be fairly obvious. Also remember to capitalise names (Discord, Luna and Tia being cases I have marked here).
Aside from these points which just make it appear rushed, I would likely not have realised English wasn't your primary language. You certainly have a good grasp on the written language.
Keep up the good work I say, and make sure to give your work a second read to check for mistakes.
6002225 I did not see those when I was editing, Derpy is getting better though, thank you for telling us.
Redd
I swear to every deity in existence, if there is no update for this tomorrow, there will be blood. Lots of it.
6003243 mine or Redd's? I'm curious
6003273 Yes.
More, plz
Great chapter.
Celestia really screwed up. Something tell's me this will come back to haunt her with a vengeance.
I'm guessing that Philomena won't stay by Celestia's side anymore like she did in canon.
Will you be adding more elements or characters from Ori and Blind Forest in this story?
So sad.
6003341 there will be more.
its still incomplete, soooooooooo yeah...
more to come
great chapter keep it up.
6003428 Brilliant! It's so rare I get good stories.
6003306 wait?, "yes"? yes, as in my blood , or yes as in both our blood
i like it more please
6005684 Yes (Also, I can't kill you, as that would delay the story.)
I like this. Also celestia you done f**k up. Is just me or is there an increase of racist celestia lately. Still I hope to see more soon.
6007914 few... good thing i finished the chapter.
Hey redd you done editing?
uh... no
shit, okay redd
what is it?
readdy the bunker
6008353 But I never said anything about torture~
6008040 she's not racist she just jumps to an conclusion way to quickly
and I think its called speciest because Ori is not a race of a pony
6009651 True.... Also why do I think Ori is going to be missed off, because it did sound he though he was dieing, I can't wait to see how this going to bite her in the ass. If banishing her sister isn't enough.
6010283 Ori's a she, or at least everyone says she is
and yes she did think she was dying hence why she said "But I don't want to go."
and oh god is the next chapter a doozie i already finished it and i'm getting it proofread.
and just a tiny spoiler, or not depends Celestia is not going to be likable in this story, or at least for the most of it
great keep going.
Well, fourth time's the charm, make the red like the green and then this will make sense.