• Member Since 27th Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen February 18th


English Major, Fiction Writer, Purple Unicorn. Will Add More Later.


What if Nanoha never became the White Devil?

Twilight Sparkle, as everypony knows, is a magical pony by nature and profession. However, even she is confused when she encounters a mysterious ferret and an equally mysterious jewel. Forced into conflict by a monster attack, Twilight releases the power of the jewel, summoning the device known as Raising Heart.
Tasked with the retreival of a set of mysterious artifacts known as the Jewel Seeds, Twilight and her friends face an entirely new set of challenges. Unbeknownst to them, however, forces outside of Equestria are moving to claim the very same artifacts they now hunt.

A crossover with Magical Girl Lyrical Nanoha, with an equine twist!
A sequel has begun. Go Here For Magical Pony Lyrical Twilight A's

Magical Pony Lyrical Twilight by PurpleProse is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-ShareAlike 3.0 Unported License.

Chapters (13)
Comments ( 288 )

I've watched Nanoha (original, A's, Strikers) and read a few of the mangas. This alternate crossover promises to be interesting. Looking forward to more!

As an anime junkie I read the synopsis and had to click! I was not disappointed. A solid start and I'd like to see how it continues.

Twilight Sparkle is going to befriend the Hayfeathers out of the multiverse.

Add in what might as well be a lost Lugia under her control (elements of Harmony), I expect great, and TERRIBLE things to come from her.

In short, Orbital Friendship Cannon, GO!?

The Elements will be playing a role later on, though probably not the way you expect. :twilightsmile:

I love this!^_^

It's really great!^_^

A good fanfic!^_^

Just... please keep Yuno and Fate human. Don't turn them into ponies. It'd be more interesting that way, especially if it developed into Twilight/Fate there.

Oh, and since Twilight Sparkle is 17 or so, please make Fate the same age instead of a 9 year old little girl. Most definitely Fate should be her age if there's going to be a relationship then.

Since the Jewel Seeds didn't land on Earth, what happened to Nanoha in this universe? Did she live a normal life inheriting the cafe eventually getting married - having kids and dying of old age later on then? And does this mean that Hayate never encountered the Book of Darkness, but that it went to a pony somewhere on Equestria instead and will show up?

Oh, and Spike saw the Raising Heart gem and didn't try to eat it then?! That just doesn't seem like Spike much. Given how he's always looking for snacks.

What will the TSAB do when they find out that almost every unicorn on Equestria can bind with an Intelligent Device of great power? Well, most unicorns would be D, C, and B ranks. Only the really rare ones like Twilight being able to be A and S rank. Celestia and Luna would blow the scale right out of the water. They have too much for an Intelligent Device to bond to them without exploding. Unless the sun and moon are their Intelligent Devices. Now that would explain much.



As a Nanoha fan, I am indeed interested in seeing how this goes...

I don't know how Yuuno will take to Owliscious (and vice-versa) though... ;)

I like how Spike was trying to get her to dismiss the importance of the Gem, probably so he could eat it.

that was a grid story more i like it

*re-checks previous chapter for something*

So... The Royal Sisters appear to have some past history with the TSAB, and the magic related to either Raising Heart or the Jewel Seeds has some sort of connection with Nightmare Moon. Heck, it would not surprise me if Celestia and Luna turn out to be some form of Lost Logia or some other restricted/banned magic. :trixieshiftright:

Looking forward to more! :twilightsmile:

Okay, wonder how they're related to this Mid-Childa. I know nothing of Nanoha...:fluttershysad:

Interested in wanting more. Keep them coming!

If you're not familiar with the show, you can find episodes on YouTube easily. Also, here's a link to the wiki.

I'm already working on Chapter Three, which will have a bit more backstory. I hope this helps. :twilightsmile:

While Twilight doesn't seem to stock combat magic, I would say she has seen combat, assuming that at least Season 1 is canon for this:

The manticore
Twilight vs. Nightmare Moon
Twilight vs. Hydra
Elements of Harmony zapping Discord (if we go season 2)
She just doesn't see it often and she's not geared towards it. But she has seen enough danger/combat that she has experience of it.

Anyway, that's a small quibble. I greatly enjoyed this.

Thanks fo the comment. I've made some slight amendments to Chapter 2.

Well lets see here... the Belkan Empire in MGLN collapsed roughly a hundred-fifty years before the Nanoha plot, with the TSAB formally established 75 years later. Given how old Celestia and Luna are, they might even be related to Al-Hazard...

I doubt they know that much about the TSAB though.

naturally, the well over a thousand year old princesses would be a wealth of information to a acheologist like Yuuno, if he ever realized they knew anything about the outside universe of course. :trollestia: Twilight might not be trained in combat magic, but she will likely drag barriers and healing (at least) out of Yuuno, and Rising Heart seems to be very proficent in teaching offensive spells. (Basic ones mind, but a solid foundation) However, Jewel Seeds in Equestria sounds like a recipe for disaster (and thrilling heroics!) I will be watching this with great enthusiasm! :twilightsmile:

If Twilight is nervous about combat magic and Twilight doesn't want to harm somepony then Yuno should just tell her that Midchildan magic can be set on "stun" or "kill" settings.

Oh lord Pony Tesstarosa is going to be so friggin adorable.
Glad to see a new chapter up, definitely interested to see how it goes- You've got a pretty solid handle on everypony, and every human for that matter, so far. :)

Loved the description of Fate, there. Also her thanking Missus Cake for the cookie.

Yuuno should probably mention dragons live in the TSAB's territory if not normally Mid-Childia itself, given that it is unlikely Caro is the only dragon summoner around. (I don't know if you're familiar with season 3, Striker S.)

Good chapter.

I'm familiar with StrikerS, but it's been a while since I've seen it. I just figured Yuuno wouldn't have a lot of experience with dragons. He's an archeologist, not a biologist after all.
I'll make some edits though.

I figure it's less about 'stun and kill' and more about the idea of combat magic in general. Sure, she's fought before, but using her magic in an offensive capacity to actively harm is probably distasteful to her. Remember, most of her 'battles' have been won by reasonably pacifistic methods (i.e. curing Nightmare, re-sealing Discord, etc).

So will Pinkie Pie be throwing a party for Fate and Arf since they're new to Ponyville and all? Nice touch with the visual for the Mid-style circle.

Just out of curiousity, should I keep adding images to the stories? I don't want to interrupt the flow too much, but it sometimes helps with the descriptions of the non-MLP characters.

69446 For anyone who hadn't seen the series your crossovering with like me then yes it's a good idea.

I want to see Fate meet the CMC.. That would be interesting to read.


I'd say yes.

And wow, what an ending! Great finish, there. Awesome action, too.

A promising story with an interesting concept... ruined horribly.

From a technical standpoint it is high quality. The style and pacing are good. As is the dialog. The action is decent.

Then you go and make all of it meaningless by nailing yourself to the canon plot. Following canon, almost to the point of lifting scenes wholesale, simply doesn’t work for a crossover like this.
Twilight is NOT Nanoha. Twilight’s friends are NOT helpless muggles. Events should NOT be playing out as they did on earth.

I had high hopes when Yuuno started getting a larger role. Then you decided to effectively ignore half the cast.

You are clearly a skilled writer and you have shown a good grasp of the characters. You can do better than a rehash of Nanoha season 1.

Pictures are fine. Be nice if we can get some fan art of Pony!Fate.

Yeah, I think it's for the best-- Maybe even backtrack and put in one for Yuuno's first human appearance.

To be fair, I'm not trying to completely rehash the plot of Nanoha season one. I just felt that I needed to hit a few key plot points from the canon before I started diverging from the series entirely, i.e. Raising Heart's acquisition, the first battle with Fate, et cetera.
I disagree with the whole "helpless muggles" bit. It's just that, aside from Rainbow Dash, the rest of the cast doesn't have the same level of firepower to throw around, especcially against someone like Fate. Rainbow would do well, but the second she gets hit with a solid binding spell it'd be game over. The other ponies will be playing a greater role in the upcoming chapters, though. I'm really not trying to ignore the cast, but it's a bit difficult giving everypony something to do while juggling the main plotline.
I don't mind the criticism. Expect to see something different in Chapter 5.

On a further note, this is Season One Twilight. She hasn't quite developed the full-blown awesomeness of her powers like in Season Two.

69789 You are a complete and utter pervert.

Capabilities matter little, Twilight’s friend would not have stood around while she got blasted. Applejack, Dash and Rarity all have ways they could have attempted to help. (Pinkie is harder to say.)
Why did Fluttershy not confront Arf about the Hydra? About trying to eat her friends?

You are railroading over the characters trying to force a plot built for vastly different circumstances.
It would probably annoy me less if you hadn’t already changed things to fit the setting, such as Twilight getting a royal mandate. Why does the first encounter need to go exactly like it did for Nanoha?

70333 No I'm not. Arf is a grown woman(familiar?) with really big boobs.^_^ If I was a complete and utter pervert I would have made that remark about Fate or Yuno or one of the ponies.

Good point. I fell in the usual trap of trying to adhere too close to the episode. I'm in the process of rewriting chapter 4.
Thank you for your criticism.

Reuploaded Chapter 4. Tell me what you think, for good or ill.

71319 I love you had Fluttershy use The Stare on the wolf girl. Nice Touch. :scootangel:

If they can't get her to be firend, then maybe CMCs can pull that off. Apple Bloom is my favorite CMC.

Much, much better.
All the characters are portrayed well and totally in character, all of them are involved and you managed to give the same general outcome as canon with vastly different events. You were even able to maintain the ‘power/numbers vs experience’ dynamic.
Most impressive.

If I had to pick my favourite part... Rainbow Dash complaining about Fate’s quasi-Pegasus abilities. Although “SIT” comes a very close second.

I love how Fate notices how different this place is the her own with th whole kindness comment. That and It is a nive touvh bringing the diamond dogs and Zecora into this chapter. By any chance will you mention Hearth's Warming Eve at any point?

Not quite yet. Zecora, however, will be playing a bigger role in the coming chapters.

I've only read the first chapter so far, but I figured I'd post here on the latest chapter, as you are more likely to notice it here. *added after I wrote the rest of the post* - Forgive the rant, it's nothing personal. I mean no offense. Just.. why Raising Heart, rather than Raging? GAH!!!!

I love Nanoha. It is one of my favorite anime of all time. I also love MLP, and think that this could have great promise.

That said.. by the time I got done reading Ch 1, I was just as irritated by your use of Raising Heart rather than Raging Heart as I was by the translators doing the exact same thing in Strikers, when it clearly is Raging Heart in Nanoha and Nanoha A.. and as it's rather difficult to hear exactly what she's saying at times amidst the Japanese.. arguably she's still calling it Raging Heart in Strikers and they just translated it as Raising Heart instead. Why this irritates me? Two reasons. One, they started off calling it one thing then change it to something else later? No, I'm sorry, Nanoha wouldn't have changed it's name in the 10ish years between A and Strikers, and it was clearly the same device, not a new one or anything. So it's consistency as much as anything.

The second reason (and arguably the better reason) is that Raging Heart is a much much much stronger name, and one that fits the device (and the activation chant) a hell of a lot better than Raising Heart. Hell, I don't even know what "raising heart" means... are you raising somepony named Heart or something? >.< Raging Heart on the other hand is a much better fit, especially with the activation command.. "The winds blow in the sky, the stars are in the heavens, and a resolute heart beats in my chest!"

(Granted, I still hear Nanoha in my head with her "Raging Heart, Onegai!" lol.)

To be fair, I prefer Raging Heart myself, and I do agree with you as far as the anime is concerned. Raging Heart fits Nanoha better, considering her skill in battle and all-around fighty tendancies.
However, there's two reasons why I went with Raising Heart; first, it's the apparent canonical name according to the documents I've seen on the Nanoha Wiki.
And second...well, that's to be revealed later in the story. Suffice it to say that there's a reason why it's called Raising Heart. :twilightsmile:

84643 Rasing sounds better than Raging. Nanoha's device is not acting enraged at all in the series. But raising is what she does to Nanoha's levels(mana,control,accuracy)... those levels are raised. Also the raising can be implied to be something positive like raising(uplifting) one's heart(emotions) and sounds much better than something that puts rage in your heart then_ well in my opinion. So I like the Raising so much better than the Raging and think it's cool.

Pretty much. Again, I like Raging, but I also don't mind Raising. I went with Raising Heart because it was the canon name and for...certain other reasons. I do think Raising fits Twilight better than it fits Nanoha in the context of the story and setting.

I see what you both are saying. When I see it with Nanoha... well, there are multiple forms of rage. No, the device isn't acting enraged at all... (though in Nanoha A it does ask for the cartridge load upgrade itself, as with Bardiche..) but I will put forth that Nanoha herself acts out of righteous fury and sheer indignation on more than a few occasions. The fight with Fate in Nanoha ep 11 for example, and then when they go and attack Precia's base... some of her fights against Vita-chan and later Reinforce / the Automated Defense Program or whatever it's called. And then I pose to you, Nightgazer, this question, the eternal question of mages: Does the wand actually raise / increase her power, or does it simply act as a focusing object, a medium for said power? The way it's described in the first episode, it seems more the latter.. a method to realize (make actual) magic ability, something which normally wouldn't be able to be used on this planet and this plane of existence. PurpleProse, I will keep reading, (tomorrow though, it's way past my bedtime tonight.. lol) and I look forward to seeing how it responds to Twilight, and how raising fits Twilight better.

A good chapter. Nice length.
Luna damn you and your cliff hangers!

Interesting about the flight spell. Makes sense though, those conjured wings have to be even more physics bending than regular Pegasus wings.

Raising Heart. Proof that good is not necessarily nice. Or gentle.

Excellent work on characterisation once again. Particularly Zecora. She gets far too little attention due to the difficulties of her rhyming dialog, which you have done commendably. (To my uncultured ears anyway.)

...Did Celestia just use sunlight to spy on Fate?

Yay. She thought tiredly. This was probably the first time she was overjoyed to get a B on a test..
You have progressed quite well in tactical flight, master. The Device noted in a neutral voice. It would be wise to continue training outside of the psychic link for this spell.’
Minor error with formatting there I think.

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