A Mutual Pleasure Partnership

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Comments ( 15 )

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maxxx7491

maxxx7491 #1 · Nov 9th, 2014 · 4 · 15 ·

Awesome job! :)

Twilight Best Pony

Twilight Best Pony #2 · Nov 10th, 2014 · 8 · ·

"Seriously?" Shining asked, turning to Flash. "I am very happy to hear that. Very well, cadet, I’m glad you helped my wife not to miss me too much."
"It was nothing, sir" Flash replied, bowing his head. "I just did my duty."

the fuck?
OOC everywhere.

Scootareader

Scootareader #3 · Nov 10th, 2014 · · ·

5249706
You're gonna get me to read this at this rate.

Twilight Best Pony

Twilight Best Pony #4 · Nov 10th, 2014 · · ·

5249756
glad i could help

Reeve

Reeve #5 · Nov 10th, 2014 · 4 · ·

5248435 I really wish people would stop encouraging this crap You're either being sarcastic, have no standards what so ever, or you're an alt (my money's on alt)

Scootareader

Scootareader #6 · Nov 10th, 2014 · 5 · ·

5251551
How dare you insult and accuse the reader of not being allowed an opinion! Even if they're just an alt of the author, they have a voice too!

maxxx7491

maxxx7491 #7 · Nov 10th, 2014 · · ·

5251551

Will don't know what "alt" means because you are first person to ever say/write that to me. Also no is forcing you to read this "crap" as you say.

Reeve

Reeve #8 · Nov 10th, 2014 · 1 · ·

5252598 That argument is kind of invalid when it comes to one shots. I had to read it to know I didn't like it, so what am I supposed to do now that I've decided I don't like it? Go back in time and just not?

maxxx7491

maxxx7491 #9 · Nov 10th, 2014 · · ·

5252633

Wait let's start this over. What is your reason for thinking this is crap? Is what the story is about, how it was written, or how is something else?

Reeve

Reeve #10 · Nov 10th, 2014 · · ·

5252707 How it's written primarily, a particularly memorable line being:

while had one of her hands under her skirt to make masturbation

Plus the actual plot took a nose dive from being fairly dull, generic clop to 'facepalmable' at the end when Shining got back

maxxx7491

maxxx7491 #11 · Nov 10th, 2014 · · 2 ·

5252737

Will the story is suppose to be purely a smut without plot so the generic clop is given and Rakoon1's first language isn't English so has somewhat of a hard with the English grammar. Also I think now I should tell Rakoon1 to post tags saying PWP(Plot What Plot), Smut, and Cheating so people who won't like this can avoid it better.

Croos

Croos #12 · Nov 18th, 2014 · 3 · ·

Bad.... you just think a woman wouldn't react at someone when they masturbate ? come on...
They just go and had sex, that sure makes this "realistic" :/

Also the expresions, are a bit off, you seem afraid at writing sexual stuff when you clearly are making a clop for mature audience

Comment posted by Cheer deleted Feb 13th, 2017

GameQubb

GameQubb #14 · Feb 13th, 2017 · · ·

I admit some parts of it was hot, although I would suggest you get a proofreader and re-write this story to make more sense. Even if it's a story where they go straight to sex it should also include a 'story' in it where the character are more in character with each other.

AdmiralSakai