• Member Since 26th Feb, 2014
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She's looking at you. Yes you. And she is judging you with her eyes. There is no escape.


Far to the north, in the Crystal Empire, Princess Cadance has a ceremony known as the blindfold wedding, and ponies come from all over with the hopes of finding a mate. Somehow, Princess Cadance has her ways and means, and her blindfold weddings have a curiously high success rate, given what they are: two strangers who have never met getting hitched with one another.

Furious Funnel, a tornado wrangler by trade, decides that it is time to do something else with his life. After saying goodbye to his bosom companion Braeburn, he heads north with the hopes of finding a bride. He might not get what he wants, or even expects, but he’ll get exactly what he needs.

An entry in the Weedverse.

Stink Sentry.

Chapters (17)
Comments ( 420 )

After so many words, chapters, and stories you still come up with the most awesome of characters. I can't wait to see how this story goes.

Let the shipping begin

Grizzled weather worker goes to the Princess of Love for her ultimate technique? Yes please. :pinkiehappy:

you are a story generator, infinite and without stopping. you only limitation is a body broken through age..... and several vehicular accidents, and the need to shit ever couple of hours!

I'm definitely liking this so far. :twilightsmile:

Awesome start. Can't wait for more.

I already like furious he remindes me of home:rainbowlaugh:

Hm nice. The only thing that is a bit off is Cheerilee being Big Mac and Pinny Lane teacher... She gets definitely too old... Going by Pinkie Pride she should be the same age of Pinkie and a little bit younger than LemonHeart and BonBon...
Obviously you can change that, but it's a bit off...

Other thing perplexing me is the reference to sixty four in the small blurb...

There will be pegasus ponies that invade birdbaths and perform lewd, even downright graphic plumage displays.

:pinkiegasp: How improper!

All kidding aside though i cant wait to see how this goes down.

It says in the flashback miss cheerilee was as old as some of the oldest students. And we dont know how much older some of the mane 6 are over each other.

Mrs. Cake is 200 years old, just like Granny Smith.

I had to ask on the discord myself, but it was refering to when he is 64. As in


Mini description was a double song reference. I only caught the first one.

Uh? where this does come from? Wasn't she more or less the same age of Pear Butter?

Well... we see them all at the time of the first Sonic Rainboom and they are more or less the same age... We know for certain that Fluttershy is a year older than Pinkie. all the other ages are not defined yes, but again going with the size and appearance there should not be much difference [especially if you use Fluttershy ganglier appearance as what one year difference makes...].
So as I've said Kudzu can make it so... but it seems a bit stretched...

Look how young Granny is... never mind. Just, never mind. The show does nothing to present ages with any sort of consistency and having to actually explain this stuff is a chore.

Yes Granny Smith in the Perfect Pear is QUITE young looking... and I agree that they are not REALLY consistent in depicting pony ages but still we get young filly Cheerylee together with filly Pinkie Pie, but ok as I said just your decision.

**Heavy breathing**
I have altered the timeline. Pray I do not alter it further.

Feeling like Furious will end up with Braeburn...:trixieshiftright:

Sadly, Braeburn isn’t going north for the mass wedding. Shucks. :raritywink:

I Love this title so much.

im curious as to what kind of bureaucracy cadance might use for this project

This causality is getting worse all the time.

8359996 ...said in jest only.:derpytongue2:....
"The farcical is strong with this one!"

So this has been a big to-do for at least a little while, eh? Interesting.

If Furious has wrestled storms before I'm sure that spirit and gumption could be a boon for the right partner.

Something tells me we'll be seeing Vireo again. Possibly.

I dunno. Maybe it was to build how he looked? I'm terrible with the subtle nuances of weaving storylines.

She was just one of the random background ponies I’ve generated.

five twilight colas says he gets paired with a young thing, barely moved out of her parents house, skittish to hell and back ,and jumpy as fuck while exhausting herself trying to be some idealized wife figure

25 hundred? Shit... Man, that's a lot.
Then again, the more that show, the higher chance an ideal partner can be found. Cadence has got a good gig running here.

The "interesting farmer" strikes again.

Um, no.

I’ll take those five Twilight~Colas.


(case of twilight colas) keep the extra :B

Isn't the title a reference to The Beatles

I wonder if he's gonna get paired up with a canon character. :applejackunsure:


Very hard to ship Pinkie’s party cannon.

Came for the Beatles references.

Trust Kudzu to pack such an enormous amount of feels into a "simple" goodbye :fluttercry:

This story is yet another example to show why Kudzu is best author. The uniqueness just keeps pouring out. No birdbath can keep all these ideas contained :trollestia:

Also did I mention the feels? :raritycry:

I might have forgotten, but do unicorns also have a greetings line the earth ponies and pegasi? Something like may your horn never crack/ may the magic be with you :twilightblush: / look after your horn, scallywag?

I really shouldn't be surprised that I'm only two chapters in and already hooked, I'm seriously obsessed with your writing style Kudz keep up the amazing work.

As always Blessed Be

I like this. Don't know why, but I definitely like this.

I hate surveys like those. So much, cause when i think about it, i dont know myself that well.
And sweet, that hint tells me where on the timeline this is.
Danke Blackbird!

I can't help but notice that he didn't seem to see Quiet.

Either he was really flustered by Blackbird, or she's sneaker than I thought.

She is hidden inside of the shawl.

8361931 ah. I must have skipped over that line, my mistake.

The Olympics are on at the minute, gets me curious, and I lose my place.

Beatles references in the short description, and a Rolling Stones one in the long?

Hmm Ok... so how big does Blackbird get? Is she bigger than Celestia? or is the six times an exageration on Furious part?

She has really, really big wings relative to her body size. She is as large as a female lion.

Edit: Griffons are a fair bit bigger than ponies, sometimes, in the show. Big wings too.

How big is celestia compared to a female lion?

I had to reread that last bit 3 times before I figured out that it was blackbird pie (at least I think its blackbird)

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