The Whole Thing
"Thanks for helping me with this, Twi," Rainbow Dash said, placing her laptop down onto Twilight's desk. "It's been acting real slow lately, and it's affecting my gaming."
"No problem, Dash," Twilight replied. "Now then, let's take a look at the problem, shall we? You probably just have a minor virus, which I can take care of easily."
"Thanks a lot. This has been bugging me for weeks now. I'm sure an egghead like you can figure this out."
"Don't mention it. This should only take a couple of minutes," Twilight said, going through some of the files to see if any of them could have caused the problem. So far, none of them seemed suspicious.
Rainbow's phone began to ring. "Hello?" she said, answering it. "Uh huh. Really? Celestia dammit! I'll be right there!" Dash huffed, angrily as she hung up. "Something's going wrong at the office. You mind if I just leave my computer with you while I go sort it out?"
"No problem, Dash," Twilight replied, smiling. "I'll just drop it off at your house when I'm finished here. Then you can go back to playing your games."
"Thanks, Twilight! You're the best!" Rainbow shouted as she ran out the front door.
"Now then," Twilight said, turning back to the screen. "Let's see what we've got going on here." As she looked over the various files on Rainbow Dash's desktop, one in particular caught her eye. "'Twilight and the Royal Family'?" She asked to her herself. "What in the world could that be?"
She clicked on the little icon, and was brought to a Word document. "I know I shouldn't read Rainbow's personal files, but this has mine and my brother's names on it," she said as she began to read.
As the minutes passed by as she read, her face grew more and more horrified and disgusted. "Oh, my Celestia!" she gasped. That was absolutely disgusting! Then she noticed something almost as horrifying: four more documents of similar titles, with her other friends' names on them.
...
Three days later, Twilight Sparkle, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, and Fluttershy were all seated in Twilight's living room, each with a pile of papers in front of them. All of them had varying levels of disgust and embarrassment on their faces. "So, uh, Twi?" Applejack piped up, after a few minutes of awkward silence. "You, uh, did remember to tell Rainbow to be here, right? Because after what you showed me on Wednesday, Ah've been a bit... uncomfortable... and Ah have a few choice words I need to have with that girl."
"Yes, Applejack, I did remember to invite her. In fact, she should be arriving just about-" Twilight was cut off by the slamming of her front door. "Now."
"Sup, guys?" Rainbow greeted. "So what's all this about? Some kind of impromptu party?"
No one said anything for a while. "Well..." Twilight began. "I guess I should start. You remember how a few days ago you asked me for some help with your laptop?"
"Yeah!" Rainbow replied. "Thanks for that, by the way. My computer stopped lagging, and finally pwned that annoying twelve year old for Vanhoofer's stupid, annoying face! What about it?"
"Well..." Twilight looked down at her lap, choosing her next words carefully. "I sort of... found some files of interest that pertain to all of us."
"What are you talking abou-" Rainbow began, before trailing off, noticing the stacks of paper in front of all of her friends. "Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit..." she said, facepalming.
"Rainbow... How could you?" Fluttershy asked, tears in her eyes.
"Yes, Rainbow," Rarity said. "How could you write such smut about us? Friends don't write those types of stories about each other!"
Twilight cleared her throat. "Dash," she said, addressing the rainbow haired girl. "My brother and I do not have that sort of relationship! I am sure that Cadence pleases him just fine, sexually. Do you know all of the biological problems there are with that, let alone the social and legal ones!? Do you even realize all of the problems our children would have!? And then the princesses!? Our relationship is purely professional and platonic! And my school uniform was very modest, thank you very much!"
Now it was Pinkie's turn. "Dashie," she said, folding her arms acros her chest. "I am hurt and disgusted that you would even think about me doing something as vile and depraved to the twins as what I read. They're two years old, dammit! The Cakes would have me arrested if they found out about that. I wouldn't be able to throw parties for the town's children anymore. Do you know how much that would hurt me?" Pinkie's hair wasn't a curly mess like it normally was, instead lying flat. Tears were streaming down her face. She sat back down without saying another word.
"Sugarcube," Applejack said, standing up. "I am absolutely disgusted that you would even consider that my family lives up to the 'dumb redneck sibling-fuckers' stereotype. That is all I am going to say about it," and with that, she sat down.
"Rainbow, darling," Rarity said. "A lady does not participate in such brutal acts. Making love should should be a tender, romantic thing. Whips and chains should not be involved in the bedroom, and neither should one's little sister. How would I explain the bruises to my parents?"
Finally, it was Fluttershy's turn. "Rainbow," she began, sternly. "There were several problems with your story. First of all, sexual relations with a horse would be quite painful. I doubt it would be very pleasurable. Second, bunnies cannot impregnate humans. We're just not biologically compatible. And third, bears are wild animals. Trying to do that with them would be very dangerous, even with one as friendly as Harry. Other than that, I thought it was quite good."
"Fluttershy!" her other four friends shouted. "We are here to tell her that she shouldn't write those types of things about her friends, not encourage her!"
"But, I rather enjoyed it," the pink haired woman said. "In fact, I'm actually rather flattered."
"Oh, for the love of-" Twilight muttered, facepalming.
"Wow, guys,"Rainbow said, not making eye contact with any of them. "I'm... I'm really sorry about this. I never meant for you to find those. I'm sorry for writing them."
"We know, Dashie," Pinkie said, hugging the smaller girl. "We forgive you." The rest of the girls joined in the hug.
"Thanks guys," Dash said, sniffling. "Glad to know you don't hate me."
"We could never hate you, sugarcube," Applejack said, smiling at the colorful girl. "Though, we are a mite bit disappointed."
"I'm glad to know I can count on you guys to be my friends," Rainbow Dash said, beaming.
...
Later that night, Rainbow Dash sat at her laptop, typing.
"I walked into my friend, Twilight's house. She said she had that her and the rest of the girls had something they needed to talk to me about. I opened the door, and all of the lights were out. 'Hey, guys,' I said.
"'Rainbow, we saw what you wrote about us," Fluttershy's voice said in the darkness.
"'Yes, darling,' Rarity spoke up. 'And the five of us would like to have a word with you about it,' she purred.
"And then I heard the unmistakable crack of a whip."
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Ok, the ending made me laugh.
5104342 I don't even know, and I write the damn thing!
The last sentence has a typo. "The" should be "then".
Did not see that ending coming.
5104364
But it turned out good, am I right or what?
5104395 thanks! For some reason my typing has gotten worse in the past few months.
5104410 hey, I have a gaming laptop, and it works just fine.
It's 2 am, and I'm laughing so loud... I can't type that fast... My grandma just came to check out the noise!!! And I can't stop laughing!!!! this goes to favs!!!!!
I love that Fluttershy tried to give feedback,
I thought it was quite cool that they incorporated gaming into this story . I actually enjoyed it !!
The ending is hilarious!
So, Rainbow basically channeled Fimfiction?
Rd- I lied... I REGRET NOTHING! NOTHING!
Oh my, that ending! Just... that friggin' ending! Rainbow Dash must be some author.
Oh no, Dashie.
I don't want her to do it, but I can't help laughing. 
All I needed was that cover image and I was sold on this
Good girl Dashie for sticking up for laptop gamers, and great friend Fluttershy for reviewing hers
Oh my god, that coverart! Where did you find that?
5104410 not everybody has a desktop, also if a game needs a desktop to run then the programmers are idiots when it comes to optimisation.
5104708 Oh shit! Shots fired!
5104456 Agreed and in some ways I prefer my laptop to a desktop
5105150 Kill the bald one.
Good going Dash. No one should tell you that you can't write porn about them. Keep it up, be the Fimfic-writer.
This was glorious.
And that display picture
Fluttershy gets it
I liked that Rarity seemed more upset about the S&M than the incest.
That's her main problem with that?! The bruises?! Not the actual act of whipping Sweetie Belle?! Sweetie must have annoyed her again that day.
5/10 needs more bonze buddy.
Rainbow Dash is being loyal to your imaginary sex life.
Did anyone else find their reactions a bit... off? Twilight seems more concerned about the inaccuracy and problems inherent in the story, Pinkie Pie seems to be upset over not getting any more parties, Applejack is upset about the stereotyping, Rarity worries about how the act was too violent and about explaining the bruises, and Flut-wait, what.
What.
Wat.
Wut.
Wut
Lawl.
Perfect ending to the story.
5105408 That was actually completely unintentional.
5104962 Google images
ok that was actually a pretty funny story! glad you wrote it
Mon dieu. That was...
I've heard the concept of Dash moonlighting as a rabid clop-writer, so when I saw the description, I knew I had to see what you did with it. Then I recognized the cover art, and I knew it was going to be ridiculous.
I was not disappointed. You're going places. Especially because of Fluttershy's reaction.
That was fucking glorious. Good work, man, and congrats on getting featured.
Very hit and miss, is all I can say.
5106475 Or you could give some actual constructive criticism instead of being cryptic and unhelpful. But, yeah, I'm sure that's all you can say.
"... perfectly legitimate since the Saddle Arabians are not much larger than us, and everypony knows bigger is better anyway in terms of male endowments. Angel and I just aren't interested in each other, but I'm told he's shown an interest in Carrot Top and if they decide to play "Thumper, the Porno Bunny" together, who am I to judge? As for Harry, while the notion of sweet hot love with that big bulgy bear is thrilling, the truth is... he's gay. So that's out. All the rest were fine, espeically the one with Manny Roar... we're going to to have to try out some of those techniques the next time I visit the Everfree."
There was naught but silence, until the sounds of every lower jaw save Fluttershy's crashing through the floor resonated through the room.
But just then, ANOTHER Fluttershy trotted in! "Girls, I'm sorry I'm late I was... meep?!"
And it turned out the perverted Fluttershy was Chrysalis in disguise and doing a really terrible job at acting again.
Ummmm..... Wut?
You wrote a monster.
The idea has potential but you didn't really deliver it. It was too short and the comedy was just flat and boring, it was about as enjoyable as actually having a meeting with your friends after them finding pornography featuring them.
pffffffffttt
Dude, if you write a bonus chapter, have it where FS is the editor for RD's stories
and then her friends find out about the new clop she writes.
and then they fuckSo, Rarity is more annoyed about the inclusion of whips and chains and the possibility of having to explain bruises to her parents than the actual sex, incest, abuse and evil torture/kinky s&m?
...The sad part is, that kinda fits her character.
5106784 Dude, I might just do that. Maybe not exactly like that, but maybe some sort of bonus chapter.
5106818 Yisss. I gave an idea out! Can't wait to see it!
One of the most appropriate cover images I've seen in a while.
Plus, that ending was just the punchline this story needed.
5106530
It's all I can say without coming off as rude. I hated it, and when I hate things, I can only criticize destructively. You want criticism? Fine, on your own head be it.
Your humor doesn't strike me as funny. Sex jokes are the oldest and most tired jokes out there. There are several moments I think are rather out-of-character. For one, I don't think there's anyone realistically with the willpower to forgive so soon and so swiftly over such things--unless they liked it,(fluttershy) but what point is forgiveness, when there's nothing to forgive anyway? What really made me upset was that Rainbow Dash learned nothing from all this, still doing whatever she liked despite her friends clearly not liking it. Loyalty is founded on trust, Rainbow's friends forgave her on the grounds that she wouldn't do more, and she stabbed them behind their backs by taking the argument they had and turning it into another erotic fiction. that's selfish, and an attitude I find utterly despicable.
Part of the reason I didn't say anything else is because I try to have enough decency to not spout ranting negativity on something I don't like, keeping my own comments to a vague sentence and a downvote. Besides, you did not ask for a critique in the story description or author comments, so I didn't feel inclined to give you one.
Anyway, there are my two cents, and I would much prefer you to instead of question whether I have a soul or not, simply disregard this.
5106940 I personally liked the story, but i have my opinions and you have yours.
First off:
Absolutly hilarious story
Second:"
She learned NOTHING!!!!
Keep writing and my friend Rock on!
-ThePortalPonies
5106940 You're brutally honest. I like that. Don't let anyone tell you that's a bad characteristic.