Epilogue
“Bleugh! Yuck!” Rarity pulled her head out of a large puddle and spat out a mouthful of mud.” What in Equestria do you think you’re doing you mad mare!” She yelled angrily at the pony who had just pushed her out of the comfort of her boutique and into the pouring rain. Her answer came in the form of hoof which pushed her on her side.
“I’m gonna get you nice and dirty, in fact, ah might not leave a single speck of white showing on yer pampered flank!” Applejack said in a menacing tone. Rarity felt her body move again as the orange mare pushed her onto her back. She stared in horror as the cowpony scooped up a hoof-full of mud and smeared it all over her pristine and white belly.
“Whhhhhhhy! Why would you do this to meeeeeee?” the unicorn cried out in anguish as the mud stained her beautiful white coat a hideous shade of brown. “I thought we had an understanding, a connection! Whhhhhy!”
Rarity’s cries of distress ceased as the pony above her reached into her saddlebags and pulled out a bottle with It's label facing outward so she could read it clearly. “ Diva Dee-vine’s Strawberry scented bubble bath. Escape into fruity fields of ecstasy from the comfort of your tub.”
“Ah got the entire set earlier when ah was in town. Tha bath wash, shampoo, conditioner, bubble bath and even tha frilly spongy thingie. Ah thought we might try it out tonight, but I wanted ta make sure you were nice and dirty.” Applejack said over the rain pattering gently around them.
“You want to take a bath? With moi?” Rarity asked.
“Woah nelly!” Applejack yelped out as two mostly white hooves pulled her to the mud caking the orange mare in the runny brown substance.
“You’re absolutely right darling. We can’t just waste such a wonderful product on a plain old romantic bath. How did you know I liked the smell of strawberries so much anyway?”
“Cause ah can’t ever keep yer hooves outta mah hair when ah wash with it.”
Rarity smiled, she hadn't realized just how much she played with the rough and tumble pony’s hair. She admired a lot of qualities in her new partner, many of which she was learning for the first time since they made their relationship official three months ago, but her hair still remained in the top five. A distant peal of thunder echoed across the sky announcing to all it’s power and fury. The unicorn glanced back at Applejack looking for any sign of anxiousness or fear and found none. “I must say, you’ve made significant strides since that night I found you hiding under your blanket.”
Applejack continued staring into the sky. “Ah’d be lyin if ah said it don’t scare me. It still makes me wanna run like a filly in a haunted house, but having you by mah side means ah’m not alone anymore, and ah can face anything tha world throws my way.”
Rarity was happy. Really happy. Not like some quick burst of happiness when a Canterlot elite strolled through her door, or after one of Pinkie’s parties, she had found lasting happiness in being a solid foundation for one of the strongest ponies in Equestria, in being a rock that the cowpony could always count on. She had finally found true happiness in the mare beside her. Rising to her hooves, the unicorn pulled Applejack up and wrapped a hoof around the filthy mare. “What say we give that bath set a proper workout darling?”
“Ah thought you’d never ask.”
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Lycan_01 · 6.3k words · 320 6 · 9k views
- Seanessy · 16k words · 505 13 · 11k views
- KitsuneRisu · 16k words · 269 12 · 4.4k views
- LightStriker · 9.7k words · 249 9 · 7.1k views
- DicePony · 7.3k words · 140 8 · 3.6k views
- Thecrazyrabidfangirl · 3.8k words · 333 13 · 18k views
- DivineGlory · 25k words · 143 10 · 5.6k views
- Cynewulf · 5.3k words · 174 11 · 3.7k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.42 seconds
Total duration
929 users online
186,151 hits today, 2,454,720 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
576237
Fiiiiiiiiixed. check it out for yourself. I'm extremely glad you brought that to my attention.
584726
i'm always looking to improve on every aspect of my writing. I still don't know why, but it was really, REALLY important to me that neither Applejack nor Rarity actually come out and say something like "oh i have a crush on you" or "i think i love you" or something else like that. If i had to guess why i think i would pin it on Applejack's pride, and Rarity being coy/ still worried about Applejack turning her down. With Applejack's pride forcing her to keep her tear stained face away from Rarity, i knew i could only pull it off in dialogue and body language. I hope the final result works.
The next step for this story is a punctuation and overhaul and a clean up and i think this might be the first story i'll have the guts to send to EQD.
Thank you both for your time and patience.
starlitomega.
Nice little ending. Have to love AJ's logic there.
The story was good until the sappy ending but what the hell you wrote it I didn't.
But still I enjoyed this story glad you saw this to the ending unlike most stories I've read.
I just read your edit on the part I commented on earlier, about how they finally make their feelings known to each other. Much better I think, it's now clear what both mares are thinking, but still without either one having to outright say they have a crush on each other. Over all, a wonderful story. I do have one big complaint though. The ending. Darn stories having to end. I want to keep reading!
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. This really didn't go anywhere. It would have been nicer if we got to see their relationship growing a bit more.
584808
Not all of her ideas are bad after all!
584965
But i enjoy the sappy endings... to me shipping stories are all about the roller-coaster, and mine usually end once one pony finally makes her feelings known to the other. The epilogue is more of a snapshot anyway, a look at how the participants are doing after the main bulk of the story.
i make a quick callback to AJ's fondness of bubble-baths, reaffirm AJ's fear of lightning/thunder, but show that she has gotten better since her fateful encounter, and make it clear that AJ is glad she took a chance with her friend.
If you don't mind my asking, what were you expecting/hoping for? It's unlikely that I'll change this story, but i would like to know for my future endeavors.
585150
I hope you enjoyed it, thank you for requesting this combo, if nothing else i have found a certain unicorn to be a bit more likeable and I'll be a bit more likely to put her in more of my later stories.
As for everyone else, any suggestions for future fics are welcome and your time and patience are greatly appreciated, especially in seeing this one through to the end with me.
starlitomega
I wasn't sure i could even pull this off. it was important to me that i ended it though. I am not exaggerating when i say that nothing in life makes me angrier than someone who never finishes their work. when a reader invests time, mindspace, and patience in your work, the least you can do is see it through to the end. Again, thank you for your advice. i think it adds a lot to that section and even to the epilogue.
585589
I'm sorry
As i said in a previous comment, this story wrapped up a bit quick for me as well. I planted the seeds of a running gag about the strawberry shampoo, but since it ended so quickly i was never able to bring it to fruition. Once the Apple family came back AJ and Rarity's time together would be much shorter and Rarity would have to come up with some flimsy excuses to keep seeing her as their respective occupations don't cross paths often. I always wanted the reveal to be a surprise for AJ and if Rarity kept coming around it would not only ruin that surprise, but in my head Applejack would probably avoid her. To me, the one thing i like most about this fic is that Rarity overcomes her misgivings, and finds an inner strength she never knew she had. i always wanted to leave Applejack in the dark mostly because her life is based on regularity and continuity.
I REALLY wanted more bickering and fighting between the two of them, but i realized as that went on it would either create a divide between the two of them, or betray their feelings. I have toyed with the idea of a much longer, more focused on a relationship beyond just the first confession and a snapshot afterwards, but such a long story would force me to write the bulk of it offsite to ensure i can actually finish it, and to be honest it reduces the amount of stories i can write overall. This story was one i did by request and more of a challenge to myself since i told myself previously that i don't write Rarity.
Any suggestions, ideas on where you wanted the story to go, thoughts on anything about it really, feel free to comment or pm me. I'm not likely to change this story, but it will definitely be something i look at for my next fics.
482246
I hope i delivered on your request! it was great to actually get into Rarity's headspace and thanks to this story i'm more likely to use her in future fics.
If anyone else has suggestions, requests, or ideas, feel free to post them. as of right now im toying with the notion of Twidash or another Twipie but maybe more about the relationship itself and less about the buildup and confession.
Starlitomega
Starlitomega
just not something that sappy...Like I said I didn't really have a problem with the ending. I was just givin ya shit.
587057
Well don't be afraid to suggest or chime in with something. i hold no misconceptions of being a grand artist or anything and one of the ways i can improve is by listening to readers like you.
in the meantime you could pretend the epilogue doesn't exist
starlitomega
No dude I like sappy endings. I'm just messin with ya
Oh yeah! Getting dirty!
. . . Heh, Applejack must have been really intent on getting Rarity dirty if she was willing to go out in the rain. Really enjoyed this story, all the way through it was fun and you took some interesting routes on bringing the two closer together. I think i'll check out some of your other stories when I have the time to.
I love stories that show what happens after the relationship gets together. Always so sweet.
Good story. I enjoyed it.
I don't know why but.... Every time I hear rarity say,"Darling". I think about the Rarity in Dress.mov.
True statement.
591066
I'm glad you enjoyed it! this was by far the most challenging story I've written thus far, but one of the most rewarding.
all of my stories should be getting some major tweaks sometime this week/weekend, to be safe, i would wait until next week if you want to read them at their best.
600128
, it's gonna save me some time when i give this the once over and I'll be more vigilant of my shift key which i find myself hitting instinctively as of late.
I'll be doing some major overhauling on this story and many others this week and I'll definitely be checking back on your comments. I haven't the luxury nor do i like bothering anyone to pre-read my stuff, so i rely heavily on comments and pouring back through over and over and over again in order to find silly little stuff or things that could use punching up. I'm glad you liked it despite these errors, I've found that people can generally take a leap and overlook bad grammar if the story being told is good enough.
Thank you so so SO much for pointing these out
600381
This is a story where i fell behind on two different occasions and rather than leave my readers up the creek with "Omg, life got in the way!" i made a command decision and released them in the best red eye condition i could. Right around chapter 4 and 5 however, the goals i set for myself ended up squeezing the story itself and rushing it a bit too. These goals were:
1. Applejack must remain unaware of the crush Rarity has on her until it's too late/in a vulnerable moment. I see AJ as being a pony who lives on routine and predictability and if Rarity were to confess at the wrong time i would have no choice but to make AJ run in fear of the new.
2. Rarity would have to be the one to step forward. I really wanted Rarity to shine in this fic, to make her see she can be strong enough to hold onto and help a pony as dependable and as strong as Applejack. Also, her uncertainty led into her confiding with Rainbow which made for a nice scene.
Both of these goals squeezed the life out of this fic when the Apple family returned forcing the two ponies apart. I imagine that outside Applejack selling her apples in town that the two ponies don't generally run into each other unless they're gunning to and i clearly write this fic when applebuck season is not in swing, and if Rarity kept coming around the farm without a reason, she would end up setting off alarm bells in AJ's head thereby ruing the first goal.
I usually have a 3 day to 1 week buffer between my chapters so that i can constantly re-read them over and over and pick out certain problems, but i fell behind with chapter 4 and lost it, and this is no offense to anyone who uses pre-readers, but not only do i not have any pre-readers, i don't feel I'm important enough for them and i hate asking for help. I'm kinda like Applejack like that. I probably won't start posting chapters of my next story until i feel i'm halfway done to avoid this in the future.
I would say i'm glad you enjoyed it, but it doesn't sound like you did, however, failure breeds success and i'll carry these lessons into my next fic and i appreciate deeply that you still found time to not only read, but also comment on it. This will help me put my future works into a better state upon release.
Starlitomega
604729
If you ever need some pony story preread, I'm sure my girlfriend and I could help. We love reading together and she's a huge grammar nazi.
Gonna read this later. Have a feeling; "It gun' be goooooood!" :D
(Hnnnggh need more RariJack fics, running out!)
870265>>870336>>874839>>874958
"Fix it."
I'm not your errand boy. I've been working on a new story which has been eating all my time and i don't have time or patience to deal with someone who jumps in and starts demanding crap.
Seriously, this internet drama crap i'm not even entertaining anymore. Enjoy your block.
It would have been nice to see Rarity care for Applejacks wounds/burn marks or some more mention of them.
How about Applejack leaning her head against the bathtub wall with Rarity sitting outside brushing her mane.
Except written in a more engaging way.
894044
I would've loved to do more of that in the main story, but i really wanted to spring the whole thing on AJ at the end. If Rarity got a little too close or fell too hard, too fast, it would've ruined the bedroom scene later.
This story is a massive failure in many respects in my eyes, but there is enough here that makes me keep it around. I really would love to have those moments crop up more often and i hope to have that in my newest story.
Thanks for your time in reading this and offering advice!
Starlitomega
Hurray for sappy endings
959785
I'm such a sappy sad soul. I just have to have them.
Love it. A tad rushed, as you've said. But the relationship between AJ and Rares has always been one of my favs, and Rarijack is second only to PinkieDash in my mane 6 ships. I love how it was the completely clueless RD of all ponies to give Rarity advice.
That was a really good lil story. Although the ending felt a bit rushed. Something that gave Rarity more of a hint that AJ was having problems would have felt it feel more organic when she was willing to not only run to AJ's house in the rain but also sneak into it and sneak into her bed. Maybe change it so the night of the storm AJ goes to Rarity's room under the guise of apologizing or she goes to goes down to get food and that wakes up Rarity and she sees AJ wince each time lighting flashes. Or if you didnt want to have to change anything else a single line about how Rarity could hear AJ cry out when a flash of lightning happened or something would work also.
such a great story, it left me wanting more and more
1788865
. (kinda like how that last level in psychonauts outstrips the platforming and control mechanics in that game.)
I'm glad you liked it. There were a lot of little moments in this story i really liked, though i think at a couple points the idea outstripped my ability to write
Nevertheless it turned out good and i'm proud of what i was able to accomplish, though it might be awhile before im able to tackle rarijack again. Feel free to look through my other stories, i'm considering a twipie at the moment.
thanks for taking the time to comment and let me know what you think!
starlitomega
1789019
you are very much welcome. I'll be looking out for more of your stories.
2944779
it was thumbed down because it sounds like a demand.
Good story. I little fast to me the beginning of the relationship between Rarity and Applejack, but still good.
REMINDER: its three months AFTER being official which means it could be pretty long already
does it look like they are kissing?