well that was ten tons a trash and a half. insensible premise, unrealistic situations, retarded ending where colgate gets away scott free in a world that has a dozen an ninety things that hunt down outright evil like this.

5015889 Retarded ending? I don't see what is so bad about it. After all, you can't expect the "evil" pony to always pay for the evil they have done. If this were a fairy tale then it would be a "retarded" ending but it is not. Just like in real life, sometimes the "bad guy" wins.

5015974 yeah problem with that is, there is a world with magic of obviously high standard. bon bon going missing would be reported and colgate found out. cause this ia a world of fucking magic! a world of magic with certain forces that actively attack and or repel dark magic. reason why dark thigns cna happen without knowing in our world is because we do not have an ethereal force that is pretty much metaphor given essence that we can use to find out what happened.
also we have the fact that bon bon would have had nightmares. luna is attracted to nightmares. luna would learn what is going on and had colagte eating her own teeth within the hour.

also if you haven't known it, lyra kinda went to the same magic academy as twilight. she would know magic. also she knows how to teleport and likely as skilled as colgate, whose psychotic thing there makes no sense to begin with.

Magic and stupid ponies. Always remember the stupid ponies! THEY'RE ALMOST DORA LEVEL I MEAN COME ON WHY HAVE YOU GOTTA BE SO STUPID I JUST LOVE PONIES BUT THEY'RE SO BUCKING STUPID!!!

5016132 Stupid ponies Arcane? If you think they're stupid then what the hell are you even doing here? A word of advice to you, go troll elsewhere. We have no use for the likes of you.

5016240 Now, what you misunderstood is the I LOVE PONIES bit. I was just making a joke into the shallowness of the story of the canon TV show. It is an ABSOLUTELY BRILLIANT TV show and is my favourite of many. However, they are a teeeeeeeennnnsssyyyyyy bit stupid. Sorry if you thought and was a troll and the fact you cannot understand jokes (however terrible they are).

Plus, I wasn't discrediting your fic, or any fics for that matter, I think it's very good and my previous comment had ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with your fic and was in fact a reply to lordofmyth's second comment.

5016276 I have to disagree with you on the ponies being stupid. You want stupid ponies, watch G3., then you will see stupid. Regarding jokes, I'm not exactly a joke type person. My sense of humor is darker and a bit morbid.

5016412 In hindsight yeah you're right... Sorry for the bother.

5016480 Hey you're no bother and sorry for flying off the handle earlier. I tend to do that a bit too quickly. Back when the Hub had that mareathon they showed some G3 episodes and good gravy, I barely made it through one episode. Even the G1 episodes I grew up on were far better than G3.

5015998 lordofmyth, Yes in the show Lyra went to the same magic academy as Twilight but this is a fan fiction and things are not always the same as they are in the show. Colgate and Lyra are sisters in my story, they are not in the show. Lyra went to a VOCATIONAL academy here, not a magic academy just as Colgate went to a dental academy in Manehattan. Reading "The Royal Root Canal" provides some of Colgate's history, which is tied into this story. I have not provided any back story as to how they learned their magic because it would not have really fit into this story, and besides, here Colgate is the older sister which is why I had her have more advanced magic.

Twisted. Check. Funny. Check. I like this. :3

5025310 Thanks Endless!

5444315 CreepypastaReader, I have a third one planned for some point in the first half of 2015, with a start date in February most likely.

5451376 I did, thanks for pointing that out so I can fix it.

Time to read the sequel.

Hmmm. I had a hard time getting into this, to be honest. It started off very slow. Lots of hints where it was going, but not much going there, if you see what I mean. (Also the first chapter has some present/past tense problems, which I always find somewhat distracting.) Then when it did get somewhere, it just wandered around in the violence for a long time. Which I'm sure is oodles of fun for people who are primarily into the "torture porn" stuff, but I was more interested in the plot. I ended up skimming a lot in the middle. Then the ending was very sudden, and resolved things really strangely. She doesn't seem to have any remorse whatsoever for what she's done, yet she's so happy to be reformed? Just because she doesn't want to be caught? If that's so, then she really hasn't gone through any actual character development, she's still basically the same pony, and that's a bit odd over a story this long. Usually a long story is a chance for the main character to learn, grow, or change in some way. But she was oral hygiene obsessed and without remorse at the start, and she still seems to be obsessed and without remorse at the end too.

I don't know. I think if you love the torture porn genre, this is probably a good one, but the plot felt too disjointed to really get me interested.

6565047 I couldn't simply have her be reformed or show any remorse at the end because there are sequels to this.

6584067 Yeah, I see your point. On the other hand, making it a worse story so you can make more of it... I dunno. It's your story of course, and it seems that a lot of people like it! But it's just something I wanted to mention, as it's one of the reasons why I ended up deciding I wasn't interested in the sequels.

6650303 Odd thing is, when I was writing that I never even thought about it being murder!

7453536 Twilight isn't killed in this one, that I saved for one of the sequels.

7904112 Most of the ponies in my ponyverse are omnivores.

I love it when the bad guys win

7905648 As do I, which is why I wrote this. Throughout Rainbow Rocks, I was secretly hoping that the Dazzlings would have won.

7906298 yeah but i was more hopeing for them to loose controling people just by singing thats kinda lame

7906732 now conrtoling them to be eaten would have been better

9299936
This is light compared to what Colgate does in the sequels....and no I do not have anything wrong with me. I simply am creative when it comes to gore.

10565902

Pinkamena Diane Pie has been activated. Bon Bon and Rarity are screwed.

They were all screwed from the start. You piss off Colgate with poor oral health, you're as good as dead.

Question though:- can a unicorn overpower one of the most powerful alicorn of all times?

With a horn cap and enchanted chains, yes she can! I use horn caps and enchanted chains in my stories regularly to negate powerful magic from unicorns and Alicorns.

Even though because Twilight is an intelligent pony, she probably takes good care of her teeth. And if she hears Colgate killed Celestia, Colgate will most likely end up dead.

Maybe, maybe not!

Why didn't she attach Celestia's horn to hers to increase it's power? And will eating her increase their magic capacity?

Detached horns have no power and the whole cannibalism thing is simply to scare the other prisoners, I mean bad patients.

Well she got away with it,

Of course, she has much work to do!

10565989
Thanks for answering all my questions. Just one more before sequels:- if Pinkie was in her dark Pinkamena Diane Pie state, didn't seem like she was ever going back to her normal happy side and very loyal to her, why get rid of her?

10566300

Colgate is paranoid, very paranoid. Those who are extremely paranoid will take out those even most loyal to them.

10566497
Well that sucks. Well onto the sequel.

10761411
But pinkamena was loyal

10761413

She was loyal but it was her eating Rarity's stomach that killed her. Even if that weren't the case, the paranoid side of Colgate would have killed her eventually anyway.