• Member Since 27th Apr, 2014
  • offline last seen 31 minutes ago

dracone


In additon FiM I enjoy RPGs, Manga, Graphic Novels, Anime, Scifi, and Fantasy

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Silver Fall is a rare sort of dragon, a hybrid of Western and Eastern dragon. She always had been a bit too different, driven home by her choice of partner and fact she had offspring with him. Add abilities that most dragons don’t have typically have. Now, she’s trying to have some semblance of an ordinary life, with ponies. Enjoy, and please no auto-hates; seriously I don't want to see a mass of thumbs down with no explanation, if you dislike the story explain why.

Chapters (12)
Comments ( 17 )

so a ice dragon born into a fire dragon family?

4896794 a bit more complicated than that, her father is an Asiatic dragon and those have a bunch of distinctive properties that European type dragons don't have. She was born with a natural cool disposition that in its own essence has frozen her emotional regulation into a set personality. There will be an event in a future chapter that begins to "thaw" her emotional state. Her breath is actually *SPOILER*, almost gave away an aspect of her future development. But a reasonable question. So to answer your question, sort of.

Sounds like a good story, but if I have one thing to tell you, it's this: grammar. For the love of all things great and small the Faust has created, grammar. It makes the world go 'round.

Also, try and avoid anymore huge blocks of text; it's daunting to look at. The "Enter" key is your friend.

4931977 I try to avoid grammatical errors as best I can, but without a third party to check it before it goes up what you see is what you get. I do try looking through my posted chapters once or twice a week to see if I can spot any typos, but once again without someone dedicated to that sort of thing it's really a game of hit or miss. Thanks for pointing it out, chapter 1 is now broken up into something more manageable.

Make a new paragraph after, “and to add to the dejection she was never told why.”

in addition he had no wings yet was able to fly with some measure of ease.

the cat-like torso of her mother. She was born with...

There's no need to restate that her scales are silvery, though you can just say that they were the inspiration for her name.

Her mother's clan...

The words he said that day became the guiding voice of every decision she would make from that point on, “You can ignore a challenge, but not the one who issued it. Sometimes you have to be ready to face those who stand for something that shouldn't be allowed to continue in this world. I will meet him for he stands for dishonor, something I can not abide by, and will show him how far one can go in an honorable duel. I will fight only by the rules. Remember my little winter breath that even if he defeats me, I will be the true victor of the match because I was the one of stronger character. I have known the madness of greed, as has your mother and we have managed to come back from the brink.

“You, however, have been placed in a predicament that would make a dragon centuries old fall into greed, and yet you've felt its opposite. You desired to share with a generosity that I have only heard of in tales to teach lessons to hatchlings. You must keep that rare spirit that does not succumb to the weakness of our kind.

“Even if you are denied a place when I am gone, keep that incorruptible soul. While the winter may be as harsh as it is beautiful, it can also be as gentle as it unforgiving. When you are told that your place is longer within one clan, you must seek a new clan and see how accepting they are of you.

“Let this not shatter you, but instead temper you as one would temper a metal tool and let every test and challenge to who you are do the same. Remember little winter breath; genuine love, honest honor and true friendship are the three pillars of true faith and true faith is an armor that only weakens when you let that which challenges it make you doubt what you have put your faith in. Even if I fall this day I shall be the genuine victor regardless of what is said by others, always remember what I told you this day when you asked me remain out a fear that comes from genuine love, so I ask this of you put your faith in me and even if I take the eternal fall I will always remain with you in your memory and your heart. When you have offspring tell them of this day and how their brave grandfather stood up against what he felt needed to be felled.”

Less is more. You could reduce his quote to about half what it is now, and it would have the same ideas, and stick in the mind more easily.

She shared with Thunder Twist before anypony else that she had the ability to alter her form. She managed make herself just a little taller than the black stallion with a lightning yellow mane, storm blue eyes, and white thunderhead cutie mark. It was the following year he had convinced her to come with him the pegasus town of Cirrus. She was reluctant, but agreed.

Shortly after arriving the town was mesmerized by the kind dragon that walked with them among the clouds of their home. None were even surprised when Thunder Twist and Silver Fall married. They were when only five months after the marriage she laid a pair of eggs, which, four months later hatched into twins. The entire town was in agreement to never speak of the children or Silver Fall with anypony that was not from the town for fear of what other ponies would think or do.

The twins were a steel blue colt-like dragon with his father's mane, his mother's eyes, and pegasus-like wings almost half his size; and dragon-like filly with a forest green coat, icy storm blue mane and equine tail of the same color, brilliant snowy lavender eyes, and dragon-like wings, as large as her brother's. The 'colt' was named Steel Wing and the filly was named Forest Snowfall. Regardless of what anypony else would say Silver Fall would always tell her children they were the most beautiful things in the world.

A few years after the twins were born, Thunder Twist was called to Cloudsdale. When he arrived, he was told by the the head of Weather Control he was being moved to Ponyville at the end of the year, since they seemed to be shorthoofed.

When he returned home he informed his family, including their four year-old children. The twins were already showing strong personality quirks, Steel Wing kept boasting about how he would be as good a weather pony as his father, while Forest Snowfall would gently say that she would like to become a noted scholar of Equestria, whenever asked. The two parents worried for their little half-dragons, of course. Who knew what kind of mistreatment they might suffer outside of Cirrus?

On one of the few days he had off, Thunder Twist made a trip to Canterlot in order to procure some reading material for his children when they got older. One book in the store caught his attention, "The Complete Guide to Rare and Mythical Creatures: Revision 12," which he bought after noticing it had a section on pony/dragon hybrids. When he arrived back home Silver Fall was telling them the story of her father's final battle, a tale that both heard dozens of time and never seemed tired of.

Aren't we going to see what the article said?

A few weeks before the twins turned five, the family moved to Ponyville. Silver Fall elected make herself appear like a silver coated pegasus mare with forest green mane and soft snow blue eyes for the trip. (while quite capable in self transformations she still had trouble with some of the finer details of form shifting.) The twins were carefully wrapped up and kept hidden. After arriving, and getting directions and the keys to their new house, the young family began settling in.

What kind of difficulties does she have with form shifting? Apparently she's good enough to fool others into thinking that she's a pony.

Little did they know what the following day would have in store for any of them, because a certain pink party pony felt their arrival and seemed to know about the two children before anypony else in town, in addition to making preparations to throw the party to welcome them all to Ponyville. The event would be life changing for the whole family, but mostly the twins. Silver Fall and Thunder Twist would soon see why their new home was special in more ways than one, and the twins would soon experience something they never knew could be possible.

I like the idea and the backstory, but I'd advise changing the format. Basically, start with the family arriving in Ponyville, and throw in some clues that something is strange about them. For example, the mother is mostly covered in clothing, even though it's a fairly warm day, and the children were hidden among the luggage, and warned not to make any noise or let anyone know of their presence. Then they get to the house, and Silver turns back into a dragon. Next, the kids come into view, and it's obvious that they're dragon/pony hybrids. Finally, Pinkie shows up and announces that she's throwing a party for all four of them, even though no one else knows about the twins. Granted, that's just my opinion, but it provides some mystery about how these two got together, and encourages the reader to keep going so they can find out, as well as wanting to know what's going to happen at the party.

Whew, I hope that at least some of that will be useful to you. I'll get to the next chapter when I can.

5017534 I was actually considering some of the suggestions you gave.

4932393 im willing to volonteer on the grammer department just pm methe unedited version or gdocs link.

5069802 Thanks for the offer. Also I find your avatar image a little disturbing, but that could just be me.

OK, before you look at this list and freak out. no I do not want your head on a platter. I really like the story however it seems to me that you are writing in a rush. I am no editor these are the ones I spotted in this chapter they just put blocks in the continuity of the story. check in the FAC for the writers available as pre readers you will find a lot of help on this site. lots of luck up voted

“if it makes ( ) feel better the same holds true with your sister.” [you]
“but I've never felt like this before it's like were...” [we're ]
her life she felt a panicked in fear [remove ] ?
tell when anther individual is acting [ another]
it must [ ] given in the name of the greater good,” [ be]
Other dragons my age turned seeing who could make[ me ] cry the longest and hardest [ into a game ] so I could make those ?????
the sound of on of the pearls shattering [ one]
“I think a silver coat is lovely, it lets us know its you before more effectively.” [???]
getting up to ( ) quality that my father had it, pleas enjoy [the] [ please ]

5565306 I'm not panicking, thanks for pointing out the error, I'm working on fixing themas we we speak.

Silver Fall is a rare dragon (A what? What does that mean?), and her choice of partners also seems unique (To who? How or why?). This is a one-shot story that is intended to be short. Well since I seemed to some initial positives this time around I decided to go for it, the initial Teaser Tale will remain up, but story that comes from it will be considerably longer and go a bit more in depth on the broadstrokes of Teaser Tale. Please leave constructive criticisms. I will expand on this story in the future, and the original will undergo some revisions to make more cohesive to overall story, but for now this is more of sampling of the story. In the full version I'll have a few chapters dedicated to her early experiences, and later some chapters will be dedicated to the other characters, or if you would prefer I might make separate stories that converge in some chapters dedicated to some of the characters. Enjoy, and please no auto-hates please; seriously I don't want to see a mass of thumbs down with no explanation, if you dislike the story explain why. Changed to teen because the extended story will get a bit more violent, but we'll have to see if I decide to go full on gore for a chapter or two, I might go a little in depth on the experiences some of the characters have (and among those they may not all be child friendly).

Suggested edits to your description. I assume you're aware of the site rule that a story's description should describe what [the] story is actually about; not sure it does that currently.

9313450
Clearer now.

Enjoy, and please no auto-hates; seriously I don't want to see a mass of thumbs down with no explanation, if you dislike the story explain why.

And yet, here you are with 6 thumbs down and not a single commenter admitting responsibility. Why are anonymous Internet strangers so disobedient?

9313656
Because common courtesy goes out the window the moment you can be anonymous, it’s why trolling became a popular activity on the internet

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