In which the title happens
To say that Twilight Sparkle was in a bad mood would be a gross understatement. To say that her day had gone poorly would also be a gross understatement (at least in her mind). As she walked down the quickly darkening streets of Ponyville, it would be more accurate to say that Twilight Sparkle was absolutely livid. Celestia's sun was slowly making its way past the horizon to where ever it hid during the night, coating the quiet town in, appropriately enough, twilight. The soft purple of the evening sky hovered over the homes and workplaces of many a pony that Twilight passed, as the bright orange cresting over the horizon crawled over the streets toward the slowly rising moon. In her current state, however, Ms. Sparkle failed to take note of any of the natural beauty which surrounded her, and was instead focused rather determinedly on the negative aspects of her small town life. Now, I assume, dear reader, that you are at least somewhat interested in what could have possibly put such a normally content mare in such a poor mood, and, being the author, I suppose I'll have to tell you.
Now, while the specific event which generated the deeply burning fury currently welling in our young bookworm occurred the morning of that very same day, it would not have been nearly as effective had it not been preceded by several other events. The first of these events was one that Ponyville had only experienced twice since Ms. Sparkle had arrived, and that was the arrival a new resident. This prospective homeowner was also from Canterlot, and was in fact a writer. He wasn't as famous or well-known as the writers of, say, the Daring Do series, but whenever one of his novels had managed to make it onto a critic's desk, it was well praised. Twilight Sparkle, being a connoisseur of all things paper and hardback, was immediately intrigued, and, after reading some of his work, infatuated. She and this imaginative stallion first spoke at Pinkie Pie's obligatory "Welcome to Ponyville" party purely by accident. Both had been reaching for the same cupcake and unfortunately (or perhaps fortunately? No! Definitely unfortunate!) had bumped snouts. After laughing off the intimate contact, the two ponies quickly discovered how similar their interests were and their conversation lasted through the night. The topics ranged from the recent trends in novel(trashy romance novels were in, and that was a bad thing), to border disputes (The Griffon kingdom has plenty of land and doesn't need any more), to even psychology (no, making check lists for every task does not, contrary to Spike's beliefs, make you insane. Legally insane, that is). Somehow their talk managed to outlast the entire party, and only ended when Pinkie walked up to inform them that everyone had left. After a few quick goodbyes, they promised they would meet again sometime.
While this promise had initially seemed easy to Twilight, it turned out far harder to keep than she had predicted. True, Twilight had never truly been called shy, but she definitely wasn't the most outgoing mare. Especially with stallions. Especially especially when she liked the stallion. Especially especially especially when said stallion she liked was not only intelligent, kind, and shared common interests, but was also drop dead gorgeous with a stunning electric blue mane combed back in a reserved, classical manestyle and fur as white as snow in pristine condition obviously cared for lovingly but packaged with just enough ruggedness to preserve the perfect amount of masculinity, all of which amounted to Twilight melting into the floor whenever she saw his beautiful emerald eyes which looked deep into her soul while- and now she was rambling. No, he's a horrible pony and you hate him!, she mentally chastised herself. As she continued to think back over their acquaintanceship (What, did you think I was the one coming up with the colorful descriptions here?), her fiery rage slowly mellowed... before bursting into a ruthless inferno when she thought back to this morning! But we're getting ahead of ourselves now, aren't we Twilight? Let's think back to the next time you saw the object of your infatuation...
Celestia's early morning sun shone in through the uncovered windows of Ponyville's only library as the resident librarian slowly levitated some of her personal reading back into its proper place on the shelves. Spike was helping Rarity today, so Twilight was responsible for cleaning up her own messes, if only for a little while. As she did this, the bell above the library door rang and she turned to see the author of the very novel she had been replacing. Twilight's heart fluttered in her chest as the masterful artist entered her humble abode.
"Hello Twilight," he said in that musical voice of his. "I see you've been catching up on my work." He gestured a forehoof in the direction of the levitated book on Twilight's right. For a moment, Twilight was lost in his soul piercing green eyes (No! They're ugly! Horrible! Demon eyes!) until his words penetrated her trance.
"Huh? Oh! Yes, I've just been, uh, looking over some of your novels so that, um, we would have something to talk about. You know, next time we met?" Twilight replied nervously.
"Speaking of that," he said, not missing a beat. "You never did come see my new house. It's been a week since the party. I was beginning to think you didn't like me." Twilight was appalled to hear this, but she quickly hid it behind a mask of not-being-appalled. Or at least she tried. She wasn't doing a very convincing job.
"What? No! Of course not! You're great! Fantastic! (Oh no, am I coming on too strong? I'm coming on too strong!) I mean, uh, not that great. A bit pompous actually. (No, no! Don't insult him! Wait he's turning away! Do something!)" Before Twilight could continue her frantic stammering, the writer interrupted her.
"Damn... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to sound self-obsessed. I try to hide my ego, but sometimes it just slips out," he explained, now looking out the nearest window (He's not leaving, thank Celestia!). "I grew up in Canterlot, you know? All my life I was surround by all those narcissistic jerks flaunting everything they had, and I promised myself that if I ever became that wealthy or powerful I'd never be like them. But I guess I broke that promise." He sighed dejectedly.
"Oh no!" Twilight replied quickly (and a tad louder than necessary) "I was, uh... (Quick! Think of something, Sparkle, before he hates us!) just joking... You know? A friendly jab between... friends." She smiled nervously, mentally berating herself for getting into this situation in the first place.
"Oh! I'm so sorry. I'm terrible at getting those. Please forgive me," he pleaded. He's asking me to forgive him! ,Twilight thought, surprised (Never!).
"Of course!" She replied, once again calling up a little too much volume. "I, uh, have trouble with that too sometimes." Twilight smiled at him, this one a little more sincere. The author turned back to face her.
"You too? That's funny considering..."
After that day, Ponyville's newest resident began visiting the library daily, regularly engaging in idle chit-chat with its proprietor as she stared into his emerald pools like a love sick puppy (I wasn't that bad! Was I... ?) while he checked out various books, both fiction and non-fiction, all of which were apparently related to his newest project. Whenever Princess Celestia's favorite student would inquire as to what said project entailed he would reply with a secretive wink and a cheeky "Spoilers." And so it came to be that on today of all days (not that it was a particularly special day), Twilight had finally decided (read: worked up the nerve) to confess her affections. The following is the scene immediately after said reveal:
The silence hung in the air like a fat spider which just refused to let go of its last strand of webbing, wiggling around in a vain attempt to bring its hairy legs around its rotund form to pull itself up the single straining strand which just barely held it.
...
Well, maybe that isn't entirely accurate, but the point is, it was silent. The object of Twilight's affections stood dumbfounded before her in the center of Ponyville library, lower jaw hanging loosely and eyes the size of dinner plates. Well that's not good, Twilight thought, a grin still plastered on her face. Slowly, the stallion began to regain his composure. He desperately hoped that Twilight's assistant would walk in and interrupt this awkward moment, but there was no chance of that, unfortunately. He was, once again, preoccupied assisting the fashionista pony who worked down the street. His only option was to address the situation he now realized he had walked right into.
"I'm sorry," he said. With that, Twilight's heart sank. "I can't be in a relationship with you," he continued, trying to put it as gently as possible. Twilight's heart continued to sink. "I'm sorry if my visits seemed romantic, but I didn't mean to imply anything." Twilight's heart plummeted to the bottom of the ocean of sadness which had appeared very suddenly in her chest. "I like you Twilight, I really do, but I have a girlfriend in Canterlot." With that, Twilight's heart ripped straight through the floor of the ocean of sadness and quickly landed in hell, where the burning hellfires ignited a new-found rage inside of her. For decency's sake, I will not repeat what she said here, but, suffice to say, it would have left Fluttershy cowering in a corner and did in fact leave the poor novelist standing stunned. Fortunately, he wouldn't have to stand there stunned for very long, as he was quickly lifted in a purple aura and dumped on his ass on the welcome mat in front of the library.
After approximately an hour of sobbing into her pillow, which overlapped with half an hour of ignoring the profuse apologizing which echoed through the locked front door, Twilight decided that she didn't want to suffer alone. After wiping away the tears and touching herself up, Twilight made her way towards the nearest of her friends and one sure to share her sentiment: Rarity.
As our purple pony protagonist approached the front door of Carousal Boutique, she noticed with confusion that all of the lights inside were off. Her interest was piqued when she noticed that the sign on the front door was turned to read "Closed" when it was certainly normal business hours. Curiosity took over and Twilight cautiously cantered up to the nearest window and peered in. What she saw shocked her beyond words. The room was lit solely by candles. Red candles. On Rarity's signature couch lay the fashion pony herself, currently draped in what appeared to be red silk lingerie. That wasn't what shocked Twilight. Sure, it gave her pause, but what really shocked her was her number one assistant slowly approaching the sofa, eyes glazed over. Twilight ducked down under the window sill and planted her back firmly against the wall. She let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding in. Twilight quickly decided that she would seek comfort in the arms of her friends that weren't participating in activities which would scar her for life.
"Oh, Spike, thank you so much for helping me do this. It would be so difficult on my own, and I know the results wouldn't be any where near as satisfying. With something as important as this only perfection will do!"
"Oh, it's no problem, Rarity. I'm glad to help anyway I can!" Spike replied, lifting the camera up to his eye.
"You know," said Rarity, looking at a photograph levitating in front of her, "I was a little nervous when Fancy Pants asked me to model my new designs, but now that I'm seeing the pictures, he really was right."
"I don't know why you were nervous. Someone as beautiful as you has to be a great model. Pose." said Spike. Rarity turned towards the camera and put on a seductive smile. Spike shuddered, enjoying it far more than just professionally, before regaining his composure and taking the sultry photo.
Twilight hadn't had much luck with her other friends, but she was mostly just thankful she hadn't caught any of them in equally compromising positions. All of her so called 'friends' were busy, all doing their 'jobs' when they should have been helping her sulk!
Oh, a poor little bunny broke its leg. Who cares! I'm in emotional turmoil here!
Ah have tah buck appals. Fine! Go do your stupid manual labor! See if I care!
There's a storm brewing in the Everfree and me and the rest of the weather patrol need to get it under control. I bet that's just an excuse so you can go hang out with your stupid gay butt friends!
There's a super-duper-mega-extra-super-special-awesome order due at the end of the day and me and the Cakes gotta work super-duper-mega-extra-super-special-awesome hard to get everything done! You know what Pinkie? You probably couldn't help me anyway! And your parties stink!
It was that unfortunate series of events that found Twilight Sparkle wandering the streets of Ponyville, absolutely livid, alone, after dark. What was less explicable was how Twilight had managed to find herself in the part of town that she did. As she looked around, Twilight couldn't for the life of figure out how she had not only passed up her home, but some how had trotted all the way to the other side of town. She retraced her steps very carefully before realizing that she had been so lost in her thoughts that she had also gotten lost literally (no small feat in a town like Ponyville). I must have taken a wrong turn back at Albuquerque street. Twilight's hoof firmly planted itself on her face as she realized what she had just thought. Geez, that's a terrible reference. At least I didn't say it aloud. After a few moments getting her bearings, Twilight's mental map informed her that the quickest route back to her treehouse (pun intended*) would be through a short series of alleyways. Confident in her ability not to get lost in the maze between buildings, Twilight fearlessly cantered into the deep, dark crevice between home and shopping center...
*Feel free to slap the author here
It had been 2 minutes and she was already lost. A single light illuminated the alley she currently occupied, but what it illuminated didn't help at all. To make matters worse, she was still incredibly angry. So much so that she might just have incinerated every building in the vicinity, if what happened next hadn't happened. Out of the darkness an into the pale yellow light stepped a pony. His face and the front of his body (including his forelegs) were covered in a ski mask and a sweater respectively, both of which were black. The most striking thing about this pony was the gun in his mouth. It looked to be a modern hoofgun (where that term came from, Twilight had no idea) and the end held a silencer. He held it in such a way that you could tell he was familiar with the weapon, and he had probably used it before. However, the nervous look in his eye betrayed that it was never in a situation quite like this. It took a moment for Twilight to process all of this, but once she did, the irony of it all nearly caused her to burst out laughing. Her, Twilight Sparkle, prized student of Princess Celestia, embodiment of the Element of Magic, savior of the nation-no, the planet- was being robbed at gunpoint. She couldn't hide the smirk that crossed her face.
"Gi- gif me ya money" the impromptu thief asked nervously around the gun.
"Or what?" replied Twilight, still smirking
"I- I'll shoot." he replied, once again stuttering. Twilight's smirk extended into a full blown grin.
"Go ahead." she said more cockily than she had ever spoken before.
"Wha- what?" The stallion replied, obviously confused.
"I said "shoot me"" Twilight elaborated in as condescending a tone as she had ever used. The stallion swallowed before bringing the gun's sights into alignment with Twilight's head. After a few moments, nothing happened. After a few more moments, nothing continued to happen.**
"Can't do it, huh?" Twilight said, still grinning. "Alright, then. I'll do it for you!" With that the gun was surrounded by a purple aura and yanked violently out of the stallion's mouth. Twilight brought the gun to hover about a foot to the upper right of her head. Her grin turned back into a smirk as she looked into the horrified stallion's eyes. Passingly, she noted his cutie mark, which he had somehow neglected to cover. It was three blue horse shoes, and the fur underneath was caramel colored.
"Stop it, you crazy mare!" he shouted as he leapt towards her.
With that, the gun went off.
**All rights for that joke belong to Douglas Adams. Please don't sue me.
Caramel looked up from where he had landed. He was directly at the mare's hooves. The bullet had embedded itself somewhere on the wall to his left (her right) having ricocheted off of the slowly fading aura that continued to surround the purple pony.
Contrary to popular belief, Twilight was very familiar with combat spells, both defensive and offensive. There was a very good reason she hadn't been bullied any time after magic kindergarten, and that reason was three charred bodies buried with the help of Celestia after a fierce punishment (And by charred, I meant first degree burns, and when I said buried I was referring medical law suits under mountains of legal jargon, and by fierce punishment I meant a stern talking too. Give the mare a break, it was her first time trying the fireball spell). Twilight looked into the scared stallion's eyes and finally saw a way to get rid of all that excess anger that had built up over the day. This, she thought, is going to be fun...
Twilight Sparkle emerged from the alley the next morning, feeling very, very happy. And tired. She had worn herself out over the course of the previous night, and was now ready for a nice long rest. Her newly cleared mind examined her thoughts from the previous day. Maybe I was a little hard on them, Twilight thought, I should really go apologize. And so what if he has a girlfriend? We can still be friends. I just hope he isn't too upset over how I acted...
Meanwhile, back in the alley, a white mouse with three blue horse shoes on its rear was desperately attempting to untie the knot in its tail...
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I could have done this better if my computer wasn't busy being an asshat. I can barely type this comment. Also, first.
Edit: Now, I may be doing my math wrong, but 185 views and 13 ratings doesn't seem to add up. Please leave your opinion on the story, readers!
So....is this a one-shot or...
I can't imagine this being a multi-part story. Unless there is a second chapter where Twilight gets revenge, by the description alone there doesn't seem to be much more that you could add.
it is very hard to type about how awesome this story was/is when i have three numb fingers
The marshmellows are condensing in the sky
Oh you and your red herring innuendo. This was quite good. While not as funny or impactful as other subversive fics I've read it was well written and even could be considered episodic if the show had a PG 13 rating.
However the subversion itself is absolutely beautiful. The way you take the callous "inosence wasn't lost, it never existed" fic trope and turn it on it's ear by presenting it from the perspective of a very angry pony, seeing thing as grim from her emotional perspective but proving through action and reader perspective that things like anger, misunderstanding, animosity, bitterness and angst are, rather than signs of a corrupted character, simply real and natural emotions that do not require any greater loss of innosence than the emotional equivilant of a toe stub it really is. It's ok to have realistic negative feeling and act out without becomming any less of who you really are.
My only complaint is that you use the narrator as too much.
Could use a bit of polish but considering your technical difficulties it's quite good. I'll be recommending this fic and hope it gets some love.
455222 This is just a one shot. I forgot to mark it complete. Sorry
455238 You think that's hard? Try typing an entire story while your mouse is constantly randomly clicking the four corners of the screen like a rabbit on meth!
455473 ...what.
455705 Episodic. Huh. Thanks for the praise, but to be honest, none of that went through my mind as I was writing. The original reason I wrote this fic is because it seems like at least half the stories on this site portray Twilight as not knowing any combat magic, which I think is complete bull. You're the protege of Princess Freakin' Celestia (tm), with access to countless Forbidden Archives. You're going to look up some black magic every once in a while. That one line, about the combat magic when she's confronting the mugger, was the genesis of this whole story. Everything else resulted because I needed an actual story. The mugging came to give her a victim. The writer came to give her a motive. The descriptions and all the subversion you refer to came off the top of my head while I was writing in an attempt to add more humor to it. I hope this doesn't take away from the quality of the story for you.
455729 Thanks. Glad to know that I didn't waste my time.
Edit: I find it a little ironic I only used Twilight emoticons in this post...
I couldn't think of anything intelligent to say. It's a good story.
455842
Combat magic seems rather redundant (other than death spells) since most magic applicable to combat would just be mundane spells used differently.
Of course in a version of Equestria where mugging and guns exist it makes more sense.
But even that concept is a subversion in that you smacked the idea that a peace loving disciple of harmony can't aggressively defend herself without either being OOC or grimdark.
Cause you love us readers and would be lynched if you didn't. . . . . .
The following description of this guy makes him sound like Vinyl's long lost evil twin brother....
Taking the Narrator approach? interesting, and a first time in my famfiction reading history.
...And mixing in Twi's opinion, very nice. However, never judge a book by it's cover.... punny.
Can't tell if that's the Narrator or Twi, and I feel the urge to argue in silly circles if you try and explain it for either case.
I'm seeing a silly theme that only I can perpetuate, unless it was your intent, through stubborn ignorance and silly pointless circle arguments.
Again with the Narrator self insert joke here.
I think you meant 'straight' here. Also, another Narrator self insert joke here.
Missing a period... also there is no way she can avoid scarring, maybe she should help Scootaloo with that new horror gore-fest she's writing...
Should have asked that shady bunny in the trench coat for directions....
Shhh... it's okay, I'm a terrible person too. Shhhh, it'll all be okay.
This term is erroneous and you should feel terribad for it. There are only 'suppressors', not silencers. You can't 'silence' gunfire... in retrospect you could claim magik would silence... but that defeats my argument, so it'll be ignored with the highest concentration of ignorance I can muster.
You forgot to add a 'been' here. Also, I'm sure nopony has ever been a precedent for robbing Twi, most famous pony in Equestria and would especially be so in Ponyville. Dude,ought to have run right then and there.
My imagination puts him hanging from a nearby fire escape with Opalescence under him, smirking.
2312095 In regard to your final comment, I would gladly write a recommendation for you to Xavier's Institute for Higher Learning considering your obvious long range telepathic abilities. Seriously, that was exactly the image I had in my head for the ending, but my technical difficulties at the time of writing prevented me for describing it, and upon post-difficulty read-throughs I couldn't find a natural feeling way to squeeze it in. So I left this simpler ending instead, which is not only more open to interpretation, but also induces less Fridge Horror. Also, reread that sentence. A "been" is not required or even appropriate. Thanks for the positive feedback, though!
Is this what heartbreak is like? Glad I've been a bachelor for so long then.
2314501 I like your story. Hey want to check out my story Ace Combat: Divided Feelings?
4261550
It's... MEDIOCRE?!?!
WAAAAAAAAAAAAH! I DON'T WANT TO BE THE TIP OF THE BELL CURVE!!!
4261605 That's... practically the definition of mediocre. And the worst possible thing any work could ever be. To leave no impact whatsoever is much worse than being complete crap. It's like all that work was done for no reason. People will at least remember complete crap. I'd rather make a hundred people cringe than make a thousand go 'meh.'
Mares... mares are crazy. I'll never understand them.
Poor Carmel!
Hope he doesn't get eaten by a cat or something...
For a story about Twilight getting mugged, the whole "getting mugged" part was kind of under developed.
lol, that was really well done. I only wish that we knew whatever happened to that poor writer...
>idle chit-chat with it's proprietor
*its
>Her curiosity was peaked
*piqued
>Confidant in her ability
*Confident
Twilight be like:
c.tenor.com/vVzeh3OzPloAAAAM/vaas-far-cry.gif