After seeing huge bursts of power from one universe a Q decides to investigate
This story is a sequel to Night's Children
Star Wander is a typical but strong unicorn living in the best place in Equestria, Ponyville.
But her need for adventure and lost artifacts will lead her down a path that will have her experience things she has never seen before. Witness horrors never imagine by pony kind and face an old and new threat but could alter her destiny forever.
Preread : Narrator
Editors : Jomintine and Twisted Code
Canon Sequel to Night's Children
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Okay... So the main problem I have here is the lack of paragraphs.
I only see a gigantic wall of text, and that on its own will drive viewers away from this story. Here is a tip that some fine chap gave to me:
One Idea per paragraph.
Or something like that I'm not really sure. But I'm sure you got the idea.
4589884 Agreed.
Also, more indenting. Several times I thought what should had been a paragraph was lacking indenting to show it wasn't part of the previous section of text. Gave me a headache.
guys six parqagraphs. how is that not enough?
4633918 Note that's why i press enter when someone speaks
"Like this."
"like so."
And i have tried editors and got burned to many times. You want to edit your own personal copy have fun i don't mind.
4633957
I'll put it this way. if you want to edit what i post I will gladly repost the edited version. I just won't wait for the edit for intial post.
4634083 For here yes i would. it pains me that i see so many dislikes and no likes for this story. Neither Night's Children or Girl From Equestria are hammered like this one is. i post on multiple sites and never saw so much grief over format.
I'll take the changes to heart I try to implement them.
So if you don't mind me doing intial post then you edit And I'll post the edit when done. Then we have a deal.
4634153 I rather see critics on the story more the grammer. that's how i judge stories.
I don't understand why the like/dislike ratio is so negative. Formatting aside, I think this is a pretty good story. So far, anyway. I like how you tried to describe Star Trek crew members from a pony's perspective.
Ha! I didn't see that one coming. "No one can understand what it's like to have two personalities in one head" and then suddenly your face-to-face with the Alicorn that was trapped on the moon with another personality dominating her head for 1000 years.
4961548 oh yes it was too perfect of a set up.
Chapter 3 is edited and ready to go as soon as AQP wants to post it.
4962957 awesome
4961472 Tell me about it. Heck Night's Children is completely non editted and it has more likes than dislikes.
This story has been added to the Star Trek Ponies group.
5008773 Nice Thanks
5008907 You're welcome.