Xiuhacoatl
Joined 28th Oct, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Duelist96 · 56k words · 214 38 · 3.3k views
- XxXImmortalFoXxX · 39k words · 259 40 · 6k views
- Secondchancer · 14k words · 231 39 · 3.5k views
- Goku the Super Sandwich4 · 42k words · 154 34 · 3k views
- Vladimir · 70k words · 70 10 · 1.4k views
- BikerPon3 · 116k words · 456 81 · 10k views
- Sir_Elton_lunar · 32k words · 376 47 · 6.4k views
- Merry · 58k words · 223 47 · 3.7k views
Featured In8
Human in Equestria16,976 stories ·16,822 members
Humans falling in love with ponies.2,411 stories ·6,067 members
Human Harems518 stories ·3,624 members
Human on Royalty1,697 stories ·4,856 members
Unusual Humans in Equestria811 stories ·2,652 members
Romance Is Hi-larious165 stories ·73 members
Celestia x Human202 stories ·1,491 members
Read later1,636 stories ·33 members
Stats
Page generated in 0.183 seconds
Total duration
1,064 users online
2,147,676 hits today, 2,280,440 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
*reads description*
Well, this has all the makings of a terribly cliched Gary Stu self-insert HiE. Especially since...
*sees group: Human Harems*
Yeah, I'll pass. Wait a second...
*sees 8 likes and 2 dislikes*
Really? Hmm, that's not too bad of a ratio for a story that just got posted. Maybe I should take a quick look.
*opens up first chapter*
WALLOFTEXT
LOTSOFTYPOSANDGRAMMARMISTAKES
BLAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH
nope nope nope nope nope nope nope nope
Yeah sorry I edited the chapters so as to break up the huge Berlin Wall of text that I had set up, I was just excited and may have jumped the gun. This is, however, rectified and will do my best to make sure that this doesn't happen again in the future. Addressing the idea of the Gary-Stu, i will not give away any spoilers but I would just like to point out he doesn't have his magical abilities anymore and as far as anyone knows except for myself, his personality is a mystery, anyway Tlazohcamatli for your input and it did in fact help to make this story better.
This story is looking good, but there are a lot of errors:
Should be "were".
Should be "planet's".
Should be "bodies, tiny"
Should be "fangs, wings; they were completely unremarkable,".
Should be "it, creating".
"eachother" is not a word, it should be "each other".
Should be "I'm".
Should be "honesty", "skeptical", and "in joining him: that there was magic".
Should be "expedition".
Wow. Just, wow. This is difficult to read. Break this up into multiple sentences, and it should be "wield".
Should be "too".
Should be "he; however".
Another quite long sentence. Should be "burst", "snake's", and "people's".
Should be "he felt. He".
You accidentally put two spaces.
Double space again.
Long sentence. Should be "a part".
Should be "its".
4588053 Thank you very much for he input, sorry more of a bio major than an english. I really appreciate the corrections, i am trying to get someone to proofread the chapters but since i am new I don't really know how to go about that, I think they're called beta's, but i am getting off topic thanks again and I will be sure to correct these mistakes.
Despite the mistakes, it is a fun little venture into HiE. I have a sneaking suspicion that the human protagonist will be a Gary Stu self-insert but I'll follow and hope for the best.
Here is my feedback. Great story so far, I give it 8 out of 10 !
It hase some greate potentiol so keep up the good work !
Instant criticism right here: Don't write an HiE as your first fic. It's guaranteed to be horrible. I have never once run into a decent HiE that was the author's first story.
So, I suggest you stop writing this fic as soon as humanly possible. Put it on hiatus for a few months while you write some short stories to practice your writing ability.
not bad still need to make some space try makeing a line for each spoken word
He has no idea.
4589695
That's not criticism, that's an opinion.
More or less all my work is HIE, and I think I've done quite well for myself.
what is she thinking?
Que Dash attack.
4631353 then que epic pownege
look like he not good luck also oh put that banana peel on the floor
Love the intro. Part history part legend in the stories tone giving it a 'magic' quality, good job.
4589695 there are exceptions you know....nothing that involves a pattern of thought is entirely held down by rules and laws.
Great... Another story where our protagonist is a pansy and likes being beaten by small ponies just like that. Going from a godlike being to a turtle is kinda weird ya know.
The previous chapters were a good read, but somehow it all collapsed with this chapter where the EOH just decided to attack him.
4708370 yeah I know, it took a lot of will power to not have him all Kung fu whip around them and be a man about it but remember he lost nearly all of his magical ability, as well he is a stranger in a foreign land the last thing he needs is to go beating up on this new worlds heroes, that and the fact they thought he was trying to rape her, but don't worry he will show his baddassery later on I promise, look at me, look at me straight in the eyes, I promise
4598093
4708307
Fine, if you're going to be nitpicky, here's some clarification: Don't write HiE if you're a beginning writer with no idea what you're doing beyond a technical understanding of the English language (and especially so if your understanding is shaky, as is clearly the case here).
Better?
If either of you have read even part of this story, you know exactly what I'm getting at. :P
Look lets all just enjoy the story, those that don't, wont and those that do, will, lets all just be civil
4708382
4708370 they are 3 foot tall tecno coloered pansy that thier "elite" Guard get thier ass kicked by literally everything. i would have already pimp slaped them all except flutters before throwing the bitch out the window
I sense a disturbance in the force. I sense....Mark x Celestia.
4708383 *sigh* writers evolve by writing something that challenges them. An HIE actually is one of those challenges. No the result isn't always good BUT the lessons learned will improve you. Plus some people are more naturally talented then others. So let this fellow brony write that which he wants so he may learn his mistakes and be better on the next piece.
4712010
*stares* ...Really? REALLY?
This fandom already has an abundance of crappy HiE fics. There's a reason for the negative stereotypes associated with them, and this fic hits all the marks on that account.
A crappy HiE should not be a rite of passage. A crappy HiE should be recognized for exactly what it is: a crappy HiE. Do you know why there are so few decent HiE fics? Because there are few writers who are skilled enough to write decent HiE fics, and the many others that are skilled enough recognize just how awful the genre is and avoid it like the plague.
The typical HiE is not a challenge for the writer, because the typical writer does not challenge him-/herself with HiE unless they know what they doing well enough to make it a challenge, in which case they aren't a typical writer. I mean, just look at any number of HiE fics and the vast majority will be utterly terrible Gary Stu nonsense.
The only lesson I can derive from the average HiE is that anyone with a keyboard can write one.
I advised the author to put this aside and write other fics to practice his writing ability, with the hope that he'd mature, and eventually come back to this story realizing what it really is. I also gave that advice because, and I mean no offense to the author, he has no idea what he's doing and needs the practice.
4712127 An HIE is a challenge. 1 A humans occupation (soldier, chef, farmer, painter, musician, unemployed, etc) have a HUGE impact on their reaction on this new (to them) world. This is because of beliefs and how they view things. 2 History/background/morals, this should be self explanatory. Its based on how they were raised. 3 How the ponies and other species react. This I believe needs no explaination. 4 HOW THEY GOT THERE. This is the ABSOLUTE MOST IMPORTANT PART. If they came from a portal, the human would be treated differently than say pulled in from a misused spell by a pony. This sets the tone of relationships and how things will work FOR THE ENTIRE STORY. If you still deny I have PLENTY more to share. Ill admit you are right that there are few who can. Yet doing this can also help him mature. Remember sometimes doing that which is harder CAN help.
4712227
First of all, while I appreciate your removal of the attempted insult, it still shows up in the notification email. XD
In any case, yes, writing a decent HiE is a challenge. However, how often do you see decent, compelling, well-thought-out HiE fics? One in ten? One in twenty? Fifty, perhaps?
My point is that your typical HiE writer DOES NOT challenge him-/herself in writing their story. They pick out common tropes, write without eloquence or form, produce endless Gary Stus and Mary Sues, repeat endlessly the same dull plots about Discord and Changelings and Nightmare Moon and Tirek and some great evil XYZ.
Point out one decent HiE fic, and I'll point out a dozen terrible ones to match.
Let me put it this way: Writing an HiE is like preparing to jump the Grand Canyon. THAT is your challenge. But where a good writer is up for it, and plans out their approach, the typical HiE writer instead decides to jump over the puddle in their backyard.
Yes, writing an HiE fic is harder than other fics, if you intend to produce a work of even slight merits. But looking at the sheer volume of garbage HiE stories out there, wouldn't you agree that starting smaller would be the more intelligent move? There's a reason people hate on HiE fics so often these days: It's so rare to find one that involved effort and imagination on the part of the author.
4712905 Alright *puts hands up* I surrender. I also apologize for that. Rough day *rubs temple*. Simply put if I even hear the hospital I'll need admittance to a mental ward. Anyways in all honesty I can't write long strung out stories *shrugs* BUT I'm extremely talented with suspenseful one-shots. Though its just because I prefer detail over dialogue.
well, he an ass
I kind of like this, actually. It has its flaws, but it still feels "above average" to me.
Ha and lots of people said it sucks -3- (looks at 63 likes to only 17 dislikes) I feel like a hipster cause I liked it when it was NEGATIVE in likes -3-
Sorry I accidentally published an unfinished chapter, finger slipped, it won't happen again.
Ok 3rd pov cannot have the word 'we' in the narration. It is strictly 1st pov.
sorry gonna fix it, my bad
Good chapter. Can't wait to see future conflicts between Mark and Rarity.
i hope he will
I WANT MORE, RIGHT MEOW!
Fuck it he has long hair lame i'm out speaking my mind so yeah
Funniest chapter yet, I request more!
4851718 And you shall have more! My dear aquatic mammal
I can throw a cruise missile, if you like.
Good story.Nice job. :D
i just just can't read on anymore.
its painful
I don't know why, but I heard the song played during the opening cut scene of Legend of Zelda: Wind Waker, the one that plays during the recap in legend form of Ocarina of Time. This, in other words:
Hey, Aaariiin.
Reference to game grumps?
4867200 YOU KNOW IT!!!
4867342
Him and generosity are pissed at each other and so are him and rarity, coincidence? I think not.
~Eon
4867200 You beat me...
4877210
Madgod approves