Well, This Sucks

by FamousLastWords

A Bad Story About Why Bad Stories Are Bad

"Alright, Spike. You ready to do this?" Twilight asked, a big smile adorning her face.

"Eeyup," Spike replied, slouching back in his chair and setting aside his bowl of Cocoa 'Splosion cereal. "Just don't get too upset when you see that I was right."

Twilight rolled her eyes, and focused back on the computer screen in front of her. "Please, Spike. Ponies are going to love my story far more than that abomination you submitted."

"And why do you think that?"

"Because mine is an epic romance story! Yours is a plotless blasphemy of everything we should respect about fine literature!"

"Yeah... but mine has lesbian sex, and yours is about Hum-Drum. Your argument is invalid," Spike said, shrugging his shoulders.

Twilight let out an annoyed sigh. "Well fine, let's just see whose stories get better received. I submitted both of them, so in a few minutes we should start getting some results."

"Whatever you say, Twi."

A few minutes passed by which primarily consisted of Twilight staring down her computer screen and Spike relaxing in his chair.

"Aha! I've got a notification!" Twilight screeched, bouncing off her chair. "Its a comment!"

"What does it say?" Spike asked.

"Alright, let me read it," Twilight said, her grin growing wider by the second. "It says:

Er mah gerd, this sucks.

"What?! He gave it a down vote, too? This comment was on the first chapter, he didn't even read it!"

"Probably not. But hey, he's probably just a troll with no life. Wait for another comment."

Twilight let her body relax, and nodded her head in agreement. "Wait, I got another one!"

"Read it!"

"Ahem, this user says:

Not enough lesbians."

Twilight's eye twitched several times as her brain tried to think of an appropriate response. "That has nothing to do with my story! And now it has three dislikes?!"

"Sorry, Twilight. It's the nature of the business. You can be the best author in the world, but it doesn't matter if the ponies don't want to read what you put out."

"Well fine then, let's see how your writing venture has fared," Twilight said, glaring at Spike. "What was the name of your story again?"

"Zapp Gets Her Matter Horned."

"Oh, dear God..." Twilight replied, surfing the site to find his story.

"What?!" Twilight cried.

"What? What is it?!" Spike yelled, jumping closer to the screen.

"Yours has twenty likes?!"

"Looks that way," Spike said with a smug grin. "Its also received zero dislikes might I add."

"Well... let's read some of the comments. Maybe they're just expressing their dislike in words."

"Whatever you say. Let me hear 'em."

"Alright, here they are:

Hawt!

By Celestia's mane, that was beautiful.

Instant like.

Dat title though...

This story had no plot, poor characterisation, and weak grammar... But I don't care! Liked!

Spike couldn't help but chuckle at the look of sheer disbelief on Twilight's face. "Sorry, Twi, but the readers have spoken."

"I don't get it," she said, turning to Spike. "You're telling me that my fifty-thousand word, structurally flawless epic about Hum-Drum discovering who he is, battling the forces of evil, and finding true love is being overshadowed by your two-thousand word abhorrence?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much it," Spike answered.

"But why? It makes no sense!"

"Twilight, let me clue you in on something. When you're writing a story, its like racing a carriage."

Twilight simply responded with a confused gaze. "Care to explain?"

"You see, the pen and paper are your reins, you're imagination is the roadway, and the audience is the finish line. You can pave the road every which way, but you gotta know how to make it to the audience... You feel me?"

"So, you're saying that if I want to get really popular I have to sell out basically, and write stuff that the majority wants to read?"

"Yep."

"Spike, that's terrible advice!"

"Sorry, Twi, but the majority of ponies care more about cheap and quick thrills as opposed to fine literature."

"Are you saying that the only way to get known is to write nonsensical pornography?"

"Or comedy. You could try that."

"No, thank you. Comedy is not my thing... especially that satirical stuff. Blech!"

"Well, let's look back at your story. Maybe it has some likes now?"

Twilight turned around back to the screen and brought up her story. "Look! It has three likes now!"

"Any comments?"

"Yeah, I've got three new ones. They say:

Wow, this is epic!

Pretty good so far.

Psh, Hum-Drum is just a tool for overweight dudes who have no social life.

"Wait one freakin' second! What is that supposed to mean?!" Twilight yelled, jumping out of her chair. "I am not overweight, Im not a dude, and I do have a social life! I'm a princess for crying out loud!"

"Yeah... I probably should've warned you. There's always a few ponies who have nothing to do with their life than pick on others. Just ignore them and move on. They're pointless trolls."

"But why would anyone say that? It serves no purpose to anything!"

"Probably because they themselves are losers with no life."

Twilight sunk into her seat and drooped her head. "Ugh... this whole fanfiction business is harder than it looks. I just wanted to write something ponies could enjoy. But apparently you have to fit some mold to have an audience."

"Don't worry, Twi. Your story does have an audience. Its just a smaller one. I mean, look." Spike pointed a claw back at the screen. "Your story has seven likes now."

Twilight tilted her gaze up with a small smile. "You're right!"

"Eeyup, and I bet mine has had a considerable drop in popularity," Spike said, bringing up his story. "Or not..."

"One-hundred likes?! What is wrong with the fanfiction community?"

"A question that has baffled scientists for centuries,” Spike calmly replied. “But hey, at least you had a solid story. The beginning was good, the middle was great, and that ending was flawless.”

“Well, thank you, Spike. I worked especially hard to give it a good ending. I hate it when a story ends in the middle of the action or with gaping plot holes.”

“Tell me about it! It’s so annoying when

Author's Note:

Oh... the irony.

Comments

[Cobolt Soundwave]

Ohhhhhhhh shit yo, you put the pussy on the chainwax.

[FamousLastWords]

4556094 that i did

you know, I forgot who i was poking fun at halfway through this fic: the annoying people who write lame clop stories, the annoying commentors who troll everyone, or the writers who flip out about their stories not getting popular. Something to do with those three

[Tidal]

Good lord... Absolute genius. Everyday fimfic life right here.

[tech savvy]

well done my friend!

[Starlight Shadow]

You forget something at the end there?

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4560158 that was purely intentional.

[Manes]

Finally!

[Pyriel]

How the public should react to Spike's story:
"Your story is bad and you should feel bad!"
How the public actually reacts to Spike's story:
"Fap fap fap."

That is our society, people. Are you happy like this!?

[J-Russ]

Nice I was surprised you didn't do more with the Hum-Drum (Spike angle) I like to think he has fans like our little dragon, whelp, god, thingy has.

Although you did good with the anti-hum-drum (Spike) bit. Sorta like a certain anti-Spike crusade that didn't make it off the floor.

[OmniFox]

Wonder how the rest of the Mane 6 will like one of the stories?

[Lag Incarnate]

I feel like Twilight in this situation, except I can't write worth shit anyway.

[Darth Redbeard]

I knew that would happen to Twilight.
NOT FUNNY!
You're right. It's Hilarious!

[Cydox Crescent]

Hahaha this is the greatest thing ever...

[ledezma25]

4560195 I'd care but I'm too busy fapping.

[Pyriel]

4561230 EXACTLY MY POINT!!!

[Pyriel]

"Sorry, Twi, but the majority of ponies care more about cheap and quick thrills as opposed to fine literature."

That's not always true. In fanfiction it is, but not in other forms of creative media.

[FamousLastWords]

4561276 I'm aware I'm just poking fun at stereotypes and such. Sorry if I offended you

[Pyriel]

4561324 nah, it's cool bro.

[Cerulean Voice]

"Sorry, Twi, but the majority of ponies care more about cheap and quick thrills as opposed to fine literature."

Your story does have an audience. Its just a smaller one.

at least you had a solid story. The beginning was good, the middle was great, and that ending was flawless.

Poor Twilight. I share your pain, oh mistress of purple.

Cool story, bro. Have some things.

[FamousLastWords]

4561929

[Seether00]

I feel you are trying to say something. Well, back to writing about lesbian horses.

[20 Percent More Brony]

This story doesn't have enough lesbians.

[Derpator]

Subtlety. I do not believe this story knows of it.

But who cares? This was awesome and hilarious.

Er mah gerd, this sucks.

Er mah gerd.

[FamousLastWords]

4564077 i knew that was coming

[BlinkyPony]

Pre-read by the GDocs Spell Check feature

Also known as, "Best Pre-reader".

On an altogether different note...

i.imgur.com/qfkCoVf.gif

~Blinkie

[Jake The Army Guy]

Hawt

[The Grey Pegasus]

Reminds me of the days when actual meta was allowed.

You know....

Spike's story has to be a thing now.

[TheSundewOrder]

I love this!! I'm gonna go read the sequel now!

[FamousLastWords]

4564294 something tells me this is as close to meta you can get noww

[The Grey Pegasus]

4564298
It is.

[Cerulean Voice]

Popular box: get!
i1291.photobucket.com/albums/b555/Adrenalatic1/WTSpopularbox_zps52f6836e.jpg

[Dinkledash]

I gave up on quality a long time ago.

[Mooncalf]

In the end, though, what really matters is if you yourself enjoyed writing your story and think you did a good job. If anyone else liked it, that's a bonus. Trying to please the unpleasable masses is a fool's game.

[FamousLastWords]

4564326 you got it

[Vexy]

You make me like meta.

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4564294 I might end up doing that with Famous's help.

[Cobolt Soundwave]

4561324 See I write what I like and make try to make them in my own image.

[Dash The Stampede]

Alt Title:
Fimfiction: The Fanfic.

The lack of butthurt proves the indestructibility of your meta.

Good show, old bean.
~Dash The Stampede

[FamousLastWords]

4564597 I know right. I was expecting some legit butthurt by now

[RedvsBlue327]

No! There are some fine literatures from fan fics that get considerable popularity! My favorite example being Hard Reset. Good writing, an interesting overarching plot, and 1,000s of likes! A good story!

Proof that not every fanfic requires at least a small cess pond of just what people wa-
Oh wait... Main character Twilight is a lesbian in that story...

FUCK

[FamousLastWords]

4564800 so you didn't like my story? Or didya? Sorry, your comment confused me

[Warman1138]

Up goes the thumb and it made me smile today.

[AnimeLovingBritishHoof]

Ahh, so this is why I don't get that many views on stories. Looks like I'm gonna have to do a Twijack story!

[DarkDMan]

That's some funny shit. Gaping plot hole!

[Oxyaction]

what most authors forget is how to make their first few chapters interesting. if they drag on people get bored

[Follow Focus]

Hey its up! :D And it's still pretty darn awesome! Nice work!

[Lenora Goff]

That's awesome.

[Dramapony]

This is all far too accurate!