- Member Since 13th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 17th, 2014
OnyxTheGryphon
I don't know if I'm going to be contributing yet; I mostly set up this account so I could comment and fave. I'm a willing proof reader. I ship Twilestia and Apple Dash, mainly.
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I see this story is set before the series began. I will keep an eye on this. BTW, is this the story that inspired you?
4312604 it is! I'm glad you like my take on it. I really liked 'Comfort,' but I found myself going 'well, I'd write that differently' a lot, so I did. Lol
more, you must write more! i require MORE!
I like the sayings that Quicksilver's father told him. I wonder what Twilight's reaction will be to Quicksilver. I have to ask if this is the Summer Sun Celebration in which Luna will return? There is a couple of typos, but there was one that stood out:
I hope you can see why.
BTW:
For this alone, I am favoring this story and following you.
I look forward to see how far you take this and if it will go into the series.
4313878 *dies of embarrassment* thanks for pointing out the typo! I can't believe I didn't catch that in one of the hundred times I've re-read this chapter! I'll fix that as soon as I have access to a computer.
Woo for Sherclop Holmes quotes XD I will say that I do have plans for this to go into the series ;)
Wow. So far, I am loving this story. Can't wait for the next chapter!
4313878 Holy crap. *dies of embarrassment* Thanks for bringing that typo to my attention. Too bad spellcheck doesn't catch stuff like that
Yes, this is the Summer Sun Celebration where Luna will return.
Woo for Sherclop Holmes! Quicksilver is a big fan XD
(Sorry for the double post. I didn't know if the other one made it or not ^^; )
4314904 Thanks! Glad you like it
I like the story but I feel like I have read it before?
MOAR!!!
Still I am a sucker for Celestia needs a hug stories so...
The part with Bluedick slightly creeped me out.
4315932
He shall forever be known as prince bluedick
Are there many fics out there were blueblood isn't a dick to everyone? I think I read one once but that it and though this is the second fic I've ever read of him making a pass at a dude his way more creepy doing it here
Well, I like this Blueblood better he is portrayed in most stories. I have a feeling he is going to have a very rough training session in the morning.
4317109 Try this group for more non-douche Blueblood stories.
4317343 thx for the link. Looks like there's some good reads in there
4317336 ya this blueblood though a bit creepy from making a pass and a little bit holyer than thou does give off that "there's more to this charcter than we've seen so far" vibe to me and not just a "cardboard cut out easy target for hating guy"
Hey! What a second!
This seems really familiar...
4318984 hahaha...yeah. It diverts a lot in upcoming chapters.
Ha! That's pretty great. Detailed descriptions of the palace furniture and their cultural influences are so cliche, of course the narrator isn't going to know much more than it looks expensive.
4321022 I'm glad you liked that. I kind of thought the same thing. How the heck is the narrator going to know that the door is made of some sort of rare tree from the Everfree Forest and that it's 600 years old? >_>
I love your avatar, by the way.
Credit also goes to my fabulous girlfriend for being my proof-reader and sounding board. She calls me out when something seems rushed or improbable, and she took this fic from being an excuse to write smut and raised it to a whole new level.
You are a very lucky human....
4348552 Very much so.
Please, continue this. The bit that sticks out the most is the brief encounter with Blueblood. With everything going so well, that engagement still manages to hold up a looming backdrop that made me feel uneasy throughout.
Also, the mystery behind Gilded Bracer is another point of interest that'll have me returning to this one.
Well done, chap!
Glad to be part of this story, even with my interjecting back seat authoring. :D Can't wait for Luna's Ark, as then the fun will really begin, but I am enjoying the pacing so far. Excited it's beginning g to heat up, as I know there is so much more in store!
Glad bracer is getting more screen play too.. as he is my favorite. >:) though, playing Luna I suppose I am biased. I did name him after having quite a bit of wine one night, and it stuck. XD
And we'll need to throw in a Prince 'Blue Balled' scene in sometime soon, I suppose. Lol. Since he is so well received.
Well... onward and upward. Time to poke at chapter Five. >:3
4354108 thanks for mentioning Bracer, lol I honestly thought someone would mention him sooner, as I think he's a compelling character. Of course, I'm the author, so my opinion might be a little biased. <g>
As for Blueblood, I'm surprised everyone's so intrigued by that exchange, lol I hope I can live up to everyone's expectations with him.
Alright man. I'm ready for more. This fic has me loving it from start until now and you have entranced me to no end. Celestia is one of the best vague characters around, and the way you portray her is wonderful to my thoughts.
I'm also loving quicksilver. He is well thought out, even if he can be a bit of a flake when thinking about important matters.
I've dropped a like, wishing to be able to just throw more at you. Its in my favorites, so don't stop you amazing bastard. I look forward to new chapters. by the way I'm loving the suttle humor
4356556 Wow, thanks for the awesome comment, man! I'm glad you're liking it, and I totally dig that you like my characterization of Celestia and Quicksilver. Best comment ever!
This is a good story, it really should have more up-votes.
Nicely done.
Rainbow factory reference there
I like how his clear thinking comes after he took a nap and while in the shower; very realistic.
4358111 ding ding ding! You win a cookie!
4358050 thank you very much!
4358208 wow, and I actually hadn't even thought about that, lol
4358398 i.imgur.com/MaiUR.png
The flow of this story is okay. There are a few points where it stutters a bit, and results in a disruption of events.
You use "He" as if it were going out of style. Take a look at how frequently you start a sentence with it, and you'll understand what I mean.
You are overly tell-y with your narration. You can use showing a fair amount better to get the same points across.
Three primary issues I saw.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I thought Quicksilver learned about Nightmare Moon through studying military history (if he didn't already learn about it in school). Bracer told Quicksilver about Princess Luna.
*shudders* Did you have to put that Rainbow Factory reference in there (I get creeped out everytime I think about that song/video/story).
Anyway, I see you are trying to cover why we didn't see any bat-ponies until season 2. I look forward to seeing how you have this plan come together.
4365665 You're right that Quicksilver learned about Nightmare Moon through his study of military history...which Bracer assigned him
but thanks for catching that 
As for the Rainbow Factory reference, I couldn't help myself
4364886 thanks for the advice, but can you point out specific examples? If I wrote it that way to begin with, I obviously saw no problem with it.
I do see what you mean about me using 'he' too often, though.
Also, I suggest that if you present critisism, which, yes, I did ask for, that you also point out something you liked. Thanks for taking the time to comment.
how come this doesn't have more views? hopefully this gets featured at some point, it easily deserves it.
keep up the great work!
4366437 thanks! I'm glad you like it
I'll have to ask her where these feathers come from sometime, he thought.
This line above has confused me... The rest of the chapter and story for that mater makes since and this is a WONDERFUL and amazing story! Took me a couple days to read but it was well worth it up to this point!
Still I dont see where this line above comes in at all... Infact that entire ending two paragraphs just seemed to me to be thrown in there as a Rainbow Factory refrance and does not flow with the story at all...
Unless if I am missing something because I have not read anything about Celestia or Silver talking about feathers of any kind that I know of...
4369723 thanks for sticking with me! The feathers he was referring to were the ones in his bed. I'll have to go back and make that more clear.
4370363 OH !!! Okay... See now I get it lol....
That beginning is adorable!
4377957 thanks! I was rather fond of it myself
Very good read thus far, indeed one of my favorites. I'm interesting to see how this will tie into Season 1 of the show. Keep up the good work!
Beautiful
Damn you. I was gonna go to bed so I could get up early for before school stuff, and now I cant because of a new chapter.
all in all, im glad. lets get to reading!
4392754 I know this feel lol