Can't be over in the next one surely/

This chapter has been... well... not bad but... weird in a sense. Marks portrail feels all over the place and bouncing from this to that is a bit unbelieveable. Perhaps it's because this is ony the half or perhaps it's because your trying to wrap up this series so quickly, but I didn't really like this one. Hope I like the next one better.

It'll be over so soon! I hoped this would be longer.

4391080 no its just bad

I rilly hoped he would get out of Equestria

NOOOOOOOOO Don't end it the next chapter make another one after that at least. Please?

I really like how conflicted Mark is being potrayed as. He doesnt know if these feelings he's gaining for Luna are genuine, or placed within him by Luna herself. Plus, with finding out how Erin is dead just ups the ante on the emotional stuff :)

Wow... I gotta say that your pacing seems a bit... erratic. Before it was slow, and now it's ridiculously fast. I don't know if it's because you just wanted to end the fic or what. It also appears that Mark is garnering an attraction for Luna based off of 1) misplaced projections of Erin's qualities onto Luna, and 2) a hero/protector complex where he sees her as his salvation. Both of these reasons for love are problematic, because they ignore who the object of that love truly is. A similar case would be if a firefighter saved someone from a fire and that person fell in love with the firefighter for saving their life. An old cliche' used by Disney more times than I care to count. The whole "knight in shining armor" idea. Not sure how I feel about this change of events. Mostly, I'm not liking it but it's your story and I respect that.

I feel like everything involving Erin was done poorly. He loves her, but shrugs off her death and says "fuck it she deserves it"? He even apparently loves Luna because she is Erin in pony form. And yet he still doesn't really give a shit about Erin any more and doesn't even feel bitter about the fact that the Princesses arbitrary and poorly thought out decision to hurl meteors into space that would teleport them here is the cause of her demise. His reasoning for why Erin was at fault for this whole thing is literally retarded.

Other than that, not bad.

Killing off Erin was a bad decision. This story is now worse because of it-- I was looking forward to seeing a pair of people in Equestria. And you could've done a love triangle between the three of them-- as much as I hate love triangles, it could work. Or you could just keep her around and have her affect the story in another way. But now that's not going to happen.

4391285 I think he liked Erin, I don't even thnk they were in a relationship yet.

4391665 Well the author made it clear they had been intimate before. They weren't in an official relationship, but it is obvious he likes her. His line of reasoning makes no sense. Every other sentence involving Erin is contradictory to the last.

4391456 And it is kind of ridiculous how glossed over it was. It was just thrown out there with no real build up. Like "These pancakes are delicious, oh the girl you liked and the only other Human on the planet died, can you pass the syrup?" And then he decides to blame Eris for all his problems and say she deserved it. Like what the actual fuck.

Why toss away a character like this for some pointless "Hate the antagonist" plot reason. Just for the antagonist to be taken down in the same chapter. Shallow emotions, illogical reasoning to the point of baffling me beyond belief, and short sighted decision making skills concerning the writing.

Y-You fiend, you leave my Queen out of this!

I have a question for you, my friend. Why the shudden increase is pase? do you wish to end it so soon or is it some other reason?
I would make a comment on the whole love thing, but i can't or haven't felt that emotion in sometime.
He did push off the death of a friend quite easy, he moved through the stages of grief rather easily. I don't believe that was your plan, maybe try revising it

nor could I even as of right now

I think you accidentally a few words.
I have the same question as 4392263. Why the change in pace?

So, to summarize:
Chapter 1: stargazing.
Chapter 2: bellyrubs.
Chapter 3: tea with princess
Chapter 4: tea with princess.
Chapter 5: SHIT BLOWS THE FUCK UP.

Daaw, Luna stole herself a kiss eh?

4393255
Nope,it is:
>>tossing rocks at other planets
>>ohshitohshitohshit
>>dayum look at dat hyooman asss
>>better kill dat bitch,dat hyooman asss is MINE!
>>lel,dream of my buttock,bitch. clippytyclop next chapter

4391456 The one thing I would like to question is...

HOW THE FUCK DOES A CHANGELING KILL?

4394590

Draining leads to coma, and coma leads to death.

Great story!so much detail keep it up!

Shall he meet the main six? (My random question on this fic)

Update ?

4467260
Yes, I'm a bit behind on my schedule. I've had to deal with a few sizeable projects for college. I should be back on track here. Hopefully, I can make a final run-through of the next chapter and put it up tomorrow (Friday).

4391741
Yeah same here. Honestly till chapter 4 I thought, hey this is going to be nice story with some possible clop in the end, ignoring the throwing rocks at other planets at least, because you know I can see the princesses acting retarded like that sometimes.
But this chapter...img.4plebs.org/boards/pol/image/1399/00/1399006880920.png
It was almost like the character turned on cheats and used his boost power to turn up the speed of the story.
There was constantly illogical behavior in really short intervals, with the character being torn from side to side by the minute. First I thought he goes full Imperator Palpatine one the princesses, blaming them rightfully for their interplanetary retarded rock throw competition, then he decided to run away before he explodes in their faces, so has a runabout with the guards. Then when he needs to catch his breath he goes from "I'm all raging and shit", towards all baby cry mode after he hears Luna, in addition he blames Erin for her own death "Dat dayum rock ain't got nothin' to do with her dead, noope!". Afterwards, Luna turns changeling, changeling faces of real Luna, shit gets thrown, again, human is rescued and then gets full burst mode mind boggled into dream world. All the while Luna was probably mentally manipulating him like a siren.
uuuuhhhhhrgghhh.... Sorry but that story went downhill in chapter 5, I am outta of here!

4486747
Alrighty then. Time for a major overhaul.

If you're just tuning in, check out this blog post for the full scoop.

I need more...please

4583031 Also, what Princess Luna does just rubs me the wrong way. Yes Mark is an alien, and therefore she doesn't know what is or isn't appropriate in his culture. But would Luna immediately kiss a stallion when he learned someone that he cared about passed away in the same day?

Then there's Mark, who should have pushed her off and informed her why it didn't feel appropriate for her to be kissing him on the same day that he learns that Erin's died. I realize that you want to get the relationship between them built, but you're trying to escalate their relationship way too quickly, especially in light of the recent events with Mark and his loss with Erin. What I suggest doing is have them spend time gradually getting to know each other, and finding attractive qualities about the other (after the mourning period, of course). Start them off as friends, before trying to have them progress in their relationship.

Update?