At first, you thought this whole idea would be absolutely ridiculous. Why should you, one of the most popular DJs this side of Equestria, go to a classical music concert? It would totally be a waste of your time, because it's just not your speed! You're used to dropping the heaviest beats, not watching somepony drag strings across strings.
Until you listen to her play for the first time.
(Comments are always appreciated! I like reading feedback from you guys.)
UPDATE 4/22 - Thank you guys so much for all the favorites on this! This story is already way more popular than my first, and I'm glad most everyone who read it liked it!
UPDATE 5/5 - WOW, I'm surprised this story got excepted into Twilight's Library, but it did! I'll get to updating this thing once I figure out some more plot stuff for it.
[img]http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]
![http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]](http://i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png[/img]){kind=link}
Overall, this chapter is pretty good. The plot is at a nice pace, although it seems a bit jumpy. Just make sure you watch out for run on sentences. Sentences that go too long, or crowd the reader's mind with ideas usually cause people to lose interest because they can get confused.
Anyway, this is fairly good so far, so I'll keep up!
4231164 I'm goin' back through and working on the run-ons and stuff right now, I don't usually notice them until someone points them out.
And thank you for the feedback! It's always nice to be able to improve.
Wow, that updated quickly. Also, loving the story, keep it up!
4233091 Thanks! I'm not sure if I'll keep the updates quick, but I'll do my best!
This looks good.I'm looking forward to more!
More...Now...
4243643 I'm working on it, friend. Sometime today, it'll be updated.
4243714 YAYAYAYAYAYAY
Woop!
Beautiful chapter except at the end- "made you love her even more"? That's...fast. Probably would be better replaced with infatuated, but eh, that's just me...
4246237 Ya know, point taken. I just changed it to something a tad better.
Woah
Cool music
N' kissy at end
My verdict: Congrats, you made me realize how lonely I am. 10/10.
4251663 I second this.
AND THEY ALL FUCKED. THE END.
Great. A DJ can pick up someone at a classical music concert but I can't find a woman in a bar or club. Thank you for making me realise my loneliness. But, aside from that, a brilliant masterpiece.
YAY!!!
I always hate being a persuasive guy, then have someone trick you. I feel for Vinyl.
Despite the second half feeling 'eh' as you put it, you managed to pull it off so you have my commiserations, good sir.
Just so you know, you mentioned 'people' in this chapter and I'm pretty sure this said it was regular ol' ponies. Or did I miss a tag?
4296141 Oh, thank you for pointing that out! I'll fix it right now.
Have a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
a thumb, a fav, and a feature recommendation. Very well told.
4342978 Don't worry, I'll think of somethin' before I update it
The worst thing about this story is the fact it's written in the second person. Seriously, if you want to make the reader feel in the skin of the character, using the first person would be better.
However, aside from being written in the second person... The story is really nice to read. Thank you very much for writing it.
About three quarters of the way through, you use the word 'hands' instead of 'hooves'.
I understand that everyone has their own "interpretation" on how a character behaves and what their personality is like. For instance, I have always perceived Octavia as a rather introverted, well behaved, polite pony with little to no experience when it comes to romance and the like.
In this story, however, I felt like Octavia was not even part of it. Like she was "used". Her personality was virtually non-existent, as all she did was agree with Vinyl, no matter what she said. They haven't even known each other for 12 hours, and she starts snuggling up with her because she is cold? Even in a world of fiction, this seems highly unlikely. Felt like everything was moving very fast as well. If it's a short story, then it's acceptable. Also some words like "people", and "hands" were used instead of ponies and hooves. That's not the end of the world, but if you want to perfect your writing, being picky looking at minor details like that makes a difference. You're looking good on the grammar and punctuation, though.