• Member Since 24th Apr, 2012
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Toonwriter


T

This story I'm making here is not only my sequel to the Turnabout Storm video series by NeoArtimus. It is also a sequel to Ace Attorney: Dual Destinies.

Eight years have passed since the famous Phoenix Wright cleared the name of Rainbow Dash. He was currently on vacation with his friends and adopted daughter since no murder case turned up. But just then, he was summoned back to Equestria. Only this time, not alone, for he brought his friends and adopted daughter with him. Now they'll be spending their vacation in Equestria, which has some serious cases going on, each harder than the last. Unknown to them, something dark and evil is watching from the sidelines.

Chapters (2)
Comments ( 355 )

Serves that thief right to murder somepony.

Hello introduction case, on to the harder cases.
As fort he series, gonna miss Edgeworth, Blackquill and Judge appearing. Send then in the next installment. Pheonix and Wright Anything Agency is going to need all the help they can get.

4009338 I don't know about the Judge, but Edgeworth and Blackquill are a definite must! :raritywink:

WOW!! This is an AWESOME sequel to both TS and DD. I hope to see another awesome case coming from you!

4009059 the mark of a bad thief is a trail of blood.

4009364 looking forward to your next installment i do so enjoy ace attorney stories!

while this is great! it lacks many many details. imagine watching a movie in fast forward. it's abit fast paced for me but i'll follow. only because of the story

hey nice fic, but mind if i suggest? Don't use quotation marks for 'thought' you can use == or () or any bracket when you convay the person's inner thought Or do what the game does parenthesis and color scheme of the speaker. Like example (Please don't tell me what i think they're thinking) ) Phoenix thought as he slouched down sweating nervously

^ kinda like that.. Just a suggestion, do it your own way, just make sure to differentiate Inner thought to speech

Awesome!:rainbowkiss: But I've noticed that there was some repeated dialogue along the lines.:pinkiegasp: Other than that, it's cool!:rainbowdetermined2:

4010039 You know what? That is a great idea! I'll use it and I'll fix it right away! :raritywink:

Am i the only one who hasn't played dual destines? I'm fussing over if I should play the game first, I've only seen the first case and I don't think that's enough but.....GRAH! I just don't know!

4011371
Don't worry, you're not the only clueless one here; I haven't played Dual Destinies either, but that's not stoping me.

Seriously, this is the second story I'm seeing with that coverart. I have a GIMP file for the coverart to my Turnabout Storm adaptation, would you like me to lend it to you?

Also, you should get a prereader, this story has so many errors and repeated dialogue.

4011371 I don't even have a 3DS so I share your pain. I watched a walkthrough so I'm good though.

4018432 First of all, yes. I could use that coverart.

Second, I think I could use some help with the prereading. Why, I could even use an editor for help.

4020196 What if instead of saying you need an editor, you actually get in contact with one. You could really use one.

4020599 Right. Do you know any editors I could contact?

4021123 Any unfamiliar with you, any of the sporkings done of your work, or that have attended and graduated from a licensed educational institution. Did that answer your question?

As 4009699 said, this feels very, very rushed. I know this is the first case, but it's still incredibly fast. The only time in the Ace Attorney series where the first case wrapped up with the first witness was in the first game, but that was after three testimonies. Here, there's only one. I recommend retooling this, drawing things out, and perhaps breaking it into multiple chapters (investigation and trial chapters). Also, learn to use scene breaks. This feels like a wall of text, and it's uncomfortable to read, at least for me. Some sort of way to mark when one scene ends and another begins will make things flow a bit easier. And, if you want to get really authentic with the AA style, use date and timestamps before each new scene. Just some suggestions.

Also, many of the lines in the early parts are clear-cut ripoffs of Turnabout Storm. I understand you're paying tribute to it with this fic, but there's a difference between tribute and copying. I'm not calling plagiarism, because not all of the content is the same, but still.

On a positive note, I love the use of the animated sprites for the word balloons. I look forward to more of this.

I think the problem with this story is that you were trying to put the whole first episode in a single chapter. Even my Phoenix Wright adaptation needed two chapters for the first episode.

Anyway, coverart. Done a bit of tweaking to the image, since this is a slightly different crossover than mine. I got rid of some of the layers and moved others around so that it looks good. Apart from that, it's exactly the same coverart I used.

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/5197909/coverart.xcf

Also, if I may make a suggestion. Writing this in big red bold letters to drive the point across.
USE HORIZONTAL RULERS.
Google Docs has an handy feature that adds that for you, plus Fimfiction places that line for you when you import it with no extra effort.

4022941 All right, I am gonna need someone to help me out with editing my chapter in Google Docs. I've seen it happen with CRISIS: Equestria.

4023258 My work over at the OTW relies extensively on Google Docs, so I can help you with that.

4023497 Great, you can start by sending me this first chapter. Once I come back from my meeting at the OTW I'll take a look at it.

Do not give me the link though, add my e-mail to this section of the share dialogue I circled. I have the e-mail on that image too, by the way.
i.imgur.com/1fceJe6.png

4023540 I'll send it to you immediately. That is, once you give me your e-mail address.

4024008 I thought that image had my e-mail address. Oh well, here you go.

rcmero@gmail.com

Um... didn't I tell you to add my e-mail address to the Google Docs share page? Not embed the whole story in an e-mail? That actually makes it harder for me.

Look at the image and try again. I can see that you're new to this stuff so I'll let it slide.
i.imgur.com/1fceJe6.png

You should credit me for editing the chapter. Everyone does it.

Comment posted by EPiiCx5587 deleted Mar 26th, 2014

4183293 Maybe, but she is also the prosecutor of a couple more cases.

Can I just say this is really good it's like I'm playing a Pheinox Wright game

4202257 Yep, Maya met them somewhere off camera. And I will do different parts of the trials in individual chapters. Look forward to it! :raritywink:

Out of curiosity, do you plan on having Sonata make an appearance in one of these cases? If you do, I'll be a happy camper. :twilightblush:

quick question, where did you find the gifs of the objection, take that, etc? I'm working on a fic of my own and i'd like to try it out.

4289185 Anytime, and thanks for complimenting my story! :twilightsmile:

have you considered making this story into a YouTube video?

4436331 I wish I could, but I need the right programs for it. And HD sprites of Apollo, Athena, Trucy, Blackquill, Kay and older Pearl, too.

Let me guess, we're going to be meeting Trixie in a future chapter?

4508442 Had a feeling.

This also goes for Sonata, who Maya and Pearl would feel Deja Vu with AND has changed for the better after that case. If we remember correctly, Rainbow Dash AND Sonata were proven innocent for murder because the the golf club in the Everfree Forest had acted as a lightning rod, electrifying Ace Swift.

Because as we all know, the Everfree Forest is the ONE place where the weather is uncontrollable. And Ace Swift would have murdered Sonata if karma hadn't hit hard.

Well, this is clearly looking rather good. I'll follow this one and see where it goes.:trixieshiftright:
Also, you know you've been reading too many KH fics when the first thing that jumps to your mind whenever shadowy figures show up is Organization XIII.:twilightblush:That is all.

4580939 Thanks for the comment.

And that last statement? I know what you mean, but the figures here aren't cloaked, they're only silhouettes currently. But only a couple friends and I know who they are. The rest you'll have to wait and see, in a much later chapter.

4508731 Right on all of that. And yes, Sonata will appear in this fic, too. :raritywink:

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