• Member Since 18th Sep, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 20th, 2023

Praeco Nigrum


What is the life of one? One can change the world... One can change everything... Are you that One? Only you can know...

Comments ( 88 )

Nice story so far. But is Luna not going to be a part of this story? Considering that there is no Luna tag but only a Nightmare one.

The protagonist seems to cuss too much for a jedi.
Also why would a new school need a book of sith teachings?

3573153 thank you.

3573292 she will be, 3573509 yes, I did, I will add it in a moment, I was just to caught up in writing last night to add everything in.

3573545 I forgot to put this in the story, the two Sith books that the character has are the original and a copy, they were being sent there so that they could be kept from the rest of the universe, the reason Ryan has a copy is so he could use it to his discretion... and seeing as he is now on a new world he may need to reference it so that he can pick up on other Dark Side manifestations... like Sombra.

And remember he was thrown out of the temple for causing mischief... so he is an unorthodox Jedi... and the fact that he used a few Dark Side techniques should tell you something... and the fact that he got the tar beat out of him... just to name a few points.

But also I agree, he does cuss to much right now:facehoof:, I will be cutting down on his swearing, it was mostly used to describe the terrible mood he was in after the fight.

I will never disregard good criticism, so thank you :D

I will enact it in the next chapter once i get some free time. :pinkiehappy:

This is a VERY good story. I patiently await more.

3574629 Thank you, I will be updating soon, I just need to work on my other stories before i get back to this one, BUT it will get an update before the end of next week, i can almost guarantee that! :pinkiehappy:

Yeah.. I plan on making a very odd little story here... I just hope that it survives such :)

It is a nice story. I'm sure it will survive.

So basically Luna was turned into a little filly instead of a mare... why in particular? Was the force excess of the elements stronger than originally, because they directly tried to save a life?
As for why AJ reacts like that, I can tell it's because she had seen what pain, especially physical, Nightmare Moon can cause. So that's why she is not so accepting of her like in the canon.

Also for some poeple who argue that he isn't talking in proper jedi manner, the point in this argument is "talking". If he describes events from the perspective of his mind and thoughts, he can do that however he wants. Even than, It's not like you talk with every person the same way, though you should try mind.

So I need to point out that Jedi or Sith would likely be using holocrons, not physical books. Paper Books would probably be at least ten thousand years old, not something you'd entrust to a green Jedi.

OK first off, I am very, very happy with all of you for asking and stating these different things.

OK,3587215, I had forgotten about that... If you all think I should go back and change it just let me know, i have no qualms with changing it. and also he isn't a 'green Jedi' as you put it. I haven't claimed his age yet but he is older than twenty, he has been under Luke skywalkers tutelage for years and under several other Jedi. and was taking on his on missions for some time, granted he is unorthodox.

3587165, yes, the elements were much more powerful, and for a simple reason. The elements fed off of the anger and fear of the mane six. Whereas in the show it fed off of their friendship... and since they were trying to kill Nightmare moon they just took away ALL her powers. So now my character is keeping her old memories from shining through.

That's something i had picked up from Jacen in the kilick saga, just so you all know.

3587041 thank you for the vote of confidence!

I, I will be going through and changing the the "book/tome" thing to holocron. So no worries, I just haven't read star wars in a good while that I kind of forgot... So yeah, it will be fixed soon :pinkiehappy:

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The Jedi Order would actually probably be one of the most likely groups beyond museums and wealthy collectors to actually have large stocks of paper books. Particularly since they're rocking the whole "Twenty five thousand year old order of wise monks" gig. However, sizable numbers of said books were probably lost in one Jedi purge or another over the millennia. And I don't even want to think about how horrifically fragile a book that old is going to be.

IIRC the Chiss favor books over more complex electronic methods of data storage since a book isn't going to wipe its memory if an ice storm cuts the power to the database.

Comment posted by Praeco Nigrum deleted Dec 7th, 2013

3589184 hmm... I think i may make a small side story just for the books.... just to explain why exactly they are books instead of Holocrons... and I think I'll tie the Chiss into the explanation.

Just because you have brought up such a good point... But I can't get to that right now unless I just go and change them from books to Holocrons...

Its all up to you guys... the story is still in such an early stage that I don't care about changing one of the key plot devices... so, vote and i'll count them at the end of the week.


(edit) next week that is.)

I am a english major and enjoy writting and i dont mind helping you

3609424 Thank you :D

When I start My next chapter I will send you a copy, does that sound good?

definately not a problem love your storys huge brony and star wars fan so this is good working on my own but more of the sith side

there will be some darkside stuff coming... but it may take a while... seeing as Ryan is the only Jedi on the planet... he will need to teach some new students about the force... possibly starting with is daughter... so yeah... dark things are coming... just wait and you may be surprised :trollestia:

and thank you again for your help :pinkiehappy:

Go kick Celestia in the butt for me. Taking a lightsaber away is a crime :0.

3611795

Don't worry, she's way up there on Ryan's shit list... right next to the Sith... and then Abeloth...
But some other things are going to happen... and everyone may just see it coming.. they may not, but it will be epic...:pinkiecrazy::eeyup::pinkiehappy:

3613727 One of those things is a pony being killed by activating the light saber? It would make Celestia feel really guilty considering it was all her fault :).

3614215 a maiming or two might happen... but we'll see ;D

One of those 'Things' happens next chapter... it`s a little heart wrenching as to what happens, but... Spoilers! XD


(Edit) I changed my mind... It will happen later though... XD

So, How'd I do guys? Was it realistic enough, was it to realistic, do I need to add anything? Am I getting their personalities right?
Any commentary would be great!

In reply to the gore scene:

And that kids, is why jedi are taught to feel no emotion, because if you get very mad, you go all evil and kill everything in sight!

For a jedi... the guy seemed to get a real kick out of blowing people away...

Interessting.
I will watch this.

From the shadows!

Since I something for everybody, I him in one of the new were exiting variants called an XJ-12

Wat?:applejackconfused:

Note to elf, talk to Fluttershy later about her anger...

You are in position to talk about anger-issues Ryan.:ajbemused:
Seriously, for a Jedi he gets pissed too easily.

3656314

Yes, Ryan is a hypocrite, like most Jedi, and thank you for finding these errors in the story, I will fix
them ASAP.

3652678 Thanks :D

3650957 they shot at him adn they tried killing him, also if you read the books, some of the Jedi there do get a kick out of blowing away their attackers every once in a while...

Also, you got to remember, Ryan has screwed up badly before, hence his being run across the galaxy by Lando and Luke.

Hmhm, soooo, dibs on Flutters hn Ryan?
Better treat her good cause I´m watching you Buster!

This story is really one of the best I have read in such a long time! And fancy seeing you here :pinkiehappy:

DA FEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLSSSSSSS :raritycry:

3591026 y is Luna so young?

Well SHIT! DIAMOND DOGS! time to play the diamond dogs aviators remix and read chapter 10.

3656314 Not really, consider it, THEY KILLED FILLIES! HE HAS A DAUGHTER WHO IS A FILLY THAT HE CARES FOR! IS INCHARGE OF A GROUP OF FILLYS TRAINING IN PYSICAL, MAGICAL, AND FORCE ED, ONE OF THEM ALONG WITH A COLT ARE STOLEN AND COULD HAVE BEEN DEAD AT THE TIME! WOULD YOU BE PISSED TO INSANITY UNDER THOSE MESURES TO WHERE yoU WOULD DO WORSE THEN WHAT HE DID TO THAT ONE DIAMOND DOGS!?

HAHAHA! "Last one there's a Nerf Herder!" That's hilarious... Especially since RD Doesn't have any idea what he's talking about.

Um, do you have an editor? I noticed the summary has quite a few spelling and grammar errors... :unsuresweetie:
Seriously - You need an editor. A lot of stories can fail due to atrocious grammar... :applejackunsure:

It's finally here!

I loved this chapter, once again, and I did not expect Discord to be our villain! :rainbowderp:

Another piece of fantastic work which I hope is continued!

BO YA! New chapter, I am ready to see what happens when Discord comes. Also, CUTE SHIPING! :pinkiehappy:

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Thank you both! really it means a lot!

And the discord thing was something I just picked out of left field... seeing as he's Discord and all it's just like him :rainbowlaugh: I just wonder if you'll all notice how dark he's going to be when everything hits the fan... both figuratively and kind of litterally! :rainbowlaugh::pinkiecrazy::rainbowlaugh:

3841674 If discord goes ape shit murderous please tell me a squadron of starfighters fall through the wormhole too, as honestly they're screwed without reinforcements if that happens.

3841934 Well, to let you know, i'm not going to far off track with how Discord was defeated in the show, But there will be a few major differences, like how the whole maze crap thing turned out... Seeing as there will be a Jedi Knight and his two apprentices there to even the odds.

And seeing as how Discord is a twisted bastard anyway, there will be some blood shed, He WILL be about a hundred times worse a villain than what was in the show, causing more than just property damage and a few changes to the local fauna...

Also, who would like to see a Lightsaber duel between the God of Chaos and our Knight of the Order? Any takers? :pinkiecrazy::pinkiehappy::pinkiecrazy::trixieshiftleft::trixieshiftright::trixieshiftleft:

3841950 Oh, that's good, but seriously, no ape shit murderous, he can kill ponys, but no ape shit.

3843961 ... what if he actually killed some ape shit... would that count ?:pinkiecrazy:

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