We Are Broken...
They called the new world our salvation. They called our sun queen a tyrant. They turned our people against our sun queen They destroyed our old lives. They obliterated our magic. They took over our wold. The worst part about all of it though, is that they called the ones who dared take a stand against it 'relics' of the old world not wanting to let go.
We will get our world back, we will bring our world back to how it's supposed to be, and most importantly we will have our revenge. They say we're broken, and if that is what they truly believe, then the Broken Ones we shall be.
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For a sequel! But that's just a theory....
A hypocritical theory!!
6521944 Huh? I get the reference, but what are you applying it to? Are you saying I am a hypocrite?
6521951
No, to be honest, I don't even know what a hypocrite I See! I just know that this is NOT a Game Theory!
6219510 If you want, you can join the 'I Have Returned' Halo Spartan company. We only need one more member for it to become active. Just P.M. your gamertag if you want to join.
6540055
She isn't acting evil. She merely has decided that humanity has earned the right to survive and that the ponies have squandered their existence. So, she has sided with humanity and considers herself to be human, not a pony. Her actions against the ponies are born of desperation combined with the knowledge that the ponies would never use what they have (such as the Elements) to harm anyone, even the Covenant, regardless of whether or not it would result in humanity's extinction because they are childish (not an insult, just watch the show and you can see it clearly). As a result of this, Twilight chose to take the worst-case option instead of starting at "optimistic" and working her way down.
6236596 Wow, sorry for the late response to this, but I thought I would address a few things you brought up. First off the 2nd and 3rd points you made I agree with completely, and I wish I had done those scenes better. In fact I'm planning on making some edits in the future to address a few things I thought I could do far better.
As for the first point you made there is an easy explanation for that. Halo multiplayer is technically cannon within the Halo universe though a simulation system on the UNSC INFINITY called wargames. It's very casual and fun for the soldiers on the INFINITY, but wargames can also provide tatical simulations as seen in the Halo comics. I choose the lighter more casual side of wargames for the tournament as it suited the situation better. The sole purpose of the tournament was a simple morale booster which is why it was done very lighthardedly as the participents were just trying to have fun as you would regulary do in a Halo match.
The forth point you made was already explained from the start. Jane simply didn't know that Lasky was dead. She only had just gotten up from passing out, she had no idea what the situation was like on the INFINITY when she left. This is touched upon later in the story when she discovers that Lasky was killed.
Your final point is actually the main draw of the story. One of the main goals with the story was to slowly reveal what exactly happened to Jane throughout the six years in which she was gone, and how those events changed her. A significant portion of the story is dedication to showing how exactly Twilight changed from the lovable pony we all know to the violent person that she has become. I wanted readers to be shocked and disgusted by Jane's actions only for them to see afterwards exactly what made her like that.
Either way though thanks for the feedback, I love getting it. I've been going though quite a lot of it lately to find ways in which I can improve my work for the sequel. Have a good one man!
6740837 You might want to read the next chapter, because starting at chapter 10 every second chapter is set in the past showing exactly what made Jane the way she is. The every second chapter bit goes all the way to chapter 28, so it spans most of the story.
6740837 Perfect, just perfect. Sums up pretty much EVERYTHING I think of this god forsaken story. The UNSC in here have pretty much squandered their rights to actually be called "human". They broke several rules of war, they started killing civilians, then they just take control of a planet that isn't rightfully theirs. They do all this because it's "for the good of humanity". Bullshit.
I like it but there are some things that annoy me. 1. I don't like how emotional they can get.( From the comments it seems that it is just me) 2. I like that you had her kill Cadence just for the shock moment but I do wish you would have brought her back. 3. Spike is completely forgotten in the story they mention him once and move on. 4. Please bring Cadence back I also would like them to see Jane now after this all happen. 5. was really expecting you to have a love thing going on between crimson and her. That was kind of disapointing that you didn't. Anyway I hope this criticism helps you anyway. I do hope you continue the sequel you are doing for this
7120387 Your criticism has helped a lot, Sometimes it's gets annoying trying to find proper criticism such as yours as a lot of the time I just get angry people over the trype of story it is, but I do get plenty enough proper feeback that does help me. So thank you in that regard, your comment has been very helpful. I plan on making a few small revisions in response to the criticism I have gotten as I agree with some of it. For example I'm going to change the scene where Luna goes to bed after discovering that Celestia was missing as one person took issue with that for very good reason that I agree with. I have a lot planned out for the rest of the trilogy, some of it addresses what you have brought forward, but I won't say which one ;) . Thanks for reading!
7120439 And thanks for not being one of those authors who take criticism as a personal attack on them ;)
7213553 Shield worlds are massive planetoid machines. The outer most layer has life and shizzle but no room for massive ships to go through. The World in Halo Wars was a Dyson Sphere. A giant Star encased in a machine to harness the energy.
7222892 Lots of questions like this will be answered in the sequel.
7543984 I actually plan on exploring some of those things you mention in the sequel. I fully intend on exploring the Librarian's words and the human pony relationship to it's fullest. Don't worry I have good plans for this.
7214911
Yep, which makes Shield Worlds into Badass Worlds rather than Worlds of Badasses.
7792075
I was about to add on by recommending the use of the whole array, but then I realized that it would be complete overkill.
I think I'm going to make a K rated story based off this story, but it will be a Sonic The Hedgehog/Halo/MLPFIM Crossover.
7545796
And thus you missed the whole point of this fic.
Or the author fucked up royally in conveying that point.
You decide!
7543984
Oh shut your arrogant mouth.
Ponies are a race of savants that, once they throw off Celestia's bullshit, will work WONDERS with a race of generalists like Humanity.
Humans=Ponies<every other Halo race.
9462628
Stating fact is not arrogance. I think the ponies would be good friends. I also think their inability to accept cruel necessity and general childishness would be a problem when they meet the realities of upholding the Mantle or just plain not living in Candyland. And humans are not generalists, we have experts in everything and people whose expertise is combining the skills of those experts. We're more like the Eldar than we'd want to believe.
9462622
Pointing out flawed logic is not missing the point. I pointed out that the point was being undermined by the writer. The point is "Humanity needs Equestria and let's share the Mantle and technology together." But this is undermined by claims of such things as humanity owing the ponies anything or that ponies can face humanity's threats even with human technology and that ponies somehow deserve the tech that humanity has suffered throughout history to create, let alone the suffering and climb of the ancient humans. Somehow I don't see the ponies being worthy of joining us in upholding the Mantle or sharing what they didn't earn or having a part in our inheritance when they weren't even an intelligent species when humanity was saving the universe from the Flood.
That is probably the biggest flaw right there. I like the story, but the ponies have earned nothing and yet the reader is being outright told that humanity owes the ponies or should share with the ponies.
And claiming someone who disagrees with the writer's storytelling is "missing the point" or "being arrogant" or whatever is genuinely missing the point and being arrogant.
10138539
... Dude. Why the Hell did you wait a year to respond?
10138535
Like, I’m not exactly a fan of this fic, and I don’t necessarily disagree with anything you said AS IT PERTAINS TO THE PONIES OF THIS FIC. I’m not certain it applies to canon, but honestly that neither here nor there.
And by generalist, I mean by comparison to Ponies and their Marks. And I meant in the context of “Celestia is no longer holding them back”
But all of that is kinda irrelevant because this was all from a YEAR AGO dude. I had completely forgotten this fic even existed.
10143179
No idea. I responded when I saw it in my notifications on this site.
10424520
You know imma be honest I done forgot what this story was about been so long
10990942
So, if you were dropped in the military, at guard duty in Ramstein Air Base, are you expecting that you're going to wake up one day and some 6"5' lady decked out in a half-ton armor walk up to you and crush your spin like it's a toothpick?
Every personally dealing in any form of security knows that there are inherent risks to the job, but they always vary by what position you take. A person working at the frontlines has a good expectation that they may die at any moment. A guard working in the capital city? Not so much.
And sure, they may be willing to give their lives up if they knew of the risk Twilight showed, but considering she literally dropped back into Equestria unannounced, I don't don't they had that possibility in mind
You know a while back I did say would make a story based off this story now that I read it I’m going to make it T rated, but have Twi return to protect her friends and family as she realizes something is very wrong. Uncovers the conspiracy between Celestia and the Didect and has to protect her old home and new home from evil. With Shining and Cadence surviving in the end and everyone hail her as a hero and Eques’ first Spartan IV.
Rainbow: Will we make it Twi?
Jane: We’ll make it Dash. I promise!