A Prank Too Far
It was a rather ordinary day in Ponyville. At least, as ordinary as one can be when the local princess hides in bushes discussing pranks.
Twilight Sparkle listened intently as her friends explained their plan. However, no matter how many times she heard it, it just seemed to lack one crucial detail. “Rainbow, Pinkie, I really don’t think this is a good plan,” Twilight spoke up.
Rainbow Dash shot Twilight an exasperated expression. She groaned, “Twi, stop complaining and just get out there already.”
“The entire prank is predicated on the assumption that she’s going to say a single, specific phrase!” Twilight snapped. “If she says anything else when I approach her, then the entire plan is a failure.”
A sudden series of bubbly giggles from Pinkie quickly stole Twilight’s attention. “Don’t worry, Twilight. Half the fun of pranking is just trying. Even Rainbow Dash and I fail sometimes.”
“Yeah, just go for it,” Rainbow added right before she shoved the unprepared alicorn out of the bush. “You’ll do fine, now get going.”
Twilight glanced nervously around the marketplace, desperately hoping that nopony had seen her sudden emergence from the bushes. Her eyes scanned over the crowd, but she was unable to see any signs that she was being observed. Either nopony had seen her, or a princess popping out of a random bush into the market simply didn’t rank as a noteworthy occurrence in Ponyville anymore. Twilight hoped for the former, but was entirely convinced it was the latter.
With a sigh, Twilight turned towards her destination. As she weaved through the crowd toward the familiar apple stand, she failed to notice that a certain mint colored unicorn was following her.
Were it anypony else, somepony might have become suspicious at the mint unicorn slinking along the ground through the crowded market. Instead, the ponies simply resigned to giving her no more attention than a slight giggle, or a shake of their heads. After all, it was just Lyra being Lyra again.
“Target spotted. Commencing reconnaissance mission,” Lyra whispered to herself. She sneakily slipped from cover to cover, careful to always stay a few steps behind the purple pony she was tailing. Like a cat stalking its prey, she crept along the ground to stay out of her target’s sight. It was only a matter of time now. Sooner or later, her prey would drop her guard and Lyra would pounce. “Just you wait, Pinkie Pie. Today is the day I’ll finally beat your record for ‘most hugs given to unaware ponies’.”
Just then, her prey came to a stop at a familiar apple stand.
Applejack waved at Twilight as she approached her stand. It was always nice when her friends stopped by during market day. A friendly chat always made the time go by that much faster. With her signature smile and a tip of her hat Applejack spoke first. “Howdy, Twilight. What can I do ya for?”
Twilight came to a stop in front of the apple cart, right where customers always tended to stop. She leaned forward as a sultry smirk appeared on her face. “Well,” she paused briefly as a small blush spread across her cheeks. “Normally I go for twenty bits, but for you I’ll go as low as ten.”
Applejack’s pupils shrank to pinpricks. Thoughts froze as her jaw flapped uselessly. She stood stock still, unable to break eye contact. Silence reigned as Applejack attempted to process what she had heard.
Somewhere amongst the market crowd, a pair of mint ears perked up.
Meanwhile, after several awkward moments of Twilight retaining her full composure, Applejack’s brain finally restarted itself. “Th-that’s absolutely not what I meant!” she exclaimed.
Twilight continued to stare seductively. “How about five?”
A small gasp escaped from the mint unicorn. Lyra swiftly stood up and bolted in the opposite direction of her former prey. “Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh,” a smile spread across her lips. “Just wait til Bon Bon hears about this!”
Applejack’s eye twitched. “I, guh… what?”
It was at that moment that the farmer noticed a slight crack in her friend’s composure. Twilight had just tried to stifle a laugh. Not a second later, a nearby bush erupted with an oddly familiar laughter, stealing the farmer’s attention for a moment. Applejack turned her gaze back to Twilight who was now on the verge of breaking into her own fit of laughter. Applejack narrowed her gaze. “Oh, har har, just yuk it up, Twilight. Ya got me good with that one.”
Surprising nopony whatsoever, a laughing Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie stumbled out of the bush. As Applejack finally gave in to the mirth, the four friends were able to share a laugh.
Rainbow Dash leaned back on the library’s stairs as she cracked open a Daring Do book. Remembering the previous day’s prank, she grinned fondly. “You know, Twi, you did pretty good yesterday. With a bit of practice, I bet you could become an expert prankster in no time.”
“Be that as it may, I think I’d rather spend my time more constructively,” Twilight responded without looking up from her own book.
A sudden pounding on the front door drew the two ponies’ attention. When the series of loud knocks repeated, Twilight stood and made her way to the door. With a flick of magic, the door swung open to reveal a pair of pegasi clad in the standard royal guard’s armor. Twilight wasn’t certain, but she could have sworn that their normally expressionless visages were tinted with irritation. “Princess Twilight Sparkle, you have been charged with one count of public solicitation of sexual services without a permit. We need you to come with us, quietly.”
Twilight balked. “Excuse me?”
Rainbow Dash closed her book and looked over to the scene at the door.
The guard replied in a somehow sterner tone, “We have witnesses who can attest to seeing and hearing you attempt to solicit your services yesterday at the market.”
Twilight visibly relaxed, now she understood the situation. “Oh, that was just a prank I was pulling on my friend Applejack. Clearly this is just a case of somepony not hearing the entire conversation between us.”
The guards frowned. “That’s what they always say, ma’am. I’m still going to need you to come with us.”
Suddenly, Rainbow Dash interjected. "Hey! Twilight’s saved the world, like, five times or something! Who cares if she also has sex for money?”
“The law is the law, ma’am. Even a princess is still accountable for her behavior.” The guard turned back to Twilight, who was looking rather annoyed at this point. “Princess, did you, or did you not say ‘Normally I go for twenty bits, but for you I’ll go as low as ten.’?”
Twilight grimaced. “Yes, I said that. It was part of the joke!” she exclaimed as her wings flared in frustration.
Unfazed, the guard replied stoically. “Solicitation of sexual services by an unregistered pony is not a joke, Princess. Now, if you have no further objections, please come with us to the Mayor’s office so we can resolve this issue.”
Twilight shot a death glare at Rainbow Dash. “I am going to get you back for this, Rainbow!” Then, in the most dramatic way possible, Twilight turned her back to the blue pegasus. “Very well, sirs. Let us resolve this mistake with haste.”
The guard who had remained silent up to this point suddenly saluted. “Permission to speak off the record, Princess?”
Twilight paused briefly, confused by the sudden request. “Um, okay.”
The guard nodded. “Forgive me if this is too presumptuous, Princess, but I wanted to offer you some advice.”
Twilight eased her lips into a smile. “Of course. Let’s hear it.”
By all accounts, he looked extremely nervous all of a sudden. The guard swallowed, clearing a lump from his throat. “W-well, Princess…” he trailed off as his confidence faltered. “Um, I think…”
“Yes?” Twilight asked, keeping her smile as soft as possible to try to coax a response out of him.
The gentle warmth of the princess’ smile soaked in, slowly restoring the nervous guard’s confidence. “Twenty bits is far too cheap for your services, Princess!” he blurted out.
Twilight could feel her eye starting to twitch.
Twilight sat across from a very disappointed looking Mayor Mare. "Princess Twilight, you must know that despite being Princess Celestia’s personal student, sister of the captain of the royal guard, savior of Princess Luna, and being responsible for saving all of pony kind on multiple occasions, you won't receive any special consideration."
Twilight’s eye had yet to cease twitching. “How many times to I have to tell everypony? It. Was. A. Prank!”
Mayor Mare sighed. “Princess, I honestly expected better from you. I can’t believe you are trying so hard to avoid paying the registration fee.”
“I’m not avoiding anything! I’m being framed!” Twilight shouted, slamming her hooves onto the Mayor’s desk.
“The registration process is in place to help you, Princess. It guarantees you medical coverage for any services you might require to ensure that you aren’t spreading anything around. It also makes sure that the crown receives its proper share of your income when tax season rolls around.”
“I am not spreading anything–”
Mayor Mare interjected, “Except your back legs. Yes, I’m familiar with that turn of phrase, Princess.” She sighed heavily. “Look, Twilight. I’m telling you this as a friend. We have witnesses proving what you said to Applejack. You can either pay the registration fee now, or you can go to jail until we organize a proper court hearing for your case.”
Twilight’s only response was a more rapid twitching of her eye. Mayor Mare began to feel her composure being slowly chipped away by the Princess’ malevolent glare. “Look, if you pay the fee I can backdate your registration card a few days and we can sweep this whole mess under the rug. Then all you have to do is just let your registration lapse next year and nopony will even have to know about this.” The glare did not relent. “I’m sorry, but that’s really the best I can offer. How about I promise to ‘lose’ your file once your registration lapses?” The mayor couldn’t help but notice a small spark in Twilight’s eyes.
A sly grin crept over Twilight’s lips. “Actually, Mayor, I have a question for you.”
Twilight strolled confidently back to her home. The door opened with a flick of magic. Inside, Rainbow Dash was still reading the same book from earlier. Twilight wiped the smirk from her face, looking at Rainbow with a neutral expression. “I’m back, Rainbow Dash, and I have great news for you.”
The blue pegasus looked up from her book, grumbling slightly about being interrupted. “That’s great, Twi. So, did ya get that prostitute stuff all sorted out?”
“Yes,” Twilight replied as the sly grin slowly revealed itself. “Yes, I did. I also took the liberty of filling out your registration while I was there.”
“That’s great, Twi.” Rainbow replied nonchalantly, not having actually paid attention to the conversation. “I’m just gonna get back to Daring Do now.”
“Actually, Rainbow, I have other plans for you today.”
“Uh-huh.”
“You see, you are currently registered, not only as a prostitute, but also as my employee.” Twilight continued to grin as her words slowly sunk into the pegasus’ head. “That means I have the legal right to sell your services to other ponies.” Rainbow’s book fell to the floor with a thud. “Now come with me, Rainbow. I’m going to make my money back for those registration fees.”
A soft lavender glow enveloped Rainbow’s body before she could even flap her wings.
With pegasus in tow, Twilight trotted up to Applejack’s cart in the market square. It was clear, from the lack of strange looks she was receiving, that a princess magically dragging one of her friends through town was also not a noteworthy occurrence in Ponyville. Pleased that she wasn’t attracting undue attention, Twilight turned to face Applejack. “Hello, Applejack.”
The farm pony turned quickly at the sound of her friend’s voice. “Twilight! Oh goodness, are you okay? Some of them guard ponies came by earlier asking about that prank of yours yesterday. I think they were taking things a bit too seriously. I tried to set ‘em straight, but I’m not too sure they believed me.”
A cheshire smile set the tone for Twilight’s response. “Oh, don’t worry about that. Everything worked itself out.” Twilight leaned in close and whispered to Applejack. “By the way, Rainbow has something she wants to ask you.”
Twilight floated Rainbow over and placed her hooves down next to Applejack. As Applejack took stock of the situation, she immediately noticed something odd about her blue friend. She tried to stifle a laugh, but failed.
Rainbow returned the laughter with a scowl.
A few moments passed as Applejack composed herself. “So, RD, you always been into fishnets and makeup, or is this a new scheme to get the Wonderbolts’ attention?” The pegasus simply growled at her.
Twilight cleared her throat. “Alright, Rainbow. Go ahead, just like we discussed.”
“Don’t think I won’t get you back for this, Twilight.”
Twilight reached a hoof up and slapped Rainbow in the head. “That’s not what you’re supposed to say.”
Rainbow winced, rubbing the sore spot. “Alright, fine.” She turned to Applejack, with no energy in her voice, “Twenty bits and I’m yours.”
Applejack raised a hoof to rub her chin. “So, twenty bits and I get to have fun with you, right?”
Shock washed over Rainbow’s face. “Y-yeah… Hey, you’re not actually–”
Rainbow was interrupted by another smack from Twilight. “Don’t try to dissuade customers.”
The orange mare contemplated the strange scene as the pieces slowly came together. “I see, so that’s how it is.” She nodded excitedly. “Alright, deal.”
Applejack was unable to contain her laughter. The mirth began to flow in waves, the orange pony rolled on the floor, hooves around her gut as the laughter escaped. Just as the fit of laughter began to die down, she cracked an eye open. Being greeted by the sight of Rainbow Dash in the puffiest, frilliest dress imaginable was enough to send her into yet another fit of laughter.
“As much as I have to thank you for this rare opportunity, Applejack, I would greatly appreciate if you could be a little less distracting.” Rarity fussed as she walked back into the main room of her workshop carrying a large collection of makeup and hair products. “Alright, Rainbow Dash, the dress fitting is done. Now it’s time for your makeover.” A small squee escaped the fashionista’s lips. “Oh you have no idea how long I’ve been wanting to get my hooves on the mess of a mane of yours.”
As Rarity dragged Rainbow to her styling chair, Applejack managed to calm her laughter enough to speak.. “Best twenty bits I ever spent.”
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Okay, I laughed. The commentary of the nervous guard is what pushed it over the line. Registering Rainbow Dash almost seemed mean-spirited enough to push it back, but then, RD is the prankster queen.
That line from the guard was absolutely priceless
God, I rolled on the floor laughing at it! I loved it!
Best fic ever I like fact that the laws only problem with it was that they wouldn't get their money. Lolz!
PFFFFTT! HA HA HA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHA ha ha ha ha ..... GASP HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Good One!
Dat guard. So helpful.
I like the delicious futa version of that pic
Oh, so those services are legal in Equestria. Makes sense, what if you a pony had a cutie mark for it. You can make them illegal.
Pimp slap!
Is Twilight Sparkle gonna have to choke a bitch?
Anyway, I was cracking up. Best part was when the guards showed up at the door.
All I can think is:
"Yay! Pinkie gets off scot-free."
I grant thee the applause of many!
assets0.ordienetworks.com/images/GifGuide/clapping/audience.gif
3335550 It also makes sense because that profession is only dangerous because it's illegal and, thus, unregulated. :D
Wait, what happened with Lyra? She's stalking Twilight, and then she just... disappears from the story.
wow, was not expecting that
glad i clicked on this now for i needed a good laugh. great job 
3335276 Considering that Rainbow is the prankster queen, Twilight registering RD this way not only allowed her to get her back, but also gives Twilight leverage to keep Rainbow from trying to turn this into a massive prank war. Even if Rainbow gets her revenge (which we all know she will), with this 'threat' hanging over her she isn't likely to do anything too severe that Twi wouldn't be able to shrug off in good fun.
3335764 Lyra served her purpose. She was only after Twilight to up her count of unaware ponies that she'd hugged because Twilight was distracted at the time and hadn't noticed her. After running off to start the rumor mill, she had no reason to follow Twilight again unless she happened to run into her again (which she didn't).
3335622 That's what Dashie gets for making unnecessary quips to the law enforcement.
Somehow, the title doesn't seem to fit the picture and the summary.
I have to admit, I...didn't like this fic. At all. It's not that it was poorly written, it's just that I can't stand stories where charecters act stupid for no reason. Why were the guards acting that way? Why didn't they or the major believe not only a princess but also an upstanding member of the community. If it was a random pony I could understand, but not Twilight. It seems like they lost half their IQ points just to make the story work and that has always been a personal gripe of mine.
I won't downvote because, as I said, it was well written, but I felt the need to voice my objection.
“As much as I have to thank you for this rare opportunity Applejack, I would greatly appreciate if you could be a little less distracting.”
missing a comma in front of "Applejack"
3335895 I'm not gonna pretend to defend this. This isn't a serious story, not at all. It's something written on a whim because I figured it would be fun to write. I had fun writing it, even if it isn't my greatest piece of literature. That I managed to make some people laugh with this is all really hoped for out of it. I completely understand that it isn't your cup of tea, and I appreciate the politeness of your criticism. You're correct about those shortcomings. I didn't spend much time fretting over the logic because the entire premise is ridiculous to begin with. Here's hoping to something better on my next outing.
3335915 Fixed, and thank you.
3335895
I just figured Princess Celestia found out and was having a little fun herself.
3335842
I mean, it doesn't seem like she has a purpose in the story. I guess she started the rumors that got the Guard involved? I missed that.
Ah, so Ponyville is in the Netherlands.
Loved it!
Well that was unexpected. Very nice :3
Now let us all imagine Twilight as a prostitute.
...
...
...
And that itself is weird.
So Twilight is now officially a Princess In a Managerial Position.
images.wikia.com/mlpfanart/images/a/a4/Twilight_Sparkle_cool_by_artist-artitsmagic.png
3335694
You can even scratch the 'unregulated'. What remains dangerous about it if it's not regulated beyond standard business regulations? Prostitutes already have abnormally low levels of veneral disease even without regulation.
3335947
I applaud your willingness to write something silly. If only authors could reliably identify that that was what they were doing when they were doing it.
This was hilarious!. I mean Princess Twilight the Pimp. Silly Rainbow Dash.
I'd be penniless in days, Hyz.
Ah, well this is a comic I never expected a story from
Nice little expansion you did on it
That sentence rang a bell. I knew I've seen it in a webcomic before.
3336435 Kudos to you. I was about to search for it myself, but that would've take ages.
I really enjoyed this story, the comedy. It zigzagged the line of absurdity and, without ever straining to try for some kind of M.Night.Derpus, ahem, twist still cheerily richochets whereever it damn well pleases.
So, the guards and the mayor seem to be Lawful-Dumb, do they? Well...perhaps they are machinations in a greater prank altogether! For truely, would Pinkie simply cease to be involved in such a contest of aptitude, fortitude and pranktitude? I think not! Rainbow Dash is a pretender to the pranking throne! Hail Pinkie Pie, prankster ascendant!
3336395
Ah, but the question is, from Twilight, or Rainbow.
(The correct answer is Twilight of course.)
Twilight Sparkle.
Pimpcess.
Very clever. A great density of wit-to-word ratio, was fairly true to the characters.
Sexuality doesn't mean unintelligence and this was handled very well and maturely. Not just maturely.
You switch to present tense a few times here.
Other than that, I got a good laugh.
I really love how the comedy and subject matter was handled, It was enjoyable and kept me guessing. Though from the time the royal guards show up, I was thinking perhaps princess Celestia was pulling a prank of her own on her favorite student
iambrony.dget.cc/mlp/gif/105865__UNOPT__safe_spike_animated_winter-wrap-up_laughing.gif?1350703617
That was too far, alright. Hilarious!
3336766
You know, I think you're on to something here.
So, prostitution is legal in Equestria if you've registered as a an official prostitute? I don't think I like that. Funny story, but that whole thing just kind of freaked me out.
3336903
Don't go to France then, it's the same set up there.
3336969 Thanks for the tip! I probably wouldn't have gone anyway. I'm just far too busy being lazy.
3336766 This.
The guards, citizens and mayor should know the mane 6 better.
3335947
I agree with what the other guy said but i still enjoyed it.
have a cookie for your silly story!
3335947 Point goes to the author. Although avoiding the idiot-ball may improve some stories, idiocy may be justified by "I need this moment of nonsense to move the story." A world in which every character behaves logically would have very few interesting stories, as all forms of conflict would be solved in a way that minimizes loss of resources. For example, Nightmare Moon would never occur because she would realize that eternal night prevents growing of food, which leads to starvation, which leads to nopony being around to appreciate her night, which defeats the original purpose of eternal night.
3337038 better than what? During the last two years the mane six managed to accidentally level half of the town twice. And overrun it with Pinkie clones. No story about them is too weird to be believable.
oh my god!!!
3336903
I really cannot understand how that would be a bad thing. If people want to fuck people for money than that's their and their customers' choice.
Don't like prostitution? Don't go to a prostitute. It's the same with gay marriage. Why would that be illegal?
I think Princess Molestia is about to go on a binge
3336084 That was precisely her purpose. She started the rumor mill.
3336284 I agree. Trying to pass off a ridiculous story as something serious never works out well. I've found that if I have a silly idea for a story, it's much better for the end product if I revel in the silliness and just let it go where it needs to. If I can have fun writing it, and others can enjoy what I write, that's a win in my book.
3336395>>3336541 Penniless indeed. I'd be right there with ya, man. And no, Blue, that isn't a choice. Clearly the only sensible option is to take both of them at once.
3336580 Fixed, and thank you.
3336903 Also stay out of
Las Vegas. And a few other European countries.3337161 Sweet! I love cookies!
3337430 Precisely. Not to mention the various positives that come with registration and regulation. Government gets more revenue from taxes, the prostitutes (who are going to be around regardless) are no longer criminals, so they can actually be protected from dangerous situations by the police; leading to an all around safer work environment.
3337174 Yes, yes. So much this. The world's most classic stories often have massive idiot ball moments. Take Romeo and Juliet. If they hadn't been so hasty about everything, they probably would have lived. Even so, an author does need to take care not to make those lapses of logic too jarring to the readers, else you end up breaking suspension of belief.
3337243 3337038 Nevermind that Twilight alone is responsible for causing parasprites to eat damn near the entire town, all because of a single misused spell. Like ya say, the mane six are not perfect, model citizens. The amount of slack they already get from the town is quite simply dumbfounding.
3337430 I'm not trying to start any fights, but don't under any circumstance compare prostitution and gay rights. Prostitution is selling your body, you only get one, for money. A person's body is a sacred temple, you don't want strangers destroying that temple because it's special. It's called making love for a reason. That's how children are brought into this world. Sex isn't something that people should just pay for. Prostitution is a terrible thing. Gay marriage is completely great and everybody should respect that. Everyone deserves to love each other. Sex just for money isn't love. Prostitution shouldn't be legal because that's a choice. They choose to do that. Also, if you've seen those shows on TV, you'll see that prostitution can lead to death and many other terrible things. Now, I still like this story, but I will never support prostitution ever. It's disgusting.