Twilight Sparkle never thought it would happen to her, but since coming to Ponyville she's made five fast friends. Now she's ready to take those relationships to the next level... but are they?
Chapters (1)
FredMSloniker
Joined 13th Oct, 2011 ·
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Wow. Do write more. And perhaps clarify where exactly that first kiss was? I mean, you didn't put in the ol sex alert thing, so it's probably just my dirty mind at work, but, ya know....
Ha, this was quite nice. Well done Sloniker.
I did see one typo though:
“You gonna talk to us any time soon?” she said, leaning over the table and peering at Twilight, who started and smiled nervously.
Should correct it to started to smile nervously.
Besides that, I don't see any problems. Just fix it and it should be perfect.
StarsGuide
PS. I have a feeling you'll get some people asking for a continuation.
277727 Might not be a mistake, "started" is also a way of saying "jumped" in a startled way, which is fairly plausible.
277713
i to know where this is going"
"I've seen enough hent
You know, that?
The other one is the place. The lips.
-.-
not those lips you dirty, dirty reader! the ones on her face.
-.- You're trying me aren't you? her own lips.
I can honestly say that I am surprised at the lack of comments on this fanfic. Sure the title and summary can give you some odd impressions but it lacks a mature rating so I don't see why more people haven't read, commented or up voted this glorious though short fanfic.
First off, is this fanfic any good? Considering how after reading it I crave for a sequel then yes, yes it is very good. Its plot is original and funny, the characters are accurate, and it all comes across as very charming. The key thing about it though is, while its strength is in its new and wacky story idea, you furthered improved it with good writing, decent amount of detail, and some fantastic timing. You could have made the fanfic feel as bizarre as its plot but no, you made it feel real, feel plausible, Twilight's pausing, the characters concern, the uncomfortable silences, these things are novel and make this fanfic go beyond the realms of average writing and grasp a greater level of quality.
It's short, it works well as a short story, and yet there are plenty of opportunities for extra detail, description, and discussion. For instance the time of day, while the ponies were outside you could have commented on how it was, standing by the library door during the night (which I assume it is unless Spike is having an afternoon nap). The characters catch onto Twilight's unusual idea immediately which makes little sense, if someone asked me to be special friends with alongside several other people I would believe I had misheard something or ask for clarification (lovers is a much clearer term). The fanfic also leaves several questions with how the whole set up would be such as 'would they all be special friends with only Twilight or would they be special friends with one another as well?' and 'what constitutes as cheating in a relationship like that?' and these sorts of things could have been used as part of the fanfic, the characters discussing these things.
This one-shot works well on its own and yet I can easily imagine the issues the characters would face in trying out this relationship (Applejack I believe would be uncomfortable in such an untraditional relationship, Rarity's career relies a lot on reputation and such a thing being open would damage career opportunities, and Fluttershy would have a hard time considering one friend more special than the other, thus the are they all each other’s special somepony question). You have managed to write a witty fanfic with a unique premise, and one that has many ways it could expand. Fantastic job, keep up the superb work!
277727
That phrasing was deliberate, as WhiteReaver explained.
281294
There were exactly two thoughts that went into its creation: write a story that looks like it's going to become a clopfic but isn't, and write a story in which 'becoming lovers' means you love each other. I noodled this story out, showed it to a few friends, and that was the end of it... until now. (This story was actually written before The Monster Mash and is my first completed ponyfic; I just hadn't published it previously.)
I think you've put more thought into this story than I did.
As the payload of the story, as it were, is the joke at the end, I didn't want the reader to have to wait too long to get there. That's why I didn't put in a whole ton of tiny details, scenes with Twilight going around inviting each pony to the meeting, or anything similar. That's also why I don't plan on doing a sequel; there are a ton of fics out there, both mature-rated and not, that explore relationship dynamics between the Mane Six, and I'm pretty sure there's at least one where they have a six-way relationship. (I'm also focusing my creative output on Worlds Beyond for the time being.)
There does seem to be one point on which you've misunderstood me, however. The reason the characters understand Twilight's unusual idea immediately is that it's not that unusual; in the pony world I'm writing about, 'special friends' means the same thing as the 'special somepony' term introduced in the "Hearts and Hooves Day" episode (which this fic, recall, predated significantly). The unusual part is that she would want to be special friends with all of them, and that's what they're reacting to.
I'm glad you enjoyed the silly little fic, and I hope you'll enjoy my other fics as well!
I really like where this is going. Any fic that makes me want more from it after reading is a good one in my book. My only problem is that I want more from this. The fact that its just a one shot annoys me, truth be told. I want to see how they work this out and how Twilight reacts to her friends either refusing or accepting her as a 'special friend.'
My Smiley Ratings
Content:
It kind of just... ended... without any real conclusion.
Not laugh out loud material, but still pretty fun read.
I'm with RD on this one, it was a little slow.
Didn't see any heads up to earlier fics, but that's never a requirement, only a bonus
Effectiveness:
Pacing:
Fanon Canon:
Overall:
So this fic' has earned 2/5 yays~
Yes! TwiPie! That's the good stuff.
293189 I prefer the ship term "Twinkie", just because of its hilarity.
375252
I'll admit, the term is growing on me
This was much amusing. Bravo.
Oh my that was a fun chapter.
Still as funny as when I first read it...
Mate. You need to make a full on story for this... Its just too good to not do it.