-this story is bad and will be undergoing heavy construction soon-
After failing hard at baking, Twilight casts a greater observation spell which allows her to notice the little things she normally glazes over. Is she ready to see the things she accepts without questioning including the way a certain pink pony feels about her?
This is a rework and repost of a story i posted at two other sites. it's a rather short one shot light hearted twi-pie ship fic and should not be approached any other way.
Chapters (1)
...
drinkalot.com/pics/Go_On.jpg
Sweet!
I was wondering when you would upload this. I read it on PonyFictionArchive forever ago.
Cute and funny. Upvoted and Fav'd.
Short, cute, and to the point. I like it.
416493 one of the best comments to have been placed as first. I congratulate you sir
That and most excellent story. While I do love me my TwiDash, TwiPie is a very nice second.
How beautiful! Another fine and beautiful Twinkie story
I love it
You might want to pull out more time between her discovering pinkie and discovering her feelings. Just a thought 
416522
it means waaaay more than you know that you remember it and read it twice! hopefully the revisions i made improved it a great deal.
also, nice superstar icon, still one of my favorite games of all time. (number 12 in fact.)
416493
416895
while im certainly glad you like it, I'm not exactly sure i can take this any further. I thought, "what if Pinkie was an unseen force manipulating various situations to try and make everything go smoothly?" (not to sound like Peter Molyneaux.) I decided to couple it with the idea that Twilight wasn't a crappy unicorn either because this was during that sweet spot where everyone and their dogs were uploading stories where Twilight fails at casting a spell. So i chose her to discover Pinkie's secret machinations.
As it stands this is a complete work, but if given enough time and lack of new ideas i will certainly think about where it could go in the future.
Also I've promised on my current Twinkie fic (which is imminent) and i have to keep it going.
417246
The problem is this fic is extremely short. in the last few sections i hint that her calling over to bake with her was another way of getting more time in with Pinkie, but there really isn't a lot of time to build feelings in such a short span of time.
regardless, I'll look into trying to work in more hints earlier.
as always, thank you to everyone who reads, comments, or tracks this story and my others. It's the impetus i use to keep going!
418154
First, not enough people appreciate Kirby Superstar or are aware that its' mechanics are what was used when Smash Brothers was built. Good to know you so easily recognized my namesake.
Second, I was never a fan of those 'Twilight screws up a spell' fic. She borders on being a Magical Genius in the show but she couldn't stop messing up spells in fan-fics. What was that about?
Third, yes I do enjoy this tweaked and polished version.
Hey! I remember reading this a while back!
I like the revisions you made, and I thoroughly enjoyed the fic overall.
416493
This is EXACTLY how I feel
Along with d'awwwwwww
:3
I have no words to describe how great this fic is
Very cute one-shot. Loved Pinkie's super powered morning.
good character development of pinkie pie and the short shipping scene was a nice addition to the plot. This was written in a way that could actually be an episode
(The following is riddled with spoilers)
A common complaint I have with Applejack is the use of "y'all" to address one person, when it should only be toward a group of people. Granted, the mistake was made in the show, and I'm told that MLP isn't the only show that's done that...but it's wrong just the same.
Your attempt at insinuating that the entire plan to bake apple pies with Pinkie is a ploy to just be in her company is plausible, as in it's something that the reader can imagine on a stretch...but I think it would really help if the narration started to go into brief tangents about Pinkie Pie whenever the subject of her came up in Twilight's thoughts (Assuming that the narration is linked closely with whatever Twilight notices, thinks, and feels That's how I tend to read third-person perspectives that follow a specific character, anyway)..nothing blatant of course and certainly not every time she thought about her. Just enough that the reader might wonder what Pinkie's personality traits and mane has to do with the fact that she's baking a pie with her?
Of course that's just a personal opinion.
Sort of on that same note, I find it very interesting that Twilight is so down about the prospect of not being cut out for baking, despite having absolutely no reason...other than being closer to Pinkie Pie, to want that
Twilight's reaction to Pinkie Pie's confession seemed to come out of nowhere. I can't excuse it on the basis of being a short story, because I see a lot of short stories handle this kind of thing better. It would just really help if Twilight's feelings for Pinkie Pie were clear throughout the story, even if Twilight herself was oblivious to it. Even then, a "Now that you mention it" kind of revelation is just...weird.
And that was not the best of places to end the story..
2057029
This is one of my earlier stories, I've learned alot since then and while some might say i should rewrite it, I realized from some of my other stories that you can endlessly rewrite old stories, but it's better to move forward. That's not me saying "NUUUUUUUU! YOU CATN JUGE THIS FIC CAUSE IT'S OOOOOOOOOLD!" because it's still here, and valid for criticism. So onward i go!
Applejack's use of ya'll to refer to one person is NOT technically correct, but she does do it in the show, more specifically, you can find at least one instance of this in "look before you sleep".
Grammar should always yield to characterization, therefore if a character is speaks bending grammar over a barrel, i'll try to emulate that every time.
regarding the perspective, if you look closely, i break perspective quite a few times, it's embarrassing to see looking back on now, but it's something that this story highlight's the importance of. One of the reasons i wanted Twilight to really want to bake well was to communicate that she wanted to understand Pinkie a bit better, and when you like someone, you wanna learn more about them. If you fail at that, it's only natural you might be a bit depressed, it also highlights Pinkie's trait of wanting to cheer Twilight up when she clearly shows her disappointment.
In considering the ending, I think somewhere in my addled mind i somehow had conveyed that Twilight had a crush on Pinkie that she didnt really notice herself. that clearly wasn't the case! So, yeah, outta left field, out of character. Also, i think that i wanted the ending to be kind of like Twilight and Pinkie walking off to the library together, sort of a "into the sunset" thing. It obviously didn't work the way i wrote it.
In any case, this story taught me the importance of timing, taking the time to build a relationship or hinting that one is already in the works, and the importance of proper speaker tags.
I hope that despite all these problems you could get at least some enjoyment of out of the story and thank you so much for taking the time to read it, and even moreso, commenting on it! The only reason i've gotten as far as i have is because of comments and suggestions like yours!
-starlitomega
2057253
I'm aware she does it on the show. The "Y'all" thing I mean. And I'm aware that they do it in other works as well. It just makes me cringe. I don't speak in a country-western or southern myself...at least I don't think I do. Parents' both grew up in the city, but everyone that's ever lived around me my entire life has talked like that...if I see anyone ever use "Y'all" like that in real life, I'll eat my words. I've just never see it lol.
I didn't notice the breaks in perspective. Twilight's observation spell would have been really helpful :P. But even if I had, stuff like that I tend to forget by the time I'm finished reading a story.
I knew Twilight's reasoning for wanting to bake. I caught that, that's why I said it was "interesting" lol :P
There's been times when I defended the sudden formation of a couple, solely on the possibility of mental workings that have no evidence attributed to them at all..so I'd be a hypocrite to completly criticize that (but I did say further clues about Twilight's attraction "would be nice" rather than trying to play them off as absolutly necessary...and I'd actually have to read the story again to see if I missed anything.) When you really get down to it, I think, I think it's just Twilight's wording at the end.
It's Twipie...which there isn't enough of. Especially of this happy, sweet, non-super-weird nature. I've really come to like the idea of Twilight and Pinkie Pie together. Personally I think Pinkie Pie's level of intelligence rivals Twilight's, but her love for happiness and making others happy means a lack of interest in facts and logic which could often me detrimental to her purpose. Twilight on the other hand lets the numbers stress her to the point of mental breakdown. ....sorry I just really like this couple. I think they should be canon! and I think Twilight's observation spell should be canon. that would be kick-ass.
Anyway when I was first reading the story, I thought Applejack had given Twilight the extra bits and lied about it. I was about to congradulate you on emphasizing that the bearers of the elements aren't thee living embodiments of the elements. Did you mean for people to think that? ...completly blindsighted when it turned out it was Pinkie Pie. So if Pinkie Pie is a superhero, is she badass-normal or would you say she has superpowers? Anyway I think that's kickass. With Twilight's magical prowess, they'd make an awesome superhero duo XD
This probably sounds like a really random thought-prowess for something thought while reading the story >_<
Anyway thinks for the review of my review. That's extremly needed. I've only recently been getting out of the habit of sending stories I like "attaboys".
I forget a lot of things by the time I finish a story, and everything I liked about it becomes this meshy amorphous super-nova of goodness, and I end with difficulty in detailing that aspect. mostly.
I thought they were all really in character. They were definatly Pinkie and Twilight...and there just aren't enough stories out there where the characters aren't more than just shared names.
Oh and I forgot to mention: I loved out Pinkie Pie surprise-kissed Twilight XD ....a wave if sugar. That's just the right amount of risque.
I'm definatly taking a gander at you other fics :D Ones like these tend to be more my cup of tea than others. Specifically really happy and sweet Twilight Pinkie romances :P
2057628
For the y'all thing, you should watch swamp people... actually you shouldn't but if you want to hear that usage, that's where to hear it. Being from Louisiana and knowing people who watch the show, i can assure you it happens. Of course i tell these same people they shouldn't watch the show when they could JUST WALK OUTSIDE considering it's filmed less than 50 miles from where i live.
I LOVE twipie, it's one of my favorite ships ever and i do have another twipie fic. I also have an applepie fic (gasp! grab a pokeball!) that I'm particularly fond of. Also, i have an upcoming twipie fic that I've been working on that you might like, but the twidash im working on is taking precedence first. Keep an eye out and feel free to comment on anything, things you like, things you don't like, and things that just pop into your head from a story because such comments are always welcome here.
Starlitomega
2059484
I'm from southeast Missouri.
But as for your Swamp People reference, Applejack sounds more like she's from Texas than Louisiana. Though I haven't met that many people from either state.
Anyway...
This is where I eat my words. (as far as the y'all toward one person, is concerned). ....and they taste like rainbows somehow. so spiiicyyy...
Applepie huh? The only Applepie I've ever read....didn't actually end in a relationship. So yeah kind of disappointing. So I'll be sure to read yours. Some of my favorite shippings don't see enough of the light of day...or at least I'm not finding them. I read one Derpy/Twilight fic once and loved it, but never found another ever again. Well it wasn't really a Derpy/Twilight romance, the story itself was about something completely different, the romantic pairing was just something that ended up happening toward the end. Love Twipie, but it's sooo rare x.x (and I can go on for hours about why the pairing makes sense fundamentally) even Rarishy, which is made an extreme no-brainer by the canon itself, is way too hard to find.
Instead I keep finding....
Rainbow is pursued by everyone but ends up with no one.
Rainbow Humps a lamp post
Rainbow Humps a water melon
My Little Pony: Loveless Promiscuity is Magic... (Especially, heaven forbid, the mature content filter is turned off. Honestly I don't mind sex in fiction, even horse sex, but do they have to be written so badly and do the characters really have to be so indiscriminately slutty...@_@ ) I'll take the blue pill :P
...WTF Bronies? -_-0
I wasn't going somewhere with this. I'm just rambling.
Second time reading this fic. Decided to do a massive search for Twipie, and felt like this was worth re-reading. It's more enjoyable than I remember. I should probably return to this weekly and read it again and again just to remind myself. o.o ....nah I don't think I'd do that but I'm still glad I re-read it.
Funny thing, I forgot all about Pinkie Pie's do-gooding and Twilight's observation spell. I was enjoying the story immensely already, content with the shipping when Pinkie Pie was baking with Twi
...and then come in the observation spell, adding a whole new element to the story and I was like "really? there's MORE to this? Oh yeah...that's right, there was.."
heheheh. It almost makes Twilight and Pinkie Pie superheros. The power of laughter and the mad scientist/magician. And then makeouts!
*looks at other comments*...why is my last comment before this one the last comment? This should get more traffic for a long time to come. >_> Maybe people aren't using the browse feature. That's the only way I even find stories in the first place.
amazing
+ 
=
3163051
Hey, thanks. Twinkie is one of my favorite ships simply because they work so well together. I've got another in the works, but it won't see any real progress made until my current albatross is done.
And if you liked this one, you should check out Truly Irreplaceable. It's not a sequel or anything, but it is another look at twipie. People also tell me Taking a Chance on Love is pretty good too.
Glad you enjoyed!
2057628 i have seen it before
2057628 read two weeks
3340262
Seen what? Sorry but it's hard to understand what you're refering to when you're referencing my entire post. I really need to stop being so long-winded lol
3340281
Ah, yeah, that would be a new one, right? Haven't gotten around to reading anything lately. this is my first visit to the site in like a month >_<
Post Script; I still don't like y'all referring to just one person. Y'all=you all. I'm actually all for this word being considered proper English rather than frowned upon by grade school teachers. Not used to referencing one person, though. I don't care who uses it...people from a staged reality show, real southern folk, whoever. I can't be convinced that it's how the word started out, and I think it's just an example of people bastardizing the English language. It's kind of like how people say "I could care less" because that's they heard the saying, when it was originally "I couldn't care less."
...wow I'm addicted to soapboxing.
3357705 Y'all used in public in that way
3358374
I know people do it. I just can't be convinced that it's anything more than people simply not knowing how to use words. I can't accept it being used toward one person any more than I could accept it if people start using "Ain't" to mean "were not" or "was not" (as opposed to it's actual meanings of "is not", "are not", and "am not".
Y'all is a contraction of "you" and "all." It doesn't get anymore clear than that. It's occasional use by southern speakers to refer to one person just comes off as a mistake to me.
Kind of like how "epic" is suddenly re-entering the English language as a completely different word than it was before. And the existence of "lololol," and people using the word "role" in the place of the word "scenerio" in an online RP.
3358908 i agree with what you say there
Though not as good as some of your other works this is still fine. We all have to start somewhere after all. I can tell you've improved greatly since you posted this fic.