Not What She Expected
"Heya Dashie! Wanna help me make cupcakes?" Pinkie asked, bouncing up and down.
"Uh, you know I'm not a baker, right? I usually don't even bother making my own food, I just get some from you or Applejack."
"Aww, come on, it'll be fun!" Rainbow considered it for a few more seconds before shrugging and agreeing.
"Why not? Sky's clear and I was just gonna kick back and read for the rest of the day. Might as well have some food while I do, right?" Pinkie bounced away happily and Rainbow hovered close behind. It didn't take them long to reach Sugarcube Corner.
As soon as they arrived, Pinkie offered Dash a cupcake. It had frosting in the same colors as Rainbow's tail. "Here, try this. I made it just for you." Rainbow thought it was a little odd that she already had cupcakes made, but she took the treat all the same. After all, Pinkie had never given Dash any reason not to trust her.
It tasted funny. Kinda spicy for a cupcake, and there was something familiar about the flavor, too. Suddenly rainbows! Rainbows everywhere! The walls and floor were a shifting and spiraling spectrum of sparkling colors! Rainbow Dash felt euphoric, and her legs shuddered under her as she tried to remain standing up. The world blurred as Rainbow lost the feeling in her limbs and collapsed onto something moist. All faded to black a moment later.
* * * *
Rainbow came to, blinking to clear her blurry vision and unsure of how much time had passed. What just happened? Did I just faint? Better not tell anypony about that. She shook her head momentarily, her mind still groggy, though she felt a little giddy, too. Something didn't feel quite right, and some sections of her coat felt matted. Did I... wet myself?
She lifted her head and took a look around. It was a room she'd never seen before. The walls and floor were stone, but the ceiling was made of wooden planks. Shelves lined the walls, each one loaded with boxes and sacks. The room was dim, with light only coming in through a high window on one wall and a candle. The candle was placed on a table a few feet to Dash's left. The table also contained what looked like cooking and dining utensils.
She tried to turn around, but found her hooves didn't give her any traction and she couldn't feel her wings. My wings! Panic struck her. The last time she couldn't feel her wings, Discord had taken them away. She whipped her head around to check her back. Nope, they were still there. There was something else on her back as well.
Wrapped around her body were two fabric straps that terminated in chains that were attached to the ceiling above her. She waved her hooves, but they couldn't reach the ground. She tried to flap her wings, but they barely fluttered. "Uh, Pinkie? What the hay is going on here?" She could hear something moving somewhere, and then the pink party pony appeared.
"Oh goodie, you're awake! Now we can continue."
"Continue with what? Cooking? I don't see any ovens."
Pinkie giggled. "Well, duh! We can't cook down here. We're not going to be cooking, silly!" Pinkie hopped over to the little table and picked up a big silver cake knife. Dash looked on curiously as Pinkie bounced around to some point behind her. "I've got some new things I've been meaning to try."
"Pinkie, what happened? Did I pass out back there? And what things?" Something squeaked. It was a rhythmic squeaking, like a squeaky wheel on a cart. In fact, it was a squeaky wheel on a cart, as was revealed to Dash as Pinkie pushed one into her sight. Atop the serving cart was an array of multicolored candies and a big, purple cake. "Why can't I feel my wings? And why am I in this sling?"
"So many questions! Okay, lemme see. I woke up at 6:41 and gave Gummy a bowl of oatmeal and went downstairs to see the Cakes and then I played with the twins and then I—"
"Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow interrupted, "What happened to me? The last thing I remember is eating that cupcake."
"Did you like it?" Pinkie looked on at Rainbow expectantly, smiling.
"Uh, I think. I mean, it was kind of intense... wait a minute! Was it made with rainbow juice?"
Pinkie's smile widened. "Yeah! It was a new recipe I just made." She turned and started carving the purple cake, which had a design in the frosting which looked a lot like Twilight's cutie mark. "After I tasted the rainbow juice in Cloudsdale I just knew I had to make something tasty with it. I guess I made it a little too strong, though. For a pegasus, anyway."
"Hey!"
"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that! It's just that Applejack didn't pass out. She can really hold her cider, too. Not as much as me, though. Anyway, I put you in that sling so that you wouldn't fall down and get hurt if you passed out again. Now open up, it's time for cake!"
"Pinkie, what—" but she was cut off as Pinkie jammed a slice of the purple cake into her mouth. She chewed the cake as her expression went from confusion to annoyance and then to pleasure. "Mmm, that's soooo good! It tastes like... reading? How..."
Pinkie pranced in place, smiling away. "It's a Twilight Sparkle cake! Do you like it?" Rainbow nodded. She had no idea how Pinkie made it taste like reading felt, but she did it. "Goodie! Next!"
"Wait, Pinkie—" but she was cut off again, this time by a cookie. She just rolled her eyes and crunched up the cookie. Rainbow stopped chewing suddenly and spat the cookie bits from her mouth. "Eww! Gross! What flavor was that?"
"That was an Applejack Cookie."
"... and it's supposed to taste like?"
"Guess!"
Rainbow sighed, licking around her own mouth to taste the crumbs left and thinking. "Well, it tastes kinda appley and kinda... woody. Wait, is it apple tree flavored?" Pinkie laughed, nodding vigorously. Rainbow just sighed again. "Pinkie, when was the last time you saw somepony eating a tree?"
"Well, last week I did see you and Flut—"
"Forget it!" Rainbow interjected, her cheeks turning red. "The point is that apples taste good, but trees don't. Got it?"
"If you say so." Pinkie pulled a sheet of paper and quill from seemingly nowhere and wrote for a few seconds. "No tree flavors. Got it. Ready for more?"
"Did you just bring me here so you could feed me candy?"
"Yep. I've got so many new recipes and I need somepony to taste them all."
"Then why didn't you just say so?"
"Well, then it wouldn't be a surprise, silly," Pinkie said, as if it were the most obvious thing in Equestria.
"This was supposed to be a surprise?"
"Well yeah, I mean—oh shoot! I forgot!" Pinkie zipped away in a blur of pink.
"Wha... Pinkie, what're you—"
"Surprise!" Pinkie reappeared in a flash, tossing balloons and confetti all over Rainbow. Dash slapped a hoof to her face, unable to cope with the crazy pony. She would have just flown away (maybe even straight through the ceiling), but her wings were still pretty numb.
"Why can't I feel my wings?"
"I dunno. Maybe the rainbow cupcake was too strong. Applejack said she went numb, too, but she didn't faint."
"I didn't faint, I, uh..." As hard as she was trying, Rainbow just couldn't think of a cool way to say that she'd soiled herself and passed out from eating a cupcake. The sound of a hoof pounding on wood brought Rainbow's attention back to the present. A muffled voice came from somewhere across the room. It sounded like an egghead.
"Pinkie Pie, I know what you're up to!" said the voice.
Pinkie gasped and shot across the room, pressing her back against the door.
"You have to stop, Pinkie! You can't do this!"
"Why not?"
"Because she's my friend too! Rainbow and I were going to read the latest Daring Do book today."
Pinkie opened up the door, a sheepish smile on her face. "Oh, okay then. Sorry you two; I didn't know you had plans."
Twilight stepped past her, saying, "It's okay, Pink—" Twilight stopped at the sight of Rainbow Dash hanging in a sling, waving her hooves in a vain attempt to reach the floor, and the assortment of kitchen utensils and sugary treats around her. "What's going on here?"
"Nothing!" Pinkie zipped past Twilight and shoved the cart of treats into a corner. "Just sharing with my bestest blue pegasus friend." Twilight was confused, but just brushed it off as Pinkie being Pinkie. She lifted Rainbow out of the sling with her magic and sat her down on the floor. Rainbow struggled to walk a little, her legs slightly numb and clearly still not quite back to normal after eating that cupcake. "Sorry Dashie, I didn't mean to make you miss out on reading your favorite book series."
"It's okay, Pinkie." Rainbow turned to Twilight, waving her out. "Go on. I'll meet you out front." Once Twilight was gone, she turned back to Pinkie. "But seriously, if you want me to help you taste-test treats, you should just say so. You're my friend, Pinkie, and I'm happy to help out. Just be honest with your friends when you need help, even if it doesn't let you give them a surprise, okay?" Pinkie nodded and the two shared a brief hug.
Rainbow headed for the open door, finding stairs leading up into Sugarcube Corner's kitchen. She paused for a moment, looking over her shoulder to say, "And yeah, you might want to water down the rainbow juice in those cupcakes." She turned and headed up the stairs, then stopped again. "Not too much, though."
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heh heh heh nice story
Wao that unnerved me! I was scared something horrible was going to happen a la cupcakes
Got to love that she pulled out the surprise party supplies. If anyone could make such weird treats it would be Pinkie. Does she have donuts that taste like gems or a pie that tastes like butterflies?
3257503
I can't imagine why.
Seriously, though, I was inspired to write this after seeing Cupcakes HD (which isn't for the weak of stomach 
).
3260344
And maybe some gumdrops that taste like... balloons?
3261847
Can't forget those.
3261847 Indeed, I was also anxious that Pinkie had put the actual Pony namesakes into their respective cakes!! But thankfully that was not the case...
At first I thought, "Oh no, plagarising Cupcakes I see."
Then awesomeness happened.
If this counts as an alternate ending, it's a good one. :3
3297162
One day I thought to myself, "what if I made a story that looked like Cupcakes at first glance, built up some moments that looked like they'd lead to some horrible reveal, and then nothing happened?" I'm actually not sure what this is, but my best estimate is that it's a weird little slice of life story masquerading as a parody masquerading as a horror story. Thanks for giving it a fair chance, and I'm glad to see that you liked it.
I gotta say, this one made me hesitate for a while just based on the title and cover but I'm really glad I gave it a shot. This was really really solid. It felt a bit squished in spots (Mainly the treats thing, it felt really compressed and I would've liked more back and forth and maybe more about each individual treat. Not a big deal though
) I love the apple tree cookie, that would be odd. I did find myself idly musing on whether they ate bark or not though
I laugh especially as Present Perfect just did a blog talking about the effect Cupcakes has had on the fandom and then this pops up. Excellent timing and bravo.
3416180
Thanks for giving it a fair shot, and I'm glad you liked it. I might go back one day and expand it a little, maybe try to make it more amusing.
3256687>>3257503>>3260344>>3261847>>3264879>>3267388>>3297162>>3301882>>3416180>>3431571 Im as teh repier ofs cumentz. Feer meh.
3256687>>3257503>>3260344>>3261847>>3264879>>3267388>>3297162>>3301882>>3416180>>3431571>>3645572 I reply to all commentz. Fear meh.
3645577
Well you got me to come back here, and when I saw your Avatar I died from the adorableness. I'd be angry but cute fluttershy blocks negative emotions.
3648869 Your being able to comment negates your claim to death. And besides, the entire point of my collage to to kill my friend with adorableness. Today, however, I couldn't find enough adorable MLP pictures, so I mixed in some kittens.
Also, I thought that there was LSD in that cupcake...
4828004
Heh heh.
It was some strong stuff, for sure.
4829050
Now we know why Pinkie loves frosting...
4829055
Powdered sugar and cocaine do look a bit similar....
4829098
Hmm, that reminds me of this:
derpicdn.net/img/2013/6/14/348035/tall.png
Also, for some reason, most of the pics tagged "cocaine" on derpibooru depict Pinkie Pie...
4829106
Nice comic.
And why am I not surprised?
4829146
I guess she just looks like that... And Rarity probably does meth...
Nice cupcakes parody, man. Not your best work, but it lasted as long as the joke needed to. Good to see how you've improved since this.
5193496
Oh yes. Sometimes, it's interesting to look back and see how far I've come.
5194143 having only two stories released, I can't do that
5194237
Just wait a year or so, and then you'll feel nice and old while looking back at your early work.
5194576
Haven't seen the movie, but I've read a thing or two, so I think I have an idea. And I go back and do little revisions now and again, but it usually isn't major. I did do a moderate revision to one of my older stories recently, though, but that's fairly rare. And yeah, I generally write shorts, but I have quite a few longer stories in the works. I've never unpublished anything either, no matter the reception.
5194742
Considering the spoiler nature of all this, we may want to take this to private messages, or at least the collab group. But yeah, that's a cool idea.
5194762 good point, luckily what I've said here is on one of our stories that has come and gone in popularity. Nonetheless, COMMENT DELETING TIME!!!
Neat little bait and switch. Well done.
7100436
Thank you, I try.