Prereader, Editor, Cowriter, and Writer. My background is philosophy and accounting. My stories include heavy use of allusions, drama, and foolish ponies.
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A changeling travels through the Everfree Forest with zir adoptive unicorn daughter and discovers Equestria. How will the outsider see a land of happy ponies?
Ze/Zir are pronouns used by changelings when they are in their base forms in this story.
Thanks to waterpear and Rewrite for agreeing to edit. Credits will be added to any chapters they edit.
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The ones trying to overthrow Andrea are named Hobbes, and Rousseou.....please tell me Locke is gonna bring some sense to this
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You will have to see. I have plans for the Andrea versus the manticores battle.
Does Overperson mean Human?
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Person and Overperson, as far as I am concerned, are species neutral terms, but that is a good question. I do not hold the popular sci-fi or the modern theological idea that the end of evolution is humanity, rather I hold that everything alive is equally evolved, that humanity is not the most complex life form on earth, and that simplicity can be beneficial to a species' survival.
What da hell? Its all new stuff or you diverse chapters?
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Most of it is that I decided to break down the chapters. The new stuff is revolution 3.1.
3790856
Sorry for the confusion.
I enjoy the more philosophical exchanges between the characters. It is interesting to read classic philosophy arguments in a pony setting. I am also impressed with the originality of this story, something many stories on this site sadly lack.
Your characters are very compelling, especially Sophia. The idea of a filly with almost no concept of pony culture or emotion is a intriguing one. I find myself very curious as to how Twilight Sparkle will interact with Ei Rikr and Sophia, I also hope that Bon Bon finds some sort of happiness, it is very sad to see her in such a state.
While conflict is necessary, I hope this story doesn't become TOO dark. I hope that the ponies speciesism doesn't prevent them from at least listening to what Ei Rikr has to say. I also hope that Lyra and the other government officials don't cause so many problems for Ei Rikr that Ze can't live in Ponyville.
I felt that the people living in the forest had technology that was a little too advanced. Certainly there are good reasons you might have made them so. Perhaps you meant to give them options that a low tech society would not have, or perhaps you merely meant for them to be more advanced then Equestria. Whatever the case things such as gravity guns are a bit TOO high tech. To me it did not fit as well with the setting as a slightly lower level of tech would have.
It would be interesting to see the other characters view on the caste system the ponies have. Are the Earth ponies and pegasi happy with their place?, Is spike happy with Twilight?. I hope you explore this.
I really look forward to reading more of this excellent story.
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Thanks so much for reading my story and taking the time to write me your thoughts. Below are responses to some of what you said. There will be slight spoilers in it, but given how slight they are, I doubt they will affect your appreciation of what I have planned during this arc. If you do have time, I could use some pre-readers for my chapters so that I don't leave confusing details in which there is a some overlooked back story that is needed to explain them.
As for Sophia, I will be exploring her in the chapter after the one I am currently working on. Sophia's chapter of trying to play with the fillies has a wonderful joke in it that I wont spoil.
This story does take a rather dark interpretation of things we viewers take for granted when watching the show. I have trouble not putting in the dark stuff when my characters take everything ultra-seriously.
As for it getting too dark, I will try not to bog the story down with only dark things. I want it to be a roller coaster from good to bad back to good to what I have planned for the climax, which is far off and I need to work on so that it doesn't seemed shoe-horned in.
You will have to see for that one. Part of what I have to work on and you have to wait and see is how being each caste of pony will affect their point of view. The non-equines or animal caste on AJ's farm will have some interesting perspectives in my opinion which I base on my own research on how people think under these ideological presumptions.
I am sorry I haven't really explored Andrea's work with the task force taking care of the refugees. I agree with you that the technology of the refugees is far too advanced to be taken seriously as it is currently described, but I was so focused on just getting a single day finished that I just didn't have the energy to also put a really convoluted forest arc yet. Your concerns have made me put a lot more thought into it and in the five minutes I have been thinking about this problem, I have produced the following explanation of the state of technology for the refugees. I wouldn't consider it a spoiler really because it tells you what has happened like the prologue, not really what will happen. I should have put it earlier into the story.
At the moment, they have this technology but no means to repair it or make more of it. They have limited power which means they use most of the technology for clearing forest and moving people from camp to camp in this seemingly endless forest.
What technology they have is also difficult to distribute as it did not come with the refugees but with the remains of the school's task force like Andrea whose job was to extract the refugees for the last two decades.
If you have anything more you want to point out, I really enjoy when people get the references I am making.
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As for how the ponies' specieism affects their ability to understand Ei Rikr, just think of how little you thought about it when you watched the show and the ponies had pets, cattle, sheep, etc. It is something that is taken for granted. As for how address it further and move forward with the story, I cannot hint to you. It would be too spoilery.
Throughout this week, I've had an idea for a dialogue, not a story, like this one...except the horsefly's a nihilistic human, Sophie's Sombra, and they end up causing mischief throughout Equestria and conflict with the ponies due to their respective personal philosophies.
It sounds really weird in text, but it sounds better in my head.
Not a week has passed, and surprise! I found a story that's more of a dialogue, just like how I imagined my story idea would go.
My story would mostly be composed of the nihilist human, a Sombra who's way behind his years, and Discord, mostly talking about their philosophies and beliefs and how it conflicts with a pony community like Ponyville's. Mind you, they're all very much individualistic, and their outlooks on life is what sparks the main conflict.
Like the scene with Ei and Pocket Protector, it would mostly be talks between ponies and possibly some other species, except my story would be a lot less racist/speciest, not warrant a "tragedy" tag, and highlight the mentality of the human, Sombra, and occasionally a guest character for the chapter/arc.
Now, you can see why this caught my eye.
However, there are flaws. There are typos abound, repeated sentences, and other miscellaneous problems. But, as much as I hate absurdly intolerant ponies like you have illustrated them as, this story doesn't irk me (mostly because a human isn't involved, like "The Man with Two Faces"). I hope to see more of this later, spelling/punctuation mistakes be damned!
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I am glad you are willing to stick with my subpar story.
I am trying to fix those typoes. I just ended up posting my story right after writing it quickly, and now realize my error.
The goal of this dialogue is to take a serious look at pony culture which both ponies and we viewers take for granted.
The important thing when watching the ponies act spieciest is that the ponies do not think of themselves as spieciest and some of them are actually critical of the Canterlot more snooty brand of spiecism. If you consider the issue of non-equines, this is only an interpretation of how those animals despite being sapient, are treated.
If you ever get around to writing that fanfic, tell me I would enjoy it.
3830507
I'm sorry, but I doubt I'll ever get to write it. I'm already working on two stories (which I cannot work on due to exams), And if you expect my story idea to go as...seriously as yours, I doubt it. The story's mostly main character-oriented, and it explores the mentality and personalities/beliefs of the main characters (individual psychology) compared to the pony culture (herd sociology)
However, a driving factor between the main characters (human, Sombra, and any other charcters/OCs you want to include) and what separates them from the ponies is mentioned earlier on in your story: to become overmen, the ubermensch. It's also ultimately what makes them become (somewhat) friendly with each other, because they have similar goals and that they are distinguished from what they deem as "mindless herds".
P.S. Your bio tells you're a philosophy student. I'm going into university next year, with philosophy and psychology as two of my desired programs. If you want to share any of the learning experience, PM me.
I really doubt a FILLY could levitate something as heavy or heavier than two ponies, thus validating that statement.
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I am going by the precedent set up by Babycakes and Cutie Mark Chronicles that magical power is not age restricted, only discipline restricted. Sophia has a lot of discipline because of the restrictions on her mind.
Wow, this Equestria is so backwards and idiotic it's painful. I just want to grab them and rub their nose in their stupidity, but they probably wouldn't notice.
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I know how you feel, kind of. In the most recent episode of MLP, I felt really uncomfortable. Also all the other analysists mentioned how one of the unicorn characters acted exceptionally racist and patronizing towards earth ponies. My discomfort mostly stemmed out of stereotyping southerners like me. What were your thoughts on the recent episode?
As for my story, I am not sure whether calling them backwards and stupid is justified or not. I based their way of thinking on things people in our world really do to this day, but I also set Equestria up as a society that has inhibited change for more than a thousand years, hence the stale air.
I might be heavy-handed in how obvious I make their blindness; however, as I sometimes say, something can be right in front of you, but if you don't know to look for it, you might as well be blind. This blindness extends to moral issues.
There is, of course, more at work than mere blindness, but that is spoilers.
What do you think? Are the ponies actually stupid or merely ignorant? And if they are stupid, why?
the last sentence is a repeat, dude. just letting you know.
3925401 I think it's just me being frustrated. I know people who doublethink all the time. I see people like this, and they frustrate me. The ponies aren't stupid. They haven't been thought how to think critically, something humans fail to do all the time. I do hope it turns out not all species are sapient. That turns it into something way out there. I do enjoy your using philosophical terms and ideas. Plato is obviously your big inspiration, along with Diogenes. What do you think about using Epicurus? He always apealled to me.
damn, angel is a badass.
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Thanks. I fixed it. If you see anything I should fix, I will take care of it immediately.
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I like Epicurus too. I haven't planned anything for that line of thought yet. Perhaps I will use him for rich Earth pony garden parties to show intermingling between classes.
I already have plans for Seneca as well as many non-ancient philosophers. When I do a Sophia chapter, logical positivism, behaviorism, and psychoanalysism will be apparent. Ei Rikr and Corvo also have very detailed philosophies, which personally, I couldn't really pinpoint a particular group of thinkers that match them. We have a little on what Ei Rikr thinks already in the prologue, but there is a lot more to zir than what Andrea said.
As for sapiance question, I am trying to keep it as close to the show as possible.
these ponies confuse me.
Oh, Rikr, when you find out BonBon's been mind-wiped, you better take vengeance, or at least throw an outrage!
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Yeah, ze better, or even I will be mad. Now seriously, if you keep asking end story questions like that, I won't be able to focus on getting there.
So what did you think of this chapter?
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Other than the mountain of paragraphs that was Rikr's past, it was alright. It's a writing style thing, and you are free to write in whatever prose you intend, but it would read better, at least for me, if you were to "blend" the backstory in with the present events, or a little bit at a time, revealing details instead of giving clumps of info like that.
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I didn't like that aspect of this chapter either, but I couldn't be asked to change it after writing my Hegel exegesis paper and without help from my equally busy editor/proofreaders. I integrated what I could but even those parts are quite jarring when you move between the two. I made some parts of Ei Rikr's past more detailed, resulting in some of my blends to be lost.
Huh, funny, I thought it was Xe and Xyr, thats what came up when I looked up Genderless titles for my Creator, known as the Maker, in http://www.fimfiction.net/story/174908/the-equestrian-chronicles-the-awakening-of-the-light
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I haven't seen you in awhile. I hope you are still enjoying The Pony Dialogues..
4129560 When your story passes 10k words or is finished, send me a message and I will give it a read.
The only thing I don't like in this story are the grammar fallacies. But oh well, everything else is A-OK!
Also...
I loved this scene. I'm just in the fourth chapter and Sophia is alterady my favourite character. I envy her intelligence...
I take it you won't continue this story?
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If you followed my blog on the website, you would know that I had to write my senior seminar paper and am now graduating. I have a chapter at 7k words already written but am rewriting it to better fit with the long term story.
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I know I have grammar mistakes. I do need help with them as my editors are always busy like I am.
4365098 Sorry, I don't tend to watch blog posts. Still, a chapter that's going to come out late is better than a cancelled story, like I say.
Also, I can help you with proofreading on future chapters - though I prefer that I send the 'repaired' version by PMs. I'm unlikely to proofread the previous chapters because I'm a lazy bum.
4365439
I will send a few of the new chapters as I get them done between job interviews and finding an apartment.
4366882 Just don't strain me with a pile of 7k long chapters. Nah, just kidding, feel free to make them as long as you want, but I'm bound to have trouble if the chapter has 16,500 words.
I'm currently working on a fix for the Metamorphosis chapter, and I will give you a couple of hints on the message as well. But the chapter is so long I am barely past one-third of it.
With that said, good luck with real life.
What.
At least they got one part right, I guess?
Your editors missed the summary. I'm pretty sure ignroant isn't spelled like that.
5205138
To be fair, it went through a lot of variations, which they did not edit. Thanks for the catch!
"Hey, what are genders!"
"*Ridiculously long, super philosophical explanation that doesn't even answer the question*"
"Uhhhhhh...thanks, I guess?"
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Yeah, that was kind of the point. I made the title circle and tangents because you don't really get anywhere. To be fair, 1) Ei Rikr is working with a negative definition of gender and 2) Ei Rikr is sort of based on Socrates.
1) In this chapter, Ei Rikr entertains the idea that gender might be a limitation on the self. It is more about what you don't do than what you do do. You don't sit like a female or you don't play games for boys. If you literally did everything without prejudice, then you couldn't be identified as either gender, according to this line of reasoning. You would then be like a changeling who can play both sides of the gender spectrum naturally.
2) The future dialogues will makes this more apparent, but Ei Rikr is supposed to leave you questioning. It is basically zir whole shtick. This dialogue was abnormal because Bon Bon couldn't contribute her own ideas, being a blank slate of sorts. Normally, the dialogue partner gives a definition and Ei Rikr will give a counter example.
I hope you are enjoying this fiction otherwise. If you don't like Ei Rikr's style, just wait. Some characters are very different than Ei Rikr and their dialogues will definitely have clear cut answers.
6727117 No, I like the story. I just get annoyed when people use really deep philosophy for no reason.
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Glad you like the story.
From the author's point of view, I was trying to distract the reader from the fact that Bon Bon was leading Ei Rikr in circles.
6728527 Wait, she was leading them in circles?
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Read carefully what she does during the chapter, ignoring what Ei Rikr is saying in Circle and Tangents. To make it easier use crt+f and search for 'left'. I admit I will revamp this chapter in the future as I am revising the chapters one by one.
6729283 Ahhhhhh.
Applejack crying... what? We have so big and fast changes in emotion of character that is strange, one moment she is raging and next she is crying? Do everyone of them are pregnant or what?
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Yeah, It might not be realistic. I wanted Applejack to mirror Apple Bloom. Children are allowed to have volitile emotions, but Considering how Applejack wouldn't cry normally, I might have to change it to more of just shock. Granny Smith was pretty harsh to be fair. Also, This was a more comedic chapter than anything else, so the flipping between emotions was me experimenting with the genre.
I hope the chapter was enjoyable otherwise.