• Member Since 24th Jan, 2012
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Knowledge


Prereader, Editor, Cowriter, and Writer. My background is philosophy and accounting. My stories include heavy use of allusions, drama, and foolish ponies.

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Latest Stories

Oct
14th
2017

It has been two years but I am back! · 6:06am October 14th

I have been doing a lot of editing lately. One writer even gave me an opportunity to co-write for them. Inspired by all the work I have been doing, I gotten into writing my own stories again. This one is short, but I think you will all love it. The story is very me.

Report Knowledge · 12 views · Story: A Comedy in Three Lessons ·
Comments ( 65 )
  • Viewing 61 - 65 of 65

Thanks for adding my story to favorites.

You seem to be very analytical. I like that.

Thanks for the fav on my story, The Ones From Beyond.

2503987

Note this is written on my phone, so this is hard to edit and modify.

Don't worry I know how it can be. Is the reason I wait to reply to long messages until I get on my computer, as it is insanely hard and annoying to do on my kindle. :twilightsmile: (Though some of the autocorrect mistakes can be pretty hilarious! :derpytongue2:)

I look forward to your future changlingified penny whistle songs.

Hehe good! I have at least one more song in general to be parodied planned for the first book, but that might change if inspiration hits me or I hear the perfect song to use. I do have a lot of fun with them. ^.^

Following up your comments on being too action-focused, one point of critique for your writing style I have is that you could focus a bit more on the sensations related to places and characters. I sometimes forget what a character looks like or sounds like because they are often just referred to by name without reference to their unique characteristics. For instance, if I say "did somepony catch the license plate on that rainbow?" or "there was a dramatic scream followed immediately by the sound of a large sofa being being suddenly dragged across the floor" people know whom I am talking about. You are definitely getting better as I get deeper into your story.

Oh yes, that indeed would help. *nods* Heh I know even I get lost sometimes. :rainbowlaugh: *cough* which is bad when you are the writer... *cough* But yeah I think I get what you mean, will work harder on that in this next chapter. (Especially since it is somewhat another in-between chapter before the crazier action, so a good place to practice more. I think those are often my 'weak point' the in-between chapters. At least I feel like they often are, what do you think?) Yay!:pinkiehappy: Glad you feel I am getting better. The first 35k or so words were for NaNoWriMo (could have gotten the 50k, but November is finals and was working on that for college:ajbemused:) and I haven't returned to them as much as I should to 'flesh it out' more from the hurried writing one does for NaNo. Would be a good thing to do before I start book two, going back and fixing the little things and fleshing it out more.

I recommend trying organizing a paragraph with this formula for first person stories as practice:

That sounds like a plan, shall try it out this next chapter where I can. Sounds similar to what I've tried to do just more... embellished???

I am not suggesting you change your style or copy me. I just think it might be a helpful exercise in making your characters pop more.

Oh don't worry I understand! I would say it is useful to try other styles, that way you can adapt your own style to take what you like best from other styles. Or if not combine them, at least see another way it can be done?

Example off the top my head of using these pointers across a few paragraphs to create a scene:

:rainbowlaugh: I liked it! Was a fun little bit there. :D But yeah good illustration for your points. :twilightsmile:

As for the lore stuff, I could go on and on. I give a few things since this reply is already gone on long due to the spontaneous fiction I made.

I hear you there! It's fun stuff to talk about. How their magic works, what is within their power to do -Drone or Queen- depending on how much love they have consumed, etc. Hehe well spontaneous fiction can be fun, right? :raritywink:

Holes: The show kind of uses changelings' holes to reflect the species' hunger and emotional hollowness; however, I prefer a more sympathetic interpretation. I see changelings as beings who take place of the holes in our lives and society. The places in our heart we keep for potential lovers, children, and friends in which we pour our time and energy.

Oooooo that is so deep! I like it. :pinkiehappy: Haven't done too much LLtQ headcanon wise for the holes yet, but part of what I have imagined is they are useful for storing things. Nothing too big of course, but the right objects can kind of 'stick' to the inside so they don't lose them.

When I was working on my bachelor's thesis, my professor had us read a biologist's theory that absence of something (the 'holes' as he called them) was responsible for sapient thought due to the purposiveness of negative space. The example he gave was of how a vase was clay shaped around an empty space, giving it the ability to contain fluids.

Colt, I wish I had had your professor, might have had more fun. I'm guessing it was either a biology like class or psychology/philosophy? I always planned on taking a few psychology classes, but could sadly never fit them into my schedule. :fluttershysad: (Since well, knowing how the mind works can make a writers characters that much more believable and all...) Sure a lot of it is over my head (is a reason I was an English Major, lol) but it is still greatly interesting stuff!

Likewise, I thought of changelings as taking the metaphorical holes in our lives to develop new forms for which to contain our energy. (I say energy because I think of emotions as the vechile and energy as the cargo of changelings feeding. It is kind of like the boost a person gets when a crowd cheers them on, but taken more seriously.)

*nods* That makes sense, kind of the ambient type of feeding many fans work with. (Which will be more apparent in my own tale, just not quite yet. :raritywink: )

Changeling Magic: I associate changeling magic with the element of change represented by a green flame. Dragons like Spike can use this element too, but ponies can't due to its conflicts with Harmony. (Ponies can still get the same results as changeling, but by using their own brand of magic.) This element specializes in persuasion (mind control), transmutation (alchemy), transformation, and teleportation.

Ooooo how did I never draw that comparison? :rainbowderp: *grins* this is why I love talking on these things with others, provides ideas one might never have thought of or that they would have come to the conclusion of a long time into the future!:pinkiehappy: But anyway, that does make a lot of sense. I mean sure, Honesty, Kindness, Laughter, Loyalty, Generosity, and Magic might be the 'harmonious' elements, but doesn't mean there are not elements for other things. (I totally believe in the 'elements of disharmony' for one example. Not sure 'which' ones I go with, as it seems other writers can't fully decide on either, but its just like.... for every white there is a black???)

Of these, I was most interested in the teleportation (the changing of location) due to how it manifests itself in the show. For Spike, he uses it to send and receive letters. This means that it has a kind of determinate location aspect to it much like an address. For our Queen, she uses a ring of fire to send Twilight to the crystal caverns below Canterlot. Again I think there is a kind of fixed location. It is unclear whether Twilight stepped on a trap set up before she entered the room, which Chyrssie remotely triggered, or if Chrysalis casted the teleportation underneath Twilight.

Hmm that is an interesting idea, would make sense too as canon Chrysalis would want to get her out of the picture with how close she is to the truth, so setting a trap for where she figured Twilight would go, if it be by her entering that triggers it or something else, I can see that working.

Regardless, I like to imagine that there are fire lines all across Equus that changelings use to travel and send supplies/reinforcements quickly and discreetly. Even if there aren't portals everywhere yet, I could imagine an ambitious changeling Queen undertaking the project.

:raritystarry: such a cool idea! Much better than teleporting, and can get 'civilian' changelings to safety if something should happen a lot more quickly too. Might not end up using it with LLtQ, but maybe the 'next generation' kind of thing could be the one to work on such. Yess.... *jots it down just in case...*

I am excited by the adventurous side of the protagonist. Too often a human changeling's potential for experiencing new and interesting things is stifled because the protagonist is too inhibited.

Of course, who doesn't want to go on an amazing adventure right? :pinkiecrazy: Yeah I've seen some like that, be it they are not the queen so have to follow what she says, as such might just be trapped in the hive/castle/whatever they live in, or things in the hive are enough of a burden to keep them from going anywhere, or other things those are just the two to pop into my head first. (Or of course, something about them once being human keeps them from leaving...)

I have more observations on your story, ideas about changeling characters, and headcanon to share. I am going to read some more and rest my tired thumbs. If you have any questions, requests, or just want to chat, send me a message. I will get back to you when I can. As you said, changelings need as much love as they can get.

Well I look forward to hearing them! Be it my naming process, characterization of my changelings, or what have you... as you can tell, I probably like to chat more than I should :twilightsheepish:. And I know what you mean, typing (especially on smaller devices like phones/kindles/ipads,) can be very tiring and sore for the fingers, even on computers after awhile! *chuckles* indeed we do, the more the better. :pinkiecrazy:

2503972
Note this is written on my phone, so this is hard to edit and modify.

I look forward to your future changlingified penny whistle songs.

Following up your comments on being too action-focused, one point of critique for your writing style I have is that you could focus a bit more on the sensations related to places and characters. I sometimes forget what a character looks like or sounds like because they are often just referred to by name without reference to their unique characteristics. For instance, if I say "did somepony catch the license plate on that rainbow?" or "there was a dramatic scream followed immediately by the sound of a large sofa being being suddenly dragged across the floor" people know whom I am talking about. You are definitely getting better as I get deeper into your story.

I recommend trying organizing a paragraph with this formula for first person stories as practice:
1. Describe the first sensation that introduces you to the subject of the paragraph like the coldness of the table, the harshness of their glare, or the trepidation upon entering a room.
2. Use the subject's name, nickname, or an immediately recognized characteristic. Twilight, Twily, bookworm, purple smart, Celestia's protégé, tiara-wearing Mary Sue, etc.
3. State the more objective facts and observations about the person, place, or situation.
4. Throw something in that is interesting either because it is humorous, unexpected, or deep. This helps pace out the factiods.

I am not suggesting you change your style or copy me. I just think it might be a helpful exercise in making your characters pop more.

Example off the top my head of using these pointers across a few paragraphs to create a scene:

"The doorknob felt cold against my hoof as I swallowed my fear. I thought I could make out "Abandon hope all ye who enter here" carved into live oak doorframe. Opening the door to Golden Oaks Library, the manic glare of the librarian-slash-national-leader greeted me.

"I would had fainted from sheer fright if not for the sudden jolt of being telekinectically dragged inside. Twilight Sparkle dumped me in front of bin. I took a moment to regain my bearings. I noticed how impeccably clean and organized everything was...almost disturbingly so. There was a sceptic smell similar to that of a hospital, which did not belong in an old treehouse.

"In the far side of the room sat what looked like a small purple and green drake at a writing deck. I say drake because he didn't have any wings as dragons do. The petite draconid gave me a worried glance before writing something down on a scroll.

"A loud Ahem from behind reminded me of my purpose of entering this Celestia-damned repository of unicorn arcana. Lifting the flap of my saddle bags, I fetched the heavy burden from my pack and placed it softly and squarely into the bin. I turned around and trotted back to the door, avoiding eye-contact with the she-demon who definitely hadnt comb her mane in the last week. I could see from my peripheral vision a green flash of flame from the drake, but I dared entertain my curiosity less the Beast entertain hers on me.

"After what felt like hours (time-space had been clearly altered by some prioir unharmonious magic), I exited that damnable den of ken. As I closed the oak door, I heard a loud pop and got a glimpse of a large alabaster flank. With Tarartus's reseal, I took a deep breath and swore:

"'I am never ever going to have an overdue book again.'"

As for the lore stuff, I could go on and on. I give a few things since this reply is already gone on long due to the spontaneous fiction I made.

Holes: The show kind of uses changelings' holes to reflect the species' hunger and emotional hollowness; however, I prefer a more sympathetic interpretation. I see changelings as beings who take place of the holes in our lives and society. The places in our heart we keep for potential lovers, children, and friends in which we pour our time and energy.

When I was working on my bachelor's thesis, my professor had us read a biologist's theory that absence of something (the 'holes' as he called them) was responsible for sapient thought due to the purposiveness of negative space. The example he gave was of how a vase was clay shaped around an empty space, giving it the ability to contain fluids.

Likewise, I thought of changelings as taking the metaphorical holes in our lives to develop new forms for which to contain our energy. (I say energy because I think of emotions as the vechile and energy as the cargo of changelings feeding. It is kind of like the boost a person gets when a crowd cheers them on, but taken more seriously.)

Changeling Magic: I associate changeling magic with the element of change represented by a green flame. Dragons like Spike can use this element too, but ponies can't due to its conflicts with Harmony. (Ponies can still get the same results as changeling, but by using their own brand of magic.) This element specializes in persuasion (mind control), transmutation (alchemy), transformation, and teleportation.

Of these, I was most interested in the teleportation (the changing of location) due to how it manifests itself in the show. For Spike, he uses it to send and receive letters. This means that it has a kind of determinate location aspect to it much like an address. For our Queen, she uses a ring of fire to send Twilight to the crystal caverns below Canterlot. Again I think there is a kind of fixed location. It is unclear whether Twilight stepped on a trap set up before she entered the room, which Chyrssie remotely triggered, or if Chrysalis casted the teleportation underneath Twilight.

Regardless, I like to imagine that there are fire lines all across Equus that changelings use to travel and send supplies/reinforcements quickly and discreetly. Even if there aren't portals everywhere yet, I could imagine an ambitious changeling Queen undertaking the project.

I am excited by the adventurous side of the protagonist. Too often a human changeling's potential for experiencing new and interesting things is stifled because the protagonist is too inhibited.

I have more observations on your story, ideas about changeling characters, and headcanon to share. I am going to read some more and rest my tired thumbs. If you have any questions, requests, or just want to chat, send me a message. I will get back to you when I can. As you said, changelings need as much love as they can get.

2503966

I sure am. I love HiE stories where we get to explore changelings. Your story has been delightful and very unique. I am only at the beginning of the story, so the protagonist hasn't really done anything yet. I look forward to seeing how you make the protagonist into an agent of change in your version of Equestria.

Hehe me too, (obviously :P) and I don't feel like we get enough HiE stories where the human becomes a changeling. Pony sure millions of those but not near enough changeling ones. I'm glad you feel it unique, I do try to put my own spin on the tropes we always seem to see to make them my own. Oh and it will be so, and so much fun:pinkiecrazy: *cackles*. If all goes well, should even be finished writing book one by the end of the year!

One of the most fascinating things you have done is with the inclusion of changling music. (Though I am surprised a pony can use a penny whistle without fingers, but I have seen crazier things in the show.) I love lore and deep headcanons when expressed in a relevant and paced manner with the narrative. You are doing a great job there.

Oh yes, that is the fun part. :pinkiehappy: In total now I think I have.... 5 or 6 parodied songs in the story now? (For awhile I was trying to stick with just songs that I myself could play on the Penny Whistle (I got inspired to learn when during the early chapters I found a brand new penny whistle with an instruction/introduction booklet at my local thrift store. Still haven't had near as much time as I would like to practice and learn, but it was part of the fun. :twilightsmile:) *chuckles* Of course, like the one pony band of Pinkie Pie? (but then that is just the craziness of Pinkie...) I'm glad you like the pacing! Before this, my pacing was horrible as I just wanted to get to the action! :rainbowlaugh: I am learning as I go though, no matter how much my fingers go 'type this next exciting scene, forget about the little bits inbetween the excitement!' :derpytongue2: But yeah my headcanon goes pretty deep, but I do try to stick to what 'could' happen in the show/comics/chapter books as well as I can. (I make sure to stay caught up on everything just in case. Though of course, since this story was started long before season six, a lot of the new changeling canon is not as applicable.)

I personally have all this headcanon around what changling magic is and how it functions as well as the metaphorical meaning about their holes. I look forward to how you expand on changling abilities and their practical uses. I especially hope to see what a human will do with changling abilities to inspire new ways their powers could be used.

Haven't thought 'too' much about their holes myself (might be a good idea to do so, lol) but as for their magic and strength in such that has had a lot of deep thought. Hehe well I hope I don't disappoint you there! This is my first MLP fanfic so some of the earlier chapters might be weird... with that, but hopefully the rest as it goes along is working well!

If you have questions about my thoughts on your story as I progress through it or want to share headcanon for possible inspiration, feel free to message me. Until then, I will just be reading your excellent story.

Would love to hear what you have to say! (After all, comments are love, and a changeling needs plenty of love to survive:raritywink:) I will totally do so!:pinkiehappy:

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